Pregnant Mama with 2 teenagers…I am clearly insane. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 11-20-2013, 02:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I JUST turned 37 and am 20 weeks pregnant with my third baby.(Due 4/10/14) My first two (from a previous marriage) are 17 and 13! (I was 19 with my first.) I know I shouldn't feel 'too old' as most of my friends my age have toddlers but because I was SO young with my first two I cant help but feel like I'm geriatric...

Anyone else in the same situation? I'd love to get ideas or hear suggestions on how on earth to parent 2 teenagers AND care for a new born! I mean really….who's idea WAS this?!? (LOL)

AGGGGHHH!

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#2 of 23 Old 11-20-2013, 06:02 PM
 
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Me too!!!  My oldest dd is 19 and will be one month shy of 20 when this one is born!  My oldest ds is 14 and my youngest ds is 10.  I will be 40 when this one is born.  What is really cool is thinking back to when I was pregnancy 20 years ago and seeing the differences in technology now.  The hospital I delivered dd in had TINY labor rooms - I mean like 8' by 8'.  I had the most awesome doctor in the world and he made the nursing staff move me to one of the two birthing rooms.  The nurses all told me that the doctor would not deliver me in that room - none of the doctors would - but my doctor made good on his promise and let me deliver in the birthing room.  The nurses were all SHOCKED!!!  The one thing that I regretted was that they insisted on giving her a bottle of sugar water before she could breast feed.  They thought that it was safer than breast milk if there was a problem.  Now at that hospital, they have the modern labor, birth, post-partum rooms and they no longer insist on giving a bottle before nursing.

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#3 of 23 Old 11-22-2013, 10:15 AM
 
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Well....I'll be 43 next month. My children are 23, 21,16 &14 and I have two grandchildren ages 2 and 4 months. I'm 5 weeks pregnant smile.gif
I got remarried in August and I love that the babies my new husband and I have will grow up with my grandchildren. I don't feel geriatric at all--- I don't feel or look old enough to be a grandma, so it doesn't really bother me to be an older mom now. When I started having babies I lived in Europe, so natural childbirth and breast feeding were the norm. My daughter in law has caught me up to speed with things that have changed in the last 14 years, but I don't so any testing and we're planning a home birth, so I guess things aren't really any different for me other than it seems like there will be better options for cute maternity clothes wink1.gif
Having babies keeps us young!
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#4 of 23 Old 11-25-2013, 01:38 AM
 
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My ds will be 11 when this baby is born, so not quite a teenager but still a big age gap. I had him young and am still in my 20's so obviously don't really feel old, but I wonder what it will be like with this age gap between my children. He has always wanted a sibling and is old enough to help with the baby now which is great. I also figure I will have plenty of time to devote to  the baby as ds will be in school most of the day during the week days, then we will have our time together in the evenings (If I can stay awake! lol) and on weekends together.

 

How do your teens feel about it? I think it's nice they are so much older and can really get involved with raising the baby etc. Also you already have a babysitter ready!


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#5 of 23 Old 11-25-2013, 07:20 AM
 
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My kids are 16, 13, 10, 7, 2.5, and I am due in February. I had my first when I was 20. I do feel old compared to when I had my first. My oldest (16) never wanted siblings so she is never happy about another baby and my 13 year old (a boy) just assumes there will be another one after this one and he is fine with that. I don't ask my teens to babysit very often. The 13 yr old boy is actually a far better babysitter than the 16 year old girl. 


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#6 of 23 Old 11-25-2013, 08:09 AM
 
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I'm very interested in families with big age gaps, since we will be one!  It'll be a smaller gap than most of you, though, since my son will be 9 when he becomes a big brother.  I was NOT a young mom; I was 31 when he was born.  I don't feel any older now, unless I look closely at my hair or hands.  My face actually has smoothed out with pregnancy and looks younger.

