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#61 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 12:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kerikadi View Post
YES. I am no longer pg but wasn't able to comfortably spend much time in my DDC because it seemed VERY mainstream for a MDC board. You are not the only one.
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Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
Yes, I think lots of moms find their way into a DDC but aren't necesarily all that into other aspects of NFL, or are just not that into the natural birthing aspect of NFL.
I am not able to spend as much time in my DDC because of this - it's just not the supportive environment I want.....at times, it feels like babycenter, LOL!
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Originally Posted by Pinky Tuscadero View Post
I was shocked to see all the mommas in my DDC happily discussing their ultrasounds. Almost nobody questions them. There are like 10 threads going about them right now. One momma asked about risks so I posted a few thoughts and a little research and was slammed by the "there's no proven risk" moms.
I don't post much there because it seems really mainstream. I guess MDC has made me way crunchier than I realized, not that that's a bad thing...
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yeah, op - ita. i'm not really participating in my ddc b/c i just don't want to read "did you see your ob yet?" (at 4 weeks)/"how was your 7 week us? and are you looking forward to your 18 week one"?/"i'm having an epidural"...

more power to ya if that's what you want to do, but i'm just not there and don't want to be there in my head. at all.

but then i'm sure there are plenty who would think I'm the froot loop as i'm not being seen for any care yet, wanting a uc, etc...
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Originally Posted by pampered_mom View Post
OP - some of the responses you have received to your thread have only proven your point. For me, the further along I get the less I want to visit my DDC and the "I'm Pregnant" boards...which is sad, really, because there are some folks who are very helpful. I just don't need to hear more of what I already hear IRL. I come here because I expect a different birthing "worldview" here at MDC. It really isn't an issue of "support". Apparently that sentiment isn't understood.


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Really? Somebody said that? Where? Can you link me?

Mainstream to me isn't hospital birth it's agreeing to every little test without question. It's going for your 3th unnecessary U/S for a look see. Not planning your birth as a participant but more as a spectator etc.

For me the women were lovely and very sweet but it was like being in a group of women that had different plans and expectations than myself kiind of like going out with your single friends after you've been married a few years. Then again, I was a 5th time Mom and would have probably fit right in during my first pregnancy.
I spent most of my pregnancy here and the homebirth board because that is why I came to MDC, for the crunch
It is implied 1,000 times that if you have any tests or ultrasounds done or if you are going to give birth in a hospital that you are so mainstream (and actually infecting the whole DDC with your mainstreamyness) and make other people feel unwelcome! I'd call that being unwelcome yourself. Just because "to you" Mainstream is X doesn't mean that's what everybody in this post is saying. Trust me this whole thread is giving off a very negative vibe to those of us who do choose some testing and/or hospital birth.

I would never be rude to someone for choosing HB/UC or whatever. I think that's awesome! I just don't like to be made to feel like I'm so "non crunchy" and am bugging others because of some of my choices. I feel like I need to go to my DDC and ask "am I making anybody uncomfortable?".

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#62 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 12:05 PM
 
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My problem outside of my DDC is that people make the assumption that if you do have a test or choose an intervention that it's without question, like you said. Just because you choose something that isn't "kosher" here on MDC doesn't mean that you are ignorant, have done no research, have no background that would explain why you would want to do it, haven't wrestled with it emotionally, and need an education. It's the whole "crunchier than thou" attitude that really turns me off. It's just the flipside of what you will find on a mainstream site--"OMG, you're having a baby at HOME?! Let me tell you why that's so dangerous! For your own good! Let me enlighten you!" : That's what really bothers me--it's the same attitude, just the other side.

And I agree with lovingmommyhood that people definitely have critical attitudes here about hospital births! How many times have I read, "I would never have a baby in a hospital" or "Hospitals are far too dangerous for my baby" or "The risks of a hospital birth are not worth it"?

I agree that most people in our society do not question birth and could have better experiences if they did, but I just wish we could all cut each other some slack here on MDC and not assume we know what is best for someone else or what we would do when we've never been in someone else's shoes.
Agree with all of this!

