Pregnant mama vent thread - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 04-13-2013, 11:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Aaaargh!!
Anyone else want to run for the hills, screaming? Join me and let's b$&@% some of this out so we can get through another day.

I'm days away from entering the third trimester and have a wonderful 24 month old little girl. It's 1:55 am and I'm sorely tempted to just run - or drive - away so I can sleep in peace and wake up with something resembling joy, energy or simply optimism. (pardon me while I fix someone's shirtsleeve eyesroll.gif). DD very recently stopped nursing - she literally forgot how in the middle of a session a week ago and hasn't been able to latch since. Cue heavy duty mama guilt about current pregnancy interfering with DD's natural process of child led weaning. Cue mama guilt about this guilt regarding pregnancy - after all if I wasn't pregnant now but at a later time, I wouldn't be pregnant with THIS baby. Ugh.
I'm about six months pregnant and not a petite woman (size 24) and perched on 4 inches of DD's DOUBLE bed, trying not to fall off or cut off circulation to my left arm too much. Baby's kicking of course, DD is squirming and TOUCHING me - scraping adorable fingernails up and down my arm until I want to scream and jump out the window. I'm trying like hell to keep my composure and gently redirect her to less offensive contact but the 45 minutes of screaming in the very recent past has me cautious not to push a relatively good thing. 20 minutes and three attempts later at least I'm sitting up now and she seems to be dozing at least. Time for a stealthy retreat across the creaky floor to wrestle with the tricky old doorknob and maybe make it to the toilet before it's too late. Hoping sleep for me will follow soon.
To say I'm disconnected from this pregnancy is a gross understatement. To this day I usually just feel fatter and more out of shape and emotional than usual, then baby moves and I literally think "oh yeah, you're in there too - aren't you?!". Crap. I love my daughter. I'm excited to meet our new arrival in the summer. On nights like this though, I just want to run. I just want some personal space for 24 hours. I want a decent night's sleep. I want to eat an uninterrupted meal and then use the bathroom in private at my leisure. I want a grown human's worth of room in bed. I want a vacation from the guilt and shame that is like a second skin because I constantly feel like I can't be everything DD needs - I can't even lactate properly! Ugh. I know this is my reality and it's only getting harder for the next couple of years. I just want a chance to get my wits about me, regroup and rest up so I can meet the challenge head on. Usually in the morning I feel better. But on a night like this... Let's just say I have more insight into why a person would want to fake their own death lol.

Ok that feels a bit better, thanks for letting me get this out. Who's next? What's driving you preggo mamas up the wall? Let's vent and heal together hug.gif
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#2 of 10 Old 04-13-2013, 11:56 PM
 
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Skycheattraffic, I love your posts smile.gif your intelligence, sense of humor, and empathy come across so clearly in your writing. Ok, that was my drunk sounding "I love you, man" moment of the day, lol.

I can totally relate. DS is 22 months and still night nursing (we cosleep), and I have to pee ALL THE TIME. I sleep through the urge to pee, somehow, but upon waking it is immediate and intense. And many nights I wake up to a tiny sleepy voice asking for "mimi" (his word for nursing). So the dilemma is: do I run to the bathroom as quickly as possible, leaving him to cry and wake himself completely up, and wake DP up, too, before I come back and nurse? Or do I nurse him right away, hoping he'll fall back asleep quickly so I can run to the bathroom ASAP before my bladder bursts? So of course I try option number 2. It can take a very. very. very long time. And when I have to pee so bad it hurts and my toddler is trying to do his scratchy nail thing on my belly, sometimes I am a very unpleasant person, if only in my own head. Many a night I have balanced all nearly 30 lbs of sleeping boy across my lap as I give up and use the potty, nurseling and all.

All this, and I'm only almost 16 weeks. I have no idea how tandem nursing will work, if I can't even handle the one little guy right now.

I'm sorry your daughter weaned before you were certain you and she were ready. My oldest weaned at about 15 months, and in hindsight I think that was way too early, but I didn't know different at the time. My second was 24 months, like your DD. she did it pretty much on her own- she was only nursing every other day or so by then, and only at bedtime. I hope DS will show signs of readiness to wean by 2 1/2 or so, but at this rate he will be 5. Sigh.

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#3 of 10 Old 04-14-2013, 04:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hug.gif thanks Jennyanydots! I loved the "I love you man" moment, it made my day <3. Ditto btw! I think us preggo mamas can't get too much love - as long as it doesn't involve little fingernails "caressing" awkward places lol.

