Pregnant with #1 in our 30s - Page 15 - Mothering Forums

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#421 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 12:02 AM
 
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Michelle...I was just thinking that when I visited you guys in the TTC thread today... that someday soon you'll be back here with us again We miss you! And your llama is always welcome (if she fits)
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#422 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 10:12 AM
 
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How are the rest of you going to handle the daycare/CD issue (or is it not an issue)?
Up until a few weeks ago, I thought we'd still be in our apartment, with no washer/dryer, when the baby came, so CD was out. Now that we'll be moving and will have a w/d, I wish I could do it, but the daycare issue is what is stopping us now. I was also torn on the water/electricity usage vs. landfill crap issues, so ugh. Whatever. Sposies it is!

Hi Michelle! Good to hear from you! We miss you here! I know you'll be back soon, though!
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#423 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 10:44 AM
 
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I was also torn on the water/electricity usage vs. landfill crap issues, so ugh.
from what i've heard from a friend who is a professor of env'tal eng'g, it has way less impact if you wash your own, but when you use a service (as we will) the fuel costs compete with the landfill so it's a washout.
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#424 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 12:33 PM
 
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Just add a bit more fuel to the CD debate - I heard CDing is best economically & enviromentally if you wash your own AND if you have more than one kiddo. With only 1 child, it doesn't matter either way. DH and I are planning on only having one (although I am having second thoughts now that I know this is a boy...I worry more about boys as onlies, possibly for no good reason. Of course I also want a 3-5 yr difference between kids, ideally 4-5, so who knows if having another kiddo will even be possible or desirable?). Anyway, unless you KNOW you want more than 1 and you are washing at home, try not to feel too guilty (at least that is what I am telling myself, I sometimes have a hard time choking it down).
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#425 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 12:59 PM
 
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Ok, we had our 12 week appt.... good, strong heartbeat!

WOOHOO!!!!!! Sucker was loud, too!!

I am soooo relieved! I didn't start worrying til right before the appt. (like yesterday) but it was still unpleasant. How funny to hear a heartbeat and realize something's living inside me! DH is so excited. But he still won't go to Taco Bell for me. I know, he has to go to work, but seriously, what's more important, bringing home money or my food cravings? Um...never mind.

Food aversions are back worse than ever! What's that about? So frustrating!

Oh, and I've gained 5 pounds. I was happy with that because it feels like so much more, but still made me want to be careful not to gain too much. I'll probably try to talk myself out of the next cheeseburger craving...when nothing tastes good I might as well force myself to eat something healthy.

AND...she gave me the ok to go back to yoga class. JOY!!!! I was worried she'd be a hard sell...hot yoga, pregnancy...but when I reassured her that my teacher has had lots of pregnant students and will make me take my temp 6 times during the class and tell me to leave if it rises, she said ok. Whew! I've really missed my yoga...I'm starting to get grouchy without it! Should help me not to gain too much weight, too.

So all in all, a good day. Now that we've heard the hb, DH is going to announce at work. We did decide to do an amnio at 18 weeks (DH really wants to and he's been so supportive of me this far), cuz it's less risky than the CVS test. Not that I'm worried but it will be nice (as long as it comes back ok) to have the ease of mind once it's over. Doc didn't see anything on my chart to alert her other than my being 36 though. So far, no high-risk pregnancy for me!

I'm sooooo excited that things seem so good so far!

How's everyone?

Oh, the cd vs. daycare issue...we're just going to do home care at this point since I'm home most days (I work nights when DH can watch baby) so it shouldn't be a problem. Whatever babysitter we hire, CD is the deal and they'll have to deal with it! We're thinking of trying to find a nanny share, or just a part-time babysitter (if possible!) to do 4 or 5 hours a day (sometimes we rehearse during the day, or I can rest up if I have to work that night) ...probably cost me as much as daycare would but I'd rather have them here in my house than have to drop my kid off. Now comes the challenge of finding someone who wants a part-time day job...well, we have several months yet. (That's why we were thinking of a nanny share.)

Ciao, Julia
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#426 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 01:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Michelle - glad to see you still hanging out with us!

For the cost of washing vs sposie debate, diaperpin has calculator that's pretty cool. It's hard to know all the factors that contribute to the costs (and how they got their costs for water & detergent) but at least it's something. I'm also reassured that used diapers have a great resale value, so that brings down the overall cost if you're not having more than one child. DH is fine with used diapers but I have a yuck factor to get over before I buy any.

