Pregnant - When to share the news? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,
I'm newly pregnant - just over 2 weeks. Was wondering when do I share the news - with mom & dad, family, friends?

I know some people say to wait until 3 months but I'm just not sure I could do that with my parents and sisters.

When did you share the news?

Thanks!
-katie

Momma to Sofia Hope 11/08 & Anna Grace 9/10
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#2 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 06:22 PM
 
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I dunno. I can't keep a secret. I found out yesterday morning and all my friends know. The only reason my cousin (like a sister to me) doesn't know is her brother got married Saturday and he phone is *still* turned off. I guess they partied really late

One thought though: I lost my first pg at six or seven weeks. We hadn't told family and had told very few people. So when I started miscarrying we ended up telling a lot of people then just bc we needed a lot of support but I feel like I missed out on sharing a lot of the joy of my first pg bc we were being secretive about it. If something happens, it still affects your life. A lot (usually). You are probably going to end up sharing the bad news with friends/family, especially if there are medical complications or anything like that.

So we are telling people, right away. We haven't told my in-laws yet bc they will disapprove and I don't need the negativity, and I haven't told my grandma and aunts yet bc I'd rather tell them in person, but no, no secrets here.
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#3 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 06:29 PM
 
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Oh, that's such a personal decision. There's no hard and fast rule, but since the risk of miscarriage is greatly reduced after the first trimester, most guidelines say wait 12 weeks. Since we lost our first baby at 21 weeks, that guideline wouldn't have mattered for us, so my opinion is, share, if you are so inclined. I personally want to share and celebrate the joy of any baby whether it makes it to term or not. But not everyone feels the same way - some people want to keep it quiet just in case. I respect that too.
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#4 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 06:42 PM
 
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We waited until we heard the heartbeat at 10 weeks. I have several friends who went through miscarriages in the first trimester after they had told everyone they were pregnant. Then, they had to let everyone know what hapened which was awkward and made it all the more difficult. I think it's a personal decision, and for us, hearing the heartbeat gave us the reassurance we needed to spread the news.

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#5 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 06:43 PM
 
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I say share if you're excited!

I didn't share with everyone...then I miscarried at 11w. Then I was so upset, I had to tell everyone, since they knew something was wrong and bad.

Next time, I'm sharing the joy! Better than only sharing the sadness.

Babybel 8/5/08. Growing her sister: ***4***8***12***16***20***24***28***32***36**40*
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#6 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 06:51 PM
 
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We are waiting until 3 months to tell friends and extended family. But, I HAD to call my mom and my sister the day I found out. DH and I kept it to ourselves for the day and then I called mom and sis that evening. But, we're close. We told his parents a week later, but he does not have as close of a relationship with them as I do with my parents.
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#7 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 07:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tie-dyed View Post
If something happens, it still affects your life. A lot (usually). You are probably going to end up sharing the bad news with friends/family, especially if there are medical complications or anything like that.
I agree with that. I lost my first pregnancy very early, around 6 weeks, and we hadn't told anyone. I desperately needed some support and told my sister and mother. So, when I got pregnant again a few months later, they were the first people I told... if something had gone wrong, I'd definitely have wanted them to know anyhow.

But we waited until after we'd seen/heard the heartbeat at 7 weeks to tell my in-laws, and most of our friends. I didn't tell at work until 14 weeks.
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#8 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 07:21 PM
 
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we told when wefound at at almost 6 weeks

*~*Ashley*~* newly single mama to Tristan 10/01/2007
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#9 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 07:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the advice.

I've decided to share the news with my immediate family - I'm only 2 1/2 weeks along (actually reconfigured it and I'm 4 weeks) - not very far along at all. But you are all right, they will be the ones that I would want to lean on if something did go wrong.

I've taken two different HPTs (different brands) and they both came back positive REALLY FAST - within 15-20 seconds.

I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed right now...lots to process. Wasn't trying to get pregnant but wasn't not trying....also have a sister that is having major fertility issues and a best friend with fertility issues as well.

Trying to share personal good news while being sensitive to other folks' needs. So hard!

Thanks!
-katie

Momma to Sofia Hope 11/08 & Anna Grace 9/10
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#10 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 07:43 PM
 
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Whenever YOU want to share the news!

The miscarriage issue can go both ways. On the one hand, if you don't tell anybody and experience a m/c, you don't have to tell anybody about the m/c, and nobody ends up asking awkward "how's the baby?" types of questions. On the other hand, if you have a m/c, it might be nice to have people who knew about your pregnancy, who can support you.

Other than that, some thoughts:

- if you don't feel ready to share, don't share
- if you want to scream the news from the rooftops, go ahead!
- keep in mind that the sooner you tell people, the longer they have for the pregnancy to seem LONG. I've found that the longer you wait, the faster it makes the pregnancy go by for other people and you get fewer "OMG, haven't you had THAT BABY yet???" questions.

