Pg with surprise #4 NEED UPLIFTING - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 08-24-2014, 06:24 AM - Thread Starter
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Pg with surprise #4 NEED UPLIFTING

Hi ladies,
Here's the story.
I have three awesome kiddos: DS 15, DD 11, and DD 5. Youngest starting K, totally my baby. I am a teacher, and with pay freezes and current climate, it is a little stressful, but I love it for the most part. DH is a software developer. We are just feeling okay with finances after a long haul, and just beginning to get out and travel together, etc. We had DS when I was just barely 21, so it has been a long but wonderful journey. I am very happy with our family dynamic right now. We barely fit into our bungalow with 2 dogs, and my mother (who lost her house about 4 years ago, moved in with me, and is a big help...but it would be nice if she had another plan...). Life is pretty good.

Then, I find out last week we are pregnant and due in April.

Don't get me wrong-- I love my kids. But our family is so good the way it is. I get depressed thinking about how one kid now has to ride "all alone" in the third row of the car, or how this baby won't know what it is like to live with his big brother (who is awesome). I remember how much easier finances were before #3 , whom I considered an indulgence, and how we could take our vacations more easily, afford things without having to borrow from Peter to pay Paul...I am terrified of what 4 will bring. How will it take away from the others? OMG care...

And I am 36-- I barely have energy or patience for everyone some days. How will I do it?

I hate to admit it, but I really, really did not want any more kids. And DH and I are careful. This one wanted to be born, I suppose, much like DS...though that was different. Everyone will help when you have one. Everyone thinks you're nuts and irresponsible with 4.

Did I mention we probably will have to move to a bigger house? Meaning we have to get this one we've been in for years ready, deal with financing, etc...we have wanted to move, but the accelerated timeline and added stress is making me crazy.

I need someone on the other side to talk me down. I am really struggling.

Thank you, thank you.

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#2 of 3 Old 08-24-2014, 07:43 AM
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My fourth was an accident. I was thin again, busy starting a new business, and we really did not want another baby. To be honest, I was depressed for much of that pregnancy, esp. when we found out he was the "wrong" sex. (We both wanted a second daughter to make two boys and two girls.)

Of course, you know what I'm going to say next. He is great. I love him so much. He's so much fun! And the big kids spoil him. We have two kids in each row of the van so no one is lonely. Your older kids will be great with the baby.

On top of that, my closest sibling in age is my half-sister, who was 15 when I was born. We have always been close. I was so young when she went to college that although I'm sure I missed her, I honestly remember very little of it. It was always so great to have a sibling who was adult age but still young, because it gave me someone else to relate to and learn from besides my parents and babysitter. It made me probably more mature than many other kids, and that's not a bad thing.

I think it will be fine, and you will be happy in the end. Best wishes.

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 due Dec. 2014
On hospital bedrest for pPROM since 23 weeks
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#3 of 3 Old 09-02-2014, 01:20 AM
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I firmly believe one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is another sibling. Love only multiplies. I know it is hard right now, and I felt very much the same way when we were initially expecting our fifth, but he has become such a joy in all of our lives. You can never imagine your life without them once they are here and their siblings adore them so much. The details will work themselves in the meantime, you do have some time to plan! Just keep focusing on all the wonderful potential, and what may be, instead of what could have been. I would never trade my children for more money, vacation, or time alone. Those things will come later, along with all the added joy of this additional person in your life!
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Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
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