It's hard to believe, but it's the absolute truth. I was enthralled and crazy about anything to do with pregnancy and birth before I had ever conceived a baby. I researched countless online articles, read books, visited prospective hospitals and even visited a school in anticipation of being ready intellectually for a child even when my dh and I weren't even trying for one yet. This bug hit me about a year ago. I had five months of this pregnancy delirium. My dh thought I was nuts.
Then last July, my father passed away. I had lost my father, grandfather, teacher, brother.. I was an only child and my parents are everything to me. It devastated me. For six months I lived in a sort of limbo. I was very close to my dad and I could tell him anything. It was like losing part of myself.
I am one of those people that believe everything happens for a reason. Well my dad was a young, healthy 72-year-old. He died unexpectedly of a heart attack. While I was in my pregnancy research craze, I related to him how important it was to me for him to be there when I was in labor and to see his grandchild born. He was extremely touched, and my mother tells me to this day that he was never happier than when he heard that.
I was (and still am) pretty knowledeable about the subject and because I found out I was pregnant exactly six months after my dad passed away, I know that happened for a reason. Now I can focus on enjoying my pregnancy and knowing all the important things that I need to know. I'm still reading of course, but I'm already way ahead of the game and too overwhelmed and excited to dig deep and research. I'm just checking facts and ironing out some doubts here on this forum. Had it not been for all my research, I would have most likely said, Oh I'll have an epidural in a hospital with an OB. Before my research that was just the first thing that came to mind. Now I'm having my baby in a birth center with a midwife, unmedicated.
I'm sorry this post is so long, but I just wanted to assure you, Momof3Girlz, just savor this time and enjoy what you like. Have fun! Don't feel guilty
Believe me, I got some strange looks, but I didn't care. Do and act what feels right.