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#1 of 12 Old 05-22-2013, 10:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I found out 2 days ago that I am pregnant... and I'm so emotionally confused and overwhelmed. I didn't want any more children. I'm 29 years old and I'm raising 4 little boys, ages 7, 4,4, and 18 months. I was using OPK's and monitoring my cervical changes to avoid conceiving because I don't like putting chemicals into my body. I'm nursing my toddler and have only had 2 periods, and they were very irregular, but I swear that I THOUGHT I hadn't even ovulated since my last period 39 days ago!!duh.gif

 

I think that I may have O'd right after my period ended. I did have one day where my cervix seemed kind of soft but NOT very high or open.... I don't make EWCM so that makes things a little more complicated, as far as monitoring the changes.

Anyway, I am NOT thrilled. I am a SAHM and I homeschool my kids. We are just barely making ends meet. We will need a new, bigger vehicle... but we JUST bought one in April. We will need to find a bigger apartment on a very tight budget, and we live in CT where it's SO expensive. We will probably end up in a "unsavory" area until we can pay off our debt and start looking for a house in the next 2-3 years.

 

I'm not sure how I'm going to handle another child when I'm already dealing with anxiety, some depression, and a lot of stress :(

At the same time, I'm now afraid to have a miscarriage or a child with health problems. It's such a confusing feeling. I know my family is going to give me HELL, and I have a few friends who just might hate me now because they are dealing with secondary infertility. I had a dream one of them saw my positive test-- BEFORE I KNEW I WAS PREGNANT! WEIRD!-- and she freaked out on me. I told her about the dream and we kinda had a laugh about it but now... is she going to think I knew I was pregnant and was testing her reaction or something?? Yikes. It's going to seem sooooo shady.

 

I know I will come around. My toddler was unplanned, and he is my happiest, easiest child! Right now, though, I can't find the excitement or happiness. I have a dating U/S on Friday since I have no idea how far along I am. It doesn't seem real yet. Maybe seeing the baby ( if I'm far enough along, I don't tend to be able to see a HB or baby until after 6-7 weeks) will help.

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#2 of 12 Old 05-22-2013, 12:16 PM
 
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I'm sorry mama. I do not know what this feels like but clearly you are struggling emotionally with this pregnancy. Do you have a supportive partner? I think it will help you seeing the baby at your ultrasound. And as far as money and stuff it always seems to work out somehow when there is another baby.........*hugs* to you!!

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#3 of 12 Old 05-22-2013, 12:52 PM
 
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I can relate, I have anxiety and depression issues too. With 4 kids in a house that's way too small, only has 1 bathroom, we also homeschool, DH just got me a van recently to accommodate our 4th LO (but I totally wouldn't have chose it, it's wind shield is cracked, needs brakes, and has had "service engine soon" light on since day 1), and so I am very familiar with the fantasy of pulling my hair out as I go screaming and running down the street! I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but at least I can say, I do understand.

bfinfant.gif  Breastfeeding, non-vaxing, homeschooling, baby wearing, cosleeping, non-cic'ing mama to CJsuperhero.gifAGdust.gifJJnono02.gifSDbabyboy.gif  And married my highschool sweetheart lovestory.gif

And expecting #5 in Nov. 2014 heartbeat.gif
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#4 of 12 Old 05-23-2013, 07:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by tracyamber View Post

I'm sorry mama. I do not know what this feels like but clearly you are struggling emotionally with this pregnancy. Do you have a supportive partner? I think it will help you seeing the baby at your ultrasound. And as far as money and stuff it always seems to work out somehow when there is another baby.........*hugs* to you!!

My husband is happy. I feel bad, but I just can't share his joy yet. I do cloth diaper and Breastfeed, and I have friends I can get clothing from... I just gave away all of my baby items! They say that will make you get pregnant lol
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#5 of 12 Old 05-23-2013, 07:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by 3LilChunklins View Post

I can relate, I have anxiety and depression issues too. With 4 kids in a house that's way too small, only has 1 bathroom, we also homeschool, DH just got me a van recently to accommodate our 4th LO (but I totally wouldn't have chose it, it's wind shield is cracked, needs brakes, and has had "service engine soon" light on since day 1), and so I am very familiar with the fantasy of pulling my hair out as I go screaming and running down the street! I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but at least I can say, I do understand.

Thanks :)

 

I ended up spilling the beans to my step-mom, her mom, sister and neice at our weekly "girls night" dinner last night. They are who I consider my true family... I know my Aunt would understand, having had pregnancies at bad times. She made me feel better when she said " at least you're married, and you're a good mom!"

I still can't believe this! I finally feel "done" and this happens! I used to pray and pray for a BFP... crazy.

