When baby comes???? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 01-31-2003, 11:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a delimma and am wondering what others have done, or plan to do.

When #2 comes along, Evelyn will be just shy of 2 years old....we don't really plan on her bringing her with us to the hospital...I think she's too young. So that being said....we don't know what to do with her...lol..

When we had dd, we asked all the family to give us a couple weeks to get use to each other and the changes (and the dogs get use to things too) before anyone came up....mostly because I didn't know what to expect from anything, my feelings, what they would do, say, expect. And also because they had to stay with us when here....we're 45 minutes to any town : ...

So this time we thought we would have mil come up and stay with us, mostly for Evelyn to have someone she knows and trusts while we're off having #2, and then she could bring her to see us asap afterwards.
For the most part I am fine with this idea....I know that mil understands where I am coming from with my "ap" ideas and even if she doesn't agree with them, she'd never say anything, only try to help however she could. Mil is great!!

The problem is I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings....but she doesn't have a car right now, and has not been exactly reliable in the past....she's been having a rough go as of late, her and my dad got divorced after 24 years (a thing us kids have wanted to happen for years!!!), but she had a breakdown and was hospitalized a couple times, they haven't diagnoised her with anything....they thought bi-polar, but have since changed it to a major breakdown....lots of shit.
So anyways, i don't know what to do....I am always straightforward with my mom, and feel I can tell her anything....I told her that we were probably going to have mil come up, since she didn't have a car (ok, so I'm not 100% straightforward: )....and she emailed me back saying that she'd love to come up when we have the baby and help out with Evy, that she could "probably" get someone to drive her up (500km away) and pick her up....
I don't know what to do....I've been trying to get her to come and visit since Aug of last year, and she can never get here.
I really need to know that someone will be here with Evy....kwim?
I love my mom, and trust her with Evy, I just don't trust her to come when she says she will.

We also thought about telling everyone to wait and getting my good friend up here, who Evy loves and trusts to watch Evy while we go have #2 and then bring her up to us. And going with the we need a couple weeks thing again, but I just don't know if I will need help or not. Dh will be home for 10 days, maybe longer if we can save some money....

Any advice?? What did others do??

Thanks ladies!!

Jen
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#2 of 5 Old 01-31-2003, 11:36 AM
 
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I could have written your post except my mom is physically unreliable as well (hard time changing diapers, overweight, back pain, etc etc) and we don't get along that well. She lives close (1 hr) MIL is in Florida. I am due in 1 week, we decided MIL to come, best decision I could have made. (she came when I was 38 weeks) I am so comfortable with her here, I know ds taken care of AND getting used to her, and nice to have time with MIL. Also, it is like HUGE weight off my shoulders.

Don't worry about hurting anybodys feelings or anything you need to do what is best for your family unit. That is the way we looked at it. ((Hugs))
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#3 of 5 Old 01-31-2003, 11:50 AM
 
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I agree with Julie. Do what's best for your family.

My mother was in the delivery room for dd. She held the video camera. This time, we have a tripod (irony: mom bought it for me for xmas a couple years ago) so we don't need anyone else in the room. I do put my mother on the list of people to allow in the LDR, but she's a back-up in case dh faints or freaks or something.

Telling her we were using the tripod was very difficult. So I have had a tiny taste of what you're going through.

Tell her MIL has transportation and you really need someone who can cart DD around. It's the truth and you don't have to say more than that. You don't have to tell the entire truth to be honest, you know. There's being honest, and then there's saying too much.
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#4 of 5 Old 01-31-2003, 12:01 PM
 
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I would go with the friend. That way you would avoid the potential hurt feelings of your mom if you asked your mil and not her, you will avoid the stress of wondering if you can depend on your mom to be there, and - though I know you do get along great with your mil - you will also avoid the stress of having a relative in your house 24/7 during a time of transition for everyone.

If you call on your friend, neither your mom nor your mil should feel slighted, and then you can have the family come up when you're really ready for them. Good luck to you and a safe birth!
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#5 of 5 Old 01-31-2003, 04:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks mama's

Dh and I were talking about this earlier....he doesn't get along with my mom very well and doesn't trust her too much....and is of course worried about hurting his mom's feelings. Also I know he would love his mom here...after all he is the baby

I havent ask my friend about this yet...and the irony is that her car just went on her...mind you I'm not due till July....

I just don't know....I guess I'll have to mull it over some more....
Thanks for your responses!

Jen
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