This will be our first baby. It's been a pregnancy full of a lot of ups and downs and changes for us. Since we weren't really trying to conceive, the challenges have been a little above and beyond, because we could have been more prepared. We are now handling things alright, in terms of finances and having a place to bring the baby home to, but surprisingly, now that I'm in the last 4 weeks of the pregnancy and our life is stabalizing (money is okay, have a nice new place to call home, etc).....I am not perking up like I thought I would. Family has stepped up and helped us out with increased rent, and my husband has gone above and beyond trying to accomodate me. Of course, being in week 37, I'm tired. But it's not just that. I feel depressed. I am very, very, anxious, about STUPID things, like picking a wall decoration for a room. I had reasons to be worried before, when we lived in a crappy apartment, but now I have none, just left with worry and depression, for no reason! I should be happy.
Yes, I'm nesting, but it's to the extreme, and I am making myself miserable. I can't enjoy things like I should be. I see getting the nursery ready as a burden. I worry about every dollar spent because money is tight. I worry how practical the clothes we got as gifts are, and stress about how I will make the red and blue onesies look okay with the lime green and brown socks we received. Instead of thinking things are cute, I just see potential problems. My worrying is taking a huge toll on my health, because I look tired and don't get out of the house.
My husband wants me to enjoy being pregnant, but I feel like, how can I, with all that still needs to be done? It's a lot, trust me. You'd be horrified if you knew! Crib not even set up, hospital bag not packed, etc. He helps a lot, but I am the problem. I worry too much about every decision, then it takes forever. I can't delegate anything to him. Then I am exhausted and the decisions weigh on me. I haven't written any of my thank you notes, even though I am grateful......because thinking about what I didn't get makes my breathing speed up. I am truly my own worst enemy right now.
Then I stress about how it's affecting hubby. I want to pull it together for him, but every day closer to the due date seems to get me less ready for the birth, not more. I seem to only be leaving messes behind me: random half-eaten snacks, things I buy but then intend to return because I'm not sure, etc. I can't focus my thoughts, which is pregnancy hormones, but I am not productive at all. :( Then I beat myself up. I have so many lists of things to do, but I can't execute. Once I start trying to tackle something, my anxiety gets bad, then I have to stop. When I watch hubby attempt things, I get too anxious just watching him, and he has to go slow or I freak out.....because I am such a control freak right now.
I know it is anxiety and depression. Is it common for it to escalate in the month before the birth? Does this mean that after the birth, it'll be even worse???? It isn't worth treating with meds right now (my opinion), because I could give birth any day....and I am WAY too tired to go to therapy.
I need just some words of encouragement. Anyone been through this? How do I take it one step at a time? My sleep is getting worse too, so the days and nights are running together now...... I feel like without hubby here during the day, I get more depressed.
I just posted a similar thread before you. I am 29 weeks but I'm a train wreck. I am having anxiety (which I've not had bed for) sadness (cried for 3 hours yesterday) and I almost feel like I am self sabotaging. I'm really struggling. I don't have advice but wanted to give you some (((hugs))). Hope you feel better soon.
I haven't necessarily been crying a lot, though I have some, but for me, the depression manifests in lots of complaining and lashing out at people. I become a total.....witch. And I live in my head a lot. It gets hard to get anything done, all I can do is just mope around. Then I beat myself up about it, and think, "how will I care for a baby?"
I am sorry I can't offer too much else. I have found that walks actually help a lot with both the depression and anxiety. I reach a point about 10-15 minutes in, where I start to feel it clear. Then I try to go for at least another 10 minutes after that. It is kind of amazing. Before, walks never helped that much. I should probably go on one now. I don't do it for my body really, just to lift the anxiety. Just power through, and you may feel something happen about 10 min in!!!
The anxiety is from worry about DH and his safety. Like he drives a lot for work. I'm worried he will get in a car accident. I want him to stay home with me. I know that isn't possible. We need someone to work so we can live.
The other worry is have is losing the baby. It took us 4 years to get pregnant and I am constantly thinking about her not making it (stillborn, cord accident, etc.)
Both are things that I can't do anything about and I really shouldn't worry about but I can't help it.
I understand. I worry about both of those things too, though not trying to say it's more than you do, etc. I try to see worrying about my husband as being nurturing. I am clingy with hubby as well, and I try to tone it down when I can. Luckily being pregnant IS an excuse to worry about others. They will say, "she's pregnant, she's just protective." I worry about irrational things with the baby, like this or that chemical will give him a disease. I worry that the PVC I breathe in from fake leather will alter his hormones. I worry about all kinds of things. Sometimes my anxiety just becomes more general, where anything will get me going, if I am not distracted.
For me, I am less worried about the baby surviving now. Maybe that will happen as you get further in. He moves more often, and I know that if he is moving, he's okay. If they are not getting enough oxygen, like if the cord gets wrapped, I have heard they will move a few times, kind of violently to try to free themselves, and it will feel obvious that there is a big struggle, then stop within a minute as oxygen decreases (I heard this from someone who experienced a birth loss). She said that when it happened, she knew what had just happened, and it was pretty obvious. :( My baby's movements will be moreso even-keeled, not violent thrashing, and last longer, so that always reassures me that he is okay. I think as the pregnancy goes on, you will learn that the times you are worried about them, they are okay, because inevitably you feel them move again. My OB told me that even very subtle, minor movements equals movement. Like if I have a week where I feel like he's only moving a little, she said that's okay as long as you feel something multiple times a day, etc. Then the days he moves a lot, I try to just be proud of him. :) The days he doesn't, I figure he must be tired. Sometimes they are sleeping when we are awake too. Sometimes they are pointed in a way where we are more insulated from their kicks. Good luck!!!!
I have had struggles with depression and anxiety a lot this pregnancy too. I haven't really found a great solution, some days are better than others. I have two other little ones to keep me busy too but when I am super anxious about everything I try to just focus on what I CAN do or control. I CAN buy some diapers. I CAN organize things in the dresser.
Try not to stress too much about the little things ( I know, easier said than done). Carseat, boobs, diapers, a few blankets- those are the real essentials. Babies are cute even if they don't match completely.
Depression I don't have figured out except that I do better when I am busy. Less time for all the negative thoughts too invade. It's harder to stay busy though since I really just want to hide.
Becky- Wife to DH, Mama to "Nani" (July '08) "Coco" (July '10) and expecting one very wiggly baby boy in May 2013!
I'm sorry you are all struggling with depression and anxiety at this time. They are no joke and should definitely be taken seriously. Get help when you need it. Talking with people here and in other supportive environments is great. I'm sure a lot of women are in your shoes or have been. It seems natural to me to have anxiety when you are about to give birth and welcome a new member to your family. Even when you are happy about having a new baby, there is certainly a lot to be anxious about, so don't beat yourself up about feeling worried or not feeling happy enough. You feel what you feel, and that's ok. I don't have experience to share so I won't tell you how to deal with it, but I wanted to lend some support. I wish you all the best. Sending peaceful thoughts your way.
Married to a wonderful woman since 2010. Baby boy C arrived in June 2013!
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. I don't feel good during day if I don't fall asleep with my sleep apnea mask (cpap) on. I ask him to put it on me when he gets ip early in the morning, but he keeps saying I need to take the initiative and do it.....
I am worried about the effects of 9 months of crappy sleep on a fetus. Can anyone provide any reassuranc in that area? hubby may start to help but I worry its too late