"WHAT?!?!" Those Things Nobody Warns You About.... - Page 9 - Mothering Forums
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#241 of 354 Old 11-11-2005, 04:51 PM
 
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I've been reading all the pet stuff with interest - I've experienced the same feelings, and have to admit that my relationship with the dog really hasn't ever gotten back to where it was. He started doing some really ugly things after Andrej was born that he had never done before, and hasn't stopped doing them. Namely, attacking small defenseless dogs and cats. Often in a sneaky way, and often after having already played with them or shared a meal with them. It doesn't matter if he is tied up or if they are, or if we are watching - he is simply treacherous, and he goes right for the throat. We discussed this with a number of knowledgeable people and they all agreed that he was taking out his jealous aggression on these little animals because he didn't dare to chomp on Andrej : And that we shouldn't worry, because obviously he knows to toe the human/animal line. Still, the thought that he would even subconsciously want to attack our baby freaked me out and it has taken all of my trust and courage to hold onto him and not just send him away somewhere. Now, more than 3 years later, the 2 of them are good friends and I have no worries that he would ever go after Andrej, despite A's occasional provocations.

So, that said, I"m wondering if any mamas out there will admit that they have had feelings of, let's say, dimished compassion or interest in an older child after the birth of a baby, especially if the older child has been acting out negative feelings towards the newcomer.

Maybe you'll think I'm horrible to even be asking this, and maybe it never happens, but I've been a little worried and none of the pet mamas have said much about getting over the feelings, they have only said that they have been able to make themselves pat the grateful or lonely animals when they really aren't in the mood to.
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#242 of 354 Old 11-11-2005, 04:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BohoMama
Maybe you'll think I'm horrible to even be asking this, and maybe it never happens, but I've been a little worried and none of the pet mamas have said much about getting over the feelings, they have only said that they have been able to make themselves pat the grateful or lonely animals when they really aren't in the mood to.

With my 2nd on the way, I've been wondering the same thing. I also worry I won't have the same bond with the second baby, due to lack of 1 on 1 time. It's always been me and Juels, inseparable.

Holly, eternally in love partners.gif with Kolby, Raising Juelie Anise (10y), Behnjamin Shen (6y), and Coen Syaoran (4y). Expecting June 2013 2ndtri.gif

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#243 of 354 Old 11-11-2005, 04:59 PM
 
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I have 4 kids, ranging from 2 to 14 and am pregnant with my 5th.

The feelings you have for a newborn are so overwhelmingly protective, that for a time, everyone else takes a back seat. As far as dimininshed feelings? No, I don't think so. I do have "favorites" that change all the time, mostly depending on behavior . Who's making my life difficult, who's making it easy. But ALL my children have their strengths and weaknesses, and I love them all. I do think I am a bit more harsh on my first born though, and also a little more easy on him. If that makes any sense . He is, and always will be, the one who taught me what truly unconditional love meant. I don't love him more, but I do love him a little bit different. But then, I love all my children differently in a way. They are all such unique and interesting people!
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#244 of 354 Old 11-11-2005, 05:17 PM
 
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haven't read them all, but i would have to say that i would feel contractions in my rectum!! oh my gosh, was that weird.
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#245 of 354 Old 11-13-2005, 01:06 AM
 
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Ok, first off ALL the bad stuff isn't going to happen! In my case, a lot of it did NOT.

Even though I pushed for 3.5 hours, I had one tiny hemorroid, but it didn't really hurt. But, I was sore from the base of my skull to my toes (muscles).

I was afraid of the first pp poop, but it was fine.

I only leaked milk a couple times a little bit in the first couple months and IMO my milk supply was 'just right'. But yes, it did hurt for a week or two.

I felt like a million bucks when DS was 3 days old, day 4 I felt like I got hit by a truck (tired).

Newborn clothes don't fit an average newborn. Noah was 7#13oz and he wore a t-shirt diaper & blanket for 2 weeks because everything was too big... but he grew out of it all by 7 weeks old!