I checked out gdiapers & thought they were neato too - I wonder if daycares would use them? Seems like they're diaper covers with disposable liners that you can flush or trash but they're more enviro friendly than regular sposies. I they're more expensive though. :/

Emily don't feel guilty about using sposies - you have to do what works best for you. Part of the reason I want to use cloth is b/c it's so darn cute! Damn the planet, I need my baby's butt in prints! So it's not all altruism here by any means...

Julia YAY for a good strong !!!

Dee, mommy to Miss M 11/07 and little Miss I 5/10/10!
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#427 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 01:26 PM
 
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I agree about try not to feel guilty when you've weighed the options and made the decision you need to make. (We'll all have to compromise our values at certain points! I know that.) But even if you only have one, you can sell or give away the diapers so they'll be used again, you know? That's my plan. And those of you who need to do sposies and feel guilty could, you know, buy green diapers every once in a while, or recycle your glass, shop at a farmer's market sometimes, or maybe even do cloth for one week in the summer, or something. Little things. We all just do what we can.

It makes me mad how the world works, that we have to make these decisions between the ETHICAL choice and the possible one. And that often the ethical choice (environment wise) is only available to those who are pretty well off financially. (I live on student loans, but I also have a reasonable expectation of landing a decent-paying job, you know?) Don't even get me started on WIC. I love the idea of the government providing healthy food for women and chidren, but I'm ANGRY that they don't allow organics. Instead the program seems to me like just a dumping ground for more surplus subsidized industrial farm poison, just like school lunch programs. Twenty-four quarts of non-organic milk full of puss and antibiotics? How is THAT a healthy start for a kid? Why not give the option of tofu and soymilk and organic milk and broccoli, if you want to raise a nation of healthy kids?

End rant. Emily, I'm interested that you are seriously considering only one child. We are too. (I have the exact same response as you. I would LIKE a little boy, but if this first one had been a boy I think I would have a much harder time stopping without trying for a girl. It's easier for me to see a girl as an only, as well.) What about the rest of you? Do others of you think there's a good chance you'll be raising an only?
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#428 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 01:29 PM
 
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Oh wow, cross posting with my long-windedness and the interruption of the mail arriving and the dog going nuts. Julia, congrats! That's awesome! Hearing the heartbeat for the first time was so great. (We started telling after, too.) Dude, I say give into cravings. Mine definately changed and I didn't feel like eating hamburgers after awhile, so while you do... maybe there's something there you need.

Dee, that calculator is neat!
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#429 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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AW crap. I never even thought about the daycare CD issue and I know one's around here don't use CD's. Back to the drawing board. I have in the the interim tried to contact the City of Toronto's environmental Green Bin program to see if our apt can get a list of people who can get a Green Bin to composte stuff (that includes diapers).

I e-mailed G Diapers this week to find out about Canadian distribution and they *still* haven't gotten them into Canada. As much as I like the idea the cost of them may be too much.

Can't there be an easy choice???

Interesting theory on the only children. I'll give you another angle to think about because well I'm a girl and am an only child. That is one of the reasons I really want at least 2 kids (last night I was even like what about 3? to my H and he was like Are you insane? Who's paying for these kids?).

My personal experience growing up as an only was quite, well, lonely and overprotected. This is primarily b/c I had very strict old school European parents and every single family member (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) were all overseas. So there was only me and my parents for everything. Holidays, trips, you name it. I can't even begin to explain how many times I must have asked my parents for a brother and to this day, at age 31, I get wistful when I see my H and my friends with their siblings. There's just something that you cannot replace with friends, an unspoken understanding about growing up with *your* parents in *your* family.

THAT being said I have friends who are also only children who had great experiences being an only and only plan to have 1 child themselves. I think a lot of it is personality of the child and the parenting of the child b/c there's no guarantee that siblings will get along or even help out elderly parents as you get older. That's why it's hard to make a judgement call overall and you should do what you feel is right for your family in your situation. But for me, I have always envied people with siblings so I want that "bigger" family.

Julia - great news on the heartbeat!

Becky - Congrats on the condo!!! That's so exciting...
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#430 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 02:32 PM
 
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Dee...the gdiapers didn't get a great review on the diapering forum...I believe there's a thread on them there...they tend to clog the plumbing, but people use the covers for cloth sometimes.

Lane...I was at McDonald's today (this time I got a grilled chicken ) looking at the dollar menu and thinking how much easier it is to eat healthy when you have money. Organic is so expensive! Back when I was taking auditions I was so poor, and I would look longingly at the health food store and organic produce...knowing I couldn't afford it, and just dream of the day... mac and cheese is sooo cheap, and so lacking in nutrition! Your post reminded me of that. And you're right, it's about doing what you can...if cloth doesn't work for you (daycare makes that hard)...you don't have a washer/dryer, etc., don't beat yourself up! Do what you can! I know I can definitely ride my bike or walk more than I do, instead of driving, ya know?

