Did you regret finding out gender? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 04-11-2014, 09:50 AM - Thread Starter
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Baby #1 was a surprise and it killed me the entire 9 months not to know who the little person was growing in me! It was frustrating too because at the ultrasound The tech slipped and called the baby a 'she' so then I over analyzed that the rest of the pregnancy (it was a girl).My husband is adamant about leaving the gender a surprise. I find it agonizing not to know but am afraid I'll only regret finding out with baby #2. it was truly a dramatic surprise to wait to find out when baby is born but I don't know if I can wait. Did you feel regret or disappointment after you discovered the gender? Did you feel you ruined the surprise?
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#2 of 13 Old 04-11-2014, 11:06 AM
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I could have waited but my wife really wanted to know so we found out the sex. I don't regret finding out. I had a nice surprise at 20 weeks instead. It sounds like you really want to know. Have you told your DH what you said above? Maybe you should get your way this time since he got his last time. Just a thought.
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#3 of 13 Old 04-13-2014, 03:05 PM
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I don't really understand why people say it isn't a surprise if you find out during the ultrasound. It's still a surprise, just at a different time! We found out with our first two and decided to go team green this time around - I felt like it really helped me bond with the first two, we started using their names at that point and I really connected with them. Absolutely no regret. We decided to wait this time for a few different reasons - Primarily because I just felt that that was what I wanted to do this time. Also because I really love the idea of adding a boy or girl to our family and we already have one of each, so clothes aren't an issue. We are also in the process of a long, multistate move and buying our first house, and my son is still my baby, so I felt like the baby's gender could be overshadowed if we found out now, whereas things will have settled down by the birth. I don't regret not finding out, either, but I do feel like I have less of a connection in some ways.

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#4 of 13 Old 04-13-2014, 03:56 PM
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I do feel a bit like it ruins the surprise, but understand that it's a personal decision.


I'm a person who feels a bit sad after a holiday or birthday, seeing the unwrapped gifts, and knowing that that element of "surprise" is gone. We found out for our first child but are deliberately having a "birth surprise" for this one.


Everyone is constantly asking me if I'm expecting a boy or girl, and they are surprised at our answer. If we knew the gender and said, "No, we won't be telling anyone," the pestering would only increase. (I'm also not very good at keeping secrets when they're my own to keep!) With our first, there wasn't much surprise. Prior to birth, we knew both gender and name - the only question was of birth date/time. I very much like being able to call, Skype, or post a sweet photo with our chosen name. It's a bit more surprising - but it's our personal choice, and I realize that it isn't for everyone.


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#5 of 13 Old 04-14-2014, 04:39 PM
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Hmm. #1 was a surprise, #2 wasn't. No, I don't regret finding out. I'd learned to sew since having baby #1, and wanted to do a lot of crafting before the baby was born; and I'm not super into gender-neutral clothing. I wanted to make cute, frilly girl stuff or little puffy blue boyish overalls. So that's why we found out. 


This time around we'll find out again for the same reason, though I'm sort of torn on it. I do like the 'birth surprise', but on the other hand DD really wants a sister, so it'd be good to find out ahead of time if she's getting one or not, to prepare her to accept another brother if necessary. Plus, because I didn't sew when DD was a baby, I don't have any teeny tiny handmade baby girl clothes, and if the baby's a girl I want to know so I can start sewing 'em!


*If* this baby's a girl and *if* we have another baby, I can see us not finding out next time. It wouldn't matter so much in terms of clothes, and it'd be a nice surprise. 


If you're unsure you can always ask the ultrasound tech to write the baby's sex down and put it in a sealed envelope. Then you have the option of finding out later or leaving it be - and if you do choose to open the envelope, you can make it as low-key or dramatic as you want. Google 'gender reveal parties' and you'll find all sorts of exciting ways you can find out/share the news. Most of them are horrifically cheesy, of course. :p 

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#6 of 13 Old 04-15-2014, 01:56 PM
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#1 & #3 were both surprises (and boys!). #2 was the only one I had an ultrasound with and certainly I wouldn't let a tech know the gender of my baby and not know myself. That seems silly to me. I did not regret finding out. I was so excited to knit girlie things for the rest of the pregnancy. I am going to find out this time too because the end of pregnancy sucks enough. Not being able to occupy myself knitting and crafting for the right gender is just too much punishment :)

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#7 of 13 Old 04-15-2014, 02:18 PM
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For the first baby (7 yrs ago), we kept it as a surprise..and it was a lovely revelation.. Growing up with my sister in a predominantly mom-only household, I had absolutely no clue what little boys are like and I really wanted a girl and got one. :) And I always imagined myself having 2 kids, so baby 2 was always in my mind right after baby 1 was born. Except baby 2 took a really long time to decide to come.... So for this pregnancy, I couldn't wait till the birth. I already waited 7 long yrs to know about this baby. So, we found out at the 20 week ultrasound.  No regrets at all. :) It is a girl, again and we are very excited! :) 


I regret telling some ppl about it though. 

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#8 of 13 Old 04-17-2014, 08:16 AM
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I feel like it's a surprise regardless.


We both wanted to know and I'm glad we did. I like the idea of waiting until birth but it's just not for us.

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#9 of 13 Old 04-28-2014, 08:01 PM
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I did not find out with my first three, but for some reason really wanted to know with this pregnancy.  So we found out about a week ago, and now, yes, I do regret it.  It was exciting in the moment knowing, but now I'm worried that they could be wrong (I've had that happen to a few people I know) so I don't want to really "invest" in believing it's a boy when they could be wrong.  So now I'm sort of feeling like I kind of know, but am not positive.  It feels like I overheard someone telling me what they are planning to get me for Christmas and that the surprise is now ruined.  I think I"d feel differently if I'd had genetic testing done or something that could guarantee the sex but without that guarantee, I'm having a hard time feeling like I know the sex so now I just feel in this weird limbo.  I have always said that one of the reasons I didnt' want to know was in case they were wrong and I just wish I'd thought about that when we decided to find out and have not found out.  

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#10 of 13 Old 04-29-2014, 02:25 AM
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We found out with both our girls. I don't/didn't regret it at all. We didn't name them until after they were born. Both had a short list and neither ended up suiting the name I was most strongly in favour of each time. So that was a surprise along with their birth date and time and what they looked like, how much they weighed.

I am also not into gender neutral :-) so it was fun for me to buy and make girly things.

Also, I had a very strong gender preference both times. I wanted to know as soon as possible so I could stop worrying or start dealing with having a boy. I did not have a sense that the excitement of having the baby would wipe out my gender issues. As it turned out, I have two girls and I'm very glad I only had to spend half of each pregnancy worrying about it. We are "done" but if we were to have more I wouldn't hesitate to find out again ASAP.

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#11 of 13 Old 04-30-2014, 09:34 AM
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We decided even before I ever got pregnant not to find out, partly because we want to avoid any and all unnecessary scanning, but also because we like the surprise. It's funny, I always would rather know when it's someone else so I know what colors to get them, but with myself I really don't want to know.

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#12 of 13 Old 04-30-2014, 10:07 AM
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I found out at birth twice and then at the u/s twice. I like both ways about the same. smile.gif This time, hubby doesn't want to find out until the birth and I'm sort of leaning that way as well.

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#13 of 13 Old 05-02-2014, 10:28 AM
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We found out with the first two.  I did not regret it all :) 


For the third, i wanted to be surprised but DH did not.  He likes to know as it helps him bond.  Anyway, he found out at 20 weeks but he was the only one who knew.  I found out at birth.  We were both happy that way. 

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