Things never to ask a pregnant woman - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 110 Old 06-08-2013, 10:42 AM
 
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Someone posted this on my facebook.

*

 

I want this shirt so badly. I absolutely hate people touching me without permission. Being pregnant does not make my belly public property.


Me (33), DH (35) and DD1 (3) conceived naturally after 6 months. After TTC#2 for 15 months, finally got a pos.gif on my second cycle of Clomid, DD2 born Sept, 2013. Can I convince my DH it's a great idea to have another one?
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#92 of 110 Old 03-03-2014, 09:30 AM
 
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my SIL said to me once, "Wow I can always tell you're pregnant by your double chin"  seriously it's not the eight months of baby protruding in front of me, it's my fat chin?!?


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#93 of 110 Old 03-03-2014, 03:05 PM
 
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Ugh, some of these are so terrible! I was 19 when I had my daughter (and single) but actually never got any particularly bad comments. I mean, some from my upset mother, but in general people were nice. With my son, when I was 24, I got a lot of the standard "You must be due any day now!" starting at 20 weeks and a lot of "A boy and a girl! Now you can be done." What does that have to do with it, honestly? And my father in law several times asked me, "Well, how do your parents feel about this?" when pregnant with DS. And he asked it in a very negative way. Then once I got more pregnant looking he was creepily flirty and several times said, "I just love a pregnant woman." Dude, leave me alone. Oh! And with DS when we called to tell him it was a boy he just sighed, "another grandson" in a disappointed voice. 


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#94 of 110 Old 03-04-2014, 12:04 AM
 
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"you should really watch the weight gain, because... It is just so hard to lose..." At 8 months pregnant when I had already gained about 50 pounds, said by someone I had just met.

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#95 of 110 Old 03-04-2014, 06:41 AM
 
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Being American and pregnant while living in a culture that advertises abortion on tv, I'd have to say the MOST offensive question, asked three times by three different doctors was "do you want to keep it?" Another was when I heard the heartbeat for the first time and started crying they asked, "are you ok? Why are you sad?" Clearly tears of joy people!
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#96 of 110 Old 03-09-2014, 08:18 PM
 
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I must confess, I showed my SIL a mean picture worth 1000 words of things she didn't want to hear.... a photo of my distended, stretch marked, GINORMOUS belly hours before my daughter was born. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilblueberry View Post

Being American and pregnant while living in a culture that advertises abortion on tv, I'd have to say the MOST offensive question, asked three times by three different doctors was "do you want to keep it?" Another was when I heard the heartbeat for the first time and started crying they asked, "are you ok? Why are you sad?" Clearly tears of joy people!

 

And here i am thinking that it isn't discussed enough in media! How our world is colored by our desires.... 


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#97 of 110 Old 03-11-2014, 01:40 PM
 
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Jumping in... When I was pregnant the guy who kept on coming to repair our washing machine (it took forever) told me on every single visit how sorry he was that we'd be having a girl. I assured him again and again that we were very happy about her, but somehow he didn't get it. I felt so sorry for any female babies in his family!!
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#98 of 110 Old 03-12-2014, 12:18 PM
 
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The first time I met my boss's boss, we literally weren't done shaking hands hello when he said, "Are you going to breastfeed?" That's not a question that bothered me in general, but it felt rather inappropriate as the first thing said to me by a work superior.

At the baby shower for my first baby, my friend's mom came in with this weird, sympathetic look on her face and said, "So ... not quite what you had planned, but you're going with it, huh?" Er, say what? I was a married, 29-year-old homeowner who went off the pill because DH and I were ready for kids. headscratch.gif

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#99 of 110 Old 03-14-2014, 05:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by devilish View Post

Someone posted this on my facebook.
*


I want this shirt so badly. I absolutely hate people touching me without permission. Being pregnant does not make my belly public property.

I WANT THAT SHIRT!!!

Oh my gosh, i am almost 28 weeks with my 3rd, 1st is almost 3 years old and 2nd is only 9 months. EVERYONE asks if it was planned.. So i respond with "Yes and no." ... they are usually so confused they just quiet down. Oh and I am married to the father of my children and am 23.

