36 weeks pregnant with twins and really scared - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 12-19-2013, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Im 36 weeks pregnant with twins, and I am so very scared of what is going to happen at birth, and after.  My dr. scared me a couple weeks ago talking about maternal mortality rates during birth, and I keep reading about bad things happening to twins during birth or shortly after.  On top of all that, I have an 5 year old, and an 18 month old that I am at home alone with...  I made a big move when my youngest was 1 year old, and gave away all his baby clothing and gear to other families in need, as I had recieved a lot of hand me downs and gifts.  this time, however, I am very very far away from anyone I know, and have no friends around for support or hand me downs, so I have nothing for the new babies (assuming everything goes well for all 3 of us during birth) when they come home.  I have 6 cloth diapers, 1 infant car seat, and a handful of outfits.  I am too exhausted, in pain, and completely broke to go and find them what they need!  If I dont have somewhere for them to sleep, can one sleep in the car seat and another in bed with me?  What happens if one doesnt make it?  What if I dont make it?  Im just so overwhelmed and scared with no one to talk to, I thought that maybe if I wrote it all out something might make sense to me... but it doesnt.  Does anyone have any advice or some miracle that will get me through this?  Im sorry to unburden myself like this, I just literally dont have anyone to talk to...

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#2 of 10 Old 12-19-2013, 06:37 PM
 
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What on earth did your doctor say about maternal mortality?  You sound really worried, and I promise you, far and away the most likely thing to happen is that you go into labor soon and come home afterward with two babies. 

 

You say that you've moved - is there a friend or a relative or someone supportive (someone who will actually help you feel better) who can come stay with you for a while?  Where is your partner in all this? 

 

I am not a fan of babies sleeping in carseats, personally.  It's fine if they doze off in the car, but I worry about them as overnight arrangements.  My babies have figured out how to rock and tip carseats fairly early.  My preference would be a pack and play within reach of the bed.  While the babies are new, they can both go in there, or you can swap them out depending on who's eating and who's sleeping. 

 

You're going to need at least one more car seat, and more diapers.  So you need resources.  Some questions:

- Do you have health insurance?  Does the insurance company offer any discounts or programs to help parents get carseats?

- Do you have a pediatrician?  Our pediatrician was really helpful at pointing our family towards assistance programs when we had no money coming in.  It has been my experience that pediatricians and OBs want you to have what you need.  (Do you feel like, if you asked your ped/ob about this, they would manage not to act like jerks?)

- Do you belong to any kind of social or religious organization?  Are you a student anywhere?  Do your underfoot (as opposed to in womb) kids go to school or preschool?  Is there a school, church, union, neighborhood aid society, or anything that you could reach out to for help?

- Have you checked your tribal area on MDC?  There may be local mamas who can help you get things you need.

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#3 of 10 Old 12-20-2013, 01:54 PM
 
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I would love to respond more later, but I only have a moment. You will definitely need another car seat. They won't let you leave the hospital without it. It is not a good place for a newborn to sleep because it can make their chin go down onto their chest and compromise their airway. I know people who bedshare with multiples so that may work for you. Try not to worry about what your doctor said. Twins are fairly common and so are safe twin deliveries where everyone is totally healthy. My mom had twins after she had 2 children. They were both breech and they were born vaginally a month early and they are normal adults now. Back then they didn't even tell women they were having twins so she didn't even find out until she was close to delivery. At least you have known and have had the opportunity to try to do your best to have a healthy pregnancy. Try to take things one day at a time and only worry about the things you need to worry about. Look for a local organization that helps moms in need. I have donated clothes to these organizations so I know they exist. They could probably help you with a carseat, diaper, clothes etc. Look for a local online moms group. People are always giving things away. I have had several people give me hand me down clothes without asking for any. People love to help and pass on things they no longer need. You could even ask your doctor or midwife if they know of some resources. Sending good thoughts your way for a healthy birth and support when you need it! Take care



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#4 of 10 Old 12-20-2013, 02:17 PM
 
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I don't know what your doctor told you--but I'm sorry for the stress it has caused. Yes, there are risks to having twins; but, there is every reason to expect that you and the babies will be healthy and safe.


I found a few resources online. I know nothing about any of these groups, but I think it's worth making a few phone calls to see if they can help you:


GUY ****** MINISTRIES, INC.
2100 Versailles Avenue
McKeesport, PA 15132
412-673-7130

Services: Provides transportation to medical appointments, financial assistance, clothing, and furniture to pregnant women.



