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#1 of 10 Old 04-19-2013, 12:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I starting out seeing a midwife around 12 weeks.  We had planned a med-free birth at a birth center.  I really wanted to see a midwife so/we could get more personalized one on one care.  I don't like feeling like just another patient in the office (which is how I feel OB offices are).  

 

Around 22 weeks I starting having contractions.  I was diagnosed with an irritable uterus.  Things have since calmed down but we have switched to an OB and a hospital birth.  I'm really unhappy.  I don't like the fact that I talk to a nurse whenever I have a question. I liked being about to email the midwife and getting a direct response. I guess I am a needy patient cause I have a lot of questions.  Both DH and I are extra cautious because of the journey it took to get to this point (4 years of infertility and IVF to conceive).  

 

I went in for the 2 hr glucose test on Monday.  It's a 10 hour fast and then 75mg of that nasty sugar drink.  I kept it down for 45 mins and the puked and have to re-take it.  I puke when I don't eat and we eat about 95% organic/unprocessed food.  I told the OB that when I saw her and got the paperwork for the GTT.  She said that's fine, a lot of people puke.    Why am I re-taking the test then?  I will probably puke again.  I'm upset because they won't allow any alternatives (like testing blood sugars and keeping a detailed diet log).  I am just another chart/patient in their office.  I hate that feeling.  That is why I didn't want to see an OB in the first place.  It has me really upset the last few days.  It goes further than the GTT test.  It freaks me out because I really want a med-free, lowest intervention possible birth.  If they won't work with me on the GTT then how can I feel comfortable with the birth?  

 

I've been crying on and off for the past 2 days.  I see my OB on Thursday.  I rescheduled the GTT for Tuesday.  I think I am going to cancel my appointment and wait to talk to my OB when I see her.  I will be 27 weeks on Monday so I have another week to get the test done.

 

I saw an OB at 10 weeks and didn't care for her.  That's when we decided to see a midwife.  My DH was never comfortable with the midwife.  He didn't feel like she took our concerns seriously.  We switched to the OB at 23 weeks.  Part of me really wants to find another midwife and try for a birth center birth.  We would have seen 4 providers if we do switch.  I'm just uncomfortable emotionally at this point with the thought of birth and care through the rest of the pregnancy.  I already feel like I have failed birth and we haven't even got to that point yet.  I'm not sure what to do.  

 

I'd appreciate any advice/suggestions for you wise women.  Thanks in advanced.

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#2 of 10 Old 04-19-2013, 01:07 PM
 
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How horribly stressful! I'm a few weeks behind you. But I had a horrid OB at the beginning of my preg, and I found another that was patient w my 1,000,000 questions/ thinks of her own OB approach as very rooted in midwifery. Do you have drs from your infertility/ivf that know you well who you can ask for a referral? You should have a care provider that you like and trust, and it sounds like you and your spouse haven't been 100% thrilled with either. Hopefully, the next one will be great!
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#3 of 10 Old 04-19-2013, 02:21 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you're going through this! *HUGS* I do not think you have failed at ANYTHING! Sometimes finding the right care provider is a process.

I agree with your concern that if your doctor won't work with you on the GTT, how do you know she will work with you on fewer interventions in labor? I think you would be totally justified in looking around for another OB -- you don't even have to tell your current OB that you are looking unless / until you are ready. I would start by finding the forum for your local area here on MDC and asking other moms what doctors they recommend. You could also call your former midwife (and other midwives and doulas in your area), and ask who they recommend. Then make an appointment just to talk to the OBs you are considering, and interview them about the things that are important to you. Ask their rates for induction, c-section, epidural, episiotomy. Ask if they are comfortable with forgoing routine interventions like IV and continuous monitoring, or with you moving around, eating, and drinking during labor.

You and your baby deserve a care provider who respects you and will support your choices in pregnancy, labor, and after.

Michelle, wife to DH, and momma to DD16, DS15, DS12, DS10, DD9, DD7, DS5, and baby girl born Christmas Eve 2013!
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#4 of 10 Old 04-20-2013, 09:17 AM
 
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I know how you feel. I had to transfer out of midwifery care as well, and I had a lot of guilt around it. Thoughts like doubting my body's natural abilities which I had once took for granted and the like. I can only imagine that after the stress and invasiveness of IVF you are feeling particularly vulnerable. **hugs**

I agree with others here that you should look for another OB based on recommendations from natural minded mamas. However, I think the natural birth community does a disservice to women by not acknowledging how few women are really "low risk".

There's a reason modern medicine improved on prior mortality rates related to pregnancy. There are legitimate reasons people choose medical intervention, beginning with fertility treatments and conception all the way through birth and beyond.

Birth is natural and safe and naturally risky. It's just a fact that some of us won't have the 100% tip top shape from beginning to end experience. DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT!!

You have plenty of company among women who've risked out of home or birth center care. You did not fail. You are normal.

** more hugs **

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#5 of 10 Old 04-20-2013, 09:22 AM
 
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Just an example of how skewed expectations are with low risk natural birth is my original birth center's statistics.

At first, they told me only 11% of births require a hospital transfer for medical intervention, and that some are just due to maternal exhaustion and choosing to get pain relief after all.

They said "95%" of women are considered low risk.

