Thanks so much for all your support, it means the world to me!
I am doing ok, have accepted that it isn't going to be and am planning my strategy for the next attempt. And hey, I am improving, I made it farther with this one than with all the other losses this year!
I have had all kind of testing done, with my gp, and she declared me totally normal, which surprised a lot of people :-) Progesterone a bit on the low side, but I have been using progesterone cream the last two times to take care of that.
I got referred to an ob, who had plans for even more testing, but found myself pregnant instead, so testing got postponed. I think she will want to wait one cycle and then we can do the testing cycle. At least the good thing is that I have a totally documented miscarriage with her now, so maybe that will help to, to figure out why things are going wrong.
My gut feeling says that the first five miscarriages were hormonal in origin. It took me way longer than normal to get back into 'hormonal balance' after my 2yo and I suspect I had some hypothyroid issues for a while too. From all that I have been reading, most likely the hormones around my ovulation were off and I was ovulating 'immature eggs'. They can get fertilized, but will lead to the very early miscarriages I have been having.
Then my hormones were getting back on track, and things seemed to be going ok this time, but I suspect that there were genetic issues at play this time, that I must have ovulated a 'bad' egg. So I just need to be sure that I will ovulate a perfect egg next time and I'll finally have my keeper!
Emotionally I am doing ok. I know it sounds morbid and sad, but you really do get used to it if it happens time after time. The first one somehow was way harder than this sixth one. It is just the same old thing happening again. I have dealt with it before, I will deal with it again, and if anything, it makes me even more determined to get it right next time! And the timing is good for a new year, with new chances, new possibilities and hopefully finally a keeper pregnancy!
I bought champagn yesterday, somehow the idea of drinking champagn which I otherwise wouldn't have, kind of helps me heal. Not sure why, it is not like I would have missed or, or like we usually do it, but it seems symbolic to do it this time.
Of course it helps that I have kids already. Both in a practical way (I can't really feel too sorry for myself if the dinner needs to be made, butts to be wiped, fights to be broken up). And in an emotional way, I know too many people who have been trying for 8 years or so for their first, which is way way way harder. The only thing is that the 2yo keeps growing and growing and I so wanted to give him a playmate his age. And everybody around me keeps getting pregnant and having babies and I feel left behind. But I will get over that.
I have been keeping busy, as usual, did tons of baking, cleared off the island between the living room and kitchen (one of those clutter magnets), and even got started on the fridge. But it was late in the day and toddler's help was a bit too much, so stopped that one :-)
Now I am waiting for the bleeding to start and wondering whether I should have a d&c or not. Have started some reading about it, but could use some more input on pro's and contra's. I also just realized that most likely I will need anti-D, because I am rhesus negative and hubby is positive. Will have to ask the ob. The other miscarriages were so early that it wasn't an issue, but not sure about this one.
OK, hope 2003 will be a great year for all of us!
HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!!!
Karen, back to the drawing board yet again