Check out the length of your birth attendants fingers. Mine had short fingers and big knuckles OUCH!

If you are a nursing mom & your baby gets checked back in for jaundice, they feed you, too and scold you if you don't eat the dinner sized for 3!

Peeing in a cup after giving birth is a new experience - be prepared to get wet! (BTW, this wasn't right after birth, but months later)

What I DID know, fortunately:
Tucks pads lined up in the undies (or witch hazel soaked cotton make up pads) feels niiice

Use lansinoh after EVERY nursing session until your milk comes in.

DS went back into the hospital for jaundice at 3 days old. I propped myself up on chairs & pillows to nurse him under the billi lights because darn it, we weren't going to stay in that hospital any longer than necessary and the kid needed comfort! My milk came in just after we got to the hospital and that kid nursed at LEAST every 20 minutes, but it was just one night of my life and DH and/ or I was with him every second.

Alaskan Mom to 2 boys
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#246 of 354 Old 11-13-2005, 02:55 PM
 
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It's kind of funny. Here I was reading all of this information, and I was thinking "man am I glad I didn't poop when I had my son, How embarrassing!!!" I had my son in September, he was stillborn at 29 weeks, and only 1 pound 1 ounce, and I figured he wasn't big enough to push anything out. So 2 days ago, I asked my husband " I didn't poop at all did I", mind you this is 2 months later, and he said "Yeah, you did, but only a little one". I guess that I did. How embarrassing!!!
This from a woman who had to stop during pushing to go pee. I actually made the doctor leave since I didn't want to go pee in front of him, man was he pissed. I feel bad though because my baby was already half way out.

Love,
Mary
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#247 of 354 Old 11-14-2005, 02:13 PM
 
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When I had my first son at 17, I did not have to push him out, when it came to almost that time, his heartrate dropped dramatically, there was no time for c sec so they literally cut me from one end to the other and pulled him out. Sooooo... when I was in labor with my second son and it came time to push I had no clue what the heck I was doing. I wish someone would of warned me that you can't push like you are pooping and think the baby will come out!!!
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#248 of 354 Old 11-14-2005, 03:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nikisager
I wish someone would of warned me that you can't push like you are pooping and think the baby will come out!!!

I thought thats how you were supposed to push, everyone says it feels like your taking a giant crap

Seriously?
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#249 of 354 Old 11-14-2005, 04:39 PM
 
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Yeah, when I was told I could start pushing my mf put 2 of her fingers on what felt like my anus and said "push here" to me it felt exactly like pooping. I wish someone woulda told me that pushing does NOT come naturally to everyone, and that not every one enjoys it! ... second wind my bum...

Holly, eternally in love partners.gif with Kolby, Raising Juelie Anise (10y), Behnjamin Shen (6y), and Coen Syaoran (4y). Expecting June 2013 2ndtri.gif

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#250 of 354 Old 11-18-2005, 08:19 PM
 
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How weird and scary it would feel to give DS a name. Neither DH nor I wanted to call DS by the name we picked out, but finally I was the brave one.
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#251 of 354 Old 11-18-2005, 11:35 PM
 
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Ditto lots of other posters here: clots (we named ours), pooping/peeing differently after, pooping/nausea during (nausea signals transition--a good place to be!).

*That my labia would be swollen to what felt like down to my knees.

*That the baby was holding my boobs up during the pregnancy.

*That when my water broke it would feel like the baby was going back up inside me! (They had to break my water; it never broke on its own. She wasn't crowning yet, obviously, but man, she swept up into my ribs when my water broke.)

*That you can break blood vessels in your eyes and face from pushing (incorrectly). It's tough to push "from your chest!" for an hour.

*That in the middle of labor I would have these thoughts in the back of my mind, sort of like my own little MST3K. (Looking in the mirror, I thought, "So I did poop during labor,")

*That I would bleed before the baby emerged.

