Please allow me to rest - Mothering Forums
I'm Pregnant > Please allow me to rest
Triniity's Avatar Triniity 07:01 AM 02-22-2014

Hi there, 


for those who did not see my other thread, I have a bit of a problematic relationship with my mom. 

AND I was put on bedrest for early contractions and pain. 


Problem is, I feel horrible, staying in bed. I hear my Mom all the time telling me to get up and do the work. 

Iron those shirts! - What do you think how your DH is lookign at work without an ironed shirt?! Lazy girl!


Fold the clothes, your hands are alright, aren't they. And if your DH forgot to bring you the washed stuff, get your *ss out of bed and carry them yourself, who cares that it's three stairs and doctors told you to not walk stairs. 


Who is going to feed the animals? Get rid off them! 


Look at your kids! They are not all tidy and clean and their shoes are not shiny! You need to take care of this. 


What do you mean you cannot cook dinner? Of course you can! Take a painkiller or just stop whining! 


                 It is so horrible. 


Please help me to find my own inner voice again! 

eggsandpancakes's Avatar eggsandpancakes 07:26 AM 02-22-2014
I don't understand why you haven't told your mom to go away already. You don't need that sort of nastiness in your space right now.
fruitfulmomma's Avatar fruitfulmomma 07:42 AM 02-22-2014

Could you clarify - do you mean your mom is actually there with you saying those things? Or you mean you hear her voice in your head and imagine that is what she would say to you?

Triniity's Avatar Triniity 08:45 AM 02-22-2014

No, she was here, and said these things. now, she left and only says them over the phone, but I still hear them (kind of ) in my head ...

DandDmommy's Avatar DandDmommy 10:07 AM 02-22-2014
Maybe remind yourself and her that your doctor has prescribed this bedrest not for you but for your baby. Which is worth more, those tasks done or a living baby? This isn't about you, it's about protecting the life of your baby. What could be more important than that? That's the primary responsibility of a mother and wife. I think your husband would appreciate a living baby more than ironed shirts. You're doing exactly what you should be and your priorities are completely in the right order!
Ola_'s Avatar Ola_ 12:04 PM 02-22-2014

Time to unplug the phone, I think! Honestly she sounds like the kind of person who will not be persuaded that you really shouldn't be doing these things or that your kids will survive just fine or that you're trying to keep your baby healthy and inside for a while longer. So I would start letting the machine pick up and let her know (via email or some non-interactive communication method) that you're just so busy ironing/doing laundry/cooking/scrubbing the baseboards or whatever :eyesroll but you'll catch up with her soon (and then don't...).


How about some Hypnobabies? They have some great pregnancy "labour affirmations" that help you think positive and relax. You could probably download them to your mp3 player/phone/computer to listen to.

3lilchunklins's Avatar 3lilchunklins 01:28 PM 02-22-2014
I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. I know it isn't easy. A lot of times we view ourselves and our worth by what we accomplish. That isn't the true case though. And BTW, you are accomplishing a healthy on going pregnancy. You are accomplishing growing an actual human being. It is a very important task that you are working on!
Anyways, I personally view personal worth based on *who* you are, not *what* you do!
MIL sounds a lot like your mom. If you're not busy than your no good. It took me a long time in my marriage to overcome the personal damage she had done to me (we had to stay with her for awhile in the beginning). Its just such a condescending attitude.

Don't let it effect you anymore. Every time a thought creeps up on you of what your mother would think or say, immediately combat it with a fact of truth!
fruitfulmomma's Avatar fruitfulmomma 02:21 PM 02-22-2014

Ok, wow. Sounds like a tough situation.I didn't see your other thread so not sure what all was going on but I agree with the other ladies - get dh to field calls or let it go to voicemail. Her putting stress on you is not good for the baby. Then find something good to keep your mind on - talk to your baby, look at ultrasound pictures, turn on the radio and sing, read a good book, find a tv series you haven't seen before, check here for some pregnancy affirmations that resonate with you and print them out to look at throughtout the day -, etc...

Triniity's Avatar Triniity 06:08 AM 02-24-2014

Thank you all. 


Fruitfulmomma, I LOVE the affirmations. 


Weekend was hard again, since DH was at work and did come home late, and I was alone with the little ones and youngest was feverish and sick (cold). Today the contractions were worse again, so that I went to see my midwife, and she said the cervix is totally soft and shortened (dr did us), so I am kind of flat on my back. 


It drives me all so crazy ...