Lately I've been bothered by all these irrational fears, which is totally out of character for me (I'm usually so laid back and grounded). I'm sure other mamas are feeling similarly...anyone want to talk about it? Or share ways of coping / overcoming those fears?
Mine seem to revolve around terrible things like:
- Fear of miscarrying, even though I know me & baby are totally healthy...I just keep worrying that something will go wrong. I mean, I'm nervous about having a BM for crying out loud!
- Fear that something awful will happen to DH. Tonight while I was at work he went to bed early & didn't answer my text...I was secretly in a panic that he'd had a heart attack or something, and all I could imagine was this horrifically vivid image of the kids gathered around him sobbing, while our 8yo frantically tried to call 911. I raced home only to find everyone tucked cozy in bed, snoring.
What do you do when these feelings come up? Any suggestions?
Oh goodness! Today in Home Depot, I had a total panic attack. All of a sudden I was SURE that I had this deadly infection. It doesn't help that I have this persistent yeast infection, but there among the plants, I pictured yeasty goodness being absorbed through the placenta and Baby swimming in a white cloud of grossness. Deadly grossness.
My husband helped me breath through it, luckily. I have no advice, but man, I know how you feel.
Coffee, Vintage and Kids. My Life.
Yes, a salty snack with plenty of water often helps to put things in perspective! But my best strategy is to talk with my partner, who is good at telling me how low are the odds. My most recent fear is of the doors in our dining room, which end more than an inch above the floor because there used to be carpet before restoring the hardwood; I am afraid mice will run out from under the doors and bite the baby if I leave her on a quilt on the floor. My partner said kindly that he understands I've seen mice run out from under both doors, but let's remember that the horrifying mouse invasion was 2 years ago and the mice are long vanquished and can't get back in because he fixed all the holes in the basement wall. Furthermore, if mice did come they'd be afraid of the baby because even as a newborn she'll be much bigger than them, and let's remember that even the most brazen mice were not interested in eating any of us, only our food. He's right, whew! But he did say he'll put a draft-stopper on the door that goes to the basement stairs, eliminating the gap, because it will also eliminate the cold draft.
Mama to a boy EnviroKid 9 years old and a new little girl EnviroBaby !
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I have nightmares and daymares. My imagination just runs away with me. I seem to have an obsessional fear with having to birth a stillborn child. I think it has got to be the most awful horrid terrible thing a mother to be could ever have to go through and it scares the living bajeebus out of me. I have had 2 healthy happy full term babies and this is number three but for some reason this thought is always nagging at the edges of my brain. :(
I'm right there with you. Mine aren't too bad, in general, but my husband is working out of town. He has been since November and we won't live together again until mid May. He works about 4 hours away from where we live. He comes home on weekends, and the last two weeks especially I've been so afraid something will happen to him on the drive or while he's up there. I miss him so much. I sometimes have irrationally intense fears like that about my kids, too (although it's rare) where it feels like a premonition. It isn't, of course, but it's hard!
Phew, thanks everyone - it is actually a relief to know I'm not alone in this, and it seems to be pretty "normal". Whatever that means right now! Been feeling so out of sorts lately, just hormonal and sensitive, and all these fears have been creeping up on me, even though I try to keep myself on an even keel.
You know, Fisher, I think that might have been a connection with my closing shift panic attack - I tend toward low blood pressure, work in a busy restaurant, and often can't eat & drink enough to keep up with my needs. This happened at the end of the night, when I was totally wiped out and getting ready to go home and eat. Thanks for putting that together! I'll have to watch for that now.
Thanks llwr, I'll have to check those out...even just some meditation techniques to release these things might be useful.
In the meantime, I was feeling so sensitive and forgetful today, I had to call off work (thank goodness my DH is the general manager - ultimate sympathy!)...don't know how much longer I'll be able to work at this rate, between the emotional stuff and early Braxton-Hicks, I don't want to overdo it. Fortunately I have that option, even if it will mean tightening the budget after losing 1 income, but I really feel for mamas who don't have that option and have to work anyway. Sigh...stupid pregnancy hormones!
I'm having them, too. I had my first OB appointment today and I slept terribly last night (I've been so tired the past week and a half I've been going to bed around 9 and sleeping no problem!). I was so nervous about the appointment. Nervous that my home pregnancy tests were false positives. They weren't even going to do a test on me at the OB, just were going to go by my word which I thought was strange, so I requested a test but they did it along with the bloodwork, haven't heard back yet. Anyway, motherhood I find in general has made more irrational fears pop up for me (I have a four year old), and I guess this is just another wave of it. I have been neglecting to meditate and I know that is a big piece of it for me.
I'm wondering how many people are having more nightmares than usual, as well? I didn't with my first two, but I definitely am with this one.
Very vivid dreams in general - much more so than my first 3 - and some of them very unpleasant! Seems like when I shut my eyes every night, it's an endless loop of images and emotions and strange symbolism. Everything from nightmares about my ex husband trying to kill us, something going wrong with the baby...to just random weird stuff I can't explain...you name it. Not very fun. What gives??
Totally normal. There is a bridge in my town that gets a lot of traffic, so often I have to wait on it, and while pg, I would always panic that it would fall into the river and not be able to save all my kids, so I drove extra miles just to go around it. When I was pg with #4, I got crazy paranoid about car seat safety, and one night I woke up at 2 am freaking out, so I thought it would be a good idea to order 3 (!) SK Radians on credit. Poor dh - he woke up to a $900 bill!
The first couple of days after I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd (my first rainbow) I had 4 dreams about bleeding. The good news is dreams/anxiety/irrational fears (in my experience) have no relation to real life. DD3 is almost 8mo and very healthy; labor and delivery were great.
My totally absurd fear these days is that I'll start miscarriage bleeding at our public pool. The weird thing is that I don't often think about miscarriage otherwise and I'm also not easily embarrassed in public (five years of having small boys with me everywhere I go got me over any self-consciousness I might have once had!) but I haven't been able to relax in the public pool ever since getting my bfp. It's the whole private situation happening in a public place that is getting to me. If I can't resolve these thoughts soon, I swear I'm going to start wearing a tampon when I swim.
I second the recommendation for "Birthing from Within." I bought it during my first pregnancy then gave it away because I didn't have any fears about loss or birth at all and I didn't find it useful because it comes back to coping with fear over and over again. Now I wish I still had my copy!
I used Hypnobabies for both my previous pregnancies/births and loved it. It is incredibly soothing. That might be why I didn't have a lot of fears. I'm going to start listening again soon and I recommend it for others.
Happy mumma to my boys Henny Tom (Nov 30, 2008), Arlo Odie (Oct 5, 2010), and baby SISTER! due mid-Dec 2014.