My first pregnancy, I was unemployed, and was able to stay home all day, watching my growing belly move, reading books, relaxing, and enjoying the entire wonderful, amazing process. This time, I have a very busy three year old boy to take care of all day every day.
I talked DH into going to our first childbirth ed class tonight, thinking that might inspire me. It didn't really do much for me, other than make me realize that we were the "old-timers" in the class.
I feel like I have been, for lack of a better word, ignoring this pregnancy. My first pregnancy was a wonderful, relaxing, beautiful time in my life, and this pregnancy seems to be simply something I must endure. But I want to remember what it is like to feel so special, so in touch with the whole process. Second timers, is this par for the course? Am I doomed to never feel that joy and wonder again? Anyone have any advice? Books I can read that will just get me more in touch with this pregnancy? I really love "Birthing From Within" but I've already read it twice. Or perhaps some meditation cds? Anything? I feel so sad that I'm not loving being pregnant this time.
Mama to : '05, '08, '10 and expecting our 3rd January '13
With my DS, I was super in love/attached/excited about the pregnany and him from the moment I got my + This time around I am having a very hard time feeling good about this pregnancy even though it was planned/wanted. I feel incredibly guilty because I really wanted to be in touch with the whole process like I was with DS... I feel like I'm already taking something important away from this baby :
Like you, I was totally free to enjoy my first pregnancy. I just lazed around and enjoyed my time. This time I have 2 five year boys to care for, all day every day, one of them being extremely uh... challenging, and the stress level is MUCH higher.
*sigh* Anyway mama, I hope you get some good advice here, I'll definitely be taking notes.
Liz Lovin' DH DS (12) and forever missing DD (12/02/07)
From the withered tree, a flower blooms~ He's here!!! So crazy in love with my boy!!! 12/14/11
Happy and healthy pregnancy to you! You are obviously a wonderful mama and your babies are lucky to have you
I was feeling similarly, and have realized that it is, in part, a feeling that pregnancy is just another part of life, another curve in the road, a completely normal and natural thing for my body to do, rather than a big medical event. Also, I'm not the center of my universe anymore. I'm a little wiser, a little calmer and a little stronger.
I love getting DD involved - she likes to talk to the baby, give it hugs, stick stickers on my belly. We talk about what it will be like to have a baby brother or sister around, and make plans for what we have to do to get ready. It makes me feel it's all real and actually happening when we share it.
Also, I started a blog which is way more fun than a journal. I realized that I'm thinking about baby a lot more than I thought.
Canadian mama to A (C/S May 2004) and R (induced VBAC Dec 2007) expecting #3 in July. Currently obsessing over permaculture, photography and beekeeping.
I've had 4 babies,about 2 yrs apart each time.I totally know how you feel!My advice is to include the other child/ren in this experience!You can both sit in a cozy place and talk about baby, and mom, and family size growing.It is SO fun getting a child exited about a new sibling!You are doing so much by sharing this with them!You get to be one on one with them and the baby,you teach them how to love baby before it's born, you get group bonding, which is great to have a feel for in the early weeks post partum!You can use this time to educate the older child/ren about how babies grow.Share what you did at this point when it was them in your womb-they LOVE that!And it's a calm, relaxing thing to do when your energy is a bit sparse.I've always brought all the kids to anything to do with the baby,and have never had any problem with any rivalry.You can't have the same experience, but, you can give them their first experience of a new baby comming!
I finally started to feel some connection as I began to feel the baby move (we're at 16w3d). I decided to try and make time - just moments throughout the day - to connect with the baby.
Part of me recognizes that this baby will be different. He/she is entering a very busy family whereas my other two children were almost like having two only children because of their age differences.
I believe that children choose their families and that this one knows that he/she will have to share my attention and is accepting of that. It comforts me at times.
I am experiencing this to even more degree because i am on #3! I havent even considered what I might name this baby. And we are due in December! I also have a small bag of girl infant clothes, no boy ones (we dont know the sex) I am not ready at all. Its like I "forget" I am even pregnant! (Except aftet 2:00 PM cause my body hurts so bad I cant get off the couch!)
Its normal....and its ok!!!!!!!!!!
I am 32 wks and watching this pregnancy ZOOM by. I just re-read my journal from my first pregnancy from about 30 weeks on...same story, I was giving DS foot massages through my skin, reading Mother Goose to him, skipping work to nest and clean and take picnics on the beach, meditating every night...:*sigh*. I barely have time to pay attention to the movements in my belly this time.
It's nice to hear all of your stories and advice...I'm going to look into some CD's and books also. And you are not alone, transformed...we are TOTALLY STUCK on the name game.
I am eternally thankful for the other women in my life who are having their second babies with me...MamaScout is at the top of the list.
(Just to give everyone a little background, bandana and I met in our childbirth classes when our boys were born three years ago!)
And thanks you to the rest of you for sharing. I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who feels this way. And I can only hope that I have the time and space to be able to at least spend a few days in bed with this little one, getting to know him/her once s/he is born. I remember those early days in bed with DS as some of the most precious of my life. I really, really want that to happen this time around, too. I know the reality will be that I will not have the time to just stare at my newborn all day like I did with DS, but hopefully I can carve out some special time for us to be alone.