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Old 08-27-2013, 08:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DH is one of four. They all live 5+ hrs away, including his parents. They expect us to bring the baby to them. No one wants to come and visit to see the new baby. One of his sisters asked, "So when am I going to see the new baby?". They want us to drive with our newborn around 4/5 weeks postpartum. Is it me, but shouldn't they be the ones to visit us to meet their new niece/nephew/grandchild?

I'm hurt that no one wants to make the effort to meet our baby when he/she arrives. Yet, they expect us to visit them.

What do you think? And when would you travel to see family with a newborn?
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Old 08-27-2013, 09:49 PM
 
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I wouldn't travel more than a couple of hours with a newborn unless it was a special event. If they want to meet the baby they can either wait at least a few months or visit, possible exceptions for ill or elderly close family. Maybe offer to Skype.
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Old 08-28-2013, 01:35 AM
 
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I am in a somewhat similar boat. I don't know about you, but it seems like the people I am least excited about seeing are the ones who are least likely to come to us. Maybe there's the reason, they are kinda selfish to begin with. Anyway, DW's parents are approx 5 hrs with no traffic, and it's nearly impossible to skip traffic on the route we'd have to take. They will visit us, but there is already passive aggressive commenting about how long we might wait to bring the baby to their house. Not very motivating! And then there is DW's sibling and their family. Ugh... It means a LOT to DW to have them meet our baby early, and I just know they are going to make zero effort, which is typical and frustrating. They are 10 hours away. It hasn't really come up in conversation yet, and I'm thinking that before baby arrives it will be too hypothetical to try to convince her that visiting them is a bad idea. Better I think to wait until she (we) gets to experience the reality of a newborn.

Some people have told me that early infancy is the best time to travel because the babies just sleep a lot. I think it depends probably on your kid. My nephew hated his infant car seat so much that a 5 hour drive would have been torture. I'm sure others would just cuddle in and sleep most of the way. So I guess there is an element of just waiting to see what is the right choice for your kid, and also weighing how worth it is to you to put in all that effort for someone who wouldn't be willing themselves to reciprocate.

My wife (30) and I (32) have been legally married since 2006. We are proud queer mamas to baby W, born 10/10/2013.
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Old 08-28-2013, 08:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, all. It's not just about exposing the baby to germs and a long car ride. I prob will be exhausted, still healing, nursing, and what not. Plus the idea of packing all the gear sounds awful. I can't believe they expect us to drive to them. Don't the remember the postpartum period?
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Old 08-28-2013, 09:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by wanderslake View Post

Thanks, all. It's not just about exposing the baby to germs and a long car ride. I prob will be exhausted, still healing, nursing, and what not. Plus the idea of packing all the gear sounds awful. I can't believe they expect us to drive to them. Don't the remember the postpartum period?

 

Oh, absolutely agreed! I think I was dwelling on the length of the trip because that impacts everything else - not just the kid having to deal with the ride, but also me being uncomfortable in the car that long, trying to manage feeding during the trip will be harder the longer it is, and yes, the stuff you have to bring to prepare for a journey of that length! I have tried to take a stance of "let's see what happens". I think it is hard to tell people now what you will and won't be willing to do later, so I try to stay non-committal and appear open to the possibility. We just don't have enough information yet to make that decision - what if I wind up having a C-section? what if my baby has latch problems? Honestly, I think when it comes down to it I just can't see myself agreeing a trip of that length for quite a while. But it will be easer to make that case once the reality of my child and my postpartum period are actually here. Not an argument I need to have with those people today, I have enough else on my mind these last few weeks!


My wife (30) and I (32) have been legally married since 2006. We are proud queer mamas to baby W, born 10/10/2013.
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