anyone get pg during a non-fertile time? (how long DO sperm live anyway?!) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 30 Old 02-23-2013, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hi! was just wondering if anyone got pg during a non-fertile time? i have 3 children, and we are done having anymore. we use the withdrawal method (has worked for 17yrs!) and on CD6, my dh... well... you know. completely out of the blue! i was shocked he did that, as he is DONE having anymore children!!! so of course now, i'm counting days and realize that technically, i suppose i could get pg. but how likely is it really?

 

i'm 40yo, so i know my cycles may not be as predictable, and so could ovulate at any time, although i am always on a 26day cycle. I got pg with #1 and #2 on the 13th day of my cycle, and #3 on the 15th day of my cycle, so i'm figuring its unlikely.

 

and how long can sperm live in there anyway? i am an anatomy and physiology college professor, and the textbook says 3-4 days, but i thought i heard longer.

 

any advice/BTDT stories would be greatly appreciated! tia!!!


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#2 of 30 Old 02-23-2013, 08:56 PM
 
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Sperm live for a matter of hours if there is no cervical fluid to keep them alive. If you didn't feel any cervical fluid during that time, I highly doubt you'd get pregnant. I have 28 day cycles and consider CD6 to be a pretty reliable infertile time.


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#3 of 30 Old 02-23-2013, 09:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh yah... didn't think of that. the next day i had some ewcm. i remember thinking "wow, that was a bit early!"
 


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#4 of 30 Old 02-23-2013, 10:29 PM
 
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Highly unlikely BUT my "bonus baby" (#4!) was conceived on day 7. Definitely thought I was safe there. eyesroll.gif


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#5 of 30 Old 02-24-2013, 06:05 AM
 
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I got pregnancy the first week after my period with my first. I remember because we agreed to no condoms the first week after my period and went back to using them after that. I read that in ideal conditions, the sperm can live for up to 7 days. 3-4 is about average. So, I think it is possible, especially if you push too close to when your fertile time happens.


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#6 of 30 Old 02-25-2013, 06:12 AM
 
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My cycles were a little irregular but not hugely so due to my toddler nursing. I got pg around cd25! It was one time of being spontaneous and I was expecting my period in a few days and thought I was completely safe! Luckily we do want a second but aim to stop there so I told DH he has a choice: no glove no love or the big V... I admire the mamas who are so in tune with their fertility but after this baby I'm way too paranoid to try charting. My vote is there's always a chance!
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#7 of 30 Old 02-25-2013, 07:01 AM
 
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Unless you chart temps there is no for sure way I got pregnant with my son on CD27 I have 30 to 33 day cycles.
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#8 of 30 Old 02-25-2013, 04:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow! that's incredible! i guess anything's possible! we shall see in 2 weeks!

 

thanks!


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#9 of 30 Old 02-25-2013, 05:04 PM
 
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My current pregnancy was conceived on cd7. I usually have a long cycle. Should have been safe. Didn't feel any signs. By ultrasound sperm lived 5 days. (Dating fetus age vs my conception day) now 16 weeks pregnant with baby girl. 

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#10 of 30 Old 02-25-2013, 06:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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WOW! in that case, i suppose i could get pg from it!

 

isn't it weird how we dtd 3 times on the day i ovulated and never got pg (that was years ago), yet i could pg from something like this?! makes you realize that it will happen if it's meant to happen, huh?


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#11 of 30 Old 02-27-2013, 03:05 AM
 
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I got pg ten days before ovulation. TEN. Yes, I'm really sure. No other sex that month happened and I was charting and thought I was safe.


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#12 of 30 Old 03-01-2013, 08:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#13 of 30 Old 03-01-2013, 08:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well then... LOL! i guess in that case... ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE!!!!!

 

like i mentioned before, i find it fascinating that sometimes it just "works" and sometimes it doesn't. go figure! it took me 9mo to get pg with #1. 2mo with #2, and a drunken oops AFTER ovulation to get pg with #3. when it's meant to be... i guess it just happens... idk...


