And me, I am finally ready to be a mother. It was the right thing for me to wait.
I do feel differently about this pregnancy, once you're over that 4-0 the stats say different stuff, even if we don't feel any different. Altho I do feel different but it's hard to say what is age related and what is the result of having been Mother for more than 12 years (I've found my life as Mother very satisfying but wow, what an endurance event)
there's a thread for us oldies in Finding Your Tribe - called 40+ with babies and small kids, or something like that, if you want to check it out
I see risk like this: there is always a risk with everything, the risks this time are just different. Being in the business of desiring and conceiving and carrying and birthing and raising kids puts us at risk constantly. But without the risks we don't get to make the journey at all.
With my first pregnancy in 1989 I had no real idea what the risks were and when I lost that baby to m/c at 8 weeks my heart was broken - how do you calculate the risk of that? When my first son was born in 1990 (after another m/c), I was an inexperienced mother who made mistakes, risky in another way. With my second son, I was 36 and now the docs started talking risk! For me the risk had begun long before.
Well now the risks are just different. But I choose them too!
edited to add http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...threadid=27665
Glad I am not alone. I need the encouragement.
my grandma also had her last child in her mid-40s, as did her mother!
this pregnancy was quite a surprise to me and dh - we had several years of unexplained infertility between our ds1 and 2, and really believed we would not have more children. Early last year I conceived but m/c at 8 weeks (again) and thought (again!) this would be the end! I had a lot of trouble adjusting to this pregnancy and dealing with the anxieties associated with multiple losses. I worry too about managing physically as I am not a robust person. I hope I can be as resilient as my grandma and g-grandma were. I certainly feel more positive now than I did in the early weeks.
How are things going for you?
It is definitely more tiring raising small children in your 40's, but in some ways it also keeps you young, if only because you will end up being friends with younger moms and you will be around babies and small children all the time.
I am truly blessed. I wish you much happiness with your new baby.
glh - I like what you say about keeping younger. The mother of a good friend had 5 kids during her 20s and early 30s then two more in her 40s and she is the most switched on great grandma you could ever meet, always comes to stay for births in the family and is a tower of strength
also - a wimp for leaving work with 6 weeks to go and two kids to look after??? wow, that's harsh
I was 40 when my last child was born. I had two more pregnancies after that but lost them both at 18 and 23 weeks. I don't think I had the hormone levels to sustain the pregnancies. Very sad times.
I did have a very lovely pregnancy and birth with my dd at 40. A very uneventful pregnancy. The labor was long, with lots of starts and stops, but nothing complicated. She was born at home in our bed, with all her siblings waiting downstairs (or on the steps listening for that first cry! ) She is a very healthy, intelligent 6 year old now.
I wish you well. I love being a 40 plus mamma!
I went to a childbirth collective meeting (doula gathering) last night and ran into a gal from college who is due in May. So great to see another pregnant 40 year old.
And hearing from you all is great too.
I had a great pregnany and an easy brth, at home with a midwife
I did have more testing done this time, due to age. I refused most testing during my other pregnancies.
I did have a Level 2 Ultrasound done. It was interesting, and I could not believe the things they could see. They pointed out the spaces between his toes. (apparently a too big space can be an indicator of Down's)
I have to say that I'm happy I had a midwife as well. The doctors were all supportive and pleasant, but I really felt like I had a medical condition, not a baby. It was as if they were just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Anyway, after I got over the shock, it was a great experience!
so almost there with ya
i've declined all prenatal testing - i will do one u/s at 20 weeks (just another 3 weeks'ish) to see if any markers present and if baby cooperates we'll find out gender.
i did the afp/triplescreen with my last dd (i was 35 when she was born) and it was a false positive, had a level 2 u/s... just don't want to go that route. And i dont' want an amnio at all.
anyway - i'm a bit younger, but i don't feel much younger. LOL
Colorful mama I was 38 when I had my first and he is perfect and pregnancy was uneventful other than he being disocvered breech 3 days before my water broke so we ended in a c-section. I will be 41 when we have our new babe in August.