As to how many children: I grew up with one brother, and it seemed an ok number. I've always had three in mind, however, but I'm not sure why! Just sticks in my head. After the doctor showed us a sheet on the statistics of downs syndrome babies today (I asked)...how it gets greater each year...DH said I only get 6 weeks off before the next one! Ack! I said "You stay away from me with that thing!" Thing is, I really want to take a little time after this one is born, get my violin playing into audition shape, and try for a better job. I'm really really really tired of playing opera (it's really hard on my body) and could use some more money. This is a good job, DH and I are doing fine, it's just not what I saw myself doing. I don't want to be here forever. So next summer I'm not working, and I'll use my parttime nanny or whatever we have, to practice my heiny off and at least TRY for a better job. THEN we can talk about more kids. I know we want at least 2, probably not more than 3. But I have to have a little more career satisfaction first though...I decided to put that off til after baby #1, but I def. can't wait beyond that. I'm gonna lose my mind!

That said, if 1 is all you want, 1 is what you should have. If they are socially active and have friends I don't think it should be too bad being an only. I played with my brother I guess, but we also fought like cats and dogs too, so that wasn't so fun. We get along great now though, but it took some time. Anyhow, there are plenty of people having more than one...I don't think our population is in any danger of dying out!

Ok, time for my pregnancy nap! ZZZZzzzz....
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#431 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 02:48 PM
 
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I am having a CRAZY, MADDENING, BUSY day at work, so I don't have long to post. I just wanted to say I find the only discussion fascinating. DH and I had agreed on 2, and then I had this horrible first tri, and I'm embarrassed to say that every other day I declared to DH that Roo would be an only. DH would say, "We can adopt! What's wrong with P and L?" (children adopted by friends of ours) In my heart of hearts I know I want 2, and I will probably bear another if that's possible. I thought that 3 years was an ideal spread, but given my age (35) and fertility worries and DH's preference for them closer together (he originally wanted them one year apart! as if!) I moved it to 2. Now it is growing again -- can't imagine being in the state I was in and having the overwhelming responsibility for a toddler!! I kind of get Emily's feeling about male onlies -- where I grew up, certain male onlies were totally spoiled -- on the other hand, so were many boys with siblings! (sisters especially) OK, off to deal with my work emergencies...
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#432 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 03:56 PM
 
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I can't even begin to explain how many times I must have asked my parents for a brother and to this day, at age 31, I get wistful when I see my H and my friends with their siblings. There's just something that you cannot replace with friends, an unspoken understanding about growing up with *your* parents in *your* family.
I get this. I do adore my brother, the one that's three years younger than me.(The one that's ten years younger, I don't really feel like I know.) We fought ALL THE TIME growing up but now it's so great to call him, esp when my mom is being a pain. So it's definitely a complex issue. In some ways I'd love three or four! And I'm open to adopting or having a second if money permits and there's desire in the future. But I have real worries about the population (as does DH), and a real desire to feel like I have enough time and money for each child that comes. (This comes partly from resenting my mother's fixation on having more babies [she, sadly, had a lot of miscarriages between my brothers] when we were SO POOR and didn't ever get to go on cool trips or anything like that. Like, instead of spending a lot of money trying to have more kids, why can't she do something fun with ME, the child she already has? I hated that I felt guilty if I needed new tennis shoes. I hated that my mom was always pregnant and sick and never up for teaching me to bake or garden or anything. I hated that we rarely got to go on trips. And now, I hate that my mom never cultivated a career so she puts all her identity into Being A Mom, which makes her really pushy. Like wanting to be at my birth even though she never cultivated intimacy with me. NO WAY, NO HOW.) So partly, I think my desire for one comes from wanting to have a more intimate relationship with my child than my parents had with me, and more money for doing fun stuff. It's also partly a career choice. IF I manage to get a tenure track job, I just don't want to have deal with the stress of that PLUS being pregnant and already having a small child. I'm much too lazy for that. Also I'd like to write a novel. And learn to bake very fancy desserts. I'm scared that having a bunch of kids would make these other dreams of mine harder to materialize.

It's very interesting to hear about other's experiences.
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#433 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 04:37 PM
 
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Alex you can use sposies for daycare and just buy a few cloth for home...again, anything you can do...cool about trying to start a green bin...I don't think we even have anything like that! I am excited about our recycle program tho...in my old neighborhood they didn't accept nearly as much stuff for recycling as they do here.

