What can I expect being pregnant with a toddler in tow? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 05-23-2013, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am due in September with our 2nd baby and my son will be about 2.5 by then.   Considering how I am already getting very fatigued on some days at 5 months, I would appreciate other moms who have been in a similar situation sharing their advice. When should my in-laws come and help out?

 

For example, at what stage in your pregnancy did it become physically difficult to keep up with a toddler? My son likes to be chased around for diaper changes and getting dressed, is not at all potty trained, Etc.  I am already starting to have a hard time getting down on the floor with him, but it's manageable.

 

TIA

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#2 of 13 Old 05-23-2013, 06:26 PM
 
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Subbing for BTDT input. I'm 31 weeks tomorrow and it's getting challenging to say the least. My DD is not quite 26 months, will use the potty some but doesn't stay dry in between. I'm lucky that she's not a bolter and especially out in public will either hold my hand or walk a ways ahead of me (but stops if I ask her to). Getting her 32 lbs in and out of carseats, strollers and shopping carts is getting very hard. Hauling laundry up and down stairs simply isn't happening anymore. The house is a mess and I'm just getting by until DH goes on vacation in July. I'm still able to get down and up but it takes me a while lol. My best friend is the park. We walk over, then I sit on a bench while she climbs up and uses the slides a dozen times. I feel like baby could come any day, not 9 weeks from now!
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#3 of 13 Old 05-23-2013, 06:41 PM
 
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DD1 was exactly 2.5yo when DD2 was born. It was hard but never impossible for me to look after her. It was hard while I had morning sickness, then I had a few good weeks from about week 18 to maybe 25. Then it got hard again.

That being said though, I'm not great at being pregnant and am constantly achy, lightheaded, palpitations etc etc blah, blah, blah.

DD1 was partly toilet-trained but still needed full help. It probably would have been easier if she'd been in nappies full time. She could also climb into her carseat with minimal help.

As far the chasing, playing etc I would just tell her if I couldn't do something and offer an alternative "Mummy can't sit on the floor and read but if you bring your book here we can sit on the chair together" There were some tears occasionally but she coped very well.

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#4 of 13 Old 05-24-2013, 06:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD1 was partly toilet-trained but still needed full help. It probably would have been easier if she'd been in nappies full time. 

 

I am considering delaying ptty training for this reason; I just can't imagine having to deal with that over the next few months.

 

I'm also working on DS getting into the carseat by himself so all I have to do is buckle him.

 

I have a harness he has started using when we go walking so that he can't dart anywhere.

 

TY ladies!

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#5 of 13 Old 05-24-2013, 07:28 PM
 
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I decided to take the plunge and put DD in underwear at home. Yes she wets but she has also stayed dry for a couple of hours here and there so I think she's learning. I definitely still diaper her on outings though. She tells me potty to poop and will happily pee if I put her on but doesn't initiate for pee yet and has trouble staying dry between potty visits. I feel like the accidents at home are less stressful than me wondering if I'm holding her back. I'm very laid back about it so I don't think it can hurt smile.gif
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#6 of 13 Old 05-24-2013, 07:35 PM
 
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I don't have terrible pregnancies but I was able to care for the toddler both times. If I had the option and if you like your inlaws and they can stay for a while after, I would say 35 weeks???? I need way more help when baby comes and would give up care while pregnant for more help after. Do you have support for when baby arrives?

SAHM to Chloe«- 6/2008 (10 lbs, 5 oz), Hannah- 9/2010 (9 lbs, 12 oz), Liam- 2/2013 (9 lbs, 6 oz)

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#7 of 13 Old 05-25-2013, 01:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We are planning to have the inlaws come and help. I would not say that mean I have "support" since they are very judgmental people who have never been supportive of me per se, but my son will transition better:-)

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#8 of 13 Old 05-25-2013, 11:07 AM
 
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In that case, I would wait till baby arrives and have them stay for 2 or so weeks (as long as it is an uncomplicated birth). I feel like it stresses me more and is not so helpful to have people questioning my patenting, especially with a newborn. I may actually prefer no help to pushy people. Good luck.