 

I've been thinking a lot about a relative of my partner's whose two kids (now adults) are 13 years 6 months apart.  She once told me that when she was expecting the second, she felt nervous about her ability to "start over", but in public places when she would see people taking care of their babies and toddlers, she kept thinking, "I remember that!  I know how to do that!"  I am having that same experience now.  I'm sad that this relative died a few years ago so I can't tell her how that idea has helped me--but I will be seeing her kids at Thanksgiving.  I plan to ask the older one if he has any "things not to do" when integrating the baby into the family.

 

I've known a number of families with big age gaps, and it seems like it often works out well, maybe better in some ways than the average family with the same number of kids born only 2-3 years apart, because each kid gets more parental attention.  (Assuming my kids move out at age 18, each of them will get the same number of years as the only child--but at different ends of their childhood--interesting!)  Personally, I have one sibling born when I was 2 years 5 months, and I feel that was pretty rough on me until he was in preschool, although he was a good pal later.


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#7 of 23 Old 11-25-2013, 10:13 AM
 
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My son with be 10 when my new little one arrives, and I so want them to be close when they grow up.  I am 40, and part of me does feel like it is insane to be doing this, particularly because finances are both tight and insecure, but my DH and I want a child together so much, and he is a wonderful step-father.  He deserves to be a biological one, as well, and to get the experience from conception on. 


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#8 of 23 Old 11-29-2013, 12:48 PM
 
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My kids are 21, 17, 14, 5 and 3 and i'm 12 weeks pregnant. I'm 39. I don't feel too old at all. if I were, my body wouldn't be pregnant!


Midwife apprentice and mama to 6, including three UC babies: Jude River, 06/04/08, Elora Wren Isolde, 9/27/10, and our newest addition, Eilish Neve Isebeul, 6/12/14!
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#9 of 23 Old 12-05-2013, 06:49 AM
 
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You're not alone! I am pregnant at age 43 (44 dec 17th) I have 4 kids ages 16g, 18b, 20b and 26 b. I so thought I was done! One time having unprotected sex with my man and....surprise! Baby is due on his birthday.
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#10 of 23 Old 12-05-2013, 07:30 AM
 
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I'm 37 and have an almost 17yr dd, my oldest ds will be 14 next month, a 21mo old ds and due with another ds next month! My two teens were/are thrilled about their baby brother and now this upcoming baby. They help out a lot, but also have their own lives going on. I personally love it now, but was scared to death before my 21mo old was born.
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#11 of 23 Old 12-07-2013, 09:49 AM
 
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Let's be insane together! Weeeeeeee
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#12 of 23 Old 12-07-2013, 10:18 AM
 
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My two older daughters were 11 and 13 when the Baby was born. She was a bonus baby, a huge surprise I was under the impression I couldn't get pregnant anymore (I had health issues, surgeries and had virtually been told there was too much scar tissue etc to have more babies.)

 

I had my first two 26 months apart and it was a LOT easier to have a newborn with two young teens than with toddlers! A lot of people said things like, "Oh, you now have built in baby sitters." Which my older girls hated to hear (although they loved to play with their baby sister.) But, a LLL friend of mine said, "Oh, the best form of birth control." She was right. My girls learned when they were old enough to appreciate it how difficult a new baby is. That babies are not "your friends" and that they usually take a lot more than they give in the beginning and at least in part, my girls have been very responsible about sexual partners, using birth control consistently.... and I'm not a grandma yet! (And glad not to be. My girls have things to do with their lives before they settle down and have children. In fact, I told them, "Get your Master's and even maybe your PhD before you start popping out babies. It's so hard with small ones." I got my Master's with little ones in the house, and I wouldn't recommend it, (unless it's the only way) as a choice.

 

Anyway, my girls learned while still young and impressionable the true work that little babies require as well as the rewards. As  result neither of the older ones have kids yet, but I'm not anxious, it's their lives and they will have children if and when they are ready. They still learned a LOT about babies, breastfeeding, Attachment Parenting, cloth diapering, gentle discipline, what they call "Hippy Parenting" when they were old enough to appreciate and assimilate these things. I think that's a good thing. My youngest had two more people to love and who loved her, that could not only help out, but whom she could bond with and love. Kind of like aunties, but a bit younger and closer.

