Anybody not sharing baby name until birth? need to vent - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 07:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've decided not to share the baby's name, because of rude reactions. Last time, we had such a hard time with names, because of people's reactions. We loved "Kai" so much, and everybody seemed to be pleased with it, so we stuck with that name.
This time, we picked a name long before I ever got pregnant. It was one of those things that came up in conversation with my FIL's girlfriend and daughter at a family BBQ. Their reaction was so astoundingly rude!! DH and I decided not to tell anybody the name.
Anyhow, we were out to dinner this past weekend with FIL, his GF and her daughter. A**** (the daughter) sat down and first thing she asked was "What are you naming the baby?" I just shrugged my shoulders and said that I didn't know. She said "Well don't name her G*****, that's an aweful name"
I seriously wanted to reach over the table and wrap five of my fingers around her neck, and put my fist through her teeth. WHY are people so RUDE??? Of course, hours later I came up with the greatest comeback....so next time I'm going to tell her this "How about this A****, when you get pregnant and carry a baby for 9 months, I'll let you name it whatever you want! I'll even keep my opinion to myself until you decide that you care enough about my opinion to ASK for it!" Think she'll get the picture?
Me oh my...the day this baby is born is going to be a very disappointing day for her, indeed. I dare her to say something to my face once my little girl is born. Don't mess with momma bear!!
Alright...I feel better now.
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#2 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 07:40 PM
 
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Some people are SO rude! We're not sharing names either...especially with family!
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#3 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 07:52 PM
 
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We don't tell either. With dc#1, we told my parents a name we were *considering*, and they started calling him that like it was set in stone. We've also gotten the "Oh, I knew a so-and-so and she was such a b----!" So now, we just don't tell. Or, we come up with something really bad. With dc #1 we started saying we'll name him "Hobart Kerwin" (my apologies to anyone who likes that name, or whose grandfather is named that, but we didn't like it.) With dc#2 we said her name will be "Nonameyet". We gave it a kind of french pronunciation, but when you look at it you can see it's no-name-yet.

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#4 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 08:04 PM
 
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I told my mom we didn't know what we were going to name dd so I had messages on my voicemail all the time, her just letting me know she 'really liked the name ____', or 'have you thought of _____?' finally I told her we had decided but weren't saying because I didn't want any reactions. She told me that she wouldn't say anything and wouldn't tell anyone else if I would just tell her. I caved and guess who decided to tell everyone at my shower what we were naming our baby? Yep. Won't do that next time. I'll stick to my guns much better next time.
I know what you mean about people being down right rude though, my husband and I like different very unpopular names and in the beginning when people asked I would just rattle off some of the names that we liked but weren't really considering. My boss actually asked me, "Well why don't you just name her Goddess or Sunshine or Rainbow since you like all those weird names?" Ugh.
When people I didn't know asked me I'd lie and tell them a super popular name at the time that wasn't even on our list, like Madison or Ava, that way if they loved it, fine, and if they hated it I didn't care because it wasn't a name that I was considering.
I'm the kind of person who will jump through hoops though, just to protect my privacy. I did learn though to never try to suggest names or change someone's mind about their choice!

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#5 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 08:13 PM
 
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We didn't tell anyone the name before our daughter was born. When we told FIL after she was born, he told us it wasn't too late to get it changed on the birth certificate. : I'm sure he'll ask what we're planning on for the name this time. My planned comeback: "Don't worry--if it's a girl, we aren't going to name her Janelle, because, you know, that would be too confusing to have 2 kids with the same name."
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#6 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 08:14 PM
 
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Learned our lesson YEARS ago about sharing names before the birth. Dh and I never tell anyone, not even our other kids.
Now, I had assumed that no one would be so rude as to make a negative comment AFTER the baby comes, but I was wrong.

Baby #7 is Gunnar. It fits him perfectly, and we LOVE his name. The day after he was born, I was telling a friend his name, and she said "Gunnar? Oh, well, that's INTERESTING. I guess it grows on you, huh?" I cried. She had her baby the following week and named her "Wynter Wanda". I didn't say a word. Another person said "I just hope he doesn't get beaten up on the playground with a name like that." All of this after he was born.

Baby #8 didn't have a name for 2 weeks. We had several we liked, but weren't sure which one was his. When we would tell people he didn't have a name, they would start throwing names at us.
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#7 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 09:12 PM
 
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We're not sharing our names either. My mother is already harassing me to tell her our list of names and I won't. When she keeps bothering me I tell her the names that she likes just to shut her up. I hate hearing her rude comments, I don't know why she feels like she has a say in my child's name.