(That said, I usually spill the beans early, I stink at keeping a secret!)

may my heart always be open to little birds who are the secrets of living whatever they sing is better than to know  - e.e. cummings
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#11 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 08:08 PM
 
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I waited until 12 weeks to tell people at work or anyone who wasn't family or a close friend. I did the same thing with my daughter. I had a loss before and was SO glad that I hadn't told anyone in public. The only good thing about it was that I didn't have to reply, "Well, actually...." when people at work would have wanted to congratulate me. It was so nice to have privacy in my grief, that I could go to work and not have to deal with it.
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#12 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 09:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kgrands View Post
Thanks for the advice.

I've decided to share the news with my immediate family - I'm only 2 1/2 weeks along - not very far along at all.
Pregnancy dating is strange. You're probably more like 4 1/2 weeks along -- pregnancy is dated from the date of your last period, not the date you ovulated.
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#13 of 20 Old 05-21-2007, 09:28 PM
 
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My rule was not to tell anyone who I wouldn't want to un-tell if we had a loss. DH didn't want to tell anyone until we told our parents. It's whatever makes the most sense to you.

knit.gifWife to Ageek.gif since 7-7-2006, Mother to Mnocirc.gif since 11-23-2007ribboncesarean.gif, and N slinggirl.gifborn on 4-9-2010vbac.gif
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#14 of 20 Old 05-22-2007, 01:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You're right, Becky. I reconfigured my weeks and it looks like I'm more like 4 1/2 like you said.

My LMP was on April 16 but I have 35 day cycles.

Dating is strange!

-katie

Momma to Sofia Hope 11/08 & Anna Grace 9/10
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#15 of 20 Old 05-22-2007, 02:33 PM
 
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I told the people we would have told if we'd m/c. Then at about 13 weeks, I started telling others, but I still haven't told a LOT of people and I'm at nearly 20 weeks now. If they see my belly and ask, I'll say something but I'm not making any grand announcements or anything.

mom to one glorious sweetpea born 10/18/2007.

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#16 of 20 Old 05-23-2007, 04:03 AM
 
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I'm 9 weeks with #2 and told my parents and sisters at about 5 weeks and have slowly been letting others know. DH is so excited the news seems to spread fast. With DD we told everyone right away but this time I kind of enjoy keeping a little secret inside my body and heart for a little while.

I agree with telling people close to you who would support you through a M/C.

Christy-SAHM to my elf princess(4/06) and my little man (12/07). Married to the love of my life and expecting our pumpkin baby boy 10/09! :
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#17 of 20 Old 05-23-2007, 05:28 AM
 
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We told immediate family straight away.

We told other people once the blood test confirmed it.

I believe pregnancy is a happy joyous thing not something to hide.

I believe in sharing happiness as well as grief.

When I lost my first pregnancy I was thankful that I didn't keep it a secret. I was absent from work and had people not have known I would have gotten "were you sick?" or "what was wrong with you" when I returned.

I also had people joking with me before "When are you going to get pregnant?" so had I not have said anything ... it would have been very horrible indeed if I suddenly burst into tears or ripped them apart for unknowingly being insensitive.

That didn't happen because they knew.

It is a personal choice whether or not to tell others straight away.

I just don't see why we should look at the pessimistic side saying "let's wait incase something bad happens".
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#18 of 20 Old 05-23-2007, 11:56 AM
 
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I am 20 wks, and there are still people I haven't told:yawning: ...so lazy!

But I think you should tell whenever it feels right. People are always very excited no matter when you do so.

Fiber- I wish you all the best in your journey!

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#19 of 20 Old 05-23-2007, 01:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueridgewoman View Post
I told the people we would have told if we'd m/c. Then at about 13 weeks, I started telling others, but I still haven't told a LOT of people and I'm at nearly 20 weeks now. If they see my belly and ask, I'll say something but I'm not making any grand announcements or anything.
This was my situation. I told 2 close friends very early. Family (some) and a few friends at 12 weeks. Then, just this past week at 20+ weeks, we told our work colleagues. The word spread like wildfire through our work-place in one day. Extended family will find out this weekend, at our Memorial Day gathering.

I still have a person who doesn't know my previous pg was a loss. I have to send her a letter. So, if you tell early, keep track!

DS, 10/07. Allergies: peanut, egg, wheat. We've added dairy back in. And taken it back out again. It causes sandpaper skin with itchy patches and thrashing during sleep. Due w/ #2 late April, 2012.

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#20 of 20 Old 05-23-2007, 01:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Told my family - mom, dad, sisters.

It's funny how some people just guess - the minute you don't get a beer or a drink at a resturant, people are automatically suspicious!

I'm still getting used to all of this - trying to have a balance between anxiety and excitement. It's all kind of overwhelming. I'm sure once I meet with my midwife I'll feel a little better.

-katie

Momma to Sofia Hope 11/08 & Anna Grace 9/10
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