*That I would need to have an actual bowel movement while in labor (not the pooping because of pushing, but an actual poo while laboring).

*That during labor I might experience a sort of high. I was sleepy during the pushing; I could barely keep my eyes open. My doula said later that it was the endorphins. (Who needs an epi when you've got your own endos!?)

*That after giving birth my vulva might spasm (apparently due to the trauma).

*That after having this person you feel so so so raw. Not just physically, either. Emotionally. The world is too harsh a place. Things are too loud, too fast.

*That things down south would shift a lot after a vaginal birth. Canal angle and everything. I miss my old genitals.

Hmmm. That's all I can think of right now... But I can say it's all worth it!
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#252 of 354 Old 11-18-2005, 11:40 PM
 
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Ah, I forgot one, and I really wish I had known this!

You know how everyone says that if you can make it to transition, you can make it through a natural childbirth? I don't know if this is skewed logic, but I assumed that meant it was all downhill (in terms of pain, save the ring of fire at crowning) from there. I was wrong. I remember feeling angry that my contractions got increasingly painful despite knowing that I was in transition.

And one more: I said this twice during labor. I didn't say it in a dramatic way, or while screaming, or while grabbing my husband by the shirtfront in some sort of silly movie scene. I was contracting and said, so quietly and truthfully, "I think I'm losing my mind." My husband, who...oh, anyway...he said, "Go wherever you need to go. We'll be right here."
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#253 of 354 Old 11-19-2005, 03:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by linnea
Oh! Here's something I didn't know, and my Mom didn't either - my Mom and sister both attended me during the birth and helped hold me while I was pushing. They told me later that the intense hormones they were exposed to caused them both to start their periods that night! I later read somewhere a doula writing that she has experienced that at almost every birth she's attended. We were all pretty amazed at the power of hormones!
As I type, my sister is in labor, and my other sister is with her (how I wish I could be there, too! : *sniffle!*). Well, my sister who is having the baby had her water break early this morning, and my other sis said that less than an hour later, her period started! She is usually super-regular, and this was several days early--she didn't expect AF to visit until she returned home next week!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweeney
If you go overdue, not only will you have just two pieces of clothing that still somehow fit over your huge pregnancy belly, breasts, booty(and they won't match each other), but you will be unable to wipe your own rear end.
There it is! I read through 12 pages, and I'm surprised it didn't come up sooner! The thing about pregnancy that surprised me most--and I mean that I felt just a bit betrayed by all the women before me who never let on about this little tidbit! Each pregnancy I have reached the point where I can no longer reach around my tummy or twist my arms behind me enough to really wipe my butt effectively! And for me (I think because I am very short, with almost no torso, LOL!) it happens long before my duedate....I'm about 32 weeks now and am having to be really creative to get the job done. I've discovered that damp cloth wipes and a peri bottle are a must before birth, too!

Funniest thing about this--during my first pregnancy, when I reached this point, I told dh about it....just in a whiny, feel sorry for me sort of way. He looked dumbfounded for a minute and then said, "Well, do you need my help?" He was serious--that's true love! Then to lighten the mood, he got real creative and offered to wrap a washcloth around the doorknob with a rubber band, then I could stand on a stepstool and he'd turn the knob from the other side of the door! Never tried it, but the mental image cracks me up! And I'm keeping it in mind just in case all else fails!

Anyway, I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one!

ma_Donna, LOL about nursing under the bililights! I did the same thing for the same reason, and I ended up with a bit of a sunburn on my breasts! Yeow! And it turns out that the jaundice was much more mild than they let on....my ds's ped was not on call that weekend; when he reviewed things later, he told me that had he been there, he most likely would not have admitted us! I sure didn't have the same exp you did with food though--it was all we could do to get them to even bring me a meal, since I was not the patient! :

Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
~~*~~Not your typical Pastor's Wife!~~*~~
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#254 of 354 Old 11-20-2005, 12:58 AM
 
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With ds #1 I grew 3/4 of an inch taller in pregnancy. With ds#2 My shoe size went up 1/2 a size!

