Rude Baby Shower Guests - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-05-2002, 03:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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ok, i recently attended a baby shower for a good friend of mine. I was the only one of her friends that showed up, ie: everyone else was either her family or little old ladies that were members of her church, (where the shower was held). In all, there were about 35 ladies there.

Now, all of these ladies were invited, either through private invitation, or through an open invitation in the church bullatin, hence all the little old ladies.

The mom to be shows up...this is her first child. She is really happy and excited, of course. She asks me to sit by her at the front of the room and help her with presents and also write down who gave her what so she can send that person a thank you note for what they gave her...proper etiquette, right? I thought so....Anyway,

She began unwrapping presents, and the party guests paid attention to what she was doing for the first 5 minutes...long enough for my friend to read aloud the first 3 cards and open the first 3 gifts...then the old ladies began talking amongst themselves, getting louder and louder until my friend was shouting over them to read out the cards. Eventually, she just gave up, and read them to herself and me, since i was the only one paying attention to her. even her family members started to join in on the various multi-conversations that were going on in the room.

They all stayed for the free cake and ice cream, and the other novelties that we had there. Then they all left...all at once, the old ladies, the family members, everyone but the 2 grandmas-to-be and me and one of her aunts. I went with my friend back to her house afterward and we told her dh what happened. He asked us why we didn't tell them to shut up or pay attention, or ask the old ladies to leave, ("hey, you are disrupting this whole thing, and you aren't family, so either be quiet or go home."). We looked at each other kinda blankly. Why didn't we do that?

I didn't say anything to them because I didn't think it was my place to, (and if I had said something, it probably would've been really REALLY rude since I was sooo mad), and she didn't say anything because she wasn't sure what to say or how to say it, or what would be the proper thing to say. It did hurt her feelings very much, and it really pissed me off, too.

So here's the question, what should we have done under the circumstances without being rude to the guests, or what are the rules concerning unruly baby shower guests who just gave you a present or presents for your new baby?

Thanks for the input!!

PS--They also ALL hit her with these TERRIBLE things to say to a pg woman: (she took these pretty well, considering they had already hurt her feelings by ruining her party)
1: You are so huge!
2: Are you sure you aren't having twins?
3: Your due date can't be right. You look like you are about to pop any second!
4: Are you sure you're having a girl? Wouldn't it be just awuful if you had a boy after you got/bought all these pretty girl things, ha ha!
5: Aren't you dissapointed that your first baby isn't going to be a boy?

~Christy crochetsmilie.gif, mom to DD Sage (12-2003) joy.gif and DS Isaac (04-2012)  babyboy.gif, wife to Josh geek.gif.

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Old 11-05-2002, 06:20 AM
 
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hi Christy- your friend's shower sounds discouraging. I was at a coed shower that got that way, but it was in the evening & sort of "come & go-ish" if you know what I mean. There were a few of us really paying attention, but the room did get kind of loud. I thought it was the influence of the guys, but I guess little old church ladies can have the same effect. I don't know of any rules for handling this. I know I plan to have a couple of small showers & hopefully they won't get rowdy. I do have a policy of avoiding little old church ladies
Maybe you can host a smaller shower for some of her closer people without gifts & do a kind of "blessingway" event for her to give her birth & baby the kind of respect & caring she deserves!
best wishes, maria
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Old 11-05-2002, 07:17 PM
 
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Oh well she got some good gifts (or at least some cash from the returns ) and all so it wasn't a total loss. Perhaps you could throw her a more intamate shower with just a few of her friends. Generally around here is anyone is having a shower (bridal or baby) that involves gifts from more than a few people (10-15) it is an open house style come and go thing and anyone who wants to see the grand opening or at least thier gift can hang with the guest of honor and watch or they can go get some food, give tha mama a kiss, congratulate expectant grandparents and be on thier way. All of my showers have been small with 10 people or less so everyone was very intrested in what I was opening. As for the rude comments -spit in thier punch and smile while they drink it