Well, that first number was misleading, because it clearly doesn't include how many women risk out in the prenatal period. The second must then also be wrong because the math doesn't work out.

Once I asked for a more realistic estimate, one nurse admitted that a many as 30% of their patients at 11wks are risked out by 30wks.

They give a false sense of safety and what is normal sometimes.

Obviously, a majority of women still had "normal" non-complicated pregnancies, but many more needed medical intervention than they like to admit upfront.

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#6 of 10 Old 04-20-2013, 11:57 AM
 
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What about doing side-by-side care with a midwife?  Then she could attend you as a doula in the hospital.  You would keep all your appts with a midwife and all the appts with a doctor, getting full care from both.  Midwives have a very different perspective on the GTT.  Sounds to me like you need to seek out a different midwife and see if this is a possibility.  Midwives do it here all the time.


JENNY, 38~ preschool teacher, birth activist, sun worshiper, singer, married for 17 years and mom to

Karan 15, Fiona 12, Bodhi 10, Bjorn 6, Devon 3, and Robin Taylor born January 16th!

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#7 of 10 Old 04-20-2013, 01:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mataji4 View Post

What about doing side-by-side care with a midwife?  Then she could attend you as a doula in the hospital.  You would keep all your appts with a midwife and all the appts with a doctor, getting full care from both.  Midwives have a very different perspective on the GTT.  Sounds to me like you need to seek out a different midwife and see if this is a possibility.  Midwives do it here all the time.

Wow, I love that idea. How does that work with insurance though? Do you end up paying the full amount for both? Paying one out of pocket? I'm going with a hospital birth because I have two previous c-sections, but I would so prefer to get my prenatal care from a midwife.

Michelle, wife to DH, and momma to DD16, DS15, DS12, DS10, DD9, DD7, DS5, and baby girl born Christmas Eve 2013!
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#8 of 10 Old 04-21-2013, 03:02 PM
 
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Yes hugs to you! Waiting so long for a baby and then having things go wrong is very difficult.  The side-by-side care does sound good.  I will tell you don't listen to your husband.  I know it's his baby too, but this is your body and you are the one who has to go through labor and delivery- NOT HIM. I'm pregnant with #4 and I listened to everyone that I needed to have my first in the hospital.  It went against everything I felt and wanted.  My wishes were not respected by the hospital staff.  My husband was so scared he was useless during the birth.  It was a horrible mentally and physically scaring experience. You really know what you want so follow your heart mama.

 

Did your midwife discharge you? This birth is going to be with you for the rest of your life. So if it takes meeting with 20 doctors do it.  If it means traveling to a midwife or birth center that is far, do it.  Heaven forbid your hospital experience ends up like mine or worse with a c-section. I can't stand that no one focuses on the birth experience of us mothers. It really is ingrained in who we are and will stay with us for the rest of our lives. It is JUST as important and having a healthy baby. And if you do end up in the hospital don't do it without a doula, one you really love. And tour and choose your hospital very carefully. Ask a zillion questions be sure it's one that will support a natural delivery. They are out there. 

 

Good Luck!


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#9 of 10 Old 04-22-2013, 08:12 AM
 
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Lots of great thoughts above and just adding a few more.

I think (for me at least), it's all about the specific care provider and less about whether they are OB/Midwife/RN. There can be awesome OBs and terrible Midwives. For example, I had been working with the main midwifery practice in our area and had to leave because they were making me so uncomfortable. We are a same-sex couple and the lead midwife always took that as an invitation to talk about her own sexual experimentation in her youth and to ask questions about our sex life that were in no way relevant to our care. Since then we asked around and found a practice that has OBs, one midwife, and some really experienced nurses. They rotate us through the practice so we get to meet everyone at each appointment and the OBs have been just as great at taking time with us to answer our questions as the midwife, I really can't even tell them apart. Keep shopping until you find the right fit for you.

Also, I just wanted to give you a big hug when I read that you already feel as though you "failed" birth. That must be a terrible feeling. Can you maybe try to cut yourself some slack? There's no birth report card! I used to be a perpetual "self-grader" and I've really been a much happier person ever since I started trying to lay off that tendency. It feels awful and is rarely helpful.

Best of luck!

My wife (30) and I (32) have been legally married since 2006. We are proud queer mamas to baby W, born 10/10/2013.
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#10 of 10 Old 04-22-2013, 08:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by michelleepotter View Post


Wow, I love that idea. How does that work with insurance though? Do you end up paying the full amount for both? Paying one out of pocket? I'm going with a hospital birth because I have two previous c-sections, but I would so prefer to get my prenatal care from a midwife.

 

I do this actually.  The insurance just pays, they've never batted an eye.  Perhaps it's easier because my midwife just bills for the whole shebang at the end, so it looks like my prenatal care is done through my family doctor (who has had a homebirth herself!) and then the birth gets billed by the midwife (who happens to be out-of-network, but that's a whole other story).  I see my midwife for all of the scheduled appointments and I see the doctor only a few times (she orders the ultrasound too).  If something goes amiss, my doctor has OB privileges to deliver the baby at the hospital and it's someone I know and trust, which is a nice back-up to have.  Plus she's my kiddo's doctor too, so she acts as pediatrician as well.


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