I had a very healthy, wonderful baby, and a easy pregnancy. I think the only difference was that my bones ached a bit more this time...
kaje62, you are far from being alone!!
some of you know me from Tribes...... I started the over 40 with babies and small children thread... it got so long that I started a new one...
here it is...
for those who don't know. I had my baby at 43. My first and only. I developed gestational diabetes... and had to give myself insulin for the last six weeks. Gross. I didn't feel comfortable with a home birth because of my age..
plus my doctor insisted on inducing because of the diabetes and the size of the baby. But really, it wasn't a bad experience. I mean, sure it is labor and that is hard. I went as long as I could without a spinal... after 13 hours I said, "I'll take the block now" and my baby was born within about three hours.
some moms have posted beautiful home births over forty. I think that is just awesome. I was a bit more comforted in a hospital but I felt it was successful that I didn't have a c section in a hospital that is notorius for c sections.
anyway, there are little things that do come up for us... like I frequently get asked if I have others.... and when I say no. There is genuine surprise.
Also one time I had a little girl look at me and my little baby and just say, "you're old." I had to laugh. I said "yeah, I guess you're right."
She by the way was from another country where moms start having kids at 15 so... I didn't take that much offense.
check out our thread...we want you!!!!
Check out New Moon on my Astrology Site
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and congrats to you shakti.... i like your name too.
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All was well except
My midwife told me Charlie was 9.15 that a VBAC might be even harder for me cuz 2nd babies are usually bigger. depressing.
Lost another two pounds but they are not worried.
Happens with bigger girls often.
I have a yeast infection. GRRR!!!!! I thought my underwear were rubbing like too small or something. Dang!
And last week, I had my ultrasound level two and all looks good. When I went in with my age of 40 statistics say 1 in 90 babies born are downs but now that this went well it changes the numbers to 1 in 180 so I feel better and my sugar test was normal. They are having me do three glucose tests cuz of Charlie being a big baby.
I ate well (gained 65 pounds), took good care of myself and both pregnancies were uneventful. Even though I worked until the day I went into labor with my first ds, my second pregnancy was harder. I was sicker and more tired; I'm sure this was because I was working twice as hard taking care of a toddler. Being a mom is so much harder than any job I've ever had. That's why I decided to stay home with my ds (I had planned to go back to work) when I realized that it would be really hard to find someone who was willing to put in that much effort on someone else's kid.
My first baby was 8lb. 11 oz. and delivered vaginally. My second was larger; my ob was concerned that he would be over 10 lb. He was actually 9 lb. 2 oz. at birth, but he was still big enough that after 36 hours of upright labor, he still wasn't engaged. He was born via c-section. I did have some complications, but it had nothing to do with the pregnancy. The anesthesiologist botched the epidural. The needle went too far; I was completely paralyzed, couldn't breathe, required general anesthesia, intubation, etc. Still, my baby was quite healthy, and even though I didn't see him until 2 hours after his birth, he latched on and nursed well right away.
I feel so lucky, so blessed, to have two perfect sons. My husband and I started trying to conceive when I was 37 and during those two years of trying, I had to face the possibility that I might never have children.
BTW, during my last pregnancy, my ob told me that he had seven other patients pregnant over 40, the oldest being 46.
Good luck to you. I'm sure everything will be fine.
This made me realize that these risk calculations mean so little. I refused the afp and amnio.. just had a regular old u/s yesterday. (its a boy!!!!!!).
I don't feel much different this time around.. although I was really tired the 1st trimester... but right now feel really good. Although I'm 20 weeks right now.. so now longer tired out, but not yet huge and uncomfortable.
I met a woman the other day (who's 80 something.. she said she had her last son when she was 47. I love hearing that).
I keep reminding myself that I trust my body... I trust my body.. I trut my body...
