for mom's not having an u/s do people think your nuts? - Mothering Forums
I'm Pregnant > for mom's not having an u/s do people think your nuts?
greenluv's Avatar greenluv 08:16 PM 03-24-2003
I am starting to get annoyed!

People have started asking if we know the sex of the baby. I say "no, we don't" and they get this funny look on their faces and then ask "Why not? Couldn't they see it on the u/s?"

me: "we haven't had an u/s"

them: "you haven't? when does your dr do them?"

You get the idea? It just goes on and on no matter what I say- they refuse to let alone!

When I finally tell them that we don't plan to have one you'd think I just smacked them in the face!

It's just getting old and I have until the beginning of July to cope with it. arg! I just had to do a little venting!

kerikadi's Avatar kerikadi 08:48 PM 03-24-2003
I know what you mean. Usually I just say "Well, my mom didn't have any USs and we turned out just fine".

Mary-Beth's Avatar Mary-Beth 08:55 PM 03-24-2003
People might think I'm crazy but none of them have actually said's so common for people to assume you'll have an ultrasound sometimes it just doesn't occur to them that you don't have to have one at all.
bloodrayne's Avatar bloodrayne 10:18 PM 03-24-2003
I caved and got one ultrasound b/c I needed to watch for ovarian cysts, but it was not my plan to get one at all and everyone looked at me like I'd grown a 3rd eye.

I think a lot of people don't realize that you don't have to get one, like someone else said. I think a lot of people don't realize that you don't HAVE to do anything.

They all say to me, "why on EARTH wouldnt' you want an ultrasound?!?!"
Sharon's Avatar Sharon 10:28 PM 03-24-2003
YES! I never knew it was SOOOOO common to have one done these days. I knew it was becoming more and more common, but I guess I just assumed they were still done mostly if there was a medical reason. I've had some interesting conversations with people about this decision. It can be a bit frustrating, I agree. I just don't understand why everyone thinks it HAS to be part of your pregnancy. Oh well.... if this is the biggest conflict I have with the general public, I can deal with it!
ndmom's Avatar ndmom 10:58 PM 03-24-2003
Ultrasound? Unsound
A midwife recommended that book to me when we were thinking about getting pregnant. I have to admit I had never even questioned the necessity of ultrasound, just seemed like the normal thing to do. For me, I figured that I knew the date of conception, am healthy and am not expecting twins (at least nobody thinks so ) so an ultrasound seemed totally unnecessary. That book is from the UK and might seem a bit radical but the author points out that we really have no idea about the long term consequences of doing US, just like X-rays 20-30 years ago.
Just something to think about....
Ravin's Avatar Ravin 12:34 AM 03-25-2003
Oh, yeah! My mom thinks I'm nuts because twins run in our family and she didn't find out my sisters were twins until 3 days before they were born. I told her that I'll have an U/S if HCg levels are high and uterus size is large for my stage of pg at my first visit. Otherwise, forget it.

I have one crunchy friend who doesn't think I'm nuts, the rest do, including DP. He wants to know the sex. Everyone thinks it's this great inconvenience not to know. I think it would be far more inconvenient if they got it wrong (as they often do), and I hate sex-oriented baby gifts. A baby is a baby.
naturegirl's Avatar naturegirl 12:35 AM 03-25-2003
There have also been studies in which there was a relationship between ultrasound and impaired auditory development. The U/S was effecting the inner ear development or the auditory nerve. (I need to look at that study again...)

Anyway, they are NOT completely safe like most people think. I know that in some cases they are necessary and very helpful but performing U/S should be the exception not the rule.

You ladies are just trying to protect your children and their inutero development. You are being the responsible ones!

Just wanted to add this:
(Print this out for your friends: )

Fetal Ultrasound Linked to Brain Damage - GCN-NEWS@11:11 am PST <>

According to news today from the National Post Online, researchers have uncovered more evidence suggesting that ultrasound scans on pregnant women may lead to brain damage in their unborn babies.
According to the article, the study is the most comprehensive done yet on the effects of ultrasound scanning. The research team found that men born to mothers who received ultrasound scans while pregnant were more likely to show signs of subtle brain damage....
[Edited due to copyright violation. If you have a link to provide readers please do so. Please review our Copyright Concerns in the Rules and Guidelines board. ~Cynthia
miranda's Avatar miranda 03:00 PM 03-25-2003
I didn't have an U/S with my dd as there did not seem to be any reason to, and I'm happy to report that she came out just right. This time I don't have any intention of getting one unless my midwife thinks that there is a medical reason to get it done. I've been lucky that all my freinds and family think that my decision is a wise one.

guestmama9924's Avatar guestmama9924 03:14 PM 03-25-2003
my answer was always " I am not having any unnecessary medical tests" or " if it is needed, then I guess I will have one"
Serenity's Avatar Serenity 03:30 PM 03-25-2003
people thought i was wacky too. i just said the dr only does them if there's a true medical reason for it. they liked the sound of that but honestly i went to midwives and was given the option which i declined.
Evergreen's Avatar Evergreen 03:36 PM 03-25-2003
With #1 I had an u/s (didnt know what I know now) but chose not to find out the sex. People thought I was crazy.