 

In fact, I feel bad that our youngest doesn't have the access to babies that her sisters did.

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy! It will be quite a ride and very informative for your children as well as good for them. It doesn't hurt that someone besides DP can help with diapers and entertaining the little one, either. My older ones also were very helpful at LLL meetings and with the babies and toddlers of the Lactation clients I used to see in my home. All in all, we didn't plan it, but it was a good thing for everybody.

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#13 of 23 Old 12-07-2013, 01:30 PM
 
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I'm not the mo of a teen, but since my brother is 13 years older than me, I thought I'd chime in! My mother joked as we grew up that she had "2 only children". My brother and his friends were so excited about my mother's pregnancy that they threw *him* a baby shower! When I was born, he doted on me and he and his friends were also my babysitters. We didn't have sibling rivalry (much...there were still some resentments created by my mom when she compared us), but since he went off to college when I was 4, we weren't very close through my childhood. When I was a teen, he acted as a surrogate father to me (my parents divorced and my father was a deadbeat dad). Then I went off and had my life in college. When I hit my mid-20's, we started becoming close friends. We still have our own lives, but we're definitely each other's source of advice and support. So even though we weren't playmates, I can't imagine life without my big brother!
I thought you mamas might appreciate a possible point of view of your new babies...a big age gap can be great!

Mom to Henry, born 10/2011 and The Newbie, due 2/2014!
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#14 of 23 Old 12-07-2013, 01:37 PM
 
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That's how my older 2 think right now as well.  They love their baby brother, but my daughter especially always tells me she never realized how much work babies (and now toddlers!) are.  I'm glad that her and my oldest son are learning about how to care for babies/young children, and also that it shows them how much work is involved.  They've both started looking at parenting from a different angle now.  :)

 

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 ~~But, a LLL friend of mine said, "Oh, the best form of birth control." She was right. My girls learned when they were old enough to appreciate it how difficult a new baby is. That babies are not "your friends" and that they usually take a lot more than they give in the beginning and at least in part, my girls have been very responsible about sexual partners, using birth control consistently.... and I'm not a grandma yet!"
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#15 of 23 Old 05-24-2014, 07:28 AM
 
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hey ladies! I'm so excited to find this thread- even though it seems a bit older now. I am due in a month or so with baby #4 my youngest is nearly 13 and I also have a 15 and 19 year old. I was wondering how labour went for those of you that have had their babies already? My older 3 were such easy pregnancies and labours. This pregnancy has definitely been a bit more exhausting and challenging. I'm wondering if I should expect a big change in my labour patterns as well? I'd love to hear how it went for you since there are not so many people who have experience in this that I can talk to.

 

Also I love the title of this thread - I feel similarly as you can tell by my screen name. 


 three radical teens DS jammin.gif18, DS REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif 14,hammer.gif​ DD 12. Expecting waterbirth.jpghomebirth.jpg DD#2 3rdtri.gifJune 23/2014. Madly and passionately in love with dp_malesling.GIF joy.gif
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#16 of 23 Old 05-30-2014, 08:17 PM
 
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My labor, birth, and postpartum recovery all have been about the same as the first time, in some ways better/easier/healthier! I did not hemorrhage like I did when my son was born.

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#17 of 23 Old 05-31-2014, 10:37 AM
 
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Great! Good to know!

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#18 of 23 Old 06-04-2014, 06:21 PM
 
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Exclamation 11 years between

[QUOTE=clearlycrazy;17634968]hey ladies! I'm so excited to find this thread- even though it seems a bit older now. I am due in a month or so with baby #4 my youngest is nearly 13 and I also have a 15 and 19 year old. I was wondering how labour went for those of you that have had their babies already? My older 3 were such easy pregnancies and labours. This pregnancy has definitely been a bit more exhausting and challenging. I'm wondering if I should expect a big change in my labour patterns as well? I'd love to hear how it went for you since there are not so many people who have experience in this that I can talk to.
 
