Pg with surprise #4 NEED UPLIFTING - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 08-24-2014, 06:24 AM - Thread Starter
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Pg with surprise #4 NEED UPLIFTING

Hi ladies,
Here's the story.
I have three awesome kiddos: DS 15, DD 11, and DD 5. Youngest starting K, totally my baby. I am a teacher, and with pay freezes and current climate, it is a little stressful, but I love it for the most part. DH is a software developer. We are just feeling okay with finances after a long haul, and just beginning to get out and travel together, etc. We had DS when I was just barely 21, so it has been a long but wonderful journey. I am very happy with our family dynamic right now. We barely fit into our bungalow with 2 dogs, and my mother (who lost her house about 4 years ago, moved in with me, and is a big help...but it would be nice if she had another plan...). Life is pretty good.

Then, I find out last week we are pregnant and due in April.

Don't get me wrong-- I love my kids. But our family is so good the way it is. I get depressed thinking about how one kid now has to ride "all alone" in the third row of the car, or how this baby won't know what it is like to live with his big brother (who is awesome). I remember how much easier finances were before #3 , whom I considered an indulgence, and how we could take our vacations more easily, afford things without having to borrow from Peter to pay Paul...I am terrified of what 4 will bring. How will it take away from the others? OMG care...

And I am 36-- I barely have energy or patience for everyone some days. How will I do it?

I hate to admit it, but I really, really did not want any more kids. And DH and I are careful. This one wanted to be born, I suppose, much like DS...though that was different. Everyone will help when you have one. Everyone thinks you're nuts and irresponsible with 4.

Did I mention we probably will have to move to a bigger house? Meaning we have to get this one we've been in for years ready, deal with financing, etc...we have wanted to move, but the accelerated timeline and added stress is making me crazy.

I need someone on the other side to talk me down. I am really struggling.

Thank you, thank you.

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#2 of 6 Old 08-24-2014, 07:43 AM
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My fourth was an accident. I was thin again, busy starting a new business, and we really did not want another baby. To be honest, I was depressed for much of that pregnancy, esp. when we found out he was the "wrong" sex. (We both wanted a second daughter to make two boys and two girls.)

Of course, you know what I'm going to say next. He is great. I love him so much. He's so much fun! And the big kids spoil him. We have two kids in each row of the van so no one is lonely. Your older kids will be great with the baby.

On top of that, my closest sibling in age is my half-sister, who was 15 when I was born. We have always been close. I was so young when she went to college that although I'm sure I missed her, I honestly remember very little of it. It was always so great to have a sibling who was adult age but still young, because it gave me someone else to relate to and learn from besides my parents and babysitter. It made me probably more mature than many other kids, and that's not a bad thing.

I think it will be fine, and you will be happy in the end. Best wishes.
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DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 born at 31 weeks Oct. 2014
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#3 of 6 Old 09-02-2014, 01:20 AM
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I firmly believe one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is another sibling. Love only multiplies. I know it is hard right now, and I felt very much the same way when we were initially expecting our fifth, but he has become such a joy in all of our lives. You can never imagine your life without them once they are here and their siblings adore them so much. The details will work themselves in the meantime, you do have some time to plan! Just keep focusing on all the wonderful potential, and what may be, instead of what could have been. I would never trade my children for more money, vacation, or time alone. Those things will come later, along with all the added joy of this additional person in your life!

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
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#4 of 6 Old 11-13-2014, 03:53 PM
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I can so relate, especially to the part re: finally feeling like we were making headway financially and relationship-wise was so enjoying having older kids so that we could go on dates and hey, maybe a real vacation together soon sometime...sigh...

for us too, it seems this baby WANTED to be made...we have quite a story

Me, 42
Hubs, 44
Married 22 years
Two boys 11 and 9
and a HUGE surprise: EDD June 4th - BOY #3

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#5 of 6 Old 12-08-2014, 07:14 AM
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I too am pregnant at age 37 with surprise #4 . We had to and just bought a bigger house and vehicle. DD #1 who is 13, has been very sullen because the last time we had a baby she was 5 and it took all my time away from her. She only remembers having to keep choking hazards picked up and the way it feels to have sleep deprived parents. DD#2, age 10 is elated. She worships my belly and tells me how beautiful and amazing it all is. DD#3, age 8 is so full of love for me and can't keep her hands off my belly. She likes to hug my roundness several times a day and compare how much I've grown each time.
We too were in a good place financially. I am just back to work after 10 years of staying at home and quickly became accustomed to that extra income. I thought our family was complete, but now I see how much this baby has brought us all together. Our new house is large and awesome. Our parents have adjusted to the shocking news that we failed to manage our fertility. It's all coming together and I know it will for you, too. They say caboose babies are the biggest blessing of all.
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#6 of 6 Old 12-09-2014, 04:28 PM
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Don't feel bad about the age gap! Big age gaps can be kinda awesome. My oldest sister was 14 or 15 when my youngest sister was born (there are six of us - some closely-spaced, with one really big gap and one medium gap). I was 12.

Honestly, it was awesome. We all just doted on the youngest two. They kept the family young. The fact that they were so much younger was actually better, in some ways, than them being just a bit younger, because we were able to appreciate their cute little-kid-ness as well as being annoyed by it, we weren't competing for the same resources/attention and so on.

And many years on, I'm very close with my two youngest sisters. I'm 28, they're 19 and 16. We get on great. It's awesome. And the 16-year-old was 10 when my first daughter was born, and was just thrilled about the whole thing, and tickled to be a young auntie.

And honestly? Mum was a WAY mellower parent with the youngest kids. Yes, she had less energy, but she also had confidence born of experience, plus older kids to help out, plus just a more balanced, chilled approach to life in general. Dad too, come to think of it.

And don't, don't think that a new baby will 'take away' from other kids! You're giving them an ENTIRE PERSON to share holidays with, make memories with and maybe become best friends with for life. That's great! My five sisters are one of the best things about my life.

I don't mean to diminish your nerves - it sucks to feel helpless and worried about the future. I'm just saying, it might work out really, really well.

Arizona backwards is still Arizona! It's a palomino!
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