I get really tired of the assumption that if someone makes a decision that differs from what you would make, they must be ignorant and in need of education. If we were at babycenter, okay, maybe. But here? I'd like to think that most (though I know not all) of us are pretty educated on birth and all of our options. And those that currently aren't are in the process of becoming so.
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#63 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 12:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post
It is implied 1,000 times
Well, if you're looking for implications you can find them anywhere. But I think it's a little much saying things like people are finding you annoying and unwelcome seems like YOU are implying a lot right there.

I am not as crunchy as many of the Mamas here.
I come to MDC for the NFL=Natural Family Living decisions I do make.
If I were looking to buy the biggest SUV on the market, find the best disposable diaper, ask about the best corporal punishment, circumcision, talk about my cesarean for convenience sake I wouldn't expect to find support for those things at a Natural Family Living bulletin board.
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Just because "to you" Mainstream is X doesn't mean that's what everybody in this post is saying.
That's why I said to ME.


Like I said in my previous post the ladies in my DDC were lovely but not what I would expect to find on a NFL bulletin board.

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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#64 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 12:28 PM
 
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Well, if you're looking for implications you can find them anywhere. But I think it's a little much saying things like people are finding you annoying and unwelcome seems like YOU are implying a lot right there.

I am not as crunchy as many of the Mamas here.
I come to MDC for the NFL=Natural Family Living decisions I do make.
If I were looking to buy the biggest SUV on the market, find the best disposable diaper, ask about the best corporal punishment, circumcision, talk about my cesarean for convenience sake I wouldn't expect to find support for those things at a Natural Family Living bulletin board.
I subscribed to and read a years with of Mothering magazine before joining.




That's why I said to ME.


Like I said in my previous post the ladies in my DDC were lovely but not what I would expect to find on a NFL bulletin board.
If you've been reading the post you will see I am far from the only one feeling like this. *I* think it's a "little much" to say they feel unwelcome on their DDCs because of people with different opinions from theirs.

You can say "That's not exactly word for word what they said" but it's still exactly what they are saying, just not in so many words... You can argue with me about it all you want, you won't change how I feel about this post.

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#65 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 12:32 PM
 
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You can argue with me about it all you want, you won't change how I feel about this post.


Obviously it goes both ways because I think there are just as many Mamas the feel they don't belong at their DDCs because the discussions are just not what we were expecting after being members of the NFL community for years.

During my pregnancy I chose to check into my DDC and answer questions from some first time Mamas but spent most of my online time here, Birth and Beyond and the Homebirth board which was fine with me. I just found it odd I had to go looking outside of my DDC for NFL pregnant Mamas.

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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#66 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 12:46 PM
 
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Obviously it goes both ways because I think there are just as many Mamas the feel they don't belong at their DDCs because the discussions are just not what we were expecting after being members of the NFL community for years.

During my pregnancy I chose to check into my DDC and answer questions from some first time Mamas but spent most of my online time here, Birth and Beyond and the Homebirth board which was fine with me. I just found it odd I had to go looking outside of my DDC for NFL pregnant Mamas.
It's too bad you had that experience because a DDC can be a wonderful place for support and friendship. It's not a place to make everybody conform to your ways but it's a place where you will be supported for you decisions for the most part and a safe place to land during your pregnancy. It's one of my favorite places on MDC actually.

Mommy to THREE sweet boys & ONE sweet girl + a newb due in February!  I need a nap. 
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#67 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 03:08 PM
 
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Obviously it goes both ways because I think there are just as many Mamas the feel they don't belong at their DDCs because the discussions are just not what we were expecting after being members of the NFL community for years.

During my pregnancy I chose to check into my DDC and answer questions from some first time Mamas but spent most of my online time here, Birth and Beyond and the Homebirth board which was fine with me. I just found it odd I had to go looking outside of my DDC for NFL pregnant Mamas.
But what if you have a medical condition that requires testing and interventions? Does that keep you out of the NFL club? Are only 100% healthy mamas able to practice NFL? I think it's unfair and hurtful to assume that everyone who has an ultrasound or test does it for the experience or because they're cluelessly mainstream.

Honestly, it just sounds like a who's crunchier contest at this point, and how is that supportive?
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#68 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 03:14 PM
 
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But what if you have a medical condition that requires testing and interventions?
Before assuming that I would be against ALL testing please pay attention to my posts.

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agreeing to every little test without question. It's going for your 3rd unnecessary U/S for a look see. Not planning your birth as a participant but more as a spectator etc.
Notice I didn't say a single thing against required interventions.

