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Scared, Frustrated, Venting

905 views 15 replies 14 participants last post by  Eaglevoice 
#1 ·
This is going to be long...

I am pregnant with my 5th child. My 4th was born at 31.5 weeks. There was never a reason known for him being born so prematurely, but it was assumed, after he was born, that it was because I'd grown a very large fibroid which was removed when he was born. When I found out I was pregnant this time I called a midwife...I had JUST moved to a new state when I found out that I was pregnant and didn't know where to find a midwife in my area but got some recommendations and finally found one. I explained what had happened in my previous pregnancy. She said that it was very unlikely that it would happen again and that we could proceed with a homebirth. I was thrilled.

Today, I am about 31.3 weeks. I've been having contractions since about 19 weeks and was put on modified bedrest. My cervix was soft, but not dilating. My midwife wasn't terribly concerned. On Saturday night I was having contractions every 3-4 minutes. I called my midwife's apprentice because my midwife was out of town camping. The apprentice told me to go to the nearest hospital and get checked, saying it could be nothing, but we should probably make sure. She said to call the hospital and let them know that I was on my way. The hospital is litterally blocks from my house, walking distance. I called them. The lady was horrid to me on the phone. She told me that "since this isn't your first pregnancy that you have to expect to be having more contractions." Which is all fine and good, except that I've already had a baby born 8 weeks early. These aren't JUST contractions because I've been pregnant before, these are regular contractions. I could almost hear her rolling her eyes at me. I also explained that I have very fast labors, she didn't think it was worth seeing me and told me that since my midwife was in a different city that I should go to the hospital there if I was so concerned because that would be the hospital that the OB that my midwife works with would be. I explained that I was planning a homebirth and had never seen the OB so that didn't matter. She pretty much told me not to bother going to her hospital and to make the 30 minute drive to the other one. Fine, whatever, I got off the phone and started crying. I almost just stayed home, but knew that if it was something that I really should be seen.

I called the hospital in the city that my midwife works. They asked me who my OB was, I told them I was seeing a midwife and gave them her name. They said "ok, well, she works with Dr. Bleecher so that's who we have to put down as your OB." Ok, fine, whatever. I don't know how these things work, do what you need to do. I get there and my contractions have almost stopped. BUT, I don't feel my contractions often. I've been to the point of pushing before I really felt my contractions if I wasn't paying attention so I let them hook me up to monitors. They checked my cervix. Closed. An hour later 7 small contractions. They checked my cervix, dilated about 1cm. They gave me an IV, did a fetal fibronectin (sp?) test and waited. The next nurse came on. I don't pay attention to whether or not I'm having contractions because I'm hooked to the monitor and figure they'll know. The nurse asks me if I've noticed any contractions, I tell her no, she sends me home. Great, because I'm tired of being there anyhow.

Two days later, Monday, I have an appt with my midwife's apprentice. She wants to know the results of my test. I call the lab to get them, they tell me they can't give them to me, that Dr. Bleecher ordered them so they'll fax them to him and he'll have to give me the results. I tell the lab tech that I don't know Dr. Bleecher, have never seen him and don't even know how to contact him. He's not my doctor. She gives me his number. I call Dr. Bleecher's office. They tell me the doctor hasn't looked at them yet and will call me when he does. He won't be in until 2pm. My appt is at 2pm. I tell the apprentice that I've not gotten the results, she says she'll call them. She checks my cervix, still dilated to 1 and soft. Not to worry.

On my way home I checked my messages, found out that the doctor wanted the apprentice to call him to get the results and to give them to me since she is the one who ordered them, not him. I call her. The fetal fibronectin test comes back positive. My urine also came back positive for e coli. She doesn't tell me what that means, but does tell me that I'm at a higher risk for preterm labor and is waiting to hear back from my midwife. I get home and there's another message from the hospital telling me that my fetal fibronectin test was positive and I need to come in to be monitored immediately. Knowing that the fetal fibronectin being positive does not necessarilly mean that I'm going into preterm labor, I decide to hold out and wait for my midwife to call.