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#14 of 30 Old 03-05-2013, 07:08 AM
 
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Me. I got pregnant maybe CD 7? Unexpected to say the least. I had zero symptoms of ovulation and usually I have a lot of symptoms.
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#15 of 30 Old 03-05-2013, 04:22 PM
 
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I was totally surprised by my current pregnancy. DTD on CD7, with NO fertile signs, ovulated on day 14. I'm 36 and we tried for several months each before conceiving our other children. I felt like everything I'd ever read about cervical mucous must have been a lie! I mean, we're thrilled to be expecting and if it had been that important we'd have used BC rather than risk it on CD7 anyway, but I was still pretty shocked! Hope whatever answer you get makes you happy. smile.gif

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#16 of 30 Old 03-05-2013, 05:19 PM
 
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DTD on CD9, ovulated on CD14 is the biggest gap for me :)
 


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#17 of 30 Old 03-05-2013, 06:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow.

 

happpileigh~ i agree that sometimes i think everything i know about ovulation is a lie! i'm an anatomy and physiology college professor and i teach about this stuff!!! i always tell them "this is what the textbook says... and THIS is the truth!" LOL!!!


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#18 of 30 Old 03-05-2013, 07:14 PM
 
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Although books often say sperm live only a few days, my understanding is it is more like 3 to 5 days as an average.  There are always numbers outside of that average range.  I have a friend who conceived her daughter because the sperm lived 9 days, so I decided that the only really "safe" times are at least 3 days after ovulation.  Now I'm re-thinking even that with the poster who said they conceived late in their cycle.  : )

 

 The human body is soooo amazing!  We can produce fertile mucus and ovulate outside of our normal pattern in response to the presence of sperm, or sweetie's pheromones.  Perimenopausal hormones often mean a burst of fertility just before we stop our cycles all together.

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#19 of 30 Old 03-06-2013, 06:02 AM
 
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Hm, I'd choose a word besides amazing. Like frustrating. I just never, ever wanted another child. Looking back I can't believe how hard I had to try to conceive my son. I guess when the lightbulb goes on, it goes on.
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#20 of 30 Old 03-06-2013, 01:06 PM
 
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Pandme - Yes . . . frustration can come from amazing (startling, surprising, astonishing) things.  I didn't mean "wonderful" when used the word "amazing".  : )

 

I'm so sorry you suddenly have the possibility of another child to consider.  I hope you and your sweetie can find some time to talk about it.

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#21 of 30 Old 03-06-2013, 02:43 PM
 
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We have. The biggest thing is I can feel ok about it one moment but then very not ok the next day. There is no moving forward moment for me. I adore my two kids and I just did not want a third. Plain and simple. greensad.gif. I am miserable during the newborn stage until maybe 6-9 months. That's not even counting the loathing I have for pregnancy. To know I have at least a full year if not more of unhappiness ahead is daunting. I am 39 years old. I was happy before with our family. I don't like the idea of any more unhappiness when there was so much to get to this point ( eg. The other kids' baby years).
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#22 of 30 Old 03-08-2013, 06:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my friend spontaneously ovulated with her pg for her son! she always ovulated the SAME time every single cycle. one day, nowhere near her ovulation time, they dtd. all of a sudden, she felt an ovulation pain. she told her dh, "omg! i'm going to get pg! i just spontaneously ovulated like a cat!!!" 2wks later... bfp!


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#23 of 30 Old 03-08-2013, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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pandme~ i'm so sorry you feel that way honey. that must be so hard. just remember how fast it went last time with your other kids! it will go even faster then that. you WILL get happy/settled again. you will. just breathe... and let it go.


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#24 of 30 Old 03-09-2013, 11:29 AM
 
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I'm a little late responding and I'm sure you've received enough answers... but according to Taking Charge of Your Fertility, female sperm swim slower but can live up to 5 days.  Male sperm swim faster but only live about 48 hours.  When I conceived my 2nd I KNEW it was a girl... we had sex on something like day 9.  I felt a little cramping around day 14 & just KNEW I was not only conceiving a child at that very moment, but also knew it was a girl.  Sure enough my daughter is 10 now. ;-) 
 

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#25 of 30 Old 03-13-2013, 01:28 PM
 
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With this pregnancy, I ovulated on either CD 6 or 7 (and I never chart, etc, but I have conceived before around day 14). When I had my pregnancy hormone tested by blood, early in the pregnancy, it was REALLY high, considering when my last period had been, so my doctor ordered a very early ultrasound in case it was a molar pregnancy (some kind of tumor that causes hormones to release). In my mind, I knew we had ONLY had unprotected sex around day 6.....so I when I found out I was pregnant, I assumed I had conceived the month before and just had some early pregnancy bleeding that I mistook for a period.

