17 and pregnant - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 10-19-2013, 10:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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First and foremost, I know most of the women on here are my elders and with all due respect, I ask you to not look down on me. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and seven months and have known each other since third grade. We live about 89 miles away and see each other twice to three times a month. In all that time, we've only done it twice and were responsible about it, until the condom broke. I would like to keep the child but am also considering adoption if I can't raise him. But here's some things I'm worried about: how much is the baby's first year going to cost? What about hospital bills and check ups? Is adoption the right thing? And lastly: would I be able to make all these. Big decisions that will impact his life? Opinions are appreciated! Thanks!
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#2 of 8 Old 10-19-2013, 11:25 AM
 
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Don't listen to anyone looking down on you. If they do look down on you, it's their problem not yours! Do you have support with your family and friends? What about your boyfriend's family? Raising a baby can be surprisingly low cost if you don't fall for thinking you need all the "gadgets" and you breast feed. But the main thing you need is emotional support from you family/friends/and boyfriend. <3

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#3 of 8 Old 10-19-2013, 12:04 PM
 
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I am not sure how Medicaid works if you still live with your parents, but if you are concerned about medical bills for prenatal care and the birth, you might look into that. You can also look into the possibility of home birth with a midwife, they tend to cost a lot less.Though I wouldn't choose one just for that reason, they can be a good option for low-risk women.

 

Adoption... honestly I would not make any decisions right now. Maybe you can look online and find stories from birth mother's to read and see what they have to say about how it impacted them.

 

Babies can cost a little or a whole lot. Stick to the basics and it won't be much... car seat - if you get a convertible type it will last longer, baby carrier like an Ergo or Beco, a set of clothes - between baby shower gifts and people just giving me stuff I've gotten tons of baby clothes, also you can get them very cheap at Goodwill and sometimes garage sales, and diapers - if you have a washing machine cloth is the most economical choice. Plus their super cute too!


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#4 of 8 Old 10-19-2013, 12:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The main problem is telling my mom. I have support with Jon (bf) and he doesn't want his parents to know and I've been trying to convince him to tell them but he wont budge. On the other hand, your Guy's advice is helpful. Thanks smile.gif
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#5 of 8 Old 10-19-2013, 02:32 PM
 
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It is a huge choice. Take your time with it. I hope when you do tell your Mom she will be supportive, same with your boyfriend's parents. The first year does not have to be expensive, esp with medicaid, home birth and breastfeeding as others have said. Whatever the cost, that part you guys can figure out.. The main thing is the lifestyle change, which can be huge! I hope the two of you can discuss the options and support each other in doing what will be best for you and your baby. If you do consider adoption, there are different types to consider including open adoption. And if you decide to raise your baby you will get a lot of wonderful support and be a loving, attentive and responsible parent!

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#6 of 8 Old 10-21-2013, 06:51 AM
 
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I am so sorry you are going through this.  You sound very mature for your age.  I think you should probably tell your mother.  I am sure she loves you very much and can help you with a decision.  Maybe you could look into things like WIC, Medicaid and costs of first year items.  You could make a spreadsheet and show your mother how you plan to care for your baby and plans for the future.  Good luck!


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#7 of 8 Old 10-21-2013, 07:57 PM
 
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I was 17 when I had my first child (who's now 17 and I'm excepting my 4th!). 

Having a baby at any stage in life is a big decision and it's even harder at your age. I struggled with deciding on whether to keep my baby or not and for me, I did. It's such a personal choice that will honestly be the hardest decision you've ever made. Best of luck in your decision... whatever choice you make, it will be the right one. <3
Tell your mama. I've been there, it's hard because we love our parents and don't want to disappoint them or are scared of the reaction but it's your mum. Mamas love us unconditionally and sure she might be disappointed (trying to imagine my 17 year old telling me she was pregnant) but her love is so much bigger than a passing disappointment. Pregnant and new mamas need support and the support from our loved ones is crucial. 
Costs of babies the first year... well, that can be as much or as little as you like. I am Canadian so I've no idea what it costs for an American birth. But with breastfeeding, cloth diapering, co-sleeping and babywearing, the most expensive item is going to be the car seat. If you move out on your own, you need to consider your living expenses.
For me, I was on welfare until my daughter was 2. I finished highschool which I did part time (there was an amazing daycare at my highschool) and then I lived off student loans while I was in college. It was hard finiancially but the hardest part was emotional. It's a quick way to grow up and it's not easy but I have zero regrets. :)

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#8 of 8 Old 10-21-2013, 10:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RuthyBaird4 View Post

here's some things I'm worried about:

how much is the baby's first year going to cost?
Breastfeed and cloth diaper. Buy a brand new car seat or try to take a class to get one for free, but buy everything else used. Swings and cribs and such are not necessary. Simple toys that don't require batteries are best.

What about hospital bills and check ups?
Medicaid. Please research vaccines before deciding if you will or won't allow them... YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE

Is adoption the right thing?
Only you and the father can decide that. it was not the right choice for me.

And lastly: would I be able to make all these. Big decisions that will impact his life?
No choice there. You are now responsible to make them whether you want to or not!

I know of what I speak bc I had my son at seventeen. BTW, he turned 19 yesterday... I can't imagine my life without him. You already have the power within you to parent your baby, you have only to decide if you will tap into it and do so.

The last thing I will say to you is to please educate yourself about infant circumcision. If you keep an open mind, you will no doubt decide against it. Best wishes!
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