I laughed so hard about your potty predicament - in a BTDT way. Pregnancy at times is a very special ring of hell and when you add a headstrong toddler to the mix, the only thing a sane person can do is laugh. I've nursed on the toilet more times than I care to admit and have yet to figure out a graceful way to ... um ... wipe. My DD is 30ish lb too and tall so I have a very good mental picture of arms and legs everywhere while you're trying to reach your pj bottoms lol. I hope your elder kiddos are sleeping well by now - how old are they anyway? Since you've done the adding a baby to the family thing before - please tell me: is it as impossible as it feels right now? I just left DD after a 6:30 wakeup and no way am I getting back to sleep. If nothing else, the songbirds outside guarantee I'm up for the day. May your spider monkey sleep well and let you urinate. Live long and prosper hug.gif
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#4 of 10 Old 04-14-2013, 05:26 AM
 
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Everything you wrote resonates with me, and brings back memories of my 2nd pregnancy. I felt SO guilty. I weaned DD1 at 27 months because I had a horrible nursing a version. I sent her to my mom's for the weekend. I felt like I had failed as a mother. I hated being pregnant as well. With your first, pregnancy is sorta fun (as long as you have a low risk one of course). Your 2nd pregnancy feels like a cruel joke. Really? It really HAS to take 40 weeks and 50 lbs to grow this kid? You know what though? When my 2nd was born I was overwhelmed with love. You realize how juicy and sweet those little babies are. You don't have as much anxiety because you're an expert now. I also didn't feel like I had to be super mom and clean the house constantly. I just curled up on the couch, nursed the baby and read books to DD1. The other thing to keep in mind is that your DD1 is gaining a sibling, not losing a mother. She probably won't remember what it's like to be an only. Anyway, I feel ya, but I promise it'll get easier.

Wife to amazing dh, mama to dd 12/08
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#5 of 10 Old 04-14-2013, 05:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hug.gif Scottishmommy. Thank you so much for your post! It is so good to hear from experienced mamas about how life goes on and indeed it gets better after pregnancy. I'll come back to your post on those difficult nights wink1.gif
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#6 of 10 Old 04-19-2013, 11:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by skycheattraffic View Post

hug.gif thanks Jennyanydots! I loved the "I love you man" moment, it made my day <3. Ditto btw! I think us preggo mamas can't get too much love - as long as it doesn't involve little fingernails "caressing" awkward places lol.

I laughed so hard about your potty predicament - in a BTDT way. Pregnancy at times is a very special ring of hell and when you add a headstrong toddler to the mix, the only thing a sane person can do is laugh. I've nursed on the toilet more times than I care to admit and have yet to figure out a graceful way to ... um ... wipe. My DD is 30ish lb too and tall so I have a very good mental picture of arms and legs everywhere while you're trying to reach your pj bottoms lol. I hope your elder kiddos are sleeping well by now - how old are they anyway? Since you've done the adding a baby to the family thing before - please tell me: is it as impossible as it feels right now? I just left DD after a 6:30 wakeup and no way am I getting back to sleep. If nothing else, the songbirds outside guarantee I'm up for the day. May your spider monkey sleep well and let you urinate. Live long and prosper hug.gif
Whoah, just catching up here!
My older girls are 17 and nearly 15, so yeah, i have btdt, but it was sooooooo long ago! I was 19 and 21 when they were born (shotgun wedding and all, lol), and I did a lot of growing up while raising kids smile.gif
It was by design that they were two years apart- I wanted them far enough apart that they each got to be the baby for a while, but close enough that DD1 wouldn't have much memory of life without her sibling. I was trying to NOT recreate the conditions that I felt contributed to the intense sibling rivalry between my brother and me.
Anyway, it was a really, really rough first year, I won't lie. Having a baby and a two year old was hard. (But then, I was 21 and I had very little family support and virtually no help from XH.)
BUT as DD2 became more mobile and interactive, it got easier and easier. Having two preschoolers was, in my experience, vastly easier than What I observed of friends with only children or large age gaps. Those parents were constantly responsible for entertaining their wee ones, while mine were a self contained entertainment machine! They're best friends to this day, and although it was hard at first, I've never regretted their spacing.
In fact, I'm trying it again now! DS was not planned but this next one is planned in response, you could say- exactly what happened the first time around. I'm hoping that because I'm older, wiser, and more patient, with the awareness that it will get easier, plus a great partner who is a fantastic parent, we will get through the early months more gracefully this time around. And I am so hoping that DS and his new sibling will bond the way the girls did and have...