They may as well just say "So were you two having intercourse purely to create a child, or did you two just have a random night of passionate sex!"........ Honestly, it'd be just as awkward.. -_-

I am actually not wanting any more kids after this one just so i don't slap a doctors face! Apparently it is law now here in South Australia for a Doctor to HAVE to ask if you want to abort or not... I was over 15 weeks pregnant, could feel baby moving and everything! And the Doctor asked if it was planned, i said not really. (in fact i didnt want another for 4 years and hubby and i weren't doing anything, so i just stopped taking the pill as was useless.. *cough* did something once.. Tada! Pregnant.) So he asked if I'd like to terminate the pregnancy... I almost leapt to my feet and screamed "DO I WANT TO MURDER MY HEALTHY STRONG BABY?!?" Of course i snapped back "No! Of course not!" and he was very happy to hear my response.. But yes.. I HATE that question! He apologised afterwards saying that they are required to ask... Grrrr.

And yes, strangers touching my belly.. Strange women i tend to just bear with it.. But any male i must say just freaks me out and i have to be rude and tell them no touchies. HOW being pregnant makes your body public property i don't know!
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#100 of 110 Old 03-15-2014, 10:03 AM
 
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Oh my... I am very pro-choice but I think that requiring doctors to ask if a pregnant woman wants to terminate is just as bad as requiring them to show an ultrasound or give misleading information about the risks of abortion. 

I think if I were the doc and the mom seemed okay with being pregnant I would probably say something like "So they legally require me to ask if you want to terminate". 

 

I got the whole gamut of stupid comments during this most recent pregnancy. Not very many of them but there were a couple of really rude ones! Like the "you know what causes that?" and the one who looked at my ring finger and said something like "oh, you're married, that's too bad, I have a son about your age and I thought we could work something out". Both from middle-aged men. I continued to work retail the whole time. The strategy I chose to employ was to basically pretend the person had not made the comment at all, and continue with what I was saying as if I'd never heard it... I don't think people liked this all that much, but oh well.

 

I hate being interrogated! I don't say anything to another person about pregnancy. I talk to her like a normal person. If she wants to discuss it she can. "How's it going?" or "How are you?" seem to change to "How are you feeling?" which is weird to me... I would rather just ask the same as I would ask a non-pregnant person, and if she wants to talk about how she's feeling, she can. I know, people mean well, but I just get tired of getting asked the same thing over and over. 

 

And now that I have a boy and a girl, I've gotten a lot of those comments on how I have the perfect family. I'm sure people with 2 or 3 of the same sex get comments about how they must be disappointed/trying for one of the other sex next or whatever... blah. People should just stick to "Oh, your baby is so adorable" or the like. 

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#101 of 110 Old 03-17-2014, 11:39 AM
 
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Haven't gotten any jaw-dropping comments this time around, but when I was pregnant with my first and was a Girl Scout leader, the creepy dad of one of the Scouts said, "Usually I ask, 'Who's the father?' but since you're not married, that wouldn't be funny."


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#102 of 110 Old 03-18-2014, 07:10 AM
 
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Oh dear EnviroBecca! That's bordering on rude..:S Must've been rather awkward... lol

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#103 of 110 Old 03-18-2014, 09:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EnviroBecca View Post
 

 "Usually I ask, 'Who's the father?' but since you're not married, that wouldn't be funny." fixed that for ya!

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#104 of 110 Old 03-18-2014, 10:36 AM
 
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I didn't have a lot of crazy questions asked, but I did get comments near the end that I must be having twins, including one from a little girl as I walked by. That just made me feel fat! I was only having one baby. I didn't feel that big, but those comments made me wonder.



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#105 of 110 Old 03-19-2014, 08:46 AM
 
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:D Nice fix, Erigeron!  That guy had a lot of "jokes" that really irritated me.  It's just my luck that, of all the Girl Scout parents I met over the years, he's one of the ones I'm most likely to see in public places still, and he always wants to talk to me/us and is always irritating!!!


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#106 of 110 Old 03-23-2014, 09:16 AM
 
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So glad to find this thread!

Just had an eldery man (like in his 60's/70's) who I've never met before but have seen occasionally at events
come up to me and put his hand on my shoulder and say real snarky like, "so I've got ask you... there are 2 in there, right?" As he points to my stomach. I was smiling and looking at him expecting something sweet to come out of his mouth and my heart just fell. I already have self-image issues and this particular night I had really spent time on myself showering, doing my hair, picking out my favorite spring dress and I was feeling really beautiful. And that just made me feel so fat and self-conscious! greensad.gif the worst part Is that I am a nice person and kept smiling and maybe even gave a small polite laugh. But I was so upset afterwards that I'm not a more assertive person and didn't react in another way and ask him why on earth he would ever think that is acceptable to say. I have a dear friend who had twins and miscarried one (which I hear is common) and could you imagine if he said that to a woman in that situation?