I have never heard of this before! I was almost 23 when I had #1 and 25 when I had #2 so I should have been done growing. Its probably all the protein I ate

With ds#1 I had a c-section after I got to the hospital 6cm dialated and they discovered he was breech and as they were wheeling me down to OR my husband says "Damn I pooped my pants for nothing! I thought it would make you less embarassed if I did it too during pushing. " I thought it was actually pretty sweet

You never really appreciate continence until its gone!
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#255 of 354 Old 11-20-2005, 06:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SheBear
Funniest thing about this--during my first pregnancy, when I reached this point, I told dh about it....just in a whiny, feel sorry for me sort of way. He looked dumbfounded for a minute and then said, "Well, do you need my help?" He was serious--that's true love! Then to lighten the mood, he got real creative and offered to wrap a washcloth around the doorknob with a rubber band, then I could stand on a stepstool and he'd turn the knob from the other side of the door! Never tried it, but the mental image cracks me up! And I'm keeping it in mind just in case all else fails!
LOL I HAVE to tell Dp *that* one!!!

Homeschoolin' Mama chicken3.gifto Dd1 2/3/00, Dd2 1/13/03, Ds1 3/11/06 & Ds2 11/18/10!!
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#256 of 354 Old 11-20-2005, 07:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Graceoc
Afterpains!!!!! I had this wonderful, all-natural waterbirth with virtually no-pain and then about DIED from the afterpains. I couldn't even nurse because everytime she would nurse the pain was UNBEARABLE and I would just break down in tears. This lasted for almost 2 days (until I got some STRONG meds!) I would have given birth 10x's over rather then deal with the afterpains.
How about the fact that although labor gets easier with each subsequent birth, the afterpains get worse?



I remember my sis and I (who gave birth 2 months apart) telling a kidless friend about afterwards:

Her: "oh yeah, you take a bath for like three months afterwards it's like the g---d--- eirie canal down there."

Me: "You get up out of the bath going, 'Didn't I have a rubber duck in here somewhere?' "

Her: rubber-duckish, "QUACK"

Kidless friend: spits her pepsi half-way across the living room.

: That was nine years ago and that poor girl STILL has no interest in pregnancy!
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#257 of 354 Old 11-21-2005, 04:39 PM
 
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How about the fact that us belly sleepers still can's sleep on our bellies after birth!

I love sleeping on my belly and had been soooo looking forward to being able to get back to my old sleeping position after all the months of pregnancy. Only to find that my breasts were so full of milk it was super uncomfortable to lay on them and if I did I'd end up with a milk soaked mattress....after 6 months my milk supply wasn't soo over anxious and I could finally sleep on my belly....
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#258 of 354 Old 11-24-2005, 12:47 AM
 
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I didn't get a chance to read everything, so I hope I'm not repeating:

1. VISCIOUS heartburn in late pregnancy. If I ate dinner no less than 3 hours before and slept sitting up, it was tolerable.

2. Fairly common, but sucky- hemerroids (spelling?). In addition, in late pregnancy you are so big that, um, reaching that region after "working" is not easy. I found it easier to just shower after. Not fun to explain to people why you decided to hop in the shower in the middle of the afternoon!

3. After delivery, that you can see bodily fluids SHOOT out. I didn't know that milk can squirt a foot away or that a baby poop in the middle of a diaper change can hit furniture on the other side of the room.
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#259 of 354 Old 11-25-2005, 05:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelaB
With ds #1 I grew 3/4 of an inch taller in pregnancy. With ds#2 My shoe size went up 1/2 a size!