 

Well, during the ultrasound, the doctor was like, "you say your last period was X? You sure???" Me: "Yes." Doctor: "You ovulated early! This baby is measuring 7 days big."

 

So in my case, it wasn't even the sperm surviving that long, it was that I really did ovulate on day 6 or 7, and that is why the baby was so developed for my dates. So then I immediately went from being in week 6 or whatever, to week 7, just like that!

 

Anyways, best of luck either way. My cycles were normally 26 or 27 days.

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#26 of 30 Old 03-15-2013, 07:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks for all the responses! VERY interesting!

 

i ended up getting af. wow! that was a wild ride for 3 weeks!!!

 

dh said that will never happen again. we'll see... LOL!


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#27 of 30 Old 03-16-2013, 07:38 AM
 
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Lucky you. Wish we could trade places.
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#28 of 30 Old 03-16-2013, 08:05 AM
 
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Pandme, I know that hopeless, angry/bitter place you are in.  I'm in it as well although it's for dramatically different reasons, nothing to do with the fact that I'm pregnant. But nonetheless, I recognize the tone you are posting in as very similar to how I feel about circumstances in my life totally beyond my control and that I can't find any way to feel anything other than disgust for.  It's such a sad place to be in. hug2.gif  I really hope things work out such a way that results in you only feeling better and better about your situation, and indeed happier every year.  Whatever you choose to do or however things unfold on their own.  I hope the same for myself, that I find peace with that which I cannot control, and find enough happiness within the things that are positive in my life to outweigh the aspects of my life situation which I loathe.


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#29 of 30 Old 03-16-2013, 08:41 AM
 
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Thanks, Serafina. I just wish I could do what I know I probably should, but just can't. It makes me even angrier at myself that I always choose the route of most misery to me. I don't know how to be happy and stay happy. Depressing place to be at nearly 40.
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#30 of 30 Old 03-16-2013, 09:01 AM
 
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No it would be a really depressing place to be at if you were nearly 60.  You are still young and you have the majority of your life ahead of you.  Give yourself permission to have issues with being happy, especially when you're in the max-intensity stage of the pg/baby years, and forgive yourself for being human and imperfect.  Then try to find support wherever you can, talk with other women (IRL close friends or not so close friends) who have BTDT and found ways to boost their overall feeling of emotional well being when that started to slip.  It's such a common problem that I'm sure that someone you know can empathize.  

 

You say "you just can't", so just accept that you can't, but try to look on the potentially positive side of that---maybe deep down you know that you will find the strength somehow to get through the tough parts and that on the other side, you will get to this place that you are in now with your two kids, again with three.  

 

Ok that was all really vague and general so I'll end on a specific tip--- when I hate things about my present situation, I fantasize about my life in ten or twenty years, when my (current) children are adults and I envision outings with them one on one, just knowing them as adult people and what they will be like.   How easily I can imagine that they will be thoughtful of their mother (they already are, in as far as they can be) and call & inquire if there is anything I need if they suspect it could be so, and how it will feel when they drop by 'just because' and I'll make tea and they'll tell me about their lives that week.  And then I remind myself that I get to enjoy that reality/situation for around several decades, which will be later on sprinkled with grandchildren.  This situation I'm struggling with in my life is a situation that will last perhaps a decade, maybe less.   That's just a little mental trick that gives me a bit of perspective and helps me boost myself out of the worst moods, no idea if it would work with you.

 

Your situation (very young kids, pregnancy again) will be over in just a matter of 2-3 years, and it will be easier this time than before because your older children will every year be able to help more with household chores/pulling their weight (and needing much less management from you than they do today).  They'll even be able to assist with occupying their little sibling's attention so you can go take a bath (for example), at least once when the newest is past the first-three-years intense phase.


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