It is true, it's nice to bitch about my parents to my brother! It's interesting to see how similar we are in some ways. And we are close now...but it was a long road. I remember many fights over the tv remote...but many days playing "camper" with our teddy bears too. You just have to do what feels right for you. I love watching those multiple birth shows on discovery health, and imagining having all those babies, it's fun til I try to imagine how shot my nerves would be at the end of the day (I'm a mess without enough sleep NOW), and how we'd put them through college! Because DH and I both want only as many kids as we can give a good start to. And spend quality time with. Happy parents, happy children. I always felt my mom's dissatisfaction...I think she got married and had kids cuz it was "the right thing" and she quit her teaching job (a pianist) to follow dad's career around...and she was depressed and moody and unhappy. I promised I'd never do that to a kid. I waited to have kids long enough to know that I'd rather be home watching Barney with them than out "on the town".

Interesting discussion!
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#434 of 453 Old 05-10-2007, 05:00 PM
 
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And now, I hate that my mom never cultivated a career so she puts all her identity into Being A Mom, which makes her really pushy.
OMG yes! Here too. I would love to be a SAHM when the kids were little, but if women take "too much" time "off" they unfortunately find it hard to reenter. Query how much is "too much"? (from the marketplace perspective) Basically being locked out of the workforce forever would be a huge psychological disaster for me. My mom had that happen to her (in part because she had us almost 6 years apart, so by the time little brother was "old enough" she had been out for more than a decade...) became a super-anxious and over-involved mom with my brother and me -- transferred her dreams and anxieties onto us -- and I swore I wouldn't do that. DH's mom was dropped by her PhD advisor when she got married (way before Title IX) and when she got divorced 20-ish years later, couldn't really revive ancient research and had to adjunct and would have been living in poverty but for an inheritance. Also not good. Worse, even before that, DH remembers her as depressed about not being able to reenter the workforce (at a level higher than adjunct) due to age discrimination. I have a friend from law sch who is not pursuing a career and is a SAHM to older kids (10 and 12), and she is super-crazy competitive about the Spelling Bee, etc., and I do think it is in part to "make up" for her own perceived lack of status. I really don't want to turn my workaholic energy into building a prodigy -- that can conflict with emotional health and just a good life for a child, yk? (I hope I am not offending any former prodigies here...I'm sure many of you were wunderkint...I was a pretty anxious kid myself who bawled if she got anything less than an A+, so I just want a more balanced life for my kid, yk?)
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#435 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 09:55 AM
 
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Ok, we had our 12 week appt.... good, strong heartbeat!

WOOHOO!!!!!! Sucker was loud, too!!
: Yay for a strong heartbeat Julia :

Mama to 3 year old DS and awaiting #2 in June
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#436 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 10:03 AM
 
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I can relate to whoever mentioned not being sure how to really get in on this thread and being overwhelmed by it. Between being so far behind everyone pregnancy-wise and all the posts, I find it hard to get into the swing. But I'll take the advice you guys gave to just jump in and not worry about catching up.

I've been feeling pretty bad. I got hit hard with what felt like the flu last Monday and it thankfully? settled into a head cold. It seemed to be seriously headed to my chest on Friday so I took the entire weekend off and spent it in bed. While I don't really feel better I no longer feel like it is getting worse each day. I'm feeling a bit better today, not coughing much anymore, not having to blow my nose as much, it is just hard to determine what is cold and what is preggo yuckies. I was pretty exhausted but having trouble sleeping before I got the cold, so the cold hasn't helped that. I've been feeling one step away from nauseous the last couple of days. I haven't felt like eating until I actually sit down and eat. We'll see what I'm left with when I shake this cold.

But the fantastic news is that I did get that second u/s and they can say with 100% certainty that the baby is exactly where the baby belongs, the amount of growth between the first u/s and yesterdays is great, and......we saw the heartbeat. It was a beautiful flicker in what otherwise looked like a blob. My hubby was there with me and he loved being able to see that. And they were able to determine that I ovulated from my left ovary, meaning it traveled down my left tube which was the tube I had the issue with before, so I'd say it is working! Making me normal girl again instead of possible issue girl....lovin' it! My gyn's office called me and the receptionist asks me if the u/s place called me. And I said well no they didn't call me but the technician told me her findings as she went along. And she said oh ok so then you know that they found a pregnancy? And I said well yeah, I knew I was pregnant. And she says ok I couldn't tell by the notes if you already knew that or not. I was so confused that I couldn't even manage to say that we weren't checking for a pregnancy we were checking to make sure the pregnancy was where it belonged. So I don't know if something got lost in the translation between the gyn's notes and the person who called or if my gyn just wasn't considering me as pregnant. : Either way I'm definitely done with that doc and will have to find a new gyn when I am back to seeing a gyn. And they are thankfully done with me for the time being because they asked which ob I was seeing. I told them I hadn't decided yet.

