I can't go to bed w/o crying - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 11 Old 03-28-2003, 03:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My kitty died this week . I knew something was up when she escaped on Saturday night and we still hadn't heard from her by Monday morning. DH found her Monday at lunch, curled up by the back door of the house, dead. It looks like she ate a rodent that had been poisoned (grrr!) b/c she wasn't injured.

Anyway, now every time I go to bed, I think of how she's supposed to be at the end of the bed playing with my feet. Then I think of how sweet she was. Then I think of how awful it must've been to lie by the door wanting in the house because she felt sick and then how bad it must've been to die out there just waiting for her owners to realize she wanted in :.

Then I get so mad at the idiot who thought mouse poison was a good solution (we have had rodents before, but I will NOT poison them!). Then I start thinking of all the things we could have, should have, would have done to keep her from getting out on Saturday. "If she just hadn't..." Then I get all upset and go through the whole cycle again. I miss her, a lot, but I also miss going to sleep w/o help (I've been taking a mild sedative so I can't fight the sleep). I don't know what to do. It's not until the house is quiet at night and we're all in bed that I realize how much I miss her presence. I guess bedtime was her time b/c she slept with us (that was going to have to change when baby got here; guess I don't have to worry about that now ).

Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with this? Her body's already "disposed of" so the whole kitty funeral/burial idea is out. I have this sinking feeling that I'm just gonna have to wait it out and "get over it"...

Charlotte, midwife to some awesome women, wife to Jason, and no longer a mama to all boys S reading.gif('01), A nut.gif ('03) S lol.gif ('08) and L love.gif ('10).
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#2 of 11 Old 03-28-2003, 04:13 AM
 
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Oh no, that is so sad. I don't have any suggestions but I really feel for you. I do believe that she'll be waiting to see you again someday.
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#3 of 11 Old 03-28-2003, 10:59 AM
 
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I've been there........... and I'm so sorry, but don't beat yourself up.

Chelly
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#4 of 11 Old 03-28-2003, 11:15 AM
 
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I'm sorry.
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#5 of 11 Old 03-28-2003, 11:27 AM
 
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I'm so sorry, Charlotte.
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#6 of 11 Old 03-28-2003, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I keep thinking that I must be really shallow b/c other people have bigger things to worry about than their cat dying, but I think I'm just hitting that really emotional transition between 2nd and 3rd trimesters. I've been thinking abou my mom a lot lately too and how she'll not get to see this baby either. I think nighttime is just really hard for me. I'm hoping soon I'll get over it b/c I was up until 3am last night . Wouldn't be a big deal if my toddler didn't wake up bright and early at 7am every morning! I'm praying for a long nap today (and for my mind to be at EASE so I can sleep during that nap!)!!

Charlotte, midwife to some awesome women, wife to Jason, and no longer a mama to all boys S reading.gif('01), A nut.gif ('03) S lol.gif ('08) and L love.gif ('10).
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#7 of 11 Old 03-28-2003, 12:47 PM
 
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I have some horrible guilt feelings about a little kitty I had. He was a few months old. My husband's dog was awful with cats, but seemed to avoid mine. I was cooking dinner one night, and the kitten froze and looked nervously at the dog, and in the time it took to blink, the dog grabbed and shook my kitten to death...on purpose. The dog hated cats. Dh got rid of the dog, but I would have loved to shoot her. She was constantly growling threateningly at me, and others, and tried to attack children. I think you will always feel bad, but the pain will lesson with time.
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#8 of 11 Old 03-28-2003, 01:03 PM
 
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You are not being shallow!!
We have 2 dogs who are like children to us, and if anything happened to them, we would be devastated.
Pets are a big part of your life, of course you're going to be depressed and sad when they leave you. Don't be so hard on yourself, ok?
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#9 of 11 Old 03-28-2003, 02:29 PM
 
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Oh, Charlotte! You are not being shallow. I am so sorry.

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#10 of 11 Old 03-29-2003, 10:34 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. Pets are part of the family--I lost my dog the same week I lost a great aunt and a friend (bad week!) and the dog was the most difficult loss. That made me feel crazy at the time, but he had been there with me every day for the past decade.
We had a buriel for him, but it didn't help me much. Talking out loud, like in the car when you're alone, or writing a letter often seems to help a little, even if you feel weird doing it.
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#11 of 11 Old 03-30-2003, 01:55 AM
 
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You're not shallow.

I think that sometimes it has to be okay to just be sad. Not fight it. When my last relationship (before dh) ended, there was a period of time where I would know that nights would suck. I would get into bed, cry and finally fall asleep...And I got to be okay with it. Weird, I know. It was like once I stopped fighting the sadness, stopped beating myself up for being sad, it got better little by little.

Its not just the cat. You couldn't save it. It died alone and you couldn't do anything to comfort or nurse it. You could not "mother" your "baby" kitten and she died a senseless death. Those are big issues, especially when you consider that you know the power of life--it pulses within you. Pregnancy is so amazing on many levels because it directly connects you with creation/life force...so you feel things more intensely.

Above all, you must face those feelings and nurture your heart to healing and health. Fearing the sorrow prevents healing.

Jesse
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