Pregnant mamas with babies/toddlers - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 18 Old 09-19-2005, 08:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is it just me? I feel like SUCH a rotten mama lately. I'm tired and lazy and my DD (17 months) has decided to give up naps randomly throughout the week. I LOVE my afternoon nap, I NEED this nap, and I get so cranky and irritable. I haven't felt any enegy for a week or two to do anything with her. I mean, she spends most of the day happily playing by herself, but I feel so rotten, like I should be participating.

At the same time I'm nesting like crazy. There's a million and one things that I need to get done before the baby comes. I just want to fold and refold all the baby's clothes and finish knitting this darned baby blanket and read my birth books! From the moment I found out I was pregnant I questioned how I would love two babes at once, would I love this 2nd one as much as I love my DD? Now I fear I am putting my DD aside for the baby that isn't even here yet, and I know that's sort of normal, but blargh. Tell me I'm not alone and not a horrible person.
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#2 of 18 Old 09-19-2005, 10:30 PM
 
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You are really not alone. I have a 3yo and a 13 month old and I'm pg again. The last couple months of my last pg were awful. Luckily DH's work truck broke down so he started his family leave early (8 weeks unpaid leave before we could replace it sucked) or I would have never gotten through it. Hugs. I think we all feel awful at some point when we're pg and trying to care for other children too.

The good news, once my 2nd son was born we all adjusted rather quickly. Actually DS1 was present at the birth and was devistated that he couldn't hold the baby as soon as he came out. (He was still attached, :LOL ) We have a few issues here and there, mostly concerning my rapidly diminishing lap space. I worried about being as bonded to DS2 as I am to DS1 and voiced my concerns to DH, who caught us all playing one day when he was about 8 months old and commented that I seemed to be pretty attached to him. You will adjust and it's perfectly amazing how the love is ifinite. Hugs.
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#3 of 18 Old 09-20-2005, 03:02 PM
 
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Just want to say that you are most certainly not alone. I bounce back and forth between not feeling like a good mama to dd and to the little one inside. And certainly taking care of myself is not happening like it should be. I just keep thinking about how I was with pg #1 and how much more I gave myslef and the pregnancy in terms of energy, emotion, focus etc. Even though I am not always good about it I am focusing on doing the best I can and not beating myself for what that is and what I think it should be. to you!
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#4 of 18 Old 09-22-2005, 10:03 PM
 
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ditto what the last person said. i could have written that!!

i'm also finding myself much less patient lately with my son (just turned three). i catch myself rushing him when really we're not in any rush. i also am much less keen on playing with him.
i find reminding myself to become aware of it really helps because then i force myself to pop in a video for him (i used to be SO against that), take just 15 minutes to lie on the sofa and space out (think about the baby, whatever). and then when i return my attention back to him i'm a little more refreshed.

rowan
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#5 of 18 Old 09-22-2005, 11:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keja
Is it just me? I feel like SUCH a rotten mama lately. I'm tired and lazy and my DD (17 months) has decided to give up naps randomly throughout the week. I LOVE my afternoon nap, I NEED this nap, and I get so cranky and irritable. I haven't felt any enegy for a week or two to do anything with her. I mean, she spends most of the day happily playing by herself, but I feel so rotten, like I should be participating.

At the same time I'm nesting like crazy. There's a million and one things that I need to get done before the baby comes. I just want to fold and refold all the baby's clothes and finish knitting this darned baby blanket and read my birth books! From the moment I found out I was pregnant I questioned how I would love two babes at once, would I love this 2nd one as much as I love my DD? Now I fear I am putting my DD aside for the baby that isn't even here yet, and I know that's sort of normal, but blargh. Tell me I'm not alone and not a horrible person.



You are NOT alone.

I think you hit the crux of the issue with your last few sentences. When my second dd was expected ten years ago, I spent MONTHS agonising over how I would love any baby as much as I loved my first child. I was a wreck and I even (as a single mother) considered giving her up for adoption, going as far as choosing an adoptive family (but not meeting them or letting them know of my tentative choice...the adoption agency was very respectful of my need for a bit more time).

I am expecting my 5th baby, our 6th child, in Nov. My due date is also Nov. 11th. My energy level has decreased considerable in the last week...I am a FF/EMT and actually decided to go on non-response status yesterday, for the remainder of the pregnancy, because of my fatigue and need for sleep.

The other issue is learning to ENJOY your family THE WAY IT IS NOW. Once this beautiful person comes, things will change forever. Remember this is your chance to connect with your 17month old, to play and giggle and read and snuggle without a baby nursing, crawling, pooping, needing at all times.

This is your last chance to connect with your DP, with your 17month old AND your partner together (if you aren't a single Mama), and to enjoy that intimacy and your family the way it is now.