I had my 4th child in march with an 11 year gap...the labour was exactly like my first (long!). My first (1999) took 12 hours, 2nd (2001) and 3rd (2003) took a half hour ...little miss 4 took 12 hours. The midwife and doctor said it might be like this as the bodies memory doesn't typically last over 5 years.....they were correct!
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#19 of 23 Old 06-11-2014, 12:31 PM
 
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If this baby sticks (currently entering 7th week), my eldest will be nearly 18 yrs old and the next will be nearly 16. I also will have a 9 and a 6 yr old.
The children do not know about this pregnancy yet and I anticipate that 3 out the 4 will be thrilled. ds2 will be horrified. I'll be nearly 45 at due date.
My elder two boys already babysit the other two occasionally and it can be amazing when they all get on. However, when teenage angst and hormones collide with 8 yr old girl tantrums, 5 yr old boy hooliganism and pregnant mama emotional fatigue and nausea....well, surfice to say its been one mess of a day today.

Sarah, slightly crunchy Mummy to 4, living the rural life
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#20 of 23 Old 06-11-2014, 05:48 PM
 
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[quote=Icloudious;17658033]
Quote:
Originally Posted by clearlycrazy View Post
hey ladies! I'm so excited to find this thread- even though it seems a bit older now. I am due in a month or so with baby #4 my youngest is nearly 13 and I also have a 15 and 19 year old. I was wondering how labour went for those of you that have had their babies already? My older 3 were such easy pregnancies and labours. This pregnancy has definitely been a bit more exhausting and challenging. I'm wondering if I should expect a big change in my labour patterns as well? I'd love to hear how it went for you since there are not so many people who have experience in this that I can talk to.
 
I had my 4th child in march with an 11 year gap...the labour was exactly like my first (long!). My first (1999) took 12 hours, 2nd (2001) and 3rd (2003) took a half hour ...little miss 4 took 12 hours. The midwife and doctor said it might be like this as the bodies memory doesn't typically last over 5 years.....they were correct!
Hmm - my first and second labours were less than2 hrs long - my 3rd was a bit longer but less painful. I'm 20 years past my 20 year old body though. This is what worries me! I'm getting close now. Just over a week till my due date I'm interested to see what happens!

 three radical teens DS jammin.gif18, DS REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif 14,hammer.gif​ DD 12. Expecting waterbirth.jpghomebirth.jpg DD#2 3rdtri.gifJune 23/2014. Madly and passionately in love with dp_malesling.GIF joy.gif
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#21 of 23 Old 06-14-2014, 06:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Silverbirch View Post
If this baby sticks (currently entering 7th week), my eldest will be nearly 18 yrs old and the next will be nearly 16. I also will have a 9 and a 6 yr old.
The children do not know about this pregnancy yet and I anticipate that 3 out the 4 will be thrilled. ds2 will be horrified. I'll be nearly 45 at due date.
My elder two boys already babysit the other two occasionally and it can be amazing when they all get on. However, when teenage angst and hormones collide with 8 yr old girl tantrums, 5 yr old boy hooliganism and pregnant mama emotional fatigue and nausea....well, surfice to say its been one mess of a day today.
My oldest children are 23yo, 22yo, and 17yo. Yes, it's amazing when they are all together! We also have 8yo, 6yo, 4yo, and 2yo.
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#22 of 23 Old 06-15-2014, 04:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Usually Curious View Post
My oldest children are 23yo, 22yo, and 17yo. Yes, it's amazing when they are all together! We also have 8yo, 6yo, 4yo, and 2yo.
You have my respect

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#23 of 23 Old 08-14-2014, 04:42 AM
 
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If anyone else has the same question and comes across this thread - my labour was a breeze and I had a beautiful home water birth. My lo is 2 months old and aside from having more patience and a slightly slower weight loss, being 20 (or 13) years older has made very little difference in both my labour and pp
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