A new *What not to say* thread - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-11-2013, 01:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamapigeon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 1,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

I just got off the phone with my mother, who just HAD to know for her own peace of mind that my birth would at least take place near a hospital (I'm using a free standing birth center).

She also felt it was the "responsible" thing to do to tell me that I should have an OB make sure that I can really give birth vaginally (because size must be an issue, after all I had a cesarean last time).

 

 

I am so sick of the twisted thoughts people have about birth, especially that somehow it is something that they are going through simply by knowing a pregnant woman. I don't want to hear that someone is "worried" about my choice, or that I should only want a healthy baby and nothing else. I am not a bad mother for wanting a positive birth experience, but unfortunately no one else seems to agree. I dislike that I have to keep my hopes and dreams to myself or risk hearing a bunch of unresearched opinions.

 

Anyone else being told things that people should just keep to themselves?


tea6.gifcancer-beating wife to caffix.gif DH since 7/4/09, mother to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 5/1/11 + energy.gifDD 8/21/2013

 

 angel1.gif (4/09) angel1.gif (5/12)

mamapigeon is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-12-2013, 07:40 AM
 
GISDiva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: The land of beer and cheese...
Posts: 2,154
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

People are starting to ask where this baby is going to be born (So, which hospital will you be at?), and I tell them we're doing it at home.  So far they've been very diplomatic - "I would be too nervous to do that, but that's cool" is a common response.

 

I did have someone at work say to me "Can you get any bigger?!?"  Um, with six weeks to go, yes, yes I can.  Sheesh.


WOHM to Leo (4/08) reading.gif and enjoying the journey with DH geek.gif

Announcing the arrival of Clara in August 2013! homebirth.jpg

GISDiva is offline  
Old 07-12-2013, 10:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
mamapigeon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 1,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

It's nice that people are respecting your choice to homebirth. It must be a relief to not have to defend your decision.

 

Urgh, no one seems to know how big a full term preggo belly looks!


tea6.gifcancer-beating wife to caffix.gif DH since 7/4/09, mother to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 5/1/11 + energy.gifDD 8/21/2013

 

 angel1.gif (4/09) angel1.gif (5/12)

mamapigeon is offline  
Old 07-12-2013, 10:59 AM
 
crunchymama19's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 503
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

We are also planning a homebirth and we aren't even telling my parents until after the fact. DD1 let a comment about homebirth slip once (not mine, just in general) and they immediately tried to launch into a tirade about how incredibly dangerous it is. My mother was a successful and safe homebirth and yet they still have this attitude. They have NEVER even met someone who has had a homebirth, they have never done any research about it, and they have never even spoken to any midwives before so they really don't have any clue about homebirth. It sucks I have to keep it to myself until after the baby is born and even then I am sure I will get a lecture (despite being 32, married, on my own with two kids, yada yada  yada).

 

As far as what not to say? When I was very very pregnant with DD1, DH called me a walrus when I had to shimmy and waddle off the bed.irked.gif I still haven't let him forget that one!


Granola-ey, crunchy, marathoning, natural living Christian mamatreehugger.gif down south with DHguitar.gif and DD1 (6)dust.gif, DD2 (2)energy.gif, and DD3 babygirl.gif.    homebirth.jpgwinner.jpgcd.giffemalesling.GIFgoorganic.jpghomeschool.gif
crunchymama19 is offline  
Old 07-12-2013, 02:35 PM
 
CLplus1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 204
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have a mostly supportive and understanding family, so I shouldn't complain. But it bothers me when my MIL says I'm tiny and I'm going to have a tiny baby if I don't get bigger. I'm 24 weeks, up 18 pounds, and measuring at 23.5 weeks. It bothers me because I'm doing a good job and taking care of myself, and my baby is growing just like they should.

 

I wish people were more educated about homebirth, but I haven't had anyone respond too negatively.

CLplus1 is offline  
Old 07-12-2013, 03:49 PM
 
JenVose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 185
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I got a lot of the same with my first pregnancy by using a free-standing birthing center (not to mention that the closest ones are nearly two hours away). This time around I'll be using a hospital since I can't see juggling duties as a mother to a little one under 2, working full-time (DD comes with me!), and making the drive for appointments and things. I don't look forward to hearing my family tell me how glad they are that I'll be having this one in the hospital - if there were better options closer to me, this definitely wouldn't be the case.

JenVose is offline  
Old 07-12-2013, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamapigeon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 1,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

Crunchy, yikes! Isn't it the worst when people share opinions on a topic they know nothing about? I'm sorry you have to keep your birth plans private.

 

Jen, sorry you're expecting to hear pleasure from family about your hospital birth. People should realize that it's not nice to share how happy they are about someone's plans falling through. I'm sorry that the options aren't very good in your area. I hope your hospital birth goes well. dust.gif

 

CL, sorry about the size comments. That sounds frustrating.


tea6.gifcancer-beating wife to caffix.gif DH since 7/4/09, mother to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 5/1/11 + energy.gifDD 8/21/2013

 

 angel1.gif (4/09) angel1.gif (5/12)

mamapigeon is offline  
Old 07-12-2013, 09:55 PM
 
crunchymama19's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 503
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

I had an incident today that wasn't really offensive, but it is still making me giggle.

