The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
My feelings came on and off till I had Emmaline and although there was still some ppd, things did improve drastically. I hope you feel better soon. You're not the first person to have these feelings, so don't feel alone.
Take care of yourself~
I am going to see a counselor tomorrow. This is just so strange and scary. I am also thinking of quitting my job. I am taking today and tomorrow off to get things sorted out. The worst part is that I feel that I can't be honest about how bad I am feeling. Especially at work. DH says that I should just quit, but the loss of income has me really scared, too.
Another part of me feels that feeling bad is selfish because I do love this little baby so much, and I want nothing more than to be a good mama when the baby gets here. Actually, the only thing that I am happy about is that in a few weeks, we will have this precious baby. And also, I do get good support from my DH.
I tend to think all these feelings are most definitely due to the hormone fluctuations. I'm feeling better, but I'm not fantastic. For me it comes and it goes. I get all hyper-sensitive to little things. Fears like you mentioned are exagerated. I'm not a highly emotional person normaly, but the tiniest thing might cause a huge reaction in me. I'm trying to keep in mind its probably normal and focus on the positive things I can do.
Seeing a counselor is preobably a good idea. If I were a bit more motivated I might consider it myself, but my past expirience with counseling has been a bit disappointing for me.
Are you talking bout quitting your job now before the baby is born or after, permanently? Sounds like your baby is due somewhat soon? Can you possibly take an extended leave? Even for disability reasons before the birth? Then you can wait to see if you want to quit permanently after baby is here? You might feel completely different when all those hormones flying around now shift again and hopefully stabilize.
I'm glad to hear your dh is helping you the best he can. Wish I could say the same : I guess he tries, just not very hard... that's a lot of my problem I feel kinda sad and lonely and just unsupported at times. Maybe its just me *sigh*
I hope you find some comfort and can relax and not have so many fears. I don't think you're being selfish. You don't want to feel bad, but you can't help it. Just do the best you can to relax and take it easy and focus on the positive, and that's the best you can do for yourself and your little one.
Take care of yourself Jean and please let me know how you're doing, ok?
post baby the 2nd (also mourning for my 1st)
I would prepare for the postnatal period with some prepared meals in the freezer, a woman to help in the house after (if not a family member then pay someone - a postpartum doula).
I am not keen on medications on something I think has such an emotional, physical and spiritual component and most medical professionals I have met do not know much about hormonal stuff.
I would concentrate on building support for yourself in labor and in the weeks following so depression can't grab a hold on you.
I'm sending you warm, fuzzy, happy thoughts and hugs your way...
But, this morning, I spoke with my boss, and I get the feeling that they understand that I am feeling bad, but they are too busy with the project and deadlines to offer much sympathy. I asked to take the rest of the week off (unpaid) and my boss said today and tomorrow only.
So, I am thinking that I will just quit. I guess I am also a little bit scared because I have always made money before, and I am worried that DH will be disappointed in me, even though he says that he wants me to quit, too! He thinks that I am having too much stress for the baby.
It is all so silly, really. I shouldn't be so fragile, but I really feel awful, and the other day, I had some really bad thoughts that I am pretty ashamed about.
Like tessamami, I believe that a this has a spiritual basis. I feel it in my heart. I feel broken and worried that I won't be a good enough mama. Or that our baby will grow up to be crazy like I am!
Lea, I read your other threads about depression and fluctuating feelings. I hope that when your baby is born, everything will be great. I think that your DH will be of a lot more support after baby is born, too. You are so sweet to offer your kind words of support to me.
Cary, I think that you and I have the same due date, don't we? Thanks for your hugs, you are a sweetie!
I think that I will have a doula come help if my mother doesn't come and stay. I am already so bothered by the very messy/dusty state of our house. And of course, by my lack of cooking in the last few days. Ugh.
Thanks ladies. I am so thankful that you are here.
There is some great, great stuff that answers your questions about depression and pregnancy and post partum. while your little baby is percolating inside you the baby is basically taking a couple important oils from you. Oils that help regulate hormones and moods.....!!!
If you can get this book, I highly, highly recommend it.
I also took the post natal vitamins and oils from www.pregnancyrecovery.com which are in total alignment with the book's info. they really worked...i am not kidding, when I missed a few days of vit/oils I felt my mood drop.
Well, I am a off & on again crying mess with an occassional desire to ring people's necks (ie:cashiers, clerks, strangers). I have really been chalking it all up to the big H- hormones. Luckily my DH is incredibly tolerant & supportive & I work in a huge call center with 1000 other people doing the same job I do, so no one hardly cares that I only worked 1 day last week (except I will care when I see my paycheck) Again DH is on maximum sweetheart right now: When I called him Monday to tell him I was coming home he was all supportive & last Friday we played hookey together. (Of course, he gets pd, thank god for the union!)
I am not trying to diminish my or anyone else's emotional upheavals by being flippant or saying it's "just hormones." I have had some amazing realizations during this time, so I think that if it is hormonal wackiness, it is nature's way of bringing me to myself in a new & different way. I feel this must be a part of the plan to prepare me for mothering, KWIM? Last week I cried & prayed & chanted & journaled & cursed & wept some more. I felt weak & stupid & self-conscious & like I should snap out of it & toughen up. And by having that shitty day, I learned so much about myself! I have followed my feelings of dispair & fear to better tools for coping & deeper truths for living & I think it is all a part of experiencing this wacko reality that *THERE IS ANOTHER PERSON INSIDE MY BODY BESIDES JUST ME!*
Sorry for shouting, but sometimes it just hits me that this is the most outrageously amazing thing, that a living breathing actual person is going to come squirting out from between my legs in another couple months or so & go on to unfold into an entire separate being from me & go out into the world & be. Sometimes it freaks me out. Of course I don't want to go to work & take calls for 10 hrs about dang cell phone bills. Of course I am scared to death & fragile & misunderstood. Who could possibly understand? Except maybe you guys
On the other hand, when my mind is not completely boggled by it all, I feel like being pregnant is the most easy & automatic thing in the world. SO cool for the baby to be on auto-pilot inside of me. Just after my MW appt tonite I realized that I am actually doing this & there will actually be a baby here soon & my placenta's job will be over with & then it really will be up to me. Holy crap!
So big to all & I for one am going to try to enjoy this altered state for as long as I can. Just think in 20 years will your boss's needs mean anything to you? Hell no! Honor yourself & the blessed, amazing state that you are in~ even if the rest of the world thinks we should just hush up & pretend we aren't divine.
I worked up until I was literally in labor -early labor- with ds (they were calling me at home to consult on a project) and it was extremely tough. There was some turmoil with the company and b/c they knew we were going to move b/c of ds's job shortly after the birth, they weren't going to give me maternity leave and were expecting me to take 2 weeks vacation and then work from home. I researched my options and let them HAVE it, I was so mad at their inflexibility. Also, ds was in school so I had to stay at work since it was our only insurance/substantial income. I know everyone's situation is different and it really may be in your best interest to go ahead and quit, I'm a firm believer that you can make it work on less of an income (pm me for some great $ saving tips if you want), but I'm glad that I toughed it out. It turned out that they layed off the entire department and I ended up getting 4 weeks of maternity plus 2 months of severance pay.
Good luck with your decision but know that you're definitely not alone with prepartum depression feelings. s