So that is my update and that will have to be it for me today. I'm so pooped that when it comes to posting my brain just won't cooperate. It is hard enough working. I'm looking forward to taking it easy again this weekend, although I may take the dog to my parents so I can see my mom for Mother's Day. Hubby will be out of town.

Happy Friday everyone!

Mama to 3 year old DS and awaiting #2 in June
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#437 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 11:03 AM
 
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Kripa...yes, just jump in...this thread has been going for a couple of months. You're not expected to do homework...just get to know us as we go along (and you already sort of know me ) I'm happy to see you again...you disappeared for a few days so I was worried you might be having trouble figuring out where you felt comfortable on the new threads... I was only on TTC for a little bit but I was comfy there and it was weird moving on. We're happy to have you, and SO happy your "issue tube" is happy and working! See, ya just can't let the doctors tell you what your body is gonna do! Isn't the heartbeat the most amazing thing? I'm still thinking about it! I'm sorry you're sick...hope it goes away soon. How awful to be experiencing early pg symptoms and be ill. Bleah.

So about this amnio...it's weird, I'd gone into the appt. opposed to all genetic testing in this pregnancy...I just don't feel like anything is wrong, ya know? My doc didn't see anything in my medical history or physical health (other than being 36) to alarm her to potential genetic issues. But when you go to an OB they state it so matter of factly...this is what you do next, etc. She wasn't pushy though, she was just telling me what my options were...did I want to do the CVS test now or wait to do an amnio (not "Are you going to do testing"). Maybe they're not used to people turning it all down. I hadn't done the early u/s and she asked why...I said I felt it was unnecessary, and she merely said that it's easier to date the baby that way, but she didn't make me feel bad about not doing it or anything. So I think I like her...but she is an OB, and if I hadn't come to this forum before meeting them, I wouldn't know that I didn't have to have a needle in my stomach. DH surprised me by saying he actually wanted to do the amnio...felt like the CVS was too risky to the baby (1/100 chance of m/c), just said it would be "nice to know". And feeling the relief of having the heartbeat, I thought, how nice to have an amnio and feel the relief of knowing for sure that all is well. But I got some distance between me and the appointment, and thought, nah, not too happy about the needle in the stomach. I just want to trust the process. So I told DH I really really didn't want to do the amnio and he said, ok. He figures until the baby is born, he's just a passenger. It's not his body. I said, well, it is your baby, you do have a say...he said, "Well, yes, perhaps a minority vote."

So I have to say, I really did marry the right guy. He is so respectful of me and my decisions! One of my friends last night was telling me her DH made her do the amnio because he said under no uncertain terms would he ever be able to deal with a Down's baby. Now I know this person...he's a nice guy but...he's got issues. Hey, at least he knows his limits I guess. But DH would never say that to me!

Ok I've gone on long enough. I'm just curious...have other people decided to do testing or not? Since we're all in our 30's, there have to be a few others here who are "AMA" (over 35)...are you doing testing? I don't want to start a heated debate... one thing I know about this thread is that we're all able to say our thoughts and feelings and respect those of others, otherwise I might not ask such a heated question. I'm just wondering what people are doing, if so, which ones. We've just decided to go with whatever we see on the 20 week u/s.

Pie...um, did we have the same mother? My mom put her energy into raising a prodigy as well...my poor straight-A parents had to satisfy themselves with a 3.6 average daughter, how did they deal? Hehehe It's got to be hard to know how much to pressure your children to work hard, but I think my mom went a little too far. I waffle between being grateful she pushed me and wishing I could've had a little more freedom...after all, I've been successful in music because she did force me to practice...I just could've done without some of the guilt over getting a B+ rather than an A. That said, at least she didn't home-school me so I could do nothing but practice the violin my whole childhood...I know plenty of people who had it worse. Yeah, they're successful musicians, but I sure don't enjoy hanging out with them! I hope I can do a better job of encouraging my children without crushing their spirits...but it's like my mom said, you try so hard not to make the mistakes your parents made, and you end up making totally new ones all your own. All I know is that the difference between my home growing up and my kids home has to be this...you are free to be an individual...follow some guidelines but there is room to be yourself...and feelings ARE OK.

