pregnant at a painful time - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 11 Old 09-03-2007, 11:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm reaching out to anyone who can relate. I'm pregnant. My husband and I love each other and welcome this child. The day that I discovered I was pregnant, he was arrested. We live in Arkansas, and he was arrested on a warrant from Texas, claiming he violated probation by not paying fines. He violated the probation before we met. After getting behind on payments, he hoped that if he laid low enough, Texas wouldn't bother, and so he never discussed the probation situation with me. But of course, problems never disappear from neglect, and so he was extradited to Texas. I paid the total sum of back fines, but he was sentenced to two years in prison. The lawyer I hired did a lousy job defending him (showed up at court without the letters of support that we gathered on my husband's behalf), and told us that the 2-year sentence plea bargain was the best of our choices. The lawyer also said he could be released on parole after serving 180 days, and that he will receive double time credit, since his original offense (mouthing off to a police officer, which is a form of retaliation, a third degree felony) was nonviolent and non-aggravated.

My deepest desire is to be reunited with my husband for our son's birth. Our daughter was born at an unassisted homebirth, and we want to birth our son together. I feel that the experience of holding his newborn son, and bonding with him as a young baby, is crucial to all of us.
I'm looking for support, identification, interpretation from mothers.
Also, my financial situation is much more precarious without my husband's presence. I must plan for the possibility of being a single mom to a newborn and a 2.5 year old. I am substitute teaching now, and I am fortunate to have my mil watching our daughter while I sub. But I am getting behind on bills, and I have accumulated debt from paying his old fines. I choose to stay with my babies, especially for the first year after my son's birth. And so I need single wahm mother advice for getting started with very little income.

The process of typing out the situation is helpful. Hopefully some moms out there can share their experiences.
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#2 of 11 Old 09-03-2007, 12:27 PM
 
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#3 of 11 Old 09-03-2007, 02:05 PM
 
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What a difficult situation! There is a support thread on the UC forum for solo birth. It surprised me how many partnered women actually prefer to give birth this way and reassured me that it can be safe and that I do not have to rule out UC just because I am a single mama.

I have actually needed to be reassured several times already and I am only 17 weeks along.

Our situations are very different, and yet many of our practical issues are the same. I wish you well and hope that we are able to learn from each other.

Please do not underestimate the knowledgeable and supportive ladies on this board.
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#4 of 11 Old 09-03-2007, 02:44 PM
 
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I'm sorry.

Mama to E (12/07) and M (01/11). homebirth.jpg
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#5 of 11 Old 09-03-2007, 10:59 PM
 
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hugs to you mama. i cannot imagine the pain you're working through right now. for practical advice on starting as a wahm, you might check out the wahm well forum. best wishes to you & your family!

oh and weclome to mdc! i hope you find the kind of support you need here.

me, wife to dh, the movie geek (7/01), mama to ds1, budding Star Wars geek (10/05), dd, budding princess of the dirt (03/08) and ds2, budding extrovert. watch out! (8/10).
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#6 of 11 Old 09-04-2007, 06:42 AM
 
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i'd share my story but it's too long and i have no advice. just know there is someone else out there who cares...
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#7 of 11 Old 09-04-2007, 06:52 AM
 
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How difficult this must be for you. I don't have any words of wisdom to share, but I wonder if, should your husband not be released on parole in time for the birth, there is a way to petition for . . . I don't know, some kind of leave? Or some kind of guarded facility where you can both be together for the birth? I doubt that it could be a UC at home anymore, but perhaps a birthing center with a lowkey midwife (I assume it would have to be in Texas).

Considering the non-violent nature of his crime and (I assume) his good behavior while he is there, it seems reasonable to me that the state would make some kind of allowance for him to attend the birth of his child. I hope so.

Good luck to you.
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#8 of 11 Old 09-04-2007, 10:20 AM
 
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I'm sorry. I can't offer any advide to you but I couldn't read this without sending you some support.
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#9 of 11 Old 09-04-2007, 11:14 AM
 
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I can't imagine going through that during pregnancy. I also don't have much advice to offer, but I wanted to offer some support.

If you're looking for a WAHM opportunity, check out the WAHM well on the boards here. I recently signed up to work with Tutor.com to be an online tutor -- I haven't gotten started yet, because I just haven't had the time, but with your teaching background you'd be a shoo-in. Check it out. If you write, there are also some writing sites that you can try -- you can find some threads in the Mother's Writing Group about different sites. If you're skilled with crafts or anything like that, you could possibly get into making and selling your handiwork on a site like Etsy.com or something like that.

Good luck to you and your family. Hang in there!
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#10 of 11 Old 09-10-2007, 09:41 PM
 
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A big .
Someone I know very well is going through a very similar situation. Her partner was sentenced to prison weeks before she gave birth. It was hard for her to do it without her partner but she had a couple of friends close by and she's gotten through it. (he is really not a violent person but made a mistake and it didn't go away...kind of like you described)
I don't know what will happen in your case. I hope there is some way he can be there but whatever happens you will all get through it and the baby and Dad will still bond. I know it's not what you want to hear...just saying if it happens that way it will be okay.
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#11 of 11 Old 09-10-2007, 09:46 PM
 
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I have no advice but that sounds so difficult for you
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