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#6 of 12 Old 05-23-2013, 02:59 PM
 
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OP:

 

I too had an unplanned pregnancy this time.  I was not happy.  I sat down and wrote a detailed journal of all my worries, but after each worry I asked myself whether I could do anything about it.  I was relieved to find that I am mostly powerless over the things that really truly worry me and that I just need to stop.  

 

After I put those worries to bed, being the anxious person that I am, it allowed me to look forward to having another baby, no matter how crazy and chaotic things seemed.  But it has taken several months to get there.

 

And, I might add, with time I have connected with this pregnancy, where at first it was something I just couldn't fathom because the timing was horrible.

 

I hope this experience is somehow useful to you and kudos for homeschooling your babies!

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#7 of 12 Old 05-23-2013, 06:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OP:

I too had an unplanned pregnancy this time.  I was not happy.  I sat down and wrote a detailed journal of all my worries, but after each worry I asked myself whether I could do anything about it.  I was relieved to find that I am mostly powerless over the things that really truly worry me and that I just need to stop.  

After I put those worries to bed, being the anxious person that I am, it allowed me to look forward to having another baby, no matter how crazy and chaotic things seemed.  But it has taken several months to get there.

And, I might add, with time I have connected with this pregnancy, where at first it was something I just couldn't fathom because the timing was horrible.

I hope this experience is somehow useful to you and kudos for homeschooling your babies!

Thank you, it was very helpful! I've never felt so disconnected from a pregnancy before and I hate it. I feel guilty for not "wanting" this baby. How long was it before you for over the disbelief/ dread/ anger/ sadness??
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#8 of 12 Old 05-23-2013, 07:04 PM
 
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#9 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 06:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BuffaloBrood View Post


Thank you, it was very helpful! I've never felt so disconnected from a pregnancy before and I hate it. I feel guilty for not "wanting" this baby. How long was it before you for over the disbelief/ dread/ anger/ sadness??

 

I was not willing to connect with the pregnancy very much until I was in to the 2nd trimester, partly also because I'm 35 and was anxious abut the odds of mc.  I really didn't connect completely until around 21 weeks when I felt strong baby kicks.  More than anything I dread the labor, but I also don't have as many babies as you and have no real clue yet what I'm getting into by having more.  I'm also a very anxious person and definitely understand you having the world on your shoulders.

 

Connecting is that final frontier to accepting that this is happening.  You will connect when YOU are ready and the fact that you are taking time will make it all the more special and real when it happens IMHO. There are many moms with a lot more kids than you who are also making it work; I hope you find insight from their example too.  Congratulations to you.

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#10 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 06:28 PM
 
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Have you thought about tubal ligation? I had one and it is great. You can have that after this baby.

 

It is normal to feel scared and confused but it will work out!

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#11 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 10:12 PM
 
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Did you have the ultrasound today? How did it go?


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#12 of 12 Old 05-25-2013, 08:25 PM
 
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((Buffalo Brood)) Deep breath......remember, as you said yourself, your toddler had been unplanned too, and that situation turned out OK. :-)

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so though you may not see the full picture right now, you've got a new little life inside of you, only wanting you to love him/her. Remember too that your hormones are all over the place right now, so once you wrap your head around the reality and everything begins to better level out, you'll probably feel a bit more calm about it all. So in the meantime, be good to yourself; it'll all work out. Things always tend to do that.....somehow/someway, right? ;-)

 

Oh and ETA..... try not to let concern about others' reactions add to your concerns. Because when it comes down to it, we cannot control others' responses. We can only control how we deal with them and treat them with kindness. Besides, if they're truly your friends, they will be happy for you and supportive. It is no one's business why you are having another child; you are open to life and that is awesome!

 

Here's where I'm coming from on that: we too conceived just before friends of ours had, but they suffered a miscarriage while we went on to have ours, and they have never been able to conceive again. It cost us our friendship. We were extremely sensitive about what they were dealing with and supportive of their loss, but to no avail. Our care and concern was trumped by her refusal to see past what they were feeling. As our children got older, I even went as far as not mentioning the children at all, so she wouldn't feel like I was putting the whole idea of kids in her face. Except one time I mentioned something important, and not only did she not acknowledge what I'd shared, but she instead pointed out something about their pets. That's when I realized an important truth: just because someone else is in pain, does not mean you deserve to absorb it. Just thought I'd mention that to you, for what it's worth. You sounded like you needed some reassurance and understanding, and you've got it! I'll be thinking about you and hope peace of mind surrounds you in all of the pressures you're facing right now.

 

Take good care, and best wishes to you and your family!!!

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