Man I can go on! Sorry! I have to hop in the shower...DH and I are going to the bank. Now that I've changed my name (and I have decided to hyphenate professionally...that makes me feel better)...we're going to get a joint account. NOW I feel married.

Have a great day! Julia

PS One of these days I'll figure out how to put some pics in my siggy!
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#438 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 12:05 PM
 
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Hi ladies! Some links for you. First, the SSA has just posted the most popular baby names for 2006! This is probably only exciting if you're a name nerd like me: http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/

Second, Kripa, sorry we're longwinded here, please just jump in whenever. YAY on your reassuring ultrasound! That's really funny that they didn't know if you knew you were pregnant. I'd dump that place too. Again: YAY!

Third, Julia, that's great about your husband being respectful. I'm not 35 but even if I were I would not have an amnio w/o a specific risk factor (besides being 35, I mean). I did cave on having an ultrasound, but I've had no other testing, not even the non-invasive triple-screen.

This discussion brings up my second link. A really interesting article in the NYTimes about testing for Down's Syndrome.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/09/us...erland&emc=rss
The two videos are good; they made me cry a little.

Then finally, I've really liked this article on the problem of praising kids for being smart. I relate to it, in terms of being called "smart" creating insecurities and a big old lazy work ethic. It's also interesting to think about in terms of trying to be an effective parent and how quick we are to praise.
http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/?duh
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#439 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 01:40 PM
 
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Julia, yay on your great 12 week appt!! Sorry to hear that your food aversions are back! And yes, you do have a great hubby! Mine is like that too -- while it's his child, I'm the one incubating her, and therefore my vote counts more than his does. I did whatever non-invasive tests I felt comfortable with -- the 12-ish week NT scan, AFP testing, etc., because I'm a "need to know" kind of person, but I would've had a hard time if those tests had shown a high risk of something making a decision to have an amnio.

Kripa, sorry for your head cold, yuck! I had one a few months back and it was rough -- the extra congestion pregnancy sometimes brings was what really killed me. I swear I couldn't breathe through either nostril at all for days! It was awful and I couldn't find anything safe that would help. I hope you feel better soon!! And CONGRATS on your fantastic u/s!! YAY!

minnow, thanks for the name link! I hate to say it, but my top name is #2 on the list! Oh well -- my kid will probably hate me for being one of a gazillion Emmas in her classes in school, but it just feels like her name to us!
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#440 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 01:53 PM
 
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Ooh, bummer, Samantha is #10 on the girls' name, and it's the only one we like! I thought maybe it was different enough! Argh! Oh well, Oliver which we just decided on for a boy, isn't there. That's good. (I like being the only Julia in most rooms. It's nice when your name is different.)

Minnow thanks for the links! I sent the one on Down's to DH... it just confirms what I already thought. It would be hard, but it's a baby. Just my feelings on it. I know everyone's different, and I have a lot of good friends who would choose to abort so I don't judge for that. I believe it's about knowing what you can handle. I do think that it's a dangerous line that's possibley being crossed, the genetic testing...but that's a subject for another day.
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#441 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 02:38 PM
 
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Wow! This board is really active - I can barely keep up! We may need to consider starting a monthy thread so it's not so overwhelming for newbies!

Kripa - sorry about the head cold. Like Becky, I suffered one not that long ago, and it is miserable. They do go away though. Glad the u/s looked good and I hope you find a great practitioner (midwife, ob or otherwise) for the remainder of your pregnancy. Most everyone here has been the newbie/least pregnant for awhile. It's amazing how quickly the time goes though.

Julia - glad you had a great 12 week appointment. It's so exciting to hear the heartbeat for the first time. I'm also glad you have a supportive hubby. My DH is very supportive as well and was a bit nervous about the birth center birth until he visited the place and saw how comfortable the midwives made me feel. He said any prenatal testing is up to me, but he REALLy would like it if I did the 20 week u/s, which I will (in another week and a half!!).

Minnow - thanks for the articles. My name choices are not on the top 10 list, but I'd use them even if they were. I sent DH the Downs link and he thought they should give that article out with all the other info they give you about testing. The third link about telling your kids they are smart hits me right at home. I was always the smart kid in school, and I have TONS of insecurities. My mom never really said it to me, but grandparents and teachers were pretty bad. My mom was great - she just told me that if I worked hard, I could do anything, and she would support any of my interests (well...she didn't want me making a potato gun, but at least she supported most of my interests...).

Becky - congrats on the condo! Homeownership has it's ups and downs, but it's worth it! I hope you are able to move in sooner rather than later.