I think it is wonderful that the DDCs met your needs and are a good fit for you.

Often times when I posted I got crickets or the same 3 Mamas ended up posting to each other. If I wanted support for HBing issues I didn't get much in my DDC so I looked elsewhere.

Again, lovely women, just not what I was looking for on a NFL site.

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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#69 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 03:48 PM
 
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It's too bad you had that experience because a DDC can be a wonderful place for support and friendship. It's not a place to make everybody conform to your ways but it's a place where you will be supported for you decisions for the most part and a safe place to land during your pregnancy. It's one of my favorite places on MDC actually.
:

I've seen support coming to and from homebirthers and hospitalbirthers. Questions about one or the other, specifically, are usually just answered by others choosing that birth environment, but I've been floored by the general support. I've never seen anyone trash anyone else for choosing a home birth, or a hospital birth, or a birth center birth, or any kind of birth, really.

I guess I'm just not looking for a forum that meets my exact definition of NFL, though. I'd be awfully bored on that forum of one.

I had a longer post composed, but decided against it because I think there's already enough negativity (from all sides) floating around this thread.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#70 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 03:58 PM
 
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:

I've seen support coming to and from homebirthers and hospitalbirthers. Questions about one or the other, specifically, are usually just answered by others choosing that birth environment, but I've been floored by the general support. I've never seen anyone trash anyone else for choosing a home birth, or a hospital birth, or a birth center birth, or any kind of birth, really.
I agree with this. I was never trashed either.

I think it is different for some of us because we were part of MDC for years before ever visiting a DDC so we were used to members really advocating the NFL lifestyle. Not to a tee of course and everyone has different ideas of what NFL is but I think most of us get the basic jist.

What I meant to say and maybe I was unsuccessful is that after being an MDC member for years I was surprised that the DDCs were so different from the rest of the community. I feel I have more in common with your average MDCer, not your average DDCer. Not saying that is a bad thing or a good thing just my experience.

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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#71 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 04:16 PM
 
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Ok, here is a great example of why I have such a hard time identifying with anyone on my mainstream DDC: A thread was posted today about how a woman doesn't want to hold her baby until the baby has been cleaned up, wrapped, and is all fresh smelling. Then came in the plethora of supportive responses all talking about how "gross," "gooey," "slimey," "messy," you get the idea, that the baby is when it arrives and how they don't want to hold the baby until the baby has been cleaned. Some even went so far as to say how they didn't want the baby for a period of time so the mama could get her rest and take a nap, others went so far as to say how they would never ever want to actually have to reach "down there (gasp!)" to deliver their own baby, some saying their hubbys didn't even want to be in the room because of being grossed out. I was getting sick to my stomach reading these responses. It reminds me of how the doctors all want the eye goop in the baby's eyes because mommy's vagina is so dirty and the baby needs protection from the dirty vagina. The baby is not dirty, the vagina is not dirty, the act is not dirty. I just don't get the disconnect more than anything!

Off my rant now, but I know what you all mean about needing a certain level of support that is very difficult to find in most places IRL or online. I understand why women get a little disgruntled at having to hear the same talk on an MDC DDC board. It is probably the only place we can find support and I admit it would be nice to not have to talk about all the interventions done for convenience.
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#72 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 04:16 PM
 
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I love my DDC, no mater what choices we are making for our births, mamas seem to go out of their way to be supportive and not judge and trust that we are each doing the best we can with our situation and what we know.

Be the change you wish to see in the world!

Army wife to wonder hubby. Mama to 4 and Surrogate mother x2.: Zoey Born 5/7/2010
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#73 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 04:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i just thought i would share....the bottom of my DDC has an ad for PLEDGE



ETA: i know that was a little out there...my prego brain has me a little LOOPY today!
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#74 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 04:37 PM
 
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Ok, here is a great example of why I have such a hard time identifying with anyone on my mainstream DDC: A thread was posted today about how a woman doesn't want to hold her baby until the baby has been cleaned up, wrapped, and is all fresh smelling. Then came in the plethora of supportive responses all talking about how "gross," "gooey," "slimey," "messy," you get the idea, that the baby is when it arrives and how they don't want to hold the baby until the baby has been cleaned. Some even went so far as to say how they didn't want the baby for a period of time so the mama could get her rest and take a nap, others went so far as to say how they would never ever want to actually have to reach "down there (gasp!)" to deliver their own baby, some saying their hubbys didn't even want to be in the room because of being grossed out. I was getting sick to my stomach reading these responses. It reminds me of how the doctors all want the eye goop in the baby's eyes because mommy's vagina is so dirty and the baby needs protection from the dirty vagina. The baby is not dirty, the vagina is not dirty, the act is not dirty. I just don't get the disconnect more than anything!