PREGNANCY CARE CENTER
Oakland
160 N. Craig Street Suite 202
Pittsburgh, PA 15213
412-687-7767

Wexford
1000 Brooktree Rd Suite 310
Wexford, PA 15090
724-935-6411

Services: Pregnancy tests with immediate results, complimentary sonogram referrals, confidential peer counseling, information about all pregnancy options, abortion recovery counseling and support, education about pregnancy, fetal development, and abortion procedures and risks. Childbirth and parenting groups, baby and maternity clothing, and furnishings. ***Also offers a free clothing bank for children between the ages of newborn to teenager. 412-361-5632. Hours of operation are the 4th Monday of every month from 10:30 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. and every Wednesday from 6:00 - 6:45 p.m.



Lifeline of Southwest Pennsylvania
239 Fourth Avenue
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 15222
Telephone - (412) 562-0543
The center has a so called Mother’s room. This will contain free maternity clothes to help women during their pregnancy. The room will have other baby supplies, diapers, and clothes for infants and children up to size 3.



Genesis of Pittsburgh, Inc.
141 North Fremont Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA, 15202
(412) 766-4934
The center offers free distribution of baby clothing and items including bassinets, cribs, car seats, infant carriers, bath tubs, diapers, and even baby formula. Free pregnancy testing is available on site as well as maternity clothing.
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#5 of 10 Old 12-20-2013, 02:26 PM
 
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Mortality and morbidity rates are higher with twin, but these risks are still VERY rare. Worry is natural but don't let it take hold of you like this, please! I'd like to give you a hand with a couple things if possible, I have some infant things and live kind of close. I'm PM'ing you.

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#6 of 10 Old 12-20-2013, 03:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pokeyAC View Post

 It is not a good place for a newborn to sleep because it can make their chin go down onto their chest and compromise their airway.

I didnt even think about that, thank you so much.  I will have to try and find a place for them to sleep!

Quote:
Originally Posted by pokeyAC View Post

 Try to take things one day at a time and only worry about the things you need to worry about.

That is definitly something that I am going to have to remember, even though I really do try to live in the moment, and its hard not to with all the pain and discomfort right now.  Taking care of my kids takes my mind off the worry a lot since they seem to demand so much time and energy, its when they go to bed or when my mind drifts off while my oldest is watching cartoons that the worrying starts...

Thank you everyone for your replies, its help ease my nerves quite a bit to hear other women telling me that (pretty much) everything should be fine.  

rnra- thank you for the local info! I will definitly make some phone calls and see what I can accomplish =)

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#7 of 10 Old 12-20-2013, 03:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by MeepyCat View Post
 

What on earth did your doctor say about maternal mortality?  You sound really worried, and I promise you, far and away the most likely thing to happen is that you go into labor soon and come home afterward with two babies. 

 

You say that you've moved - is there a friend or a relative or someone supportive (someone who will actually help you feel better) who can come stay with you for a while?  Where is your partner in all this? 

 

I am not a fan of babies sleeping in carseats, personally.  It's fine if they doze off in the car, but I worry about them as overnight arrangements.  My babies have figured out how to rock and tip carseats fairly early.  My preference would be a pack and play within reach of the bed.  While the babies are new, they can both go in there, or you can swap them out depending on who's eating and who's sleeping. 

 

You're going to need at least one more car seat, and more diapers.  So you need resources.  Some questions:

- Do you have health insurance?  Does the insurance company offer any discounts or programs to help parents get carseats?

- Do you have a pediatrician?  Our pediatrician was really helpful at pointing our family towards assistance programs when we had no money coming in.  It has been my experience that pediatricians and OBs want you to have what you need.  (Do you feel like, if you asked your ped/ob about this, they would manage not to act like jerks?)

- Do you belong to any kind of social or religious organization?  Are you a student anywhere?  Do your underfoot (as opposed to in womb) kids go to school or preschool?  Is there a school, church, union, neighborhood aid society, or anything that you could reach out to for help?

- Have you checked your tribal area on MDC?  There may be local mamas who can help you get things you need.

 I have moved away from everyone I know ( when I was 4 months pregnant and unaware) , and since I have been alone with the kids all day (and a lot of nights) I havent had an opportunity to make any friends... and as for my husband, well, lets just say that he does what he thinks is enough, which is far from enough.  I dont want to complain, but if your wife is laying in bed at night (after she got both kids to sleep) crying from abdominal, hip, and rib pain, you probably shouldnt stoke her hair, say "try and relax" and leave to go out with friends till 6 am... and sleep till 5 pm the next day despite multiple requests to wake up and help.  He hasnt even found any work yet, so I am pretty baffled at how he justifies his actions and choices.  ok, enough of that....sorry. 

