Do you ever think, 'this is a big mistake'? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 64 Old 05-11-2003, 04:56 AM
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I have 3 children, Gus, age 38 months, Ella age 22 months, Lucy 2 months. When I was pregnant with Ella, I read an article which said that I was going to permanently damage my children by having them too close together. I was in about the 8 month of pregnancy, and had many times questioned whether or not it was a mistake. I also am 15 months younger than my sister, and had heard the horror stories of her poking me in the eye, and moving all of my stuff out of the house when I was two weeks old, not to mention all of the sibling rivalry from that point forward. I was scared to death of having two children, much less a girl (i did not find out that she was a girl until she came sliding out on my bed!) since I don't know that many women with good relationships with their mothers.
Here's what I think now, now that I'm mom of 3, another less than 3 years apart. Our children choose us. They choose us so they can teach us. What can we learn from them, from this experience of being mothers? How can we grow with them. They will demand everything we have and more, whether they are 10 months apart or 4 years, or 10 years. In the beginning, you will have some challenges that those mothers who waited 'appropriate' lengths of time won't. You may be breastfeeding two, like I did. You may be breastfeeding two and pregnant, like I was. Whether or not this was planned, a part of you knew that this was what your life would be. I am riding the heavy waves of postpartum hormones right now. It is sometimes really scary. I still think I have made a mistake sometimes. Babies come to us for reasons and your babies only need you to be true to yourself as much as possible.
Gotta go nurse Lucy.
Peace and blessings to you....
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#62 of 64 Old 05-11-2003, 10:35 AM
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My older two are 18 months apart, IMO, having them closer together is better. Because they were both babies at the same time, I could take care of their needs at the same time. My DS1 loved my DD right from the start. We talked to him about my belly the whole time I was pregnant with her and when she came out, it was like he was waiting for her just like we were. There was no adjustment, that I saw, and I haven't even seen any sibling rivalry...yet! They even had their own language that no one could understand but them, like twins. When DD wasn't able to speak yet, DS1 would interpret for me. When DD was a little baby, I used to feel like I wasn't able to give her what I gave DS, but looking back I realize she didn't get less loving, she got it from a different source, her big brother! Sometimes, when she was hurt or upset, she would go to him...and still does! Of course, they were the only thing I had time for. My house was never really clean and I always had laundry to do, and I was okay w/ that! It's easier to say that now, when it's over, but it definately helped keep my sanity...being able to accept the mess :. When they both needed me, it was easy to fit each of them on my lap and just hold them. I think that made them closer to each other. They are now 5 1/2 and 4 years old. They are each others best friend, they have the same interests, they get along so well and love each other so much. Every night, they pray for each other first! My third is a different story, he is 3 years younger than my second (I had the exact same due date w/ my 2nd and 3rd!), and I think it's more difficult. The older ones want to go, go, go and I am having a really hard time keeping up w/ the baby in tow. I feel like I kind of held them back for a little while. I also feel bad for the baby sometimes because he's not part of the bond his brother and sister have. Although they each love him so very much. (Sometimes I think I should have another baby for DS2 to have the same kind of relationship!) The baby is now a year old, and it's getting easier to be what all three of them need. I'm sure you will make it work! Good luck and have fun w/ your babies!
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#63 of 64 Old 05-12-2003, 09:23 AM
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I think closely saced children are wonderful. My eldest was 4 when baby #2 came baby # 2 was13 mo when baby #3 came And having them close together was the BEST thing I ever did. I do however remeber holding my COLIC baby #2 she was 4 mo old and crying NO I cant possible be preggo. The were like twins seperated they slept together they still do they do do anything with out each other The are best of friends I actually had to stop them from bathing with each other they dont let each other do anything alone and they are 5 and 6. My #3 was 4 when baby #4 come along and I will tell you the age differ for me is harder then the closness at least for me.
Good luck and god bless
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#64 of 64 Old 05-13-2003, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm here, just to let you wonderful, wise, caring women know! This thread is beyond amazing and I always cry when I read your heartfelt, encouraging posts. I am so grateful to you all and my baby growing inside is, too because she (I feel strongly I'm having a girl) has a much calmer, confident and at peace mama.

Hope to post more but still reading all your wonderful words.

Thank you, thank you.

What a blessing you all are to me and my family!

P.S. Just thought I'd share that my milk supply is still great and that was one of my biggest concerns about being pregnant now. I'm 3 months, according to due date calendars and still nursing on the hour with my DS gulping at each breast everytime! Water is the key...and I'm committed to nursing no matter what.
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