SAHM to Chloe«- 6/2008 (10 lbs, 5 oz), Hannah- 9/2010 (9 lbs, 12 oz), Liam- 2/2013 (9 lbs, 6 oz)

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#9 of 13 Old 05-25-2013, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Chloe'sMama View Post

In that case, I would wait till baby arrives and have them stay for 2 or so weeks (as long as it is an uncomplicated birth). I feel like it stresses me more and is not so helpful to have people questioning my patenting, especially with a newborn. I may actually prefer no help to pushy people. Good luck.

 

This is what I did the first time around and they didn't come until DS was a few months old.  But this time I just feel like DS will feel left out and he will be 2.5 and suddenly not my main focus.  So, I will have his grandparents there for him but it will be tough.  I also kind of don't have a choice since they are coming to live with us eventually, but that is a different story!

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#10 of 13 Old 05-26-2013, 01:23 PM
 
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Hopefully you can lay some ground rules. Just remember it is your birth and your children! I am sure you can work it out. It can be very helpful to have support.

Can you have your dh talk with them?

SAHM to Chloe«- 6/2008 (10 lbs, 5 oz), Hannah- 9/2010 (9 lbs, 12 oz), Liam- 2/2013 (9 lbs, 6 oz)

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#11 of 13 Old 06-01-2013, 12:17 PM
 
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I hear you about the judgmental in-laws, that was a big source of stress for us the first time around.  Luckily dh was able to set some boundaries and they've been really good since dd was born. You'll probably find that you're a lot more confident with your second baby and that helps a lot too. 

 

I found it wasn't too tough to keep up with my toddler until the very end, maybe a week or two before I went into labor.  After dd dropped especially it was tough to even walk-I kind of just waddled after him.  DH was able to take some time off the week before my due date and that really helped.  And it really helped to take him places since he's gets pretty hyper when he's cooped up.
 

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#12 of 13 Old 06-01-2013, 05:23 PM
 
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My DD was 21 months old when DS was born in April. I worked until about 38-39 weeks, and every day was one day at a time. I fell asleep with DD exhausted nightly and was really dragging. That being said, I was lifting DD and playing on the floor with her to the end, but I was definitely slow getting up and following her. I made sure to play with her in baby-proofed areas because I just couldnt' get to her in time. I also relied heavily on my hubby and mom to help out and had zero energy at times. Be easy on yourself! I agree that after DS was born I needed far more support, and it was REALLY nice to have my inlaws in town to be with DD while I was in the hospital, and to help with the transition home. Good luck, you can do this!

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#13 of 13 Old 06-04-2013, 02:18 PM
 
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Pregnant with a toddler = exhausting! My DD was 2 years, 7 months when DS was born. Getting on the floor to play was so difficult, and getting up off the floor was even harder. Bending down to pick stuff up off the floor was so hard. I got good at picking stuff up with my feet, and I'd also just let random stuff lay there for DH to pick up. I would often get DD to bring a toy or book up to the couch or dining table instead of me going down to the floor. I kept her in diapers sometimes just to avoid the occasional pee puddle on the floor, because bending down to clean it was so uncomfortable. And I stopped lifting her onto the changing table to change her. I got DD to do lots of things on her own that I used to do for her, like getting into the stroller.

 

As for help from family -- it was very useful having family around for a few weeks after the baby was born, simply because they were able to play with my toddler and take her to do fun things that I wasn't up for doing. BUT, her routine went to pot during that time. Nap and bedtime became more difficult, it was harder to provide meals and snacks at reliable times (because our guests were a part of all meals but they aren't at all used to having to have dinner on the table so early every night... most nights i gave up on them and just cooked a big dinner myself, often while caring for both kids. this led to some unfortunate feelings of resentment on my part, which was only made worse when I tried to broach the subject with them...). DD was making lots of progress with potty training but regressed during their visit. (Quickly shifted to no diapers at all shortly after they left.) I was also really hormonal after the baby was born, and the guests honestly got on my nerves after a while (despite being perfectly lovely people). I didn't think it would be so hard for me to share my space with houseguests during the immediate postpartum time. I hadn't considered the fact that I'd be more or less house bound for those first weeks, unable to really give myself space by just going for a walk or whatever. (The weather was really cold at that point which didn't help...)


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