Cloth diapering: I would LOVE to cloth diaper, but between day care being unwilling to CD (I found 1 day care that would CD, and they charged an extra $100/week to deal with CD) and the fact that no one I know IRL CD's, I will at least start with 'sposies. If DH and I can really make it work for me to stay at home for a bit over a year, I'll transistion over the cloth. We had some car difficulties recently and it looks like we'll need to purchase a new car, so I may have to go back to work.

Hi to anyone I missed!

My mom is still fighting breast cancer. A month ago, we tranferred her care to Beth Israel Deaconess in Boston, and wow! what a difference in treatment. She had been battling with different chemo drugs every months since last July. One round of treatment at Beth Israel an the tumor is FINALLY shrinking! I'm so excited. The tumor had grown to 9cm (yup, that's huge!), and now they think it's close to 5cm and it's very soft. It's currently considered "operable" so she's got one week of radiation and chemo left, and then they will remove the tumor and reconstruct her shoulder (the tumor grew into the muscle on the chest wall - so they have to give make her a new muscle with her lower back muscles). It's going to be a long recovery - but at least now we are talking recovery!! Anyway, it's mother's day weekend coming up, so I was really excited to get this news yesterday.

Have a great weekend everyone!
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#442 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 02:41 PM
 
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Julia, I think that you've kind of hit on the reason exactly. OB's aren't used to people refusing tests that they suggest so they may forget (or not realize) that you don't want it. I've turned down both a CF test and the testing for Down's. They're only suggestions, after all and frankly I don't see the point in worrying for the next 6 months about something that I have no control over. The decision has been made and since I'm not about to abort either of my babies, I'll just have to deal with what happens (that's my opinion anyway).

Jenn, I'm glad your mom's improving!

Mama to Aeden, : my little NICU grad and Conner and Liam () my precious twins. is due mid April!
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#443 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 03:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jpiper0430 View Post
One round of treatment at Beth Israel an the tumor is FINALLY shrinking! I'm so excited.
: Excellent news! : : for continuing good news.

Mama to 3 year old DS and awaiting #2 in June
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#444 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 05:20 PM
 
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Jenn!!!! FABULOUS news about your mom!!!! Congrats!!!!

And I think a monthly thread is a great idea...anyone want to start it? Should we wait til next month or start it now?
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#445 of 453 Old 05-11-2007, 10:46 PM
 
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I'm just curious...have other people decided to do testing or not? Since we're all in our 30's, there have to be a few others here who are "AMA" (over 35)...are you doing testing?
MY DH said "I can't see us not having this baby no matter what," which was really sweet and awesome to hear. Personally, I want the 1st tri test, but won't go any further unless we have seriously bad results. I'm a planner - I like to be prepared, KWIM?

C.M.
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#446 of 453 Old 05-12-2007, 06:05 AM
 
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Hi everyone! I've been sick all week with bronchitis. I finally went to the doctor on Thursday and she prescribed antibiotics.... but I decided not to take them. My DH thinks I'm whacked, but I'm starting to feel better so why should I medicate? Did I mention I'm anti-medication, I have this belief that they screw up your body. I was on antibiotics for 6 months because when I lived in the US I worked for Social Services and I was exposed to TB and even though an x-ray revealed no TB they had to make sure the bacteria never took hold by megadosing me for 6 months. This really screwed up my body, I'm still trying to recover battling yeast infections and other weird immune system problems. So that's my drama for the week, hacking up a lung and refusing medication!

Jenn - what a nice present for Mother's Day, I'm glad your mother is on the path to RECOVERY!

Becky - congrats on buying.... I guess you are officially an adult. When we bought our apartment I felt like we graduated into adulthood, scary but very comforting. It's nice to know that all the money you put into YOUR place is an investment.

Julia - isn't it amazing hearing/seeing the heartbeat. I cried like a dope at both u/s from happiness. I have a deep down belief that everything is fine - usually I'm very rational so this is strange for me - so we haven't done any testing. The only reason we did the 20 week u/s was because we wanted to see the baby again - very selfish. I'm 35 and in a month I turn 36, my midwife though advised me that since everything looks fine and there are not risk indicators there isn't really a reason to do any of the invasive (and scary) testing. So far I had some blood drawn and the two u/s. Oh and at each midwife appointment we hear the heartbeat (I cry for these too) and get my finger pricked to check my iron. I'm a bit anemic so I'm now taking iron supplements.

Kripa - good luck finding a good OB (or midwife). Weird that your gyn is so disorganized and didn't realize you already knew you were pregnant... like it isn't the most important thing happening in your life at the moment! But what if you hadn't of known, what a way to find out!

