Please help me embrace/enjoy this pregnancy! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 12:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am 25 weeks pregnant with baby #2.

My first pregnancy, I was unemployed, and was able to stay home all day, watching my growing belly move, reading books, relaxing, and enjoying the entire wonderful, amazing process. This time, I have a very busy three year old boy to take care of all day every day.

I talked DH into going to our first childbirth ed class tonight, thinking that might inspire me. It didn't really do much for me, other than make me realize that we were the "old-timers" in the class.

I feel like I have been, for lack of a better word, ignoring this pregnancy. My first pregnancy was a wonderful, relaxing, beautiful time in my life, and this pregnancy seems to be simply something I must endure. But I want to remember what it is like to feel so special, so in touch with the whole process. Second timers, is this par for the course? Am I doomed to never feel that joy and wonder again? Anyone have any advice? Books I can read that will just get me more in touch with this pregnancy? I really love "Birthing From Within" but I've already read it twice. Or perhaps some meditation cds? Anything? I feel so sad that I'm not loving being pregnant this time.
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#2 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 12:25 AM
 
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I am in the same boat. It's hard to really enjoy the pregnancy when running after a toddler all day every day and not being able to rest and take it all in. No advice really, just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
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#3 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 01:16 AM
 
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i sort of feel the same way you do...i have a pregnancy week by week meditation book....when i am reading it i do feel a little more in touch with things. it is just like a two or three small pages that you can read real quick...but it gives you ideas to keep you thinking of the baby throughout the week...it also comes with a 20 minute meditation cd...which i have not listened to yet, but should have. maybe i'll do that tonight. i am also trying to journal, but who has time for that...with other kids? oh the book i'm talking about...i can't find at the moment to give you the exact title but it is written by the woman that wrote the hypnobirthing or babies..not sure which...curiculumn...or i think that is what it said in the back.
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#4 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 01:55 AM
 
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Your feelings are completely normal - I was in denial that I was even pregnant with ds until my 18 wk ultrasound! It's harder to get the rest you need this time around, what with being a mom already, and it's harder to get a peaceful moment to yourself to savour this new babe. But no worries - you and baby will bond just as well, even if it happens after the birth, rather than before.

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#5 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 08:30 AM
 
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Originally Posted by cheeseRjedi View Post
I am in the same boat. It's hard to really enjoy the pregnancy when running after a toddler all day every day and not being able to rest and take it all in. No advice really, just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
: word for word
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#6 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 09:30 AM
 
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This CD set is great for embracing pregnancy:

http://www.healthjourneys.com/product_detail.aspx?id=15

I listen to it all the time!
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#7 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 10:45 AM
 
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I've been thinking about this too. On top of running after my toddler, I've been feeling very sick so overall I just feel drained and it's making me start to totally doubt myself.

Mama to : '05, '08, '10 and expecting our 3rd homebirth.jpgJanuary '13

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#8 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 11:04 AM
 
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I have no advice (I need some!) but I wanted to reply to let you know that you are definitely not alone

With my DS, I was super in love/attached/excited about the pregnany and him from the moment I got my + This time around I am having a very hard time feeling good about this pregnancy even though it was planned/wanted. I feel incredibly guilty because I really wanted to be in touch with the whole process like I was with DS... I feel like I'm already taking something important away from this baby :

Like you, I was totally free to enjoy my first pregnancy. I just lazed around and enjoyed my time. This time I have 2 five year boys to care for, all day every day, one of them being extremely uh... challenging, and the stress level is MUCH higher.

*sigh* Anyway mama, I hope you get some good advice here, I'll definitely be taking notes.

Liz om.gif Lovin' DH partners.gif DS (12) coolshine.gif and forever missing DD angel3.gif (12/02/07) ribbonpb.gif
From the withered tree, a flower blooms~ He's here!!! So crazy in love with my  rainbow1284.gif  boy!!! 12/14/11 luxlove.gif fly-by-nursing1.gif

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#9 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 01:12 PM
 
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This is my third pregnancy - hopefully my second baby. I lost a baby shortly after birth with #2. This pregnancy I guess I am not taking a minute for granted so that is helping me because I realize that although the odds are in my favor of bringing my baby home I want to enjoy him and love him from the get go. Just in case. I know life gets busy - I work (I have my own business and I am quite busy) and I have my oldest son at home but I try to still cherish it everyday because well I think before I lost one I took it too much for granted. Not to be morbid and not to scare anybody but what I learned is that I need to be a bit more intentional about things. Spending time with my oldest, my hubby and loving this tiny one inside of me I think the further you go the more easy it will be. Maybe journaling would help you? Or writing letters to the baby every few weeks? Just a few ideas! Hugs you are obviously a great mom if you are worried about it so I think you have nothing to worry about I think also that expectations of laying around and just being in bliss with the baby are unrealistic with your current situation - same here - sometimes I wish I could! But maybe you can take a few minutes before going to bed or something like that to meditate and think about this one Just a few ideas.
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#10 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 01:26 PM
 
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I've had 4 babies,about 2 yrs apart each time.I totally know how you feel!My advice is to include the other child/ren in this experience!You can both sit in a cozy place and talk about baby, and mom, and family size growing.It is SO fun getting a child exited about a new sibling!You are doing so much by sharing this with them!You get to be one on one with them and the baby,you teach them how to love baby before it's born, you get group bonding, which is great to have a feel for in the early weeks post partum!You can use this time to educate the older child/ren about how babies grow.Share what you did at this point when it was them in your womb-they LOVE that!And it's a calm, relaxing thing to do when your energy is a bit sparse.I've always brought all the kids to anything to do with the baby,and have never had any problem with any rivalry.You can't have the same experience, but, you can give them their first experience of a new baby comming!

