pregnant and feeling blah.... about it. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 9 Old 09-01-2006, 07:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I remember my first pregnancy, i remember finding out and not being able to contain the grin on my face long enough to wait 5 minutes to tell my husband. I remember being so excited about all the facinating changes my body would go though, about becoming a mom, aobut meeting a new little person. I remember wanting to know everything that was going on. I remember being so ready for that change,feeling like sure it would be hard and a big change but I could handle it. That was 3 years ago. I have a beautiful 2 year old now, who I adore. I love him so much and I have loved the last 2 years.

Well I found out I was pregnant this morning. And I feel completely the opposite. My mind is screaming "NO NOT YET" (even though we have been planning for this for months) It certainly was not a surprise. This is completely a planned pregnancy,, and months ago, I was so looking forward to expanding my family. I am stressing about the 7 pounds since the last pregnancy that I had not lost yet. The pants I will never wear... I really should get rid of them. I am feeling completely unsexy... possibly I can never be sexy again. ... okay that's not true but I feel like I will never be sexy again and I am not liking this not happy feeling one bit. Why can't I be excited about this one. I might get a girl this time. She might sleep a bit better than the last one. I'm closer to mom, so she'll be thrilled to help out. My sister in law (a gem of a woman...love her to bits... saved my butt so many times the last time I was pregnant and helped me deal with my disappearing doctor) is planning to move here too so it would be nice to see her more often. I have most of the baby stuff and now we have more than 700 square feet of space for us to occupy. So many things are better than the last time and yet I feel soooo much more inadequate and not ready.

I am hoping this is just hormones... I am hoping I can feel joy about this soon. I should feel joy. how do I find it?
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#2 of 9 Old 09-02-2006, 09:49 AM
 
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RElax. It will come. Hormones are in a state of flux, and everything inside you is topsy turvy!

As for that last 7 pounds, I always dropped the end of my baby weihg tin the first 12 weeks when I wasn't feeling so great!
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#3 of 9 Old 09-02-2006, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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did you feel absolutely miserable, trapped too during prenancy. Cuz I definately never felt this my last time. when did it change, how did it change?
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#4 of 9 Old 09-02-2006, 02:55 PM
 
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Trapped? Uh, yes, but it's mostly because my husband abandoned me today to go to the casino...even though I've not been feeling hot all week due to allergies, have had back pain for the last two days, added neck pain to it this morning, and threw up 5 minutes before he left. He's going to act like this with a young child and one on the way?

Okay, so aside from blaming some of how I'm feeling on my husband, I admit that I feel trapped from time to time. A lot here recently, I imagine it's partly hormones, and partly just the reality of another baby sinking in. It's a life sentence, of sorts, and I think if you think about it too hard it's easy to get freaked out. But at the same time, taking things one day at a time, knowing that there is some undefined date in the distant future when you'll have more freedom again...it kind of brings me down sometimes. But I also know that I am in need of a break and I haven't insisted on taking one. I ramble...

The BFP for this baby was much less exciting than the one for ds was. I think that's only normal, though. The first time you get to drive a car all by yourself, it's absolutely thrilling, the possibilities of where you *could* go, the freedom you potentiall have...the first baby and pregnancy is such a new experience full of new things to learn and do...and subsequent times, you kind of know what to expect, both the good and bad, and I think it's easy to and totally okay to be a little blah about it.

I guarantee it will not last forever, because how exciting is it going to be to have a new little baby next spring/summer? There will probably be anxieties, different ones from the last time around, but it will be okay. We will manage. We will overcome the blahs.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Oh--and those pants. There's no guarantee that you would've fit back into them anyway. I got down 2 pounds below my prepregnancy weight and found that I couldn't wear more than half of my pants because my bones-pelvis-hips had spread. So if that makes you feel any better...
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#5 of 9 Old 09-02-2006, 05:48 PM
 
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I think it gets a little scarier each time, because you know what you're getting into! The first time its easy to have little fantasies about nursing in a rocking chair in the moonlight in a lacy white gown... the 2nd or more you realize that really its being covered in spit-up and not having showered in 3 days and still needing to get your #1 to preschool on time and going grocery shopping, kwim?

This baby was planned, but I've had a much harder time this pregnancy both physically (which isnt helping any) and emotionally. I've had a lot of regret, even though I know once I meet this being I will fall in love and it will all be okay. At 19 weeks and still as sick and exhausted as I was at 9 weeks its hard to feel loving and bonded, really I feel like I have a parasite I want to get rid of! There's also a lot more guilt going around about my other kids and a lot more fear of how I am going to manage yet one more, and anger at my DH also for not doing enough... its just all more complicated. And its okay. I'm just riding it out, talking to my therapist when I need to, and doing what I can to keep functioning as well as I can.

Its the reality of parenthood, you know? It isnt all moonlight and roses no matter what the commercials say. Don't beat yourself up about it ... the more you can acknowledge your feelings the easier it is to put them in perspective and move on. Hang in there.
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#6 of 9 Old 09-02-2006, 06:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by storychick
I think it gets a little scarier each time, because you know what you're getting into! The first time its easy to have little fantasies about nursing in a rocking chair in the moonlight in a lacy white gown...


I think that's mostly what it is too! You'll come around to happiness, don't worry. Pregnancy and parenthood don't have the same charm the second time around, that's normal. We have realism on our shoulder the second time!

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
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#7 of 9 Old 09-02-2006, 08:46 PM
 
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Same story here. I still have moments when I think, unbidden and spontaneously, "What the HELL have we done?" and "I don't want another baby!" and when Henry and I are playing, I think that I'm going to hate having to take my attention away from him to deal with a newborn. However, I can tell you that over the last 31 weeks, I've grown to love this baby more and more and more...until mostly what's left in my emotions is nothing but excitement and joy. I really struggled in the beginning, and like you, we planned this one! I hope you find the same experience I did...that over the course of the pregnancy, you will fall in love! Each doc visit helped me, hearing his heartbeat, seeing him on the u/s machine, seeing his precious heart beating, etc.

Mama to H (6) B (3) : A (1)
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#8 of 9 Old 09-03-2006, 01:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thats what it is exactly. I don't want another baby, I want another child. the newborn stage was the most brutal thing I ever went through. not sleep for 3 months, with a baby who could suck my breasts off my chest wall .... or that's what it felt like. It did get better but very gradually. It was absolutely shear stupid determination that got me through those months. And you would think I could say I did it once, I can do it again. but I don't know... I don't feel like I am up to doing it again. .... and now I have to do that with my DS running around.

If I end up with another boy... I am just going to adopt a girl... or at least I will have arguments to adopt a girl, not a newborn girl, like a little older.
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#9 of 9 Old 09-05-2006, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I broke down and told my SIL. I needed to talk to a girl about it. and She is the best one around. I felt better

and the flowers and cuddles and random hugs and comments like "You look something beautiful right now" from the hubby really helped.

We got a few bookes for my DS about being a big brother. and went through the baby pictures. That helped too. And I think he sort of gets it. He has a cousin who has a baby brother now, so he has seen the baby thing. And I am getting my exercise plan in gear too. I think I can be ready for this. Doctor appointment tommorrow.

Thanks for all your words of encouragement. It really does help.
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