|Originally posted by greenluv
I felt as if there was an unwritten rule that if I survived it, what right did I have to complain?
What I'm really trying to get at is; am I the only one feeling this way? Are any of you interested in talking about it?
You are definitely not the only one who has had a disappointing birth (vaginal or C-sec) experience. The sad fact is that there is really no context for women to talk about this subject. It isn't encouraged at all (it should be), but it is still very important (to birthing women).
(I hope nobody takes offence to "birthing women." IMO C-sec moms also have given birth.)
(Side note: Anybody read The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
I haven't, but I have heard that it's about a red tent where women used to gather when they had their menses and basically they bonded, talked, shared important experiences. Women still have the same need to share and communicate!)
So rather than rely on others (public at large, who just care about the healthy baby - rather than seeing this as a pair - healthy baby AND healthy mother) birthing mothers need to find each other and create a space to talk about it.
(One of my dreams is to create a space/place/group for pg women and new moms to talk about this very thing.)
I know this is a subject (some) moms are eager to talk about. It's very healing to be able to communicate your experience and feelings, especially with someone whose been there (another birthing mom.)
Some women have deeper birth traumas (mine was not so bad) and my ears perk up anytime I hear someone say something just so I can give them a friendly ear.
Right after my son was born (vaginal) I was sitting up in the hospital room, so pumped and happy and excited, replaying how it happened over and over and over in my mind. (I firmly believe that women have a NEED to talk about it afterwards. Hence the popularity of birth stories.) I wanted to talk about it for a long time, I guess as a way for my mind to celebrate and synthesize the awesome experience. My birth experience was both joyous and emotionally painful for me. Mind you, I was also grieving over the bad tear (my birth was not perfect) and I felt multilated. I was furious with my OB and DH for almost long time. It affected my marriage, until I worked it through. Believe it or not, a local psychic gave me some better perspective and I was able to let go of the rage/resentment towards my DH. The little thing she said helped me a lot.
A friend of mine's first baby was a C-sec (she had a VBAC homebirth a year ago, I was there giving her HypnoBirthing prompts. Her story is in this month's New Beginnings magazine. Not online yet.) She said her C-sec was the best... main reason is that she felt very supported... her midwife was by her ear explaining everything that was happening to her... she was able to room in with her baby and DH. Sadly, most C-sec do not take into the account the feelings of the moms. So it's typical for moms to feel like they were not participants. They feel left out. If only there was a designated calm, sensitive and supportive person (midwife, nurse, doula, DH, sister, friend, mom....) to hold the mom's hand, so to speak.
Anyway, I just wanted to share a great article I read in LLL's New Beginning's Magazine. Please print it out, it's very good:Making Peace with your Birth Experience
By Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, PhD
Henniker, NH USA
From: NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 19 No. 2, March-April 2002, pp. 44-47http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBMarApr02p44.html
Birthing From Within by Pam England may have some exercises on art/healing too.