Off my rant now, but I know what you all mean about needing a certain level of support that is very difficult to find in most places IRL or online. I understand why women get a little disgruntled at having to hear the same talk on an MDC DDC board. It is probably the only place we can find support and I admit it would be nice to not have to talk about all the interventions done for convenience.


I cannot imagine this kind of talk happening anywhere on a DDC or anywhere in MDC for that matter. At least in my DDC-someone would come in and say something about the baby not being dirty, etc... I know that in my DDC (Hello December!) there are plenty of experienced NFL mamas who intelligently talk about interventions etc.. Just because someone doesn't know, or someone knowingly makes a choice that's different than what you would make-it does not mean that they are unsupportive. However what I like about MDC is that there can be differences in opinion and people can agree to disagree.

I know of people posting in their DDC questions about vaccines, HB, and the more experienced mama's really provide good information.

Karen, mother to a wonderful active three year old.
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#75 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 04:40 PM
 
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Ok, here is a great example of why I have such a hard time identifying with anyone on my mainstream DDC: A thread was posted today about how a woman doesn't want to hold her baby until the baby has been cleaned up, wrapped, and is all fresh smelling. Then came in the plethora of supportive responses all talking about how "gross," "gooey," "slimey," "messy," you get the idea, that the baby is when it arrives and how they don't want to hold the baby until the baby has been cleaned. Some even went so far as to say how they didn't want the baby for a period of time so the mama could get her rest and take a nap, others went so far as to say how they would never ever want to actually have to reach "down there (gasp!)" to deliver their own baby, some saying their hubbys didn't even want to be in the room because of being grossed out. I was getting sick to my stomach reading these responses. It reminds me of how the doctors all want the eye goop in the baby's eyes because mommy's vagina is so dirty and the baby needs protection from the dirty vagina.


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The baby is not dirty, the vagina is not dirty, the act is not dirty. I just don't get the disconnect more than anything!

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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#76 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 04:49 PM
 
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I can't imagine anyone on MDC anywhere humoring the comments mentioned above. In my DDC, there would definitely be a number of people gently chiming in to educate the OP about the purposes of vernix, fluids, and so on.

I think what some posters in this thread are forgetting (or just disregarding) is that the same people in the DDCs usually visit this forum too. We're talking about actual people here, and tacking on "it's not better or worse, just different..." after recounting a negative story doesn't make it okay.
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#77 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 04:52 PM
 
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I think what some posters in this thread are forgetting (or just disregarding) is that the same people in the DDCs usually visit this forum too. We're talking about actual people here, and tacking on "it's not better or worse, just different..." after recounting a negative story doesn't make it okay.
:

Thank you for saying that.

Karen, mother to a wonderful active three year old.
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#78 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 04:56 PM
 
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I can't imagine anyone on MDC anywhere humoring the comments mentioned above. In my DDC, there would definitely be a number of people gently chiming in to educate the OP about the purposes of vernix, fluids, and so on.

I think what some posters in this thread are forgetting (or just disregarding) is that the same people in the DDCs usually visit this forum too. We're talking about actual people here, and tacking on "it's not better or worse, just different..." after recounting a negative story doesn't make it okay.

I think this is an example of what the poster had seen on a mainstream board, not a MDC DDC.
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#79 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 04:59 PM
 
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I think this is an example of what the poster had seen on a mainstream board, not a MDC DDC.
Yeah, mainstream board (Ivillage), not MDC. There's plenty of med-talk on my MDC DDC, but I get support there (including from hospital birthers who tend to be much more educated than hospital birthers posting on mainstream boards) from all the mamas.