So yeah! You can totally handle this. Just remember, nothing lasts forever. Though that's either sad or reassuring, depending on what you're doing, I guess.

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#7 of 10 Old 04-21-2013, 12:15 AM
 
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I too hope for the BFF thing to occur with my spacing choice-- but we waited till DD turned 3. Literally. Lol I practically conceived on her bday! So she'll almost be 4 when the new bebe is born and I'm really hoping it's not too much of a gap. Having a 2yo and a newborn was a SCARY thought for me and I wanted to enjoy her toddlerhood though the 3s are REALLY hard right now. Sort of NOT wanting to repeat them. Hoping for a mellow second born. Lol.

I also feel like being pregnant and tired and talking to a 3yo who understands more is very nice. Sweet thing even brings me water and helps me clean up on occasion! <3!

My complaint: swamp crotch. It's not a YI. Not a UTI. It's just swampy, itchy and even feels swollen. I've decided I hate pants and really don't even want to wear underwear. Not good for my social life. LOL.

Any ideas or commiseration?

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#8 of 10 Old 04-21-2013, 05:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I too hope for the BFF thing to occur with my spacing choice-- but we waited till DD turned 3. Literally. Lol I practically conceived on her bday! So she'll almost be 4 when the new bebe is born and I'm really hoping it's not too much of a gap. Having a 2yo and a newborn was a SCARY thought for me and I wanted to enjoy her toddlerhood though the 3s are REALLY hard right now. Sort of NOT wanting to repeat them. Hoping for a mellow second born. Lol.

I also feel like being pregnant and tired and talking to a 3yo who understands more is very nice. Sweet thing even brings me water and helps me clean up on occasion! <3!

My complaint: swamp crotch. It's not a YI. Not a UTI. It's just swampy, itchy and even feels swollen. I've decided I hate pants and really don't even want to wear underwear. Not good for my social life. LOL.

Any ideas or commiseration?

We were aiming for something similar minus a year: aimed to start trying around DD's second birthday in March, making her almost three by the time baby arrived. Weeeeell it didn't work out that way lol. DH wanted to be "spontaneous" on his birthday in October and I was expecting AF at the time so i thought what the heck! Long story short, I was 24 weeks by her birthday lol. And pregnancy with a newly minted 2 year old IS scary, cutting her last set of molars is just icing on the cake! Hold me.... Lol

Oh and a big yes to swamp crotch! It's not acute like a YI, definitely not a UTI, just mildly itchy with low grade discharge. Just plain aggravating! I started a probiotic, thinking it was yeast but that didn't help - well it helped with my constipation but not the crotch lol. I can still tolerate roomy undies and breathable pants but I itch a lot and have resorted to scratching whenever I have a little privacy, then washing hands cause it just grosses me out eyesroll.gif

I'm also having near constant Braxton-hicks contractions and when my uterus relaxes, baby starts up. AAARGH! These contractions don't hurt, aren't really uncomfortables but man they tire me out and I can't get anything done around the house. I'm starting to really stress about all I have to do before baby and I'm getting overwhelmed. Mama needs a good book, some take out and a hotel room for a night!
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#9 of 10 Old 04-21-2013, 06:05 AM
 
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Yes you do girl! Go get into a bath with Epsom salts like STAT! I just started a probiotic too! I don't know what else to do. I've been using my perio (sp?) bottle filled with apple cider vinegar (Braggs) and water. It feels good but I don't feel like it's doing anything. Every time my DH sees me using it he cringes a bit. The guy is afraid of vinegar!

Ugh I'm worried that 4 years is gonna be too much a gap though! But teething 2yo olds? Yeah noooooooooo thanks. You poor thing. I know that I wanted to murder (still do lol) my sister who was just barely over 18mos younger then me but the sister who is 4 years younger is my confidant now. Go figure! I still have a closer relationship with the closer sister though, overall. And got her into LOTS of trouble too. smile.gif

Now I'm getting some fierce insomnia. What a drag. My DD is up with me right now. Odd.

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#10 of 10 Old 04-23-2013, 08:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The peri bottle is an awesome idea! I trashed mine after I recovered from DD's birth though so I'd have to find a new one. My one idea that the MW mentioned is that there are probiotics available packaged sort of like suppositories for insertion into the vagina for more direct relief. I haven't tried them yet but I'm tempted. I've also thought of breaking a probiotic capsule into the peri bottle so it gets exactly where I need it.

Oh and boo to insomnia. Mine comes and goes; luckily this is a good week so far
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