With #2 I didnt have an ultrasound, people still thought I was crazy. If they find a problem on the u/s can they even do anything about it? Why put yourself thru unnesc. worry and your baby thru possible harm just to find out the sex of the baby, sheesh!
(Although, I admit it was exciting to see the profile and the little arms, legs , kidneys etc. but it did seem kind of like I shouldnt be seeing it, sorta like tempting fate or something KWIM.)
guestmama9924's Avatar guestmama9924 03:52 PM 03-25-2003
Originally posted by greenluv
People have started asking if we know the sex of the baby.
"we know, but we are not telling"
"it's a little early to assign gender roles on the child isn't it?"
"its both"
"its neither"
"its a boy " ( like are they gonna follow up with you?)
or my all time favorite
"what do you mean? I'm not pregnant..."
Smart ass answers guaranteed to please
MelMel's Avatar MelMel 04:07 PM 03-25-2003
I always got' oh, how nice' or 'thats the way it should be' when I told people we didnt know and dont wanna know what the sex of the baby was...ultrasound never really came up...

a few parents would say 'oh, well, we HAD to know' but that was only a minority....

:sinister :sinister :sinister :sinister
velveeta's Avatar velveeta 08:10 PM 03-25-2003
I just say, "no, we are waiting until birth to find out the sex." If they want to think that we had u/s, power to them.

I don't have the energy to go around preaching about why I don't think it is a good idea. One of my co-workers kept hounding me about it. So, after that, I just kept my birth choices to myself!

steffanie3's Avatar steffanie3 09:59 PM 03-25-2003
My standard answer for boy or girl is we want to be surprised, that has seemed to sufice most people. They do mention it would be easier with gifts and I would have to say I agree as far as clothing goes, but oh well.

Oh a nurse asked us at our last appointment and my DH said a baby! She just laughed and I told her we didn't want to know. I just loved his answer.

tinyshoes's Avatar tinyshoes 03:03 AM 03-26-2003
I love how people know I'm doing a homebirth, and that I'm seeing a midwife. They ask about the u/s and I tell them I'm not having one.

The funny thing is, they don't know why, and it's not until I explain that my midwife does not have an u/s machine in her home.

How weird is that? Like, 5 people have assumed, apparently, that my homebirth midwife has an u/s on her person. Funny.

And I always say when queried about the baby's sex: 'there are few suprises that are happy either way.'
cottonwood's Avatar cottonwood 04:21 PM 03-26-2003
I always say that ACOG does not recommend U/S unless it is medically indicated.
panda's Avatar panda 02:06 PM 03-27-2003
Sorry if I'm derailing this thread a little ...

For those of you who've decided not to have ultrasound, do you avoid doppler, too? I'm trying to make up my mind about which things to have done - I haven't even picked a caregiver yet (just found out a few weeks ago that we're expecting!). Anyway, I can see not having u/s unless there's some medical indication for it. It would be fun to hear the heartbeat early, but I can be patient if the same risks apply.
Kirsten's Avatar Kirsten 10:07 PM 03-27-2003
I am due with baby #3 end of May. First pregnancy (before I was educated) I had two ultrasounds. Told them I did NOT want to find out the sex and we did not. Second pregnancy, chose no ultrasound. This pregnancy - same - no ultrasound.

I agree with what others have said - fun to be surprised at the birth (with gender), nothing to be done if you find a problem (most times) but stressing you out, and they can be wrong - with gender, due date, or health problems. I have always known my due date - don't insult me by telling me you know better than me when I had unprotected sex with my husband!

I would agree to one if I was measuring way off or there was some indication that we needed to look. The benefit would have to outweigh the risk and so far it has not.

I actually love it when the topic of me not having an ultrasound comes up! It is fun to be a little out of the mainstream and have a chance to educate people. I don't get preachy but I think if you at least mention it (don't even have to go into why if you don't think it appropriate) it gives that person something to think about and maybe they will ask questions or be supportive if they or someone they know is considering it.