Hours later she finally calls me. The first words out of her mouth are "we need to talk about something". I'm thinking "OH NO, what's wrong???" What does she want to talk to me about? Apparently she wanted to bitch at me because Dr. Bleecher was mad that I told the hospital that he was my doctor! Apparently, that was the most important thing on her mind, forget that I NEVER told the hospital that. She then tells me that she only deals with "normal" pregnancies and that she has to let me go. She tells me to call the county hospital where I live and tell them what's going on. They'll want to monitor me and get me into their system. This is almost 5pm.

I call the hospital (not the one down the street from my house). The lady yells at me for calling them rather than setting up an appt with a family practice doctor earlier in the day. I explain why I called her and that I had just gotten the news. She wants to know who my OB is. I tell her I don't have one. She asks which clinic I go to. I tell her I don't. I see a homebirth midwife. She says "well, she has to work with a doctor, who is the doctor that she works with?" I tell her. She says that I need to be seen by him. I explain that that isn't going to happen and that I've been dropped by my midwife for being high risk. She finally gives me the phone number to the family practice doctor in my city, tells me to set up an appt with them and that if I feel like I'm going into labor that I should go to the hospital. Duh.

I call the family practice clinic. They can't get me in until the end of the month. I explain that I'm high risk and why and that I need to be seen sooner. They say they don't have anything sooner. I tell them to check again. She moves me up to March 18th. BUT, not with an OB, with an interview, because that's what they do with all of their new OB clients. Whatever, I'm frustrated and take the appt. Later my midwife calls me and tells me that I need to get in IMMEDIATELY to the ER because the e coli is a bladder infection that needs to be treated. Going to the ER for a bladder infection just sounds like a waste of everyone's resources so I called the family practice clinic. They are able to get me in first thing in the morning for the bladder infection only. Perfect.

Almost done, haha...

I go to the family practice clinic. It's a county health clinic. Whatever, I'm not picky. I don't have insurance so it will be cheaper anyhow. I go back and pee in a cup. A nurse comes out, takes the cup from me and starts speaking to me in Spanish. I'm offended for so many reasons. First, I am caucasian. Pale skinned, actually, which leads me to believe that she didn't take the time to even look at me. Secondly, she has now made the assumption that all of her clients are Spanish speaking, what does that say about her perspective on the Spanish speaking community? Then the doctor comes in. He asks me how many kids I have, I tell him that this is baby #5. He asks me "have you ever considered getting your tubes tied? This is your fifth baby, you know!" HUH??? First of all, you are not my OB, you are here to write a prescription. Second of all, my reproductive choices are none of your business. Third, what the hell kind of question is that??? That's the sort of question that should never be asked by a general practitioner, and would never be asked at a private clinic to patients with private insurance. This is a question that gets asked to poor, uneducated, trash. None of which, are me, and even if they were all me, HOW OFFENSIVE! He's making the assumption that I'm just spitting out kids that I can't afford. He then goes on to tell me that I need to apply for state insurance. I tell him that no, I won't be doing that and that we don't qualify. He asks why not and I tell him that we make too much money. He asks if I'm sure and I tell him that I am sure. He then says "I can write you the prescription, that's the easy part, filling it is the hard part". I look at him like he's nuts. What does he mean? Is he giving me some prescription that most pharmacies don't carry? I don't understand. Then he says, after I stare at him blankly waiting for an explanation, "I mean, without insurance. How are you going to pay for it?" I'm thinking, "the same way I'm paying you, Jackass, out of pocket" but just stare at him some more, dumbfounded really. He says "are you going to pay for it yourself?" I said "well, yes, that's the plan". He then says "Even if it's $50!?!" I said "well, I assume that the prescription is necessary, so yes, even if it's $50." Again, thinking "wow, I hope the $50 doesn't bankrupt me
" He writes out the prescription and gets my appt changed to today at 3:30. I don't want to go. Apparently the interview isn't even with an OB, it's with a social worker. He wants me to discuss my "insurance options" and tells me that "even if you don't qualify for state insurance you can qualify for something else but it will take a big chunk out of your pocket!" I'm steamed.

