exhausted, grouchy, lame-o mom - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 09-24-2004, 09:02 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm sure I'm not alone here. How do you all handle being preggo and really tired and taking care of a toddler as well. I know my patience is at least 2 notches less than normal and I don't have the extra mental energy to think up cool things for me and my dd to do as often anymore. I feel horrible but I just want to take a nap. Dh has been out of town for 8 weeks and I work part-time. It's just been a lot to handle. I've been locking the cat in the basement because I can't handle her meowing and the poor dog isn't getting walked...so the guilt on top of the tiredness is wreaking havoc with my emotions. I'm very weepy. Not crying like whining but touching things make me tear up instantaneously. I should be meditating or something right now instead of typing... just to try and calm my mind. I'm not sure what the point of this is. Just wanted someone to listen instead of whining to my dh or mom. They don't need to listen to all of this either.
Tell me how tired you are.
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#2 of 6 Old 09-24-2004, 10:24 PM
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It gets better???? HUGS

 Mom of many minions . . . babyf.gif jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif
"And when our baby stirs and struggles to be born it compels humility: what we began is now its own." Margaret Mead 
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#3 of 6 Old 09-24-2004, 10:43 PM
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sounds like a lot to be responsible for. i am in a similar situation, barely able to take care of dd, plus the cats and one very needy kitten, one very needy horse, and a dh who is mostly gone for two months. i think you should not feel too guilty about just doing what you have to do to survive, and if that means the cat gets locked up, the dog doesnt get exersize, well, i guess they'll live- its not forever. i also know what you mean about having no mental energy to be creative with dd. especially when she is doing something that bothers me, i just seem to want to revert to hollering 'just dont do that'. it is so hard to figure out a real solution or actually cooking up something fun. the things that have really helped me have been to recruit help from mom and dad in terms of bringing me food and playing with dd while i lay around. also, it is so much easier if i can get out with friends who have kids. that provides playmates for dd, since i am no fun right now, and company for me gives me more energy and at the very least takes my mind off how crummy i feel. and when i am really lucky, i find a friend who is close enough that i can cry and complain and say whatever is on my mind without worrying that i seem like a crummy mom. do you have some people like that you can reach out to? and last but not least, whenever i have the strength, i play with dd, to try to tide her over through the times when i cant. i just let the house go. and i mean i really let it go. so that's how i deal, i dont know if that is any good to you or not, but you are not alone. hope it gets easier for you soon.
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#4 of 6 Old 09-26-2004, 01:04 AM
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Heh, I know how you feel. I have three little kiddos here and am eight months pregnant and have absolutely no help. I learned during my second pregnancy that I just couldn't handle the kiddos as well as the animals, so we found good homes for our kitties before I got pregnant again. I do tend to get snappy at times with the kiddos, unfortunately, the oldest one just turned four yesterday and I have absolutely no energy for them. I find that anything to calm my nerves helps. I have music on the computer that I play when I am feeling overwhelmed. Also, I have made one room in the house just as safe as possible for the kiddos and occasionally I will gate them in for a few minutes and go into another room for a few moments of as much peace as I can get. Of course, I can still hear them and listen for trouble, but they are usually pretty good the first few minutes after I leave the room.

I find that it helps to have activities they can do independantly. I just got my four-year-old a Brio construction set and he spends hours at his desk (away from the younger two who might choke on the small pieces) building things. The younger two often occupy themselves with the Duplo sized Lego blocks and general play. Of course, when the kiddos get really crazy, I don't mind resorting to the TV from time to time to get them settled as long as it is quality programming like some of the educational shows on PBS.

Don't worry about not accomplishing so much. I get anxious over it, too, but I feel better when I convince myself that nobody's going to keel over just because the laundry is piling up or the floor didn't get swept. It will all get done eventually. Just do what absolutely has to be done and let the clutter be for now. You can get more done once you are settled into a routine with baby.

On top of being pregnant, I have chronic iron deficient anemia, so that makes me even mroe exhausted at times and the iron suppliments tear up my bowels something fierce. My dh works so much he is rarely home and when he is he crashes from the stress. I don't have my mom around anymore, our family is distant, and I don't have any friends here. I find myself feeling very lonely and overwhelmed, even more so when I'm pregnant. It's normal to feel this way when you're pregnant and it's normal to feel that it's extreme and zonapellucida is right, it does get better! Just be aware of your "baby blues" and if you feel that your emotions are getting out of hand, don't be afraid to seek the help of your midwife or doctor.
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#5 of 6 Old 09-26-2004, 09:01 AM - Thread Starter
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thanks everyone! Cassiemom... ahhhh, you are the one who needs hugs here. Some days are better some are worse and a lot of it depends on the amount of sleep the night before.
Mothers never cease to amaze me. I don't know anyone stronger, more dedicated or more loving. I can't believe some of the stories I read here!
Dh is home now for a few weeks but we are working on repainting the outside of the house before winter. No rest I tell you.
Thanks again. always nice to commiserate.
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#6 of 6 Old 09-26-2004, 11:38 AM
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You aren't the only one, really. I'm afraid that if everything I've read about tv is true my poor child is going to be an aggressive, brain damaged toddler with poor impulse control But Elmo,Bob the Builder, etc are about the only way we are getting through the day right now.

I'm 34 weeks. I'm supposed to be resting because I've been having contractions since 28 wks. My MIL is terminally ill so my husband keep flying across country to be with her. After about a week there he decides he's too stressed about me and flies home. Then someone in his family calls again and says it looks like she'll die day now and he flies back. He's been gone about 3 of the last 5 weeks.

I'm here with our 22 month old. This time he took our (now) 4 year old with him because he he thought both would be too much for me to handle; but now I'm worried about my MIL dying while my little guy is there. He just turned 4 this week, he's way too young to deal with this.

So after my 22 mo wakes me up all night and pregnancy insomnia keeps my from falling back to sleep after 3 AM last night, I carry him down the stairs and turn on the TV. He asked for it and I'm just too tired to do much for him. Maybe after a post a few things and drink a cup of tea (I cut out caffiene with the other 2 pregnancies but just can't quite manage this time )

Anyway, you definitly aren't alone. We're all tired, grouchy and snapping at our kids, even though we know better and usually don't. We're all doing the best we can under difficult circumstances. After snapping at him I try to remind myself that I'm doing the very best I can and he's getting double and triple hugs every time my fuzzy brain kicks in. And really, is there anything wrong with some organic cookies for snacks (two or three times a day)?
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