It is totally normal to be afraid that your heart won't hold two babies...but it will. It is totally normal to worry about double diaper-duty and nursing two and how you'll manage naps and meals with two under two...I think talking it over with your partner, your girlfriends, and even discussing some of it with your Dd is important and therapeutic.

It's ok to tell your toddler that Mama is very very tired trying to grow a new baby, and would your Dd be comfortable reading on the bed while YOU nap? If she's not, find a quiet room or spot where you can shut the door and nap with her playing safely near you. Begin to make a bigger effort to concentrate on games to play with your 17mo, chores you can let her help with (washing clothes, the floor, folding, etc. are all good ones), ways she can "help" Mama and talk with you about the new baby.

Even if she's not very verbal, she'll understand more than you think and it will go a long way to easing the transition. Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself. Ask your partner or a friend for extra time and help right now. You need it and you are worth it.

Love, Penelope

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The user formerly known as Mamapenelope, expecting our newest some time in Nov, SAH, HS, FF/EMT Mama to W (12), A (10), E (4), M (almost 2) and StepMama to C (13)...Partner to my Deputy Chief hero

Bookworm Mama to 6 wonderkids and stepmama to one more: 22, 21, 18, 13, 10, 8 and our Z born April 2013. . Partner to my       
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#6 of 18 Old 09-22-2005, 11:58 PM
 
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Oh yeah mama, I have a 1.5 yo and a 3.5 yo. They totally wear me out, but then don't want to sleep and give me time to chill. Oy! It is rough.

ND

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#7 of 18 Old 09-23-2005, 12:54 AM
 
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Hey, just want to chime in right along with the rest of you. My daughter just turned two, and absolutely refuses to nap most days. I, on the other hand, NEED a nap! Today my husband came home to find her playing and watching Sesame Street while I was crashed out on the couch.

I love it that most of the time, she is great about playing independently for a while, but this week has been killing me because for some reason she's been clingy and whiny - probably because she's had a bit of a cold.

I've also been trying to remind myself that these are the last few months that we get to enjoy her as our only child and that she still gets to be the baby of the family. When I manage to keep that in my head, it makes it a lot easier to stop and hold her and give her the attention she needs even though I have a million and one things I feel like I need to do.
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#8 of 18 Old 09-23-2005, 12:32 PM
 
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another exhausted, cranky, guilt-ridden pregnant mama checking in. you are SOOO not alone.

Quote:
i'm also finding myself much less patient lately with my son (just turned three). i catch myself rushing him when really we're not in any rush. i also am much less keen on playing with him.


i can totally relate to those feelings. my dd (15 mos) likes me to read the same books over and over and over. usually i can totally handle it. lately i have just been like...OMG i cannot read the same freakin' book again.

i've also found myself scooping her up and rushing....when i normally would have let her walk and explore.
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#9 of 18 Old 09-23-2005, 07:13 PM
 
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give me a couple weeks I will be feeling the same way! I have had other children close together and the exhaustion was unreal butREFUSE to feel guilty. Your body is telling you what you need and your other child will not be scared. I promise

 Mom of many minions . . . babyf.gif jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif
"And when our baby stirs and struggles to be born it compels humility: what we began is now its own." Margaret Mead 
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#10 of 18 Old 09-24-2005, 02:16 AM
 
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I feel like my other post came across "preachy." I didn't mean to demand you change your thinking...just that, for ME, changing my actions (i.e., consciously making an effort to play more games, involve the kidlets more, etc.,) has a great effect on my EMOTIONS and further responses. I need to take some actions before they are easy ... I need to make myself try this or that and see how it works and think positively.

I mean, what are the options? Not many. You are going to have two babies and you are going to love them BOTH sooooooo much. It will be lovely and exhausting and sweet...and it's ok that for now it's a little scary.

No matter what, your daughter knows you love her and she probably understands things like "Mama is just tired," right now. Toddlers are very empathetic, they do understand that other people need to be taken care of, too.



Love, Penelope

Bookworm Mama to 6 wonderkids and stepmama to one more: 22, 21, 18, 13, 10, 8 and our Z born April 2013. . Partner to my       
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#11 of 18 Old 09-24-2005, 11:52 PM
 
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I am also finding myself with a short fuse with my toddler (15 mos)...I feel awful about it, but I am terribly sleep deprived (nighttime molar pain for the better part of 10 days) and tending toward insomnia (!!!) when things finally got better. Ack! Some days I just feel like I CANNOT take her hand out of the kitchen trash AGAIN without completely losing my mind.