OH, he also asked if my midwife was here in our city, I told him no and told him what city she was in. He asked me why I was going all the way over there for my midwife appts. I told him that I couldn't find a midwife here. He then tells me that "there are lots of doctors here"!!!!! NO??!!?? Really? There are doctors? In THIS town? Seriously??? Sheesh, I wish someone would have told me sooner, because I just chose a midwife out of sheer ignorance!

So, just to find out where we fall on the income guidelines for state insurance I came home and looked online at the federal poverty guidelines. My dh has a base pay, plus commission and bonuses. I calculated his base pay only and we are at 300% of the poverty level. On base pay alone, we make WAY too much. We own our own house, drive 2 nice vehicles, are at least somewhat educated, and I'm being treated like a crack head who's living in a box with her 3000 kids because I'm being seen at a county clinic. The sad part is, I do have options. I could go somewhere else, but the hospital bills for this baby are going to drown us if he's born early and has to have a NICU stay. My dh doesn't qualify for insurance through work for another 2 months because he just switched employers, BUT, we DO have money and we do have options. Most of the people seen there don't. They are at the mercy of that asshole for their health care.

Now, I've realized that since I can't have my homebirth unless the baby decides to stick it out for another 5 weeks, that I am going to be birthing this baby alone in the hospital because we've got no friends or family here and dh will have to wait outside with the kids because the youngest, who is 20months, FREAKED out when I was at the hospital being monitored. He hated it there, he was scared. I made dh leave with him so there is no way he'll make it through a labor and I won't be able to deal with him screaming while I'm in labor.
 
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#3 ·
Wende,
I feel your frustration! MAN what a crappy deal. So basically your midwife dropped you for a BLADDER INFECTION! Sounds like she really dropped you cause she was mad at you for making her work a little on dealing with the ER you went to, either way a crappy deal.
I hope you find a hospital and dr. that isn't going to give you the run around all day.
Maybe there are some momma's in your area that could give you some insight. I don't have any advice on the childcare part, I hope you can figure something out so your DH can be there with you.
 
#4 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaimep
Wende,
I feel your frustration! MAN what a crappy deal. So basically your midwife dropped you for a BLADDER INFECTION! Sounds like she really dropped you cause she was mad at you for making her work a little on dealing with the ER you went to, either way a crappy deal.
I think she dropped me because the fetal fibronectin test came back positive which means I am at a higher risk of going into pre-term labor, though, from what I understand the risk is less than 25% higher. She said if I make it to 36 weeks I can call her and we can discuss whether or not I still want to have a homebirth, but after this I'm thinking that I don't want her attending my birth.
 
#5 ·
oh wendy...that's a horrible thing you went through.
i'm so sorry. it's just is so maddening how obstinent and mean some medical professionals can be. i hope your experiences don't continue like this...*hugs*
 
#8 ·
Thankfully, that guy wasn't my OB, just the family practice doctor who was writing a prescription for my UTI. I went back today for the interview. Basically, they just took my medical history, drew some blood, talked to me about insurance (which, like I said, we don't qualify for), and set up an appt for an actual visit with the OB next Thursday. Today went much better. The did the interview at the WIC office and the lady was SO nice. I left there feeling much better today than I had yesterday. The lady doing the interview and someone else who worked there played with my kids, got them some water, etc. The nurse who drew my blood gave them all stickers because the baby was irritable (nap time) and wanting to climb on me while she drew blood. They were being a bit obnoxious, lol, but as we were leaving she told them all what sweet kids they were. Hopefully my OB visit will go just as well.
 
#9 ·


Im sorry things are getting so rough...being sick is bad enough. When it rains it pours and I really am sending you a bucket of hugs. I have no advice....just alot of hugs and a shoulder. Hang in there...you sound strong mama...dont let those idiots take that away from you. It sounds like the folks you have dealt with are just miserable with their lives. Just rejoice in yours...you know what you are doing.
 
#14 ·
oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!! BIG HUG!!!!!

If you have the time I think your whole experience is worth MANY letters! That definitely makes me think unassisted childbirth! You seem to know more than all of these people. Of course unassisted wouldn't be safe for a premie baby but geesh!
 
#16 ·
All I can say is "wow..."

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. As if being pregnant isn't stressful enough in itself.
 
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