To all you wonderful ladies who have been so kind to me, a WORLD of thanks from my neck of the woods.
This morn I had more brown watery discharge with cramping. I just had this feeling I should get an ultrasound to make sure all was ok in there. The rest of the day did not bode so well for me. I had ultrasound first tummy style and the tech was grimacing and squinting and I said "oh you having a hard time seeing it?" She was sweet and said "oh I think maybe your fibroid is casting a shadow or something we'll probably have to do a transvaginal." I said "oh ok." She was in there for TWENTY minutes then she called in her head tech and she took over and at this point I knew for sure something was amiss. They explained that though I was at 8 weeks I was only measuring 6 ish and they couldn't see a fetal pole. They said the doctor would have to go over the rest of the info for me later today.
I tried my best to remain positive but then at my doctors apt. she said I'm so sorry to tell you this, but they couldn't find a yolk sac or embryo but there is a gestational sack measuring 30 mm but at that measurement the fetal pole and yolk sack should be clearly visible by now. She said the gestational sack was also malformed, that it should be a perfect circle but that most likely there were chromosomal abnormalities and that I had choices to make when I was ready. I could wait and let my body do what it needed to do when it was ready, I could take pills and force a miscarriage, or I could get a D & C. I opted to let my body do what it needs to do and then erupted in tears. The doctor started crying too and hugged me and said take my time making my decision. Cried all the way home.
I'm SOOO sad. I told my husband when he got home and we both started crying and hugging and saying we'd get through this and that there must be some reason. We've had a lot of good talks in last couple hours. I've gone through a host of emotions including feeling tricked - like I thought I was pregnant and surprise, I never was. My body got all bloated and boobs larger and other pregnancy symptoms but no baby. But I digress...we are grateful for each other and the love we have and our hope is I'll be back on here in a couple months with a successful pregnancy.
Thank you all again so much. I think you are a wonderful group of women!
Oh, Crickets, I am so very sorry!! I have been reading along on your posts about your belly and enjoying how smitten you are with being pregnant. I hope you are able to take the time and space to grieve this loss and heal. It sounds like your DH will be a great support. Big hugs to you mama.
Wishing you peace and comfort
I am a Mama who
i'm so sorry for your loss mama just remember to be kind to your self and if i can give you a piece of addvince before due a d&c if you dont past the baby talk with some one about some herbs that can help you
i am sorry for you ea77 i know i used two herbs when i had a missed miscarriage and it help me past everything alot quicker with out have to do a d&c and that was the one thing i did not want to do cause it can cause more miscarriages and that was the one thing i did not want and i did not want to take the misoprostol to cause it can cause heavy bleeding and it just had to many side effects
Thank you all so much for your thoughts, prayers, suggestions and inputs. I've been off the boards for a few days. I just have been soooo sad. But today was the first day I got out of bed without thinking "I don't WANT to get out of bed!" There is also so much to be said for the sisterhood of women. My husband has been amazing and has been both grieving and comforting too. But I've had my sister in law, my aunts, my mother, my cousins all come by each bringing a healthy snack, or tea, or just hugs and walks, or helping me in the garden in silent companionship and just pass some time with me. They all made me feel better in their own ways and also gave me hopeful stories of many other women who had miscarriages and went on to have healthy happy babies afterwards, whether they chose d&c, the medicine, or to pass naturally.
I spoke to my ob who drew my blood the day I got my ultrasound (Weds). She said that she had checked my hcg levels just to out of curiosity and they were at 25,000 at 8 weeks and she said she wanted to check it again 48 hours later, and when she did it only went up by 1000 to 26,000 hcg. So just to be 100% sure that this is not a viable pregnancy, I am having one last ultrasound on Monday or Tuesday and then from there I'm most likely going to choose the d&c. I know its riskier but I need to be able to move on in the sense that every time I pass the mirror and see that belly staring back at me, and know that there is no life inside me it deeply saddens me. It could take weeks for this to pass and I just don't think I can handle it. So I'm still deciding that but I'll feel at a minimum that after the ultrasound there is zero chance (which I already pretty much know) that there is a little life in there and will never regret whatever choice I make.
I wanted to thank you all again and am the type of person who does not do well being sad for very long. So I am determined to grieve as long as I need but then have a great big positive attitude towards the next pregnancy and we WILL achieve a healthy happy one when the universe so dictates it.