:::
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#11 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 02:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Barcino: Hugs to you. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It helps put things in perspective. Your sentiment is powerful, and I can completely take your advice about being more intentional about things. I tend to get on autopilot, not only with this pregnancy, but with alot of things. Thank you.
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#12 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 03:02 PM
 
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You are so sweet - Thank you! I am glad it helped - I debated not posting it because I don't want to make anybody feel bad or worry them. So thanks for the feedback. I know that the loss of my son inspires me everyday and life is too beautiful and short to take it for granted Not that I am great at it everyday but it is something that is constantly in my mind now. I too rather go on autopilot
Happy and healthy pregnancy to you! You are obviously a wonderful mama and your babies are lucky to have you
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#13 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 04:03 PM
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kehliouise- I hope you come back and post the name of that book! It sounds lovely!


I was feeling similarly, and have realized that it is, in part, a feeling that pregnancy is just another part of life, another curve in the road, a completely normal and natural thing for my body to do, rather than a big medical event. Also, I'm not the center of my universe anymore. I'm a little wiser, a little calmer and a little stronger.

I love getting DD involved - she likes to talk to the baby, give it hugs, stick stickers on my belly. We talk about what it will be like to have a baby brother or sister around, and make plans for what we have to do to get ready. It makes me feel it's all real and actually happening when we share it.
Also, I started a blog which is way more fun than a journal. I realized that I'm thinking about baby a lot more than I thought.

g.

Canadian mama to A (C/S May 2004) and R (induced VBAC Dec 2007) expecting #3 in July.  Currently obsessing over permaculture, photography and beekeeping.

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#14 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 04:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KindRedSpirit View Post
I've had 4 babies,about 2 yrs apart each time.I totally know how you feel!My advice is to include the other child/ren in this experience!You can both sit in a cozy place and talk about baby, and mom, and family size growing.It is SO fun getting a child exited about a new sibling!You are doing so much by sharing this with them!You get to be one on one with them and the baby,you teach them how to love baby before it's born, you get group bonding, which is great to have a feel for in the early weeks post partum!You can use this time to educate the older child/ren about how babies grow.Share what you did at this point when it was them in your womb-they LOVE that!And it's a calm, relaxing thing to do when your energy is a bit sparse.I've always brought all the kids to anything to do with the baby,and have never had any problem with any rivalry.You can't have the same experience, but, you can give them their first experience of a new baby comming!
I was going to post something like the above. You can never have another first baby. But your first baby didn't have an excited sibling waiting for him/her. When I hold DS to cuddle or read to him, I tell him that the baby can hear his voice and DS sometimes even gets a good kick. That relationship is starting now and I hope it's a great thing for both of them.
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#15 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 07:10 PM
 
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I was feeling a little out of touch with this baby as well because so much of my time is spend caring for my 3 y/o.

I finally started to feel some connection as I began to feel the baby move (we're at 16w3d). I decided to try and make time - just moments throughout the day - to connect with the baby.

Part of me recognizes that this baby will be different. He/she is entering a very busy family whereas my other two children were almost like having two only children because of their age differences.

I believe that children choose their families and that this one knows that he/she will have to share my attention and is accepting of that. It comforts me at times.
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#16 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 07:12 PM
 
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I think its normal. It's ok! You dont have to pay total attention to your belly....after all, your body is automaticly going to do all the nurturing the baby needs right now, you dont have to put in any effort.

I am experiencing this to even more degree because i am on #3! I havent even considered what I might name this baby. And we are due in December! I also have a small bag of girl infant clothes, no boy ones (we dont know the sex) I am not ready at all. Its like I "forget" I am even pregnant! (Except aftet 2:00 PM cause my body hurts so bad I cant get off the couch!)

Its normal....and its ok!!!!!!!!!!
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#17 of 18 Old 10-22-2007, 01:51 AM
 
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This is so bizarre...I was looking through the Toddler Forum for a thread JUST LIKE THIS ONE, and who should be the poster but my dear friend MamaScout!

I am 32 wks and watching this pregnancy ZOOM by. I just re-read my journal from my first pregnancy from about 30 weeks on...same story, I was giving DS foot massages through my skin, reading Mother Goose to him, skipping work to nest and clean and take picnics on the beach, meditating every night...:*sigh*. I barely have time to pay attention to the movements in my belly this time.

It's nice to hear all of your stories and advice...I'm going to look into some CD's and books also. And you are not alone, transformed...we are TOTALLY STUCK on the name game.

I am eternally thankful for the other women in my life who are having their second babies with me...MamaScout is at the top of the list.
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#18 of 18 Old 10-22-2007, 09:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Bandana, imagine bumping into you here! You are amazing and I'm so glad we are pregnant together again. I don't know WHAT I'd do if I didn't at least have you and our other pregnant friend to share this with.

(Just to give everyone a little background, bandana and I met in our childbirth classes when our boys were born three years ago!)

And thanks you to the rest of you for sharing. I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who feels this way. And I can only hope that I have the time and space to be able to at least spend a few days in bed with this little one, getting to know him/her once s/he is born. I remember those early days in bed with DS as some of the most precious of my life. I really, really want that to happen this time around, too. I know the reality will be that I will not have the time to just stare at my newborn all day like I did with DS, but hopefully I can carve out some special time for us to be alone.
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