I have been shoving the pregnancy to the back burner in a big way--I am only 11+ weeks; nobody knows except my OB, my dental hygenist, and dh's boss :LOL --but the fatigue is hard to ignore....and once I know gender I have a feeling I will suddenly be overwhelmed with the urge to make plans and sort through all the baby clothes.
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#12 of 18 Old 09-26-2005, 03:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spruce
I feel like my other post came across "preachy."
Not at all, Penelope. All these posts have be so wonderful, but yours really just brought tears to my eyes. All of your points are important ones and I've thought about them before, but sometimes it just takes some reminding, yk? Day by day! This WILL be the last time it's just me and DD and until the last few weeks, month, whatever, we'd been doing sooo much. Parks, museums, Seaworld, always on the move and going out. I think that's my biggest problem. I'm just so exhausted doing those things now, so it's been harder to just stay home and enjoy time with her.

But yeah, I do need reminding sometimes. I've been putting a lot more effort into spending "quality" time with her, and you know what? It makes life so much easier. Just a simple trip to the park the last couple days and she's ready for her nap in the afternoon again. She even let me sleep last Friday for an hour while she played with a puzzle next to me and kicked my back (which felt like a massage to me!).

This is such an emotional time for me. Pregnancy hormones have some part of it, I'm sure! I was just so afraid when I found out I was pregnant again that I was taking away something from my DD and that she wouldn't get the time with mama she deserved. But now when she kisses my tummy and gives it a giant hug and is so excited pointing at pictures of babies and then pointing at my tummy, I know it'll be okay.

Thank you all again and good luck all you pregnant mamas. :LOL As for the kitchen trash can, mine has found it's way to the counter out of reach, I'm done dealing with it.
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#13 of 18 Old 09-26-2005, 10:47 AM
 
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Right there with ya! I too realized I need more quality time with the kids, it does seem to help when I need a nap or to sleep in a bit (ha!). Sometimes they do quite well and other times ds has a poopy potty accident in the middle of my nap .

Penelope is right... I remember my second pregnancy now and have all those fuzzy feelings. I want this change, but I have to remember to enjoy this time now because things will change forever.
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#14 of 18 Old 09-30-2005, 01:22 AM
 
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I am so glad you are finding things that are working for you! FWIW, making the house as toddler-friendly now (like you did w/ the trashcan) as possible will go a LONG way toward making things easier for you afterwards, too.

I have a very hard time finding balance these days...I feel like the more time I spend sitting and playing, the less I get "done," and living in Alaska and needing to get so much finished, it's a big stress. Then I go to bed at night and find myself feeling guilty for not getting the IMPORTANT things done...sigh. I need to play more "go fish" and haul less wood.

Love, Penelope

Bookworm Mama to 6 wonderkids and stepmama to one more: 22, 21, 18, 13, 10, 8 and our Z born April 2013. . Partner to my       
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#15 of 18 Old 09-30-2005, 03:52 PM
 
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I realy feel that the advantages you give your older children by giving them a sibling far out way what they lose of your time.
Part of growing up is becoming more independent and I think your child will let you know if she needs more of your time.
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#16 of 18 Old 09-30-2005, 04:02 PM
 
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I'm so glad to read this thread! I've been feeling the same way. Dd will be 2 at the end of Nov. and baby #3 is due to arrive on New Year's Eve. Even if I'm still working things out, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one having to relocate the kitchen trash can!
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#17 of 18 Old 10-01-2005, 09:47 PM
 
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...yeah, what is it about the trash can anyway!!! It is so funny that I'm not the only one with a little dumster diver! :LOL

I'm here with you all. This one will be pretty close in age to ds (he'll be almost 16mths when he/she is born) so they will basically be twins.

I'm definatly putting this pregnancy on the back burner (as another mama put it) in a way its good though because usually 9-10 mths is just tooooo long to wait once you know your having a baby...so weeks are slipping by and I am always surprised when realize things are moving right along.

I am the rollercoaster mum right now. sometimes I am just so delighted in these kiddos of mine...and enjoy their wee personalities coming out more and more right in front of me...and other times I am at zero...no patience no more buffer to come and go on...

thats when I feel guilty because I feel like if I wasnt pregnant my life would be under control ( I know that is so silly!! to be a control freak but i imagine 2 kids...simple...) I wouldnt be tired etc

...then I feel guilty for having those thoughts... :LOL and I remind myself that this time next year my life will be under control again (so long as I stay away from dh ) I wont be pregnant (I guess I didnt really get that long to be in an unpregnant state...I was just starting to go woopeee im not pregnant )
anyhow... I will be back in shape...im extra lucky on that note...the baby will be 6 mths, what an awesome age, ds will be almost 2 and dd will be 5 1/2...thats not too freaky....
sorry im just such a this is my therapy
kiwi
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#18 of 18 Old 10-03-2005, 07:09 PM
 
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(((HUGS))) It gets hard to run after a little one while pregnant.
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