My son is being impossible and I am losing it! - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-03-2013, 06:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm 33 weeks preggo. I have a DS that is almost four years old. I love him so much and I'm concerned about how he's going to handle the transition to big brother. He's very excited about the baby but he's also being totally impossible. EVERYTHING is a conflict. If I say up he says down, etc. He is hitting, throwing things at me, and really pushing the envelope. I have very little patience because of being pregnant. It is almost more than I can take!

I am usually really good at helping others in this situation but I am at a loss. We try very hard not to use punishment but I am running out of ideas. I know he needs me more than ever now and I am trying to give him extra attention, but I'm so tired. I've been yelling and crying... a lot. When I break down and cry it upsets him so much. He's started to say, "It's all my fault!" I feel so bad for him. :'-(

I love Janet Landsbury but I can't even find what I need on her blog because I am that tired. I'm looking for non-punitive solutions (no time outs or manipulation). I know he is acting out because he is nervous about the changes but I just don't know how to get through to him and give him what he needs. What does he need that I could be missing???

Telling me to chill out might be helpful as well. I'm a wreck over here!! :-P

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Old 09-03-2013, 06:51 PM
 
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To be honest, I don't think he needs anything. He's nearly 4 and expecting a sibling. I think his behavior is par for the course. Frustrating, but normal.

 

You hug him, tell him you love him and then go into another room and shut the door and cry alone.

 

To me, hitting is a big no-no. So if he's hitting, I suggest removing yourself from the situation if you don't want to give him a time-out. Having mommy out of the room is sort of his time out because you're not there and you're his special person.

 

Hang in there.


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Old 09-04-2013, 03:01 AM
 
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I don't have any advice, but I'm in exactly the same situation as you! I'm 3 days overdue now and my 4 and a half year old daughter has been really acting up and causing me a lot of stress. Bobby's has good advice, it's all we can really do! I hope things get easier for you soon.

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Old 09-04-2013, 03:15 AM
 
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:Hug So sorry you're going through this. I don't have any spectacular solutions but can commiserate a bit.  I've feeling very irritable lately and DD has asking for more and more attention. We had a couple of low points in the weeks past (one of them involves here throwing a screaming fit on the bus...). I really think it's a combination of you being pregnant and tired (let's face it makes our patience and understanding reserves short) plus he's anxious about the up-coming huge change in his life (DD is also showing a lot of excitement and interest in the baby BUT she's also demanding more attention from me, and like to pretend that she is a baby).

 

I don't do timeout per say, I just call them a "pause to calm down". Sometimes she needs to pause a bit and sometimes mama needs a pause/break.  I know Janet's view on timeouts and while I mostly agree, I find when I've reached my limits and I can't think clearly (read: rage is building up in me and I want to start screaming myself), I tell her now is time for a break. Either she goes into the bedroom or I (depending on whether I'm cooking or not). Afterwards, I hug her and talking about being upset/sad and how it is ok to cry if you're sad.

 

BTW after the last few meltdowns, which happened before of too many time commitments + her being tired, I've simplified my schedule a LOT and lowered my expectations on certain areas. This eased up the pressure on both of us and (knock wood) the last couple of weeks there has been improvement.


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Old 09-04-2013, 04:08 AM
 
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Have you specifically asked him if he's worried about the new baby? My LO was younger when her sister was born but, when she was having freak-outs over things she normally wouldn't I would sometimes say "are you finding it hard to be a big sister?" She'd usually say "uh huh" and we could have a cuddle and talk about it a bit. I think it helped for me to identify the source of the stress for her as she couldn't usually put it into words herself.

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Old 09-04-2013, 10:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, all. I did talk to him last night when we were lying in bed about how he felt. I told him everything was gonna be okay and that I understood how he feels. He seemed to really take comfort in that. I also do agree that it's better for me to just walk away than scream (or walk away screaming LOL). Just knowing others are going through the same thing really helps. <3

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