I have never heard of this before! I was almost 23 when I had #1 and 25 when I had #2 so I should have been done growing. Its probably all the protein I ate
I haven't heard from many women who have grown during pregnancy, but the shoe size increase is quite common. A possible side-effect that I am dreading, since I already wear a size 11 shoe!
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#260 of 354 Old 11-25-2005, 12:22 PM
 
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My feet didn't grow longer they grew Wider!! Yuck. I had to get rid of all my pretty shoes.

Mom to 6 with #7 on the way Sept 2014
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#261 of 354 Old 11-25-2005, 01:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nmm2112
How about the fact that us belly sleepers still can's sleep on our bellies after birth!

I love sleeping on my belly and had been soooo looking forward to being able to get back to my old sleeping position after all the months of pregnancy. Only to find that my breasts were so full of milk it was super uncomfortable to lay on them and if I did I'd end up with a milk soaked mattress....after 6 months my milk supply wasn't soo over anxious and I could finally sleep on my belly....
I found that sleeping on my belly was delayed to years later when my babies were weaned and out of the family bed...I missed holding a baby close to my body, so I now lay on my side/belly, holding a pillow...:
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#262 of 354 Old 11-26-2005, 12:45 AM
 
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I haven't read this whole thread, but:

1. Everyone always told me that I would have a birth that was similar to that of my mother and/or sister. Holy crap, that wasn't true! With BeanBean alone I had more labor than all of the women in my family line put together for four generations! If you add up the amount of time that my sister, (two births) mother, (five births) grandmother (two births) and great-grandmother (nine births) spent in labor, you get less than half of the time that I spent in labor with BeanBean. It might be less than a quarter. Women in my family typically have labors so easy and fast that they're totally unbelievable to people who've never witnessed them, and they bring new meaning to the words "precipitate labor." I was in active, painful, holy-crap-this-hurts-for-the-love-of-god-end-it-now labor for at least 4.5 days.

2. The size of the opening in your pelvis is totally irrelevant if your body tissues are too swollen from preecclampsia to push.

3. If you're going to have a doctor follow you for your pregnancy, a man is more likely to be compasionate and understanding than a woman. I thought that this was just my experience, but apparently it's very common; female doctors feel like they know everything, especially the ones who've given birth themselves, so they don't take you seriously. Male doctors *know* that they can't and don't know how it feels to be pregnant or have a baby, so they don't feed you a line of bull that you can smell coming from a mile off.

4. That a difficult birth or a c-section does not make it impossible to establish a nursing relationship, and that it's absolutely possible to establish a nursing relationship even if you don't nurse within the first hour. I was absolutely terrified that BeanBean would never be able to learn to nurse because I'd missed that critical "window."

5. That not every woman will have a difficult time getting their milk to come in if they're pumping. The protocols at our NICU for establishing supply were all based on the idea that most women don't have enough milk if they're exclusively pumping. I was not one of those women; even though BeanBean was only in the NICU for a week, I came home with a massive oversupply (and half of a freezer full of milk!).

6. Even if you do everything "right," you can get your period and ovulate very early on during nursing. I got my period back at around 3.5 months pp after BooBah was born, when I was *tandem* nursing. INSANE!!

7. I really wish that someone had told me that orgasms can cause contractions. I've seen it in books since, but I never saw it before I got pregnant with BeanBean.

8. That even when you're pregnant for the first time, the sound of a baby crying or the smell of a new baby can cause you to shoot milk everywhere! I had to wear nursing pads full time by the time I was 6 months pregnant because I was always embarassing myself in public. This wasn't a problem with the second pregnancy, because BeanBean nursed the whole time and there was never a drop to spare.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#263 of 354 Old 11-26-2005, 01:19 AM
 
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#264 of 354 Old 12-14-2005, 11:54 PM
 
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Ummmmm...... organs falling out!!! I.e. urethra, uterus, etc. Oh, and having incontinence both fecal & urine!!!!!

Definitely would have been nice to know about!!

