I'm scared of losing my close relationship with my son and feeling resentful - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-10-2013, 07:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so happy to be pregnant and can't wait to meet the little boy in my belly... But also I'm scared because I am so close with my son (3) and I know once the baby comes we will not have the chance to be so close all the time as we are now. He has his own bed but crawls into ours at about 10pm every night. And each morning we snuggle together. He still nurses a little and he gets a lot of one on one attention from me.

Can the BTDT folks give me some insight? My PPD was pretty bad with my son and I'm just trying to prepare for how I might feel.

TIA!!!

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Old 06-10-2013, 09:44 AM
 
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I can't help but I'm curious to hear from other mamas too. My son is also 3 and though we aren't nursing anymore we are still super close. I've been able to be a SAHM for most of his life so he is used to having pretty much 100% of me.   I'm nervous too.  Though, in some ways I realize that as opposed to the coming baby, DS has been able to have all that one on one time. The new baby will never have 100% of DH or I.


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Old 06-10-2013, 10:23 AM
 
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Aw, my son is two, and baby is due when he'll be about 28 months. I'm worried about this, too. My DDs are 17 and 15, and the birth of my second really did strip away much of my closeness to my first. I am determined not to let that happen again, but aside from just being more aware of the issue I don't have a game plan.

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Old 06-10-2013, 08:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks to both of you for your responses. Hopefully someone that's BTDT will chime in and calm all of our fears!!

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Old 06-10-2013, 08:15 PM
 
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I have had this worry and sadness every pregnancy...I even have it now and this is #5!

I haven't ever had it lessen the bond. Squeeze me more for my time, yes...Make some times see crazy...yes.

Co sleeping:
Heck, we have a queen sized bed and its not unusual for me to wake up with various kids in the bed who crept in early morning hours.

 

Honestly, I think having more than one helped me to bond even more (once I caught up on sleep) because we did all kinds of awesome family things and felt close together. There is nothing like seeing siblings play happily together!

And...

Sure, they don't all get one on one attention all.the.time - but I'm not convinced that is always the best thing anyways.

 

Part of me thinks being scared of losing the bond may be just the natural evolution of our kids growing up. I felt it even when I wasn't pregnant and my baby turned 4.

 

All this to say,

Don't worry - you are more than enough mama for all of the future babes!luxlove.gif

 

As for PPD - I had it really bad after my first...but each pregnancy/child felt better and better and less stressful. Just because you had it with him doesn't mean you'll HAVE to have it again. Becoming a first time mom is sooo stressful!


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Old 06-13-2013, 08:39 PM
 
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I found our special time got compacted into smaller moments, but we both recognized how special they were and paid more attention. I find the same with my second. Little things like tickle attacks, morning snuggles in bed, conversations in the grocery store.

He also got to build a special relationship with his sister and that is not to be under valued. Playing in the baby gym, tummy kisses, playing with feet and inning were early activities together and he was just fascinated with him, and he loved it.

We also loved our us three time. We tandem nursed and a family bath was great stress relief. Ditto the family nap.

Remember newborn sleep a lot at first, so there are lots of available moments. The second is so much easier in that you already know what you are doing and don't spend the day trying to figure out if that is normal? you should worry? or how to do it.

Mama to Monkey (Jan '09), Bee (May '11), and Cat (August, '13)

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Old 06-17-2013, 01:29 AM
 
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So worried about this too! My DD is going to be 2 months shy of 4 when the new babe is born. I'm so worried I'll miss her because I have been with her everyday! I've never dropped her off for for a sleep over and DH and I have barely even had date nights. We just include her with everything we do. I find myself daydreaming that DH will take 2nd DD off so I can get more time with DD1-- it'll probably be the other way around. I know I will surely enjoy the baby, I'll miss DD. greensad.gif

But then I think how cool and amazing it is to have a little sister!!! I have two and they are my best friends and always will be. I'm very excited for that and a but scared too-- not having to be the sole entertainment for this next baby. That will be so NICE but I know I'll worry that she will be doing things meant for older kids-- I certainly influenced both younger sisters. smile.gif

I've decided to tandem nurse though I really don't know how hard that will be. It's really hurting now and DD gets to only once maybe twice a day- and her latch is terrible and toothy! How will it be with another nursing?

We decided to wait as long as we did to enjoy DDs toddlerhood. I see the huge struggle lots of moms have with a 2yo and a baby and I decided that wasn't for me. But dealing with a 3-4yo will have it's challenges too!

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Old 06-20-2013, 10:55 AM
 
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I just had to give a quick response because that is exactly how I felt!! DD is two weeks old and DS is about 2.5.  I had read that a lot of people actually have an aversion to their toddlers when the "new baby" comes, and it absolutely terrified me.  i have a very close relationship with DS and this pregnancy wasn't planned (well we wanted more kids but were planning on waiting a little longer).  so I had a lot of guilt during the pregnancy about how things were going to be once DD arrived.

 

But you know what? Having DD has been amazing  I actually felt even more love for my son, and he absolutely adores his little sister.  DS was very territorial over me, but now he is territorial over *us*.   Even when I try to make special time for him, he wants to have the baby involved too, so it has actually added to our relationship.  That's not to say that adding another child has been easy...but it has been a lot less traumatic than I was afraid it would be. 

 

Hugs, mama - having those feelings is totally normal, and you are a great mama - I am sure that your relationship will persevere :)

 

Oh, we also tandem nurse, so that has created a wonderful bond...and showing DS pictures of tandem nursing before DD arrived was probably one of the most important things I did that made DS not feel that he was going to be displaced.  I don't know if you are planning on tandem nursing or not (it's HARD) but if you are,  it's a great way for everyone to bond.


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Old 06-20-2013, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. My son still nurses a tiny bit and I am not planning on weaning him. I don't have any milk right now but he does it for comfort. I think I will show him some pictures of tandem nursing. That sounds so sweet. <3

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Old 06-20-2013, 06:38 PM
 
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My relationship with DD1 was just fine after DD2 was born. In fact, in some ways I felt closer to her. We had something to talk about( the baby). The only thing that was upsetting to me was that sometimes I "liked" DD2 more. DD1 was a real handful, and my baby was so easy and sweet. Well, let me tell you that now that my "baby" is a wild toddler and DD1 is a sweet as can be 4 1/2 year old that had totally gone away! It did make me feel awful though.

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