Here's the story.
I have three awesome kiddos: DS 15, DD 11, and DD 5. Youngest starting K, totally my baby. I am a teacher, and with pay freezes and current climate, it is a little stressful, but I love it for the most part. DH is a software developer. We are just feeling okay with finances after a long haul, and just beginning to get out and travel together, etc. We had DS when I was just barely 21, so it has been a long but wonderful journey. I am very happy with our family dynamic right now. We barely fit into our bungalow with 2 dogs, and my mother (who lost her house about 4 years ago, moved in with me, and is a big help...but it would be nice if she had another plan...). Life is pretty good.
Then, I find out last week we are pregnant and due in April.
Don't get me wrong-- I love my kids. But our family is so good the way it is. I get depressed thinking about how one kid now has to ride "all alone" in the third row of the car, or how this baby won't know what it is like to live with his big brother (who is awesome). I remember how much easier finances were before #3
, whom I considered an indulgence, and how we could take our vacations more easily, afford things without having to borrow from Peter to pay Paul...I am terrified of what 4 will bring. How will it take away from the others? OMG diapers...day care...
And I am 36-- I barely have energy or patience for everyone some days. How will I do it?
I hate to admit it, but I really, really did not want any more kids. And DH and I are careful. This one wanted to be born, I suppose, much like DS...though that was different. Everyone will help when you have one. Everyone thinks you're nuts and irresponsible with 4.
Did I mention we probably will have to move to a bigger house? Meaning we have to get this one we've been in for years ready, deal with financing, etc...we have wanted to move, but the accelerated timeline and added stress is making me crazy.
I need someone on the other side to talk me down. I am really struggling.
Thank you, thank you.