 

I took my DDs to a blueberry farm to pick our own. The lady working there takes one look at me and my large belly and says "Maybe I should find you a spot to pick close by....you know, in case we need to call someone for you....". I think she honestly thought I was going to squat behind a blueberry bush and pop the baby out right then and therelol.gif! Sadly I am only 34 weeks and I've got a little ways to go before anything pops. Nice to know how huge and uncomfortable I look with 6 weeks to go.irked.gif


Granola-ey, crunchy, marathoning, natural living Christian mamatreehugger.gif down south with DHguitar.gif and DD1 (6)dust.gif, DD2 (2)energy.gif, and DD3 babygirl.gif.    homebirth.jpgwinner.jpgcd.giffemalesling.GIFgoorganic.jpghomeschool.gif
crunchymama19 is offline  
Old 07-12-2013, 11:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamapigeon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 1,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

Hahaha, what's up with people thinking that? Do we just stop going out as much as we get close to being due so people aren't used to seeing term bellies?

 

I'm actually having the opposite trouble this time though. I have not had a single person realize that I'm pregnant even though I'll be 34 weeks tomorrow (and by not realizing, I mean that their jaws drop when I mention that I'm pregnant).


tea6.gifcancer-beating wife to caffix.gif DH since 7/4/09, mother to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 5/1/11 + energy.gifDD 8/21/2013

 

 angel1.gif (4/09) angel1.gif (5/12)

mamapigeon is offline  
Old 07-12-2013, 11:50 PM
 
dalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,969
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I had to buy a new maternity belt today because I outgrew the one I had. When I told my hubby he said, "What happened to the other one? Did it explode?" YES, HONEY. IT EXPLODED INTO A BILLION PIECES FROM THE PRESSURE OF MY PLANET-SIZED BELLY.

I actually laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. The funniest thing was I'm not even sure if he was joking!!!

Wife to one amazing husband superhero.gif, SAHM to DS bouncy.gif 10/09, DS babyboy.gif 10/19,  one furbaby dog2.gif, and lots of chicken3.gif!

 
joy.gif

dalia is offline  
Old 07-13-2013, 05:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamapigeon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 1,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

Dalia, that's awfully funny! I wonder why he said that?

 

I like Crunchymama's walrus story, too. Husbands can say such strange (and sometimes a bit hurtful) things.  A while ago mine said, "You can't spell pigeon (my nickname) without pig.", when I was chowing down.


tea6.gifcancer-beating wife to caffix.gif DH since 7/4/09, mother to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 5/1/11 + energy.gifDD 8/21/2013

 

 angel1.gif (4/09) angel1.gif (5/12)

mamapigeon is offline  
Old 07-13-2013, 08:38 PM
 
PrimordialMind's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 326
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dalia View Post

I had to buy a new maternity belt today because I outgrew the one I had. When I told my hubby he said, "What happened to the other one? Did it explode?" YES, HONEY. IT EXPLODED INTO A BILLION PIECES FROM THE PRESSURE OF MY PLANET-SIZED BELLY.

I actually laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. The funniest thing was I'm not even sure if he was joking!!!


Hahahaha that is hilarious!! lol.gif. I would be rolling from that comment, too! Especially if i couldn't figure out if he was joking biglaugh.gif
PrimordialMind is offline  
Old 07-15-2013, 03:57 AM
 
Sphinxy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 614
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
LOL Dalia!

A couple weeks ago I dropped something on the kitchen floor in front of Dw and when I went to pick it up, I had to step one leg off to the side in order to make room for my belly as I bent over. I just did it instinctually, but DW hadn't seen that move yet, and started cracking up instantly. I had no clue why she was laughing at first, but she couldn't speak, and then I realized she was laughing at ME. So I started laughing at her for being such an a$$ (in a playful way, no feelings were hurt), and we were both just speechlessy laughing at one another for a good couple minutes.

My wife (30) and I (32) have been legally married since 2006. We are proud queer mamas to baby W, born 10/10/2013.
Sphinxy is offline  
Old 07-15-2013, 10:18 AM
 
cynthiamoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 1,574
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)

How about: NEVER compare a woman's baby moving in her belly to the gut-busting aliens from the 1979 film Alien and sequels? I am so tired of thinking how cute and yes, a little weird it is to see her wiggling around in my belly, and then have someone comment that it reminds them of one of the nastiest and goriest horror-sci-fi films out there. Really!? It makes me sad. 


Writing about life-long learning and discovery at: www.neoapprentice.com 

:: A neo-apprentice knows there are no true masters. 