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#8 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 09:19 PM
 
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We've had our girls name picked out since long before she was conceived. We haven't told anyone. Everyone has been fairly respectful except for my mom. She insists on asking, suggesting, etc. When I finally asked her to back down, she said she was just afraid because my best friend named her child Z******, and that name was just awful and I had never said anything bad about it and she was worried I would name my child something like that.

~blink blink~

The reply was... and who cares if I did? My kid, my name, yeesh. And just because I hadn't said anything bad about that name?!? I personally like the name, but how does my best friend's choice of name have any influence on mine?

Then it was "how come I'm not in your inner circle enough for you to tell me". I had to explain that no one was. There is no inner circle. This is something that we're doing alone... sans other people's opinions.

If I'd have known better, I would have just said we hadn't decided yet. Seems like either way, we get the flurry of suggestions.

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#9 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 09:23 PM
 
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We didn't share last time and we're not sharing this time. Azure was Speck until she arrived on this side of me, and this one is Peanut until s/he is born. My mother seems to think that that name might actually stick, however! We don't share because we don't want reactions either.

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#10 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 09:28 PM
 
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Oh yes, we get this all the time! We are now known as the people who name our kids weird things! Each time I am pregnant, the family can't wait to hear because they know it's going to be weird. We have gotten the rude comments too, I just try to ignore it. I am probably not going to tell anyone this time, except maybe my mom. She loves my kids' names

Harlan Godric Wolfgang, Truman Noble Lionheart, Graydon Richard Ransom, Rowan Elizabeth Bronwyn, Elowen Isolde Lyonesse. Yes, they all have 2 middle names too! I actually thought I would give them 1 'normal' middle name and 1 'not normal' so they could go by either when they grow up. I love their names and hope they all love them as adults.

As for the rude comments, I think people assume that when you are naming a child, you are LOOKING for comments and advice. I really would not tell anyone, or else just tell them you decided to wait until after the baby is born to really decide.
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#11 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 09:44 PM
 
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We don't share our names, either. My mom was really rude last time when I told her what we were going to name dd, so I told her she can wait until the baby is here to know what she will be called.

I am not sure why other people think their input on someone else's baby name choice matters. It is so annoying!
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#12 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 10:09 PM
 
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I will tell almost everyone BUT family. Last time we love one name and the whole family threw a big stink about it. Luckly, we also loved the name Allison. This time I will talk about the name on MDC or to close friends who will keep it quiet and reserve comments to themselves. We have a couple respectful friends like that .
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#13 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 10:41 PM
 
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I dont tell names before the baby is born because I dont want people to steal it, or dont want the moaning and complaining
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#14 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 10:45 PM
 
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Morwenna, I have always loved your kids' names.
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#15 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 11:08 PM
 
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We're not telling names. I wish I didn't have the memory of my cousin and my aunt mocking my dd's name. It was 8 years ago, and it still ticks me off. Not that I hold a grudge

I have one friend who will not let it rest. She has a 3yo son with a very conventional name. She has the baby jones in a bad way, but she won't be having any more children. The names she likes to talk about are more unique, and mainly girl's names. I get where she's coming from. At first I was pretty annoyed with her, but as time goes on I mind it less and less.

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#16 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 11:10 PM
 
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heck, as of right now our plan is to not even PICK a name until after the birth.

Alia + Brian proud parents to Rowan (9/8/04) Lila (9/3/07) and Rhys (6/11/10)
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#17 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 11:29 PM
 
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We're not telling. If someone insists, my stock replies are Critter Buckshot and Squid Amphibian.

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#18 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 11:33 PM
 
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We didn't tell with our first, told most people with our 2nd, since we just began to care less about the stupid comments people made, as if they could change our minds. This time we will tell most people, but family usually gets told last...We have to figure out the names for ourselves first.

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#19 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 11:54 PM
 
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We didn't tell until after the birth both times, I didn't care about other people's input!

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#20 of 67 Old 01-02-2007, 11:57 PM
 
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Same here. I remember with my second, Aja, I laid down the law. I was tired of ppls (especially my pushy mothers) opinions on names and what they thought I should use. Finally, I said I was not saying anything else about the names. I would introduce her to everyone when she was born. ANd that was that.