Arrrrrrgh! I hate what comes out of people's mouths when your pregnant!!!

Then another elderly man who I've never seen in my life came up real close, invading my personal space and said, "your water is not going to break right here right? I mean you're not going to make a mess on the floor here right now, right?" And I was like, huh? I mean I didn't go up to him and ask if he was wearing his depends or not and was going to have an accident! I know it's not the same thing but like, that is a very personal thing! We are talking about fluid in my womb coming out of my vagina and why would an absolute stranger think it is ok to come and ask me that???!!! And why did he have to have a tone of like that? Like I can control when my water breaks anyway! Honestly, I wouldn't have cared if it broke right then and there in front of him and I could've just carried on as naturally as possible. (I'm someone who desperately wants to normalize birth in our culture!) I would've been happy to birth the baby right there on that very floor. He said it like it's some crazy scary thing.... "oh no, don't let your water break! That is gross. And a mess!" I should have looked him the eyes right then and said, "I'm going to eat my placenta." Lol.

I didn't read through all these posts but Im sure others have mentioned this... I have a 22 month old girl and everyone looks at her and then asks what were having. And I swear I wish we never found out! Because when I say boy, I just about cover my ears and close my eyes to all the responses! "Oh!!! There we go! Now you're finished!" " oh!!! That's perfect: girl and boy! Good for you!" "Oh now your family is complete and you can stop. One boy one girl." Rrrrrrrrrrrrr! First of all, we would have been just as happy with another girl and it pisses me off that anyone would think otherwise, let alone everyone (!!!!!) A million times a day has to state how it is right with the world that we are having a boy! Secondly, any comments on family size I always think are wildly inappropriate especially from strangers and we are offended that ppl would think we don't want anymore and have even frequently told us to be "done." Excuse me?! We want tons of children! For us, it is not boy, girl done. I want my children to have tons of siblings to play with (of either gender!) And I want a house full of little joyful munchkins. I'm not telling other people when they are pregnant, "oh so now you need to have 5 more," and I would appreciate it if ppl didnt try to tell us that we are complete, that we can stop having kids, and that we are done. Arrrrrrr!Especially since we have lost 2 babies to miscarriage, we don't know if we will be able to have more or if this will be all for us, when in our hearts we desperately want more and that is such a sad and difficult thought... to be "done." We don't want to be done! But how do you say this to the person making your subs at subway??! They say some stupid comment and its out of line and offensive, But it's way too personal to get into and defend for a stranger Ya know. We should go on a campaign of leave pregnant women alone!
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#107 of 110 Old 03-24-2014, 06:30 AM
 
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A childless lady who knows that I previously had a miscarriage said yesterday, "I hope you're being very careful.  You know, Sophia Loren stayed in bed for her entire pregnancy after she'd lost one."

 

:angry What a guilt trip!  As if the miscarriage was my fault for over-exerting myself somehow (no, it was because the embryo failed to develop a heart)!  I'm pretty sure extended bed rest in a healthy pregnancy is actually bad for mom and baby: loss of muscle tone, reduced circulation, etc.


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#108 of 110 Old 03-24-2014, 12:10 PM
 
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[quote name="Philothea" url="/community/t/1375846/things-never-to-ask-a-pregnant-woman/100#post_17594801"
I mean I didn't go up to him and ask if he was wearing his depends or not and was going to have an accident!

I should have looked him the eyes right then and said, "I'm going to eat my placenta." Lol.

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#109 of 110 Old 03-24-2014, 12:15 PM
 
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[quote name="Philothea" url="/community/t/1375846/things-never-to-ask-a-pregnant-woman/100#post_17594801"
We should go on a campaign of leave pregnant women alone![/quote]
Yes! I'm thinking up some ideas for this one.
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#110 of 110 Old 03-24-2014, 06:27 PM
 
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I think I will start coming up with responses to these questions now (only 6 wks, hopefully with a sticky baby!) that involve excessive use of words like vagina, hemorrhoids, lactate, and urine. They make me uncomfortable with inappropriate questions? Maybe they deserve to be made uncomfortable with an honest response. I personally am very comfortable with saying those words. "Are there 2 in there?" "No just one growing normally, I can't imagine how bad my vulvar varicosities would be if it were 2!" Might be worth it.
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