 

25yo FTM to a Wiggle Panda diaper.gif, student teacher read.gif, newlywed love.gif 

cynthiamoon is offline  
Old 07-15-2013, 02:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamapigeon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 1,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynthiamoon View Post

How about: NEVER compare a woman's baby moving in her belly to the gut-busting aliens from the 1979 film Alien and sequels? I am so tired of thinking how cute and yes, a little weird it is to see her wiggling around in my belly, and then have someone comment that it reminds them of one of the nastiest and goriest horror-sci-fi films out there. Really!? It makes me sad. 


Whoa, that's totally out of line! I would be really upset if someone said that to me. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with that. hug2.gif


tea6.gifcancer-beating wife to caffix.gif DH since 7/4/09, mother to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 5/1/11 + energy.gifDD 8/21/2013

 

 angel1.gif (4/09) angel1.gif (5/12)

mamapigeon is offline  
Old 07-15-2013, 11:33 PM
 
dalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,969
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I was hesitant to write this because it's so over the top but near the end of my last pregnancy I'm pretty sure my husband called me "5x5"!!! Even my OB walked in while I was half naked and in labor and she just shook her head and said, "I've seen moms of twins smaller than you" LOL!!! One lady at the chiropractor told me, "OMG you are HUMONGOUS!!" And an old lady with two casts and crutches came up to me and said, "You look miserable!"

Now, all the things sound really, really bad...
But honestly I was HUGE. Seriously. Grown men would gasp when they saw me, no joke. So, I had to laugh! And it actually kind of felt like others were just trying to sympathize with me. I didn't mind it at all.

Wife to one amazing husband superhero.gif, SAHM to DS bouncy.gif 10/09, DS babyboy.gif 10/19,  one furbaby dog2.gif, and lots of chicken3.gif!

 
joy.gif

dalia is offline  
Old 07-16-2013, 12:58 AM
 
LLQ1011's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,007
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

When i was on bedrest in the hospital for 100 days I had a nurse call me lazy for not walking the halls... ummmm I AM ON BEDREST!
 

LLQ1011 is offline  
Old 07-16-2013, 11:31 AM
 
cynthiamoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 1,574
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dalia View Post

I was hesitant to write this because it's so over the top but near the end of my last pregnancy I'm pretty sure my husband called me "5x5"!!! Even my OB walked in while I was half naked and in labor and she just shook her head and said, "I've seen moms of twins smaller than you" LOL!!! One lady at the chiropractor told me, "OMG you are HUMONGOUS!!" And an old lady with two casts and crutches came up to me and said, "You look miserable!"

Now, all the things sound really, really bad...
But honestly I was HUGE. Seriously. Grown men would gasp when they saw me, no joke. So, I had to laugh! And it actually kind of felt like others were just trying to sympathize with me. I didn't mind it at all.

Heh, I think I know what you mean! My best friend and father in law both have gasped in awe and said "you're huge!!" last time they saw me because my belly had had a month or so of third trimester growth packed on since we last saw each other.

It doesn't bother me because, well, I AM HUGE!! No need to pretend otherwise! And I am SUPPOSED to be huge.

I just laugh, rub my belly and say "I know!! Isn't it amazing!?"

Maybe if I had gained a lot of fat weight I'd feel differently about that comment though... As it is, I am comfortable with how I'm carrying this extra 50. Sounds like a lot, but my arms, legs, and face look pretty normal so I don't feel fat.

Writing about life-long learning and discovery at: www.neoapprentice.com 

:: A neo-apprentice knows there are no true masters. 

 

25yo FTM to a Wiggle Panda diaper.gif, student teacher read.gif, newlywed love.gif 

cynthiamoon is offline  
Old 07-16-2013, 02:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamapigeon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 1,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLQ1011 View Post

When i was on bedrest in the hospital for 100 days I had a nurse call me lazy for not walking the halls... ummmm I AM ON BEDREST!
 


This would have made me livid! I hope you reported her or at least made it clear that you were not being "lazy"? grrrr


tea6.gifcancer-beating wife to caffix.gif DH since 7/4/09, mother to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 5/1/11 + energy.gifDD 8/21/2013

 

 angel1.gif (4/09) angel1.gif (5/12)

mamapigeon is offline  
Old 07-16-2013, 03:16 PM
 
michelleepotter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 978
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dalia View Post

I was hesitant to write this because it's so over the top but near the end of my last pregnancy I'm pretty sure my husband called me "5x5"!!!

Isn't 5x5 slang for "all is well"?

Michelle, wife to DH, and momma to DD16, DS15, DS12, DS10, DD9, DD7, DS5, and baby girl born Christmas Eve 2013!
michelleepotter is offline  
Old 07-16-2013, 03:49 PM
 
dalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,969
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by michelleepotter View Post

Isn't 5x5 slang for "all is well"?

I would love to think it was meant that way but he actually meant five feet by five feet were my measurements!!!!! LOL

Wife to one amazing husband superhero.gif, SAHM to DS bouncy.gif 10/09, DS babyboy.gif 10/19,  one furbaby dog2.gif, and lots of chicken3.gif!

 
joy.gif

dalia is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off