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 11-05-2002, 08:28 PM
 
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Hmmmmm, wow, that's a sad story. I don't think it would have been right to reprimand the little old ladies, or even her family members, for that matter. What good would it have done? That's just my opinion, but I also am one who lets things that aren't majorly important to me slide. I say to myself: Will this still bother me in a week or even tomorrow? If not, I let it go. The old ladies were being little old hens, that's their job now that they're old ladies, I guess!! Her family ought to be ashamed of themselves, especially for not helping to clean up, etc! But if that's the way they are (RUDE), snipping at them in front of a crowd wouldn't really help anything. They'd still be rude, but also have something to talk about behind your friend's back forever!:
I think it is wonderful that you are so supportive of your friend and hopefully you will remain so after her sweet baby comes into the world. I have lost touch with a couple women I considered very good friends after I had my first DS, I suppose because they decided that it was too tough to keep up a friendship with someone who was so unavailable a lot of the time. It leaves me sad.
Anyway, the shower does sound like it's actually something you 2 can laugh about in a few weeks. The shower that took place in a hen house!
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Old 11-05-2002, 09:14 PM
 
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Your poor friend! After all the rude guests and comments, she is lucky to have you to support and love her! Help her concentrate on the exciting birth of her baby, and not the disappointing shower. Ah well, maybe it is something to laugh at in the future...
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Old 11-06-2002, 03:28 AM
 
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Quote:
PS--They also ALL hit her with these TERRIBLE things to say to a pg woman: (she took these pretty well, considering they had already hurt her feelings by ruining her party)
1: You are so huge!
2: Are you sure you aren't having twins?
3: Your due date can't be right. You look like you are about to pop any second!
4: Are you sure you're having a girl? Wouldn't it be just awuful if you had a boy after you got/bought all these pretty girl things, ha ha!
5: Aren't you dissapointed that your first baby isn't going to be a boy? [/B]
Crimeny. I got all of these blasted comments when I was pg with dd and would you believe that I am AFRAID to tell people how far along I am because I am afraid of those comments?????

As to your question about what would/should you have done. It doesn't really matter, does it? You did what you thought was best at the time. All you can do now is salvage your dignity and move on.

Best of luck to your friend.
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Old 11-12-2002, 05:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She isn't really worried about it anymore, and since she's due 2 days before thanksgiving, she has other things on her mind!!!

Thanks for all the input. I guess maybe when the baby is born, we could have a "welcome" party. that would be kinda cool!!

Thanks to all!!

~Christy crochetsmilie.gif, mom to DD Sage (12-2003) joy.gif and DS Isaac (04-2012)  babyboy.gif, wife to Josh geek.gif.

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Old 11-12-2002, 05:46 PM
 
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That would be great idea- to have a welcome party!
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Old 01-05-2003, 02:15 AM
 
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I think that whoever was throwing the shower would be the one to go around telling the loud, disruptive guests to take it outside. It's the host's responsibility to ensure that the party goes well, not the guest of honor. That said, if it were my shower, I would probably have just walked out when they started being disruptive, or told everyone the shower was over.

I'm not having a shower for my baby. I don't go to a church, I don't have any close friends or family in the area, and I'm not big on parties. That said, were I to have one thrown for me, I'd wonder why people would come and then be rude. It's not like it's an obligation.

Just my 2 cents' worth

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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Old 01-05-2003, 03:46 PM
 
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I don't think you can make up for people's rudeness by being rude back. At least, that's what Miss Manners would say! It certainly wouldn't have made your friend feel better to have you kick out the old ladies from her church. You made the best of a bad situation.

If I were you, I'd take my friend out to lunch, or invite her over, just the two of you, and lavish attention on her. Ask her lots of questions about the pregnancy, and just be interested. I didn't have a baby shower (not a custom for us) but I have loved getting to bond with people about the baby I'm expecting. No one ever remembers how big they or other pregnant women were at various stages. In the same week, different people told me I was too big or too small for my stage!

they just can't restrain themselves, can they? I generally try to ask them questions about their own pregnancies, if they had them. Sometimes it cuts off the dippy comments about mine, sometimes it makes me feel like I'm having the best pregnancy ever (!) and it's always an interesting window into someone else's life.

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
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