Anyway I'm up for a monthly thread...
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#447 of 453 Old 05-12-2007, 06:17 AM
 
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And I also wanted to add my 2 cents about only children versus having siblings. I grew up with my brother (11 months younger) and my sister (3 years younger) following right after me. We have another sister who is a 'penalty shot' (as they say in Spain - everything relates to soccer somehow), she is 12 years younger than me - so she's was a bit like an only child with lots of parents around.

My close siblings and I fought like animals, I remember all the anger I felt towards them at different moments, how annoying they were - we were all very shy kids so they followed me around and would speak to me so I could speak for them - ugh! But we did play together all the time and since in my family we moved around A LOT they were good company. As soon as I went away for college our relationship started to change into something more like a friendship. Only they know how it is to grow up with my particular parents. As I've mentioned my Mom is a bit of a handful now that my Dad isn't around to balance her a bit and having my sisters is so important especially the support. I liked our big family, it shrunk a bit in the last few years and now we are only four instead of six but we are growing. So I'm for having siblings, they are very important to me.

Now the other day I was talking to DH and I said how about we have 3 or 4 and he said, fine - so then I panicked since really who am I kidding I think 2 is about what I can handle.... we will see. My one sister who already has a little boy and is due around when CJ is due said to me - have one and then we'll talk. I guess raising children is hard work?

When I was a kid I did fantasize about being an only kid but now I'm so glad I'm not. Ideally I'd like only girls since I like having sisters so much.... My DH says this is a sure way to have only boys - haha!
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#448 of 453 Old 05-12-2007, 10:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Jenn it's wonderful that your mom is doing better!

Minnow thanks for those links. The one about smart kids really hit home with me too. I've always been told that I'm smart but don't have any "stick-to," which is apparently b/c I don't put enough effort into something I'm not immediately good at. Definitely sending that link to DH too. How is your DH these days?

Natalia ugh bronchitis, you poor thing. I understand you not wanting to take medicine though, especially if you're starting to feel better. Seems like it can cure one thing and cause 3 others.

Siblings... I have one sister who is 3 years younger than me. We never really fought much growing up but were never friends either, we just didn't have much in common. She's always been a drama queen, which I can't stand. About 7 years ago she pushed me over the edge with her drama and we haven't spoken since. I'm happy to hear updates on her from my parents but I just don't need the added stress in my life, yk? That being said, I don't want my child to be an only and would like to have 4 if my body and pocketbook can handle it. I've always liked the idea of large families and wished mine was bigger. Maybe I wish I had more to choose from?

I meant to ask about starting a monthly thread at the end of April but I've been so busy I forgot. I think starting the May thread now would be OK if anyone's up for it. It would probably be a lot less daunting for the newbies.

Dee, mommy to Miss M 11/07 and little Miss I 5/10/10!
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#449 of 453 Old 05-12-2007, 11:21 AM
 
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Good morning everyone - wow we have been busy talkers around here. I can TOTALLY see how it might be intimidating for people to jump in. A monthy/bimonthly thread probably is the best idea (because hopefully, people from the TTC thread will be joining us each month anyway ). It might also make the thread more user friendly if we have a list of active members in the first post along with other info. This info could include things like real name, age, EDD, sex of the babe, whatever you feel comfortable sharing. I have no problem putting this info together and starting a new thread - I just don't want to step on any toes (particularly you Dee - this thread is your baby, so let me know if you want to keep control). Another thing that might help the newbies is if we pop in on the TTC thread every once in awhile to give an update, spread dust, say hi, stalk a chart, or whatever. A lot of us met over on the TTC thread, but many women have joined after we left and meeting the women before they graduate will help build a more unified group. I love having two threads, but it is important to remember that we really are just one big group - women in our 30s waiting for our first babe.
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#450 of 453 Old 05-12-2007, 11:22 AM
 
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Jenn, still thinking about your mom. I'm so glad to hear that the tumor is shrinking! That's wonderful news! I hope things continue to go well!

Natalia, sorry for your bout with bronchitis! Yuck! My husband had that right after I got over my head cold. He had to do 2 rounds with different antibiotics because the first round didn't work. I hope you recover quickly!

On the siblings issue, I grew up with 2 brothers and a sister. There are a total of 7 years between me (the oldest) and my sister (the youngest). I'm now closest with my sister. It's definitely important to me to have other people in this world who grew up in MY family, with MY parents, but I also don't think it's cruel to have an only child -- I would never pass judgment on anyone who has one child. Like any family, it's all about how you parent!
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