Feeling bummed and weird about 2nd pg... - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-07-2003, 11:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all,

I am pg for the 2nd time. I adore my DS who is almost 2. I'm not far along, only about 8 weeks. But I am feeling so down! I don't know why -- could it be the hormonal roller coaster? I am experiencing the usual morning sickness and fatigue, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Initially I was excited and happy when we found out that we were going to have a baby. That was about a month ago. But ever since -- bleah! I just can't seem to muster up the love and joy I felt when I was pg the 1st time, and it's making me feel worried and guilty! I'm also concerned about the changes in my relationship with DS - we are so tight, so happy, and he's the light of my life. DH too. I almost feel like the new baby is a stranger, going to intrude on our happy little family!

Sorry if I sound whiny, but I'm actually a little concerned. Is this "normal"? I'd esp. like to hear from experienced mamas out there, or mamas going through their 2nd pg.

TIA!
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Old 01-07-2003, 12:39 PM
 
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Old 01-07-2003, 05:21 PM
 
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I myself am the oldest of three kids in my family. There are pros and cons of being the oldest. But I really feel there are a huge majority of pros to getting a sibling. Do not feel sorry for your firstborn - you are giving him/her the best gift in the world by having another child. It is a gift in childhood and it will continue to be a gift in adulthood.
Do not feel guilty about not being as excited this time as the first time around. No one is. Nothing can touch how amazing it is the first time you are pregnant, the first time you give birth. BUT you will love this child just as fiercely as you do your first. No one believes it (I didn't either) before it happens but you do. It seems impossible, I know. But you almost love them more as you know now what it means to be a mother - to love someone that much.
Be sure to pay special attention and spend special one on one time with your firstborn after the baby comes. Ditto for your dh and grammas and aunts, etc. If you take care to keep firstborn involved and feeling paid attention to, all will be fine.
We are expecting #3 in May....
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Old 01-07-2003, 05:43 PM
 
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hi,
i feel the same way, this is my second pregnancy and i find myself telling my dd how much i love her and how she is my favorite girl because soon i cant say she is my favorite i am expecting two girls! I am still excited about the babies but it takes time and its completely normal to feel upset about the new change. i hate to think of my one and only dd having to wait for my attention.

it will all be ok. dont worry too much just make the most of this precious time you have with your big baby.

Angela: Catholic Homeschooling Mom to Sierra(11/00), twins Addison & Kendall(3/03), Jack(4/06), Brielle (7/08), Levi (2/2011); due with#7 (9/13). Birthed every witch way.....hospital. C section. VbAC. Unassisted water birth (hypno/painless). Assisted waterbirth to an almost 10lber! (Not painless!)
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Old 01-08-2003, 11:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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And it's funny that you should mention that, because that really has been weighing on my mind a lot. My brother and I are not close; we don't have bad blood between us, exactly, but we're almost strangers in a way. I don't really know him, and I don't think he knows me. I know that growing up, I did feel quite a bit of resentment because I got to share the burden of a younger sibling (watching him for my parents all the time), but not much of the fun stuff. I was the "perfect child" with straight A's and all that, and my little brother got into trouble all the time, yet still got the lion's share of attention and approval from my folks (so it seemed to me). Very much a "prodigal son" sort of situation, IYKWIM - why do you kill the fatted calf for him?

I totally DO NOT want that to happen with my DS, not just because it would make him feel bad, but because it would have such a negative impact on his relationship with the new baby. I think I will check out some of the books suggested here, also.

Thank you for your encouragement, everyone, because I do feel much better after reading these posts! I'm just going to try and mellow out about it. It's still very early and I trust that things will work out as we go along
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Old 01-08-2003, 03:19 PM
 
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I grew up as an only child,so the whole sibling trip is fairly mystifying for me. Here I am preg with mt 2nd (due any day now!) and my daughter is almost 9 years old.I have alot of concerns about how different things will be,and most of all I don't want to lose the closeness my dd and I share or have her feel like her new brother is "replacing" her in some way.It's a bumpy ride,that's for sure,and my whole pregnancy has been filled with moments of happiness,moments of doubt,etc. You'll be ok,and with their ages being closer they should have alot they will do together,that's something I regret mine won't have. Good luck!
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Old 01-09-2003, 02:10 AM
 
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I felt the same way at about the same point in my 2nd pregnancy that you are at. I called it prenatal depression because it just was so similar for me to the baby blues I got a couple of weeks after my first was born.

I too am an oldest child. I actually do think perhaps that has something to do with it. I know when my sister was born I wasn't too happy about it and I had a lot of rivalry with her growing up.

The good news is that the negative feelings are gone (I'm in my 33rd week) and that my first ds is so excited about his little brother that it makes me feel really positive about the whole sibling thing for him.

Hang in there - I believe you will start feeling better in the next few months if not sooner!
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Old 01-09-2003, 04:24 PM
 
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I've been having a lot of anxiety about having two kids to take care of.

My DS is 2.5, sleeping through the night, independent, a joy.

But I start thinking, oh no, everythings going to be turned upside down when the baby arrives. How am I going to deal with the sleep deprevation, the stress.

It doesn't help that I have morning sickness this time around, I think it clouds my outlook on things.

I guess I'm just a little scared of what to expect with two to take care of. Feeling a little overwhelmed.

I know these feelings will pass, I remember having insecurities with my first.

Deb
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Old 01-10-2003, 08:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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esp about feeling overwhelmed. Parenting DS has been the best thing in my life, but it has also been hard WORK. He's almost two and getting to the point where I feel like the super-intense phase is letting up a little. He's more independent, nursing less, sleeping through the night... and then I think, OMG am I really going to start this all over again?

More importantly, I wonder if I have it in ME to do it all over again. Do I have what it takes inside of me to be as good a parent to our new little one? I don't want to shortchange our new baby, either.

BTW I went for my first dr's appt earlier this week, and everything is great I was surprised because they suggested an ultrasound this early, but I am glad I went ahead with it. For me, the psychological impact of seeing my little baby growing inside of me was nice. It made me feel like -- hey, there really is a new little person in there! And I'd like to get to know them better
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