At at my prenatal Wednesday, my blood pressure was higher again so my bedrest was increased to two hours on my side, one hour up, two hours down again, etc. The ultrasound showed the baby is head down but they are somewhat concerned about the placenta degrading some and lack of fetal movement and tone. The lack of movement was bizarre for me cuz I feel lots of movement. But they felt another non-stress test was needed. And a 1 hour appointment turned into three and I was so hungry so maybe that is why baby was not moving. They were not confident with the results, so I am having another ultrasound today at the perinatal clinic to be monitored and most likely another non-stress on Monday.
They also encouraged me to schedule a c-section for later if I go past forty weeks, which I could pick any date, so I picked August 14 which was my favorite Uncle Tom's birthday.
The fun news......looks like I will be having a 8.4 pound baby and the tech knows the sex so if I decide to call, I can.
and then yesterday, Charlie slept till 11:20 and we had a relaxing morning. I went to Imago to drop stuff off and then came home and relaxed more before meeting three new Metro August preggie mamas and doulasarah. After a fun dinner, we decided to walk down to Edina Creamery to get ice cream before heading to the collective.
Anyway while walking, I twisted my ankle in a decorative tree thing, don't even know what it was. Anyway I fell flat on the sidewalk, knees first, then hands and then my tummy which bounced on the sidewalk. Geez....
Three firemen were parked right there, saw it happen and came to the rescue, first took my blood pressure, 200/110 and then they called an ambulance and then wanted me to stand up. I was like I don't want to go in an ambulance and I don't want to stand right now. Meanwhile Mpls Momma was like can she have some breathing room as I had three firefighters hovering over me. DoulaSarah asked them for a blanket so I could lie down on my side which brought my blood pressure down to like 160/97 and called my midwifes who said that I should go to Fairview to get checked out. So anyway......we spent two hours at the hospital on monitors and everything seems okay.
I was almost 37 when first ds was born this past jan., my sis was almost 39 when her first ds was born in may (our mom was 39 and 41 when she had us back in the 60s). I totally agree with emmaline (from March) that the risks are just different.
This isn't really relevant for you any more, but just as a pregnancy over 35 or 40 sort of thing -- I had chorionic villi sampling and the triple screen. Because i work with the elderly and disabled and public benefits type stuff, i figured i would rather know if there were special needs issues so i could start planning of some sort. my sis had the amnio. one problem with the cvs (which i generally preferred b/c they're done earlier and are less invasive than amnio and safer when done by md experienced in 'em) was that my crappy insurance refused to pay for it. my sis had an amnio.
by the way, did everybody else constantly get referred to as elderly prima or multi gravida? uck!!! stupid terminology. i had a friend who was pregnant fifteen years ago and she is about 5 ft 2 and she said they referred to her as "elderly dwarf primagravida." how demeaning/ugly/cruel our medical terminology is. why not courageous energetic petite angel carrier? sounds much better to me.
I just got together with my partner last year and we started trying to conceive right away (it worked like a charm) because I worried about age-related fertility issues. I'm not sure if I will want to have another child because pregnancy has been so hard for me - we are considering adopting later. But this thread has given me the comfort that it could indeed be possible, and that "the childbearing years" don't necessarily end at 40. It's incredible how much I internalized the slew of infertility articles that seemed to hit the press last year and the year before. I just assumed it would be impossible for me to conceive at age 38.
I mean, my mother had me at 41, but I am pretty certain right now that if I do decide to get pregnant again, it won't be for at 4-5 years. I don't think I'm cut out to be the mother of a toddler and an infant at the same time. I couldn't possibly have had children earlier - I was never settled down, was moving around the world, going to school, and of course not together with my partner - but I *have* found it hard to adjust to this new phase in life. I guess I am set in my childless ways. I do wonder if it wouldn't be easier if I were still, say, 30 or 32. It scares me to think of caring for two young children when I am 40 or thereabouts. Sometimes it seems I barely have the energy to take care of myself.
I imagine I will feel different about many things within the next couple of days, once my son is in the world.