Originally Posted by Keja
Is it just me? I feel like SUCH a rotten mama lately. I'm tired and lazy and my DD (17 months) has decided to give up naps randomly throughout the week. I LOVE my afternoon nap, I NEED this nap, and I get so cranky and irritable. I haven't felt any enegy for a week or two to do anything with her. I mean, she spends most of the day happily playing by herself, but I feel so rotten, like I should be participating.
At the same time I'm nesting like crazy. There's a million and one things that I need to get done before the baby comes. I just want to fold and refold all the baby's clothes and finish knitting this darned baby blanket and read my birth books! From the moment I found out I was pregnant I questioned how I would love two babes at once, would I love this 2nd one as much as I love my DD? Now I fear I am putting my DD aside for the baby that isn't even here yet, and I know that's sort of normal, but blargh. Tell me I'm not alone and not a horrible person.
You are NOT alone.
I think you hit the crux of the issue with your last few sentences. When my second dd was expected ten years ago, I spent MONTHS agonising over how I would love any baby as much as I loved my first child. I was a wreck and I even (as a single mother) considered giving her up for adoption, going as far as choosing an adoptive family (but not meeting them or letting them know of my tentative choice...the adoption agency was very respectful of my need for a bit more time).
I am expecting my 5th baby, our 6th child, in Nov. My due date is also Nov. 11th. My energy level has decreased considerable in the last week...I am a FF/EMT and actually decided to go on non-response status yesterday, for the remainder of the pregnancy, because of my fatigue and need for sleep.
The other issue is learning to ENJOY your family THE WAY IT IS NOW. Once this beautiful person comes, things will change forever. Remember this is your chance to connect with your 17month old, to play and giggle and read and snuggle without a baby nursing, crawling, pooping, needing at all times.
This is your last chance to connect with your DP, with your 17month old AND your partner together (if you aren't a single Mama), and to enjoy that intimacy and your family the way it is now.
It is totally normal to be afraid that your heart won't hold two babies...but it will. It is totally normal to worry about double diaper-duty and nursing two and how you'll manage naps and meals with two under two...I think talking it over with your partner, your girlfriends, and even discussing some of it with your Dd is important and therapeutic.
It's ok to tell your toddler that Mama is very very tired trying to grow a new baby, and would your Dd be comfortable reading on the bed while YOU nap? If she's not, find a quiet room or spot where you can shut the door and nap with her playing safely near you. Begin to make a bigger effort to concentrate on games to play with your 17mo, chores you can let her help with (washing clothes, the floor, folding, etc. are all good ones), ways she can "help" Mama and talk with you about the new baby.
Even if she's not very verbal, she'll understand more than you think and it will go a long way to easing the transition. Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself. Ask your partner or a friend for extra time and help right now. You need it and you are worth it.
The user formerly known as Mamapenelope, expecting our newest some time in Nov, SAH, HS, FF/EMT Mama to W (12), A (10), E (4), M (almost 2) and StepMama to C (13)...Partner to my Deputy Chief hero