I have had one person think that you HAD to have an ultrasound - that you couldn't decline it. I think it is very scary that some people think there is ANYTHING that you can't decline. Everything is declinable!

maudlin's Avatar maudlin 10:37 PM 03-27-2003
panda, I have decided not to have ultrasounds, and I have also declined the doppler. I haven't been able to find as much specific information about the doppler, but it does use sound waves just like an ultrasound. My midwives were fine with it and actually welcomed the opportunity to "practice" with the fetoscope. (I guess not too many people decline the doppler!) The only downside is that we don't get to hear the baby's heartbeat (but feeling him/her move around in my belly is enough reassurance for me!). It also takes longer for the midwife to find and time the heartbeat.
cottonwood's Avatar cottonwood 11:07 PM 03-27-2003
The doppler can be used to detect the heartbeat much earlier than the fetoscope. I allowed the doppler once my last pregnancy -- so we could get a really good idea of position of baby and placenta. All other times I used a fetoscope -- they sell ones with long cords so you can listen yourself.
tinyshoes's Avatar tinyshoes 02:49 AM 03-28-2003
My homebirth midwife has both a fetoscope and a doppler, and prefers to use the fetoscope when applicable (if mom were laboring in a birth tub, she'd use the doppler.)

After my midwife listens to the heartbeat w/ the fetoscope, she passes the ear pieces over to me, and I get a turn to listen.

It is VERY faint, here at 25 weeks. I could not hear it at 21 weeks.

At about 23 weeks, my husband can hear the heartbeat with his ear pressed against my belly (you MUST be listening in the right spot to hear the heartbeat; keeping a hand on mom's pulse helps to differentiate the speedy fetal beat vs. mom's slower heartbeat.)

NOW is the thread derailed?
Chelly2003's Avatar Chelly2003 12:10 PM 03-28-2003
I'm not having a U/S unless its a medical nessesity.

I didn't have one with my daughter, and I did with my son. Although its really exciting to see the baby etc.... I'd be happier missing it this time round (and that darn FULL BLADDER)

A woman I work with has already had two and she's 16 weeks along!!! She still wants to find out the sex of her baby, so will have another one. I think Doctors just want to use it to see the heartbeat, they don't want to try find it using other methods.

Kirsten's Avatar Kirsten 04:40 PM 03-28-2003
Forgot to mention a woman who was in our childbirth classes. She had signed up for a study - they did an ultrasound on her EVERY WEEK! She had 30 of them I believe. I forget what they were studying but I was horrified. So was our childbirth teacher (Bradley method). Our teacher tried to nicely ask her some questions to make her think but she (the woman having all the ultrasounds) was completely fine with it - her DOCTOR told her about the study so it must be 100% safe of course!

Side question about doppler. First pregnancy I had one most visits but nurse-midwife did use the fetoscope some. When I was in labor I asked the nurse there to use the fetoscope and they DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ONE ON THE LABOR/DELIVERY FLOOR! I told them I knew there were some over in the clinic (a one minute walk down the hall) so finally someone went and got one for me but the nurses in L & D had no idea what to do with it and couldn't hear well with it. When my midwife came (she was at another birth down the hall), she did fine with it.

Second pregnancy, we used doppler and fetoscope about half and half. I was reducing our use but still did use it to quickly hear the heartbeat.

This pregnancy, we have only used doppler twice I think. Last visit (30 weeks) my midwife could hear the heartbeat with the fetoscope but I couldn't. Bummer but he/she is kicking around in there - and the midwife heard what she needed. So I am fine with that. I do use doppler but try to keep it to a minimum.
ndmom's Avatar ndmom 10:25 PM 03-28-2003
We haven't had any US with this baby (our first) and we have used the Doppler the last two visits. I think I'm going to ask the midwives to just stick with the fetuscope if it doesn't compromise anything, I don't feel right about having all those sound waves every month. It was amazing to hear the heartbeat the first time, wouldn't want to miss that! A midwife friends said it really helps make a connection to the babe early in the pregnancy, especially before they start moving around.
Made it so real and amazing for us to hear that first time!

Kristen, that woman must have had a whacked out doc! What a lot of unnecessary treatments, what was the study for I wonder? Side-effects of excessive US???:
JenniferC's Avatar JenniferC 01:24 AM 03-29-2003
No Doppler no US! We're having a midwife assisted homebirth if all goes well, and I was surprised that pretty much everyone in our prenatal class had done US, our midwife has even commented that it will be interesting that our baby has never had US OR dopller. She has been using the penard horn and picked up babies heart at around 20 weeks or so, husband has been listening since around 30 .

If there was a situation that REALLY warranted these things, it would be okay by us, but most of the time it's just DONE, just because!
Mommasgirls's Avatar Mommasgirls 02:19 PM 03-29-2003
My midwixes don't do routinue u/s. I never had one with my oldest DD and had one with youngest DD because my dates were off and we didn't hear her heartbeat.
But no one questioned the fact that I didn't have one with my first-guess I was just lucky.