I actually don't have all of these (well, not that I know of yet!!!) but am told that if you get one of them, most likely you will get the other ones and need a hysterectomy and other "stuff" repaired, and it may only last a few years and need to be redone!!! Oh yeah, and no heavy lifting for like forever!! Try that with a newborn and a toddler!!

Sorry, just wanted to get that out!!
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#265 of 354 Old 12-15-2005, 01:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lilysmama
Ummmmm...... organs falling out!!! I.e. urethra, uterus, etc. Oh, and having incontinence both fecal & urine!!!!!

Definitely would have been nice to know about!!

I actually don't have all of these (well, not that I know of yet!!!) but am told that if you get one of them, most likely you will get the other ones and need a hysterectomy and other "stuff" repaired, and it may only last a few years and need to be redone!!! Oh yeah, and no heavy lifting for like forever!! Try that with a newborn and a toddler!!

Sorry, just wanted to get that out!!
This would not happen in a normal healthy pregnancy. I have had 3 children and never had anything like this. Kegels will prevent incontinence.
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#266 of 354 Old 12-15-2005, 05:17 PM
 
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You are very lucky!!! It's actually very common. But again, one of those things nobody talks about. I had two very healthy pregnancies and delivered naturally with my second. Kegals unfortunately don't do miracles for all. Here's a website if you're interested...

http://www.mybladdermd.com/whatis.htm

I also belong to some other boards that most of the women are between ages 22 and 47. One of them is U.P.R.I.S.E.(Uterine Prolapse Research, Information, Support, & Education) http://prolapse.hyperboards2.com/ind...rd=Talk&start=
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#267 of 354 Old 12-16-2005, 01:11 PM
 
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Things down south must've changed permanently, because I have to be *very* careful or my pee sprays everywhere. I wet the carpet the other day (DH suggested I try sitting down - very funny!)

Sciatica and Coccydynia can linger lifelong; a chiropractor can help with one, and a coccyx pillow with the other.
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#268 of 354 Old 12-16-2005, 02:53 PM
 
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Ah, yes, my old friend coccydynia...to think, I'd almost forgotten that it is quite possible to literally bust your a$$ while delivering! That pain lasted well over a year!

Another is how long your "racing stripe" (linea nigra) may linger, if you are so *lucky* to develop one when pregnant.

And, I will agree, even with ridiculous amounts of kegels, urinary incontinence (to one degree or another and for varying amounts of time) is quite common during and after many normal, healthy pregnancies.

Cindi, mama to Hannah (7/04) :, Eli & Sam (6/06) :
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#269 of 354 Old 12-16-2005, 02:56 PM
 
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"extra" nipples. I knew I had three small bumps around one aerola, but then I discovered what they were during pregnancy...no wonder my children love that breast more...they get more!

Orthodox Mama
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#270 of 354 Old 12-16-2005, 03:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilysmama
You are very lucky!!! It's actually very common. But again, one of those things nobody talks about. I had two very healthy pregnancies and delivered naturally with my second. Kegals unfortunately don't do miracles for all. Here's a website if you're interested...

http://www.mybladdermd.com/whatis.htm

I also belong to some other boards that most of the women are between ages 22 and 47. One of them is U.P.R.I.S.E.(Uterine Prolapse Research, Information, Support, & Education) http://prolapse.hyperboards2.com/ind...rd=Talk&start=
hmm thats interesting. when I read through it says "labor and delivery..believed to be ...a cause of.." believed?? they aren't even sure?? I have to say that "I" don't "believe" it is a cause. and if it is there is some underlying reason this could cause it. woman are perfectly made to have babies. I wouldn't want some newly prego mama to worry about that. it is NOT common in a normal healthy person. Kegels are a miracle!! before and after birth. I would say for them to work though you would have to do about 200 a day for them to work which is what I did. for about 3 months before delivery and 3 months after. Although when I was in my last month the pressure from babe on my uterus did cause some leakage when I laughed or coughed. But I do believe had I not did the amt of kegels I did perhaps I would be in that boat..
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