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#21 of 67 Old 01-03-2007, 12:00 AM
 
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we didn't tell anyone the name. i was so annoyed by people asking, but i really didn't want to tell people because i didn't want to know their reaction.
people just couldn't stop asking though. we ended up giving them a fake name just to get them to stop. "raydon", from the video game "mortal kombat" was our fake name, we even told them that it was a "mortal kombat" character.
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#22 of 67 Old 01-03-2007, 12:04 AM
 
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We're not going to tell anyone before. I don't need everyones opinion. My babies seemed to communicate the name to me. I felt that both names were perfect when they were born.

Wendy - mom to dd1(11), dd2(7), dd3(3)
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#23 of 67 Old 01-03-2007, 12:11 AM
 
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I'm kind of selective about telling. I like the name we've choosen (Emmett) but it has gotten mixed reactions. Mostly the completely acceptable "that's nice." A few "great name!" and one or two "Ehhhh?" The "Ehhhhhh" really bothers me (particularly when followed by a lot of other name suggestions). I mean, if you ask, please be aware that there are TWO acceptable reactions to the name 1) "nice name" or 2) a lot of enthusiasm. Otherwise, keep your opinion to yourself. Really. Other people have no say in the matter and are severely confused if they think their suggestions are welcome in any way.

One friend kept offer alternative names every time we talked (all of which were terrible, IMHO). I finally said that my and DH's opinions were the only one's that counted and that I had a lot of "rules" about the name that were too complicated for anyone else to follow (in terms of catagory of name, letters it could or could not start with, etc).
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#24 of 67 Old 01-03-2007, 12:32 AM
 
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We aren't telling anyone our boy name this time. I am so sick of reactions, I wouldn't change the name because of it, I just don't need the negativity. Everyone knows the girl name cause we've had it picked out for years. No one likes that name either, but I guess thats their problem.

My mil is the worst. My bil recently had a baby and my mil was soooo sure he was gonna name the baby something just cause when he was 15 he said he liked that name and was gonna name a son that someday (needless to say it wasn't even on his consideration list and bil didn't even remember ever saying that to her). Then once dh told them a name we were considering and she got monogramed clothes (and we didn't even know the gender!). With my first she spilled the news to my aunt - whom my dd is named after - and the poor women cried in front of my wedding party at the news. It was sooo bad. No more telling her names ever!

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#25 of 67 Old 01-03-2007, 12:37 AM
 
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We arent telling. We honestly dont have a name set yet, though, so it isnt too hard not telling. With ds, we knew the name before we knew he was a boy and we got good reactions, but this time we wanted it to be a surprise.
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#26 of 67 Old 01-03-2007, 02:43 AM
 
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i learned real quick to keep to myself with most people because I was answering a co worker (why does everyone and there dog ask gender? due date? name? people I don't even know sometimes!) and mentioned the girl name we picked first (we are apparently having a boy) and he laughed assumming I was kidding! I shut up quick!
In general I have NEVER done something so private that so many people feel an intense desire to give there two cents about than this whole pregnancy thing. I am shocked almosty daily about how comfortable people feel to give me chunks of their mind when I have not asked for any of it.
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#27 of 67 Old 01-03-2007, 03:17 AM
 
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We aren't telling either. My mother wore out our girl name last time (even though we ended up with boys), and I received way too much unsolicited advice and snide comments on the spelling of one of our boy's names.

This time, we've just told people that we do have a name, but that we aren't sharing. It's enough that they know the gender, we just want to keep some element of surprise for delivery.
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#28 of 67 Old 01-03-2007, 04:12 AM
 
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We couldn't picture naming ours until it (didn't have an US) was born. Once she came, it still took us a couple of days to find her name - Nyamae D'Agata Alloway. The D'Agata is DH's last name and the Alloway is mine.

Did anyone else have difficulty with the last name?????????
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#29 of 67 Old 01-03-2007, 04:44 AM
 
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Haha, some people are talking about the fake name that they tell others to quiet their questioning.

Ours are:

Girl: Sapphire Aqua...."Sapphie"
Boy: Gemini Turquoise...."Jimmy Turk"

:
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#30 of 67 Old 01-03-2007, 07:52 AM
 
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we didn't tell anyone, but then again, we didn't know gender... so my standard answer was "we have a short list for both"
ppl seemed to let it go at that. then again, most my family and friends know i prefer unusual names: bishop / indigo / etc ...
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