I do have a pack n play that my 18 month uses, would it be better to have him sleep with me and put the twins in the pack n play?

- I do have health insurance, but its very minimal, and I am not sure what it covers.  i guess I will have to call my provider to find out what services they offer...

- We have gone to pediatricians, but I havent been to one that I like, they all seem to be very disconnected and pretty pushy, so I am still hunting for one that might work for us...

- I am homeschooling my oldest right now, havent had a chance to check out any of the local religious or social organizations (and not even sure where I would start), and am not a student but wish I were sometimes =)

to be honest, this pregnancy has had me completely exhausted and even more so with the 2 kids who are already here with me.  I find that I have barely enough energy to take care of them, and when it comes around to making meals for myself, or taking a shower, or any other personal matter, Im just too tired... my legs feel like they are going to give out after 5 minutes of standing. 

That might be why my Dr. (today) has put me on bedrest.  I dont think that its going to be possible though, since I am alone with the kids....

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#8 of 10 Old 12-20-2013, 05:14 PM
 
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If there is one thing that doctors do that makes me want to hit them with clue bats, it's what yours just did to you.  Sure!  Tell the pregnant lady with two young children to go on bed rest Christmas week, and don't say anything about finding her resources to make it possible.  Even if your kids were in full-time daycare, it would be closed six of the next ten days.  If you really need to be on bed rest, the OB should be asking how they can help you to arrange that.

 

What's the plan for caring for your older kids when you go into labor?  Can it be called into play early?  Can you call up the organizations that people mention in this thread and see if they can get you any help?  Can you call your OBs office, tell them you need help finding care, and ask them to refer you to a social worker?  (The hospitals I saw OBs at would have done this.)

 

What's the plan for after the babies are born?  The situation you describe with your husband is not a situation that can work in the long-term, and the long-term here is really quite short.  Rent needs to be paid.  Utilities need to be paid.  You are going to have two babies, really soon, and the process of having them will mean you need a serious second set of hands for a few weeks.  It is time to start making some plans.  It would be great if your husband would cut back on his busy drinking schedule and help out with that, but I would frankly not count on it.  Find people and organizations that *will* help you with the road ahead and figure out what to do next.

 

The best way to approach churches right now, given the season, is to find a weekday service to go to.  Hit the internet to find one near you.  After service, ask the minister (pastor, priest, rabbi, whatever) if they know of any resources where a new mom could get diapers and baby things, as you're new in town, and having some hard times.  If they are snotty to you about this, you do not have to ever go back.  Find a different weekday service and try again.  (If weekdays do not work, the Sunday after Christmas might.  Actual Christmas services are way too crowded to try for any kind of personal connection or pastoral care.)

 

If religion is off-putting for any reason, I have also had pretty good luck picking up info on local resources at the public library.  AA or AlAnon meetings might also be helpful.

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#9 of 10 Old 12-21-2013, 04:57 AM
 
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Mama, please let us know where you are located so we can help you find some resources. Your profile says that you live in PA (that's why rnra looked up sources for you there). A previous post indicates that you may have relocated to Jerusalem. Or is it the other way around?  Either way, please let us know. IME, people are incredibly moved by the concept of multiples and if you can get your message out to some sort of supportive community that you will see a lot of support. I do not know if you had the "AP/NFL" philosophy in mind with your other kids but one of the things I appreciate from this community is the support for raising kids without so much "stuff". But, of course, you do need clothing, a safe surface to put your twins, and healthy foods for your family. I agree with starting at charity groups or public service areas and putting your story out there. I wish you the best. 


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#10 of 10 Old 12-23-2013, 06:49 PM
 
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Couldn't read and not reply- it sounds like you're under tremendous stress between the fear the dr instilled in you, the physical demands of your pregnancy, and keeping up with two little ones without much support from your partner. I don't have much helpful advice to add- I think the wise mamas above me had lots of good suggestions- but I just wanted you to know that you'll be in my thoughts. Also, if you're planning on breastfeeding, LLL might be a good place to make some connections and get some support- and I think local churches and/or alanon meetings are also great ideas. It sounds like finances are pretty tight, but maybe you could look into getting a student doula to be with you (or your older kids) during the birth and help out after. Some student doulas charge a small fee but i've heard of others who volunteer as part of their training program. Just another idea...Stay strong mama!

~may all beings be free from suffering~
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