I feel like such a horrible person. This baby was planned and wanted, yet unexpected this month. It was only our third month charting and I'm overweight so I had no idea it would happen so soon. I was even charting and "knew" there was only a very, very slim chance of it happening. Well, surprise!
This will be #1 for us and the timing couldn't be worse. Due in December when my husband is leaving his job in September. Financially we will be fine but I have NO idea where we'll be at the end of the year. We are now desperately trying to stay put until January, but who knows? I've been seeing a CNM for well-woman care and wanted to use her for a pregnancy, but I don't know if it'll be possible if I have to leave. And I'm so fat....250 pounds or so....I doubt she'll even take me - no, I haven't ever asked her because I am stupid. I know our local hospitals are intervention-crazy and am not assertive enough to stand up for what I want. Literally, I was in tears last night about having to be wheeled out of a hospital. It makes me so angry!
And I am one thesis away from a masters degree. I don't know how I'l finish now.
I don't even know what the next steps are. I just found out yesterday and should be thrilled but all I can think is, "great. something else that's not going to go my way."
Any helpful advice for me?
You'll be okay. I think everyone has feelings like this, so don't beat yourself up for being anxious. Having a baby is a big change, and one that you can't be completely prepared for. Remember that the baby won't come for a long time. You'll have eight months or so to finish your thesis, and if it's not finished by then, people can and do finish after their babies are born. If you move, you move and you'll find another provider. If you stay, I doubt your midwife can choose not to take you due to your weight. Also, I am not assertive either, and had a birth at an intervention happy hospital without a lot of interventions. I was very happy with the birth, but very unnecessarily worried before. You will be okay. Everything one day at a time.
WAHM to Sofia 12/09 and 4/13
"If you want to be happy, be." Tolstoy
It is never good when timing does not come together how you want As for being fat, I started this pregnancy 225 lbs and no one batted an eye at that or told me I was high risk because of weight because you aren't! So put that worry out of your mind. You may have slightly more of a chance of GD and you may be told to gain less weight, but otherwise there really shouldn't be anything different for you. You aren't stupid for not asking her either, you are worried that someone else is going to try to fat-shame you and that worry is well founded as fat-shaming seems to be our society's new favorite pastime.
I'm sorry about the local hospitals being intervention-heavy, that makes it hard! But you do have a lot of time to research and work on being more assertive. Maybe you can hire a doula to help you stand up to pushy hospital staff? Or maybe your awesome CNM will help too?
For your master's thesis, can you finish it before you give birth? If not, can you do what you need to do to remain "on the books" and then come back to it a year or so after you give birth? The newborn days are very hectic, but eventually life gets back to a new normal!
Don't feel you are a horrible person, no matter how planned a baby is, we all have doubts at times. Don't feel bad about that, having a baby is a huge change, but you have lots of time to prepare and get used to the idea and hopefully to get back to the happy & excited state you want to be in! I would sit with the news with your DH for a couple days and then give your CNM a call and let the office know you need to schedule your first prenatal appointment. They will let you know when they like to schedule those and they'll get you in.
Last, congrats and
Katie - Married to Mike 06/02/01, Mom to Sydney Anne born 11/21/09 and Alice Maeryn & Oliver Thomas born 04/24/13
Thank you for making me feel a little bit normal!
Anyway, I called the midwife and my weight shouldn't be an issue in itself. At least it's not an automatic risk-out from the birth center, which is exactly what I wanted to hear. BIG relief. First appointment at 10 weeks. My husband says we can try to stay here until the baby's born but that will mean he's unemployed for a few months and while we can financially handle it, I am honestly not sure if I can take him being home for 3-4 months straight. That sounds horrible! But I am used to being alone a lot (he's military) and I'm just not sure what I'd do with him. But it might be worth it to get the birth we want.
Ok. One day at a time now. I'm just such a planner and the past two weeks have completely turned my life around.
Take a deep breath. What you're feeling is totally normal.
We tried for 12 months to get pregnant. I wanted it so badly. And still, when I finally got a positive test, I freaked. I was crazy overwhelmed and wondered if we had made a mistake and felt very guilty for having those feelings. The good news is pregnancy is long and you have a lot of time to figure all of those things out. Give yourself some time!
As for being overweight...I started my first pregnancy at 245 and was about 265 by the time I had my son. I was never told that I was high risk due to my weight and was never treated as such. I had a completely normal and healthy pregnancy with no blood pressure issues, gestational diabetes, etc. I was able to have a completely unmedicated vaginal birth and my son was very healthy.
Good luck with everything and please don't be so hard on yourself! Becoming a parent is overwhelming for anyone. As you said, one day at a time!
(I just wanted to add...the same goes for when the baby is born. I was very overwhelmed and sometimes wondered if we had made the right choice by having a baby and felt very guilty over that. Just know that those feelings can also be very normal and aren't often talked about because no one wants to be perceived as a bad parent or look like they don't have their stuff together. If you feel these feelings then too just know that it is okay! I wish someone had told me it was okay to feel that way and that it would get better.)
Hugs to you and congratulations! Welcome to the world of pregnancy hormones - especially trying for those of us who like to make plans and have life follow those plans. The hormonal influence of emotions/thoughts will ebb and flow. It might be good to tell this to your husband so he can remind you when you are in freak-out mode. (this helped me a lot - I would get the reminder and I could still cry and freak out but my husband kept an even keel for me - which was strange because it's usually me keeping the even keel around here)
The up-side of hormonal influences in pregnancy: Get outside and watch the flowers, trees and birds for a while . . . it's fabulous when floating in the moment on those hormones. : )