And, I did not feel comfortable at all posting a differing response (although one brave woman did in a very non-controversial way). I mostly just lurk there and only visit because it gets more traffic than my MDC DDC.
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#80 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 05:01 PM
 
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I think this is an example of what the poster had seen on a mainstream board, not a MDC DDC.
If it has nothing to do with the MDC DDCs, isn't it kind of irrelevant to this conversation? I mean, I think we're all familiar with what you would find on a mainstream board...
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#81 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 05:03 PM
 
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If it has nothing to do with the MDC DDCs, isn't it kind of irrelevant to this conversation? I mean, I think we're all familiar with what you would find on a mainstream board...
Umm, I was even shocked reading that thread. No, I did not expect that on my mainstream board. Sorry for veering a little off topic!
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#82 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 05:39 PM
 
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But what if you have a medical condition that requires testing and interventions? Does that keep you out of the NFL club? Are only 100% healthy mamas able to practice NFL? I think it's unfair and hurtful to assume that everyone who has an ultrasound or test does it for the experience or because they're cluelessly mainstream.

Honestly, it just sounds like a who's crunchier contest at this point, and how is that supportive?
I agree with this. I rarely post on MDC, even though we do a lot of the NFL stuff, because I get tired of having to defend my choices over and over. I'm pregnant and due in June with our third, but I've had many losses, and I have things that make me high risk. So yes, I do the hospital births, the pain meds (sexual abuse survivor, pain bugs me), the u/s, many of the tests, etc. I don't fit in here because I need to do many medical things just for the privilege of having a live birth, and I don't fit in on Babycenter either because I choose not to do a lot of testing and choose to have as hands off a preg and delivery as I reasonably can. They can't figure out why I wasn't doing HCG and progesterone draws to no end (what's the point? If I'm going to lose the baby, then I'm going to lose the baby. No amount of blood draws will change that) or why I chose to wait until 8 weeks for an u/s, and you all at MDC can't figure out why I'd get the u/s at all. For those of us with medical conditions, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

So, I mostly lurk and read. Sometimes I learn something, sometimes I don't. After reading this thread about how open and supportive DDC's are, maybe I'll give it a try this go round. It would be nice to chat with people who get that I have chosen to be seen according to the low-risk schedule instead of the high risk one. On Babycenter they would flip their lid, but most of them seem to want to be high risk just so they get more appointments, and more u/s and more tests.
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#83 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 05:58 PM
 
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It is implied 1,000 times that if you have any tests or ultrasounds done or if you are going to give birth in a hospital that you are so mainstream (and actually infecting the whole DDC with your mainstreamyness) and make other people feel unwelcome! I'd call that being unwelcome yourself. Just because "to you" Mainstream is X doesn't mean that's what everybody in this post is saying. Trust me this whole thread is giving off a very negative vibe to those of us who do choose some testing and/or hospital birth.

I would never be rude to someone for choosing HB/UC or whatever. I think that's awesome! I just don't like to be made to feel like I'm so "non crunchy" and am bugging others because of some of my choices. I feel like I need to go to my DDC and ask "am I making anybody uncomfortable?".
since you quoted me, i'll bite -

meh, i'm not being rude. i am staying out of it, not giving anyone any grief whatsoever over what they decide to do. frankly, i don't care. i just don't feel like reading it over and over....call it mainstream, call me crunchy (actually, don't - i don't like labels and aren't putting one on anyone)

i think the thing is you are reading a ton into what i wrote. i wrote a pretty generic post about how i am feeling about this. i didn't include that i was a cbe for years, that i am a nurse that has seen birth in every which way, that i've worked at birth centers and in homebirth for years, helped women make decisions when they wanted guidance, etc...and somehow when i see certain things on message boards i go immediately into "resourceful helping" mode and i don't want to go there (and so many posts are fraught with "what do you think i should do?" "is this normal?" "would you do this?", etc)...i just want to enjoy my pregnancy! and if that makes you feel inferior, well - it's not really anything i am causing. so, enjoy yourself - do what you feel is right and keep on postin!
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#84 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 06:37 PM
 
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I dunno... I get ultrasounds... doesn't make me a mainstream birther or not an AP mama.

We're not all going to conform to every single code that natural birthing dictates. I wouldn't start a "hey, don't ultrasounds rock!!" thread in "I'm Pregnant" but I will talk about getting ultrasounds, that I saw the baby, etc. in my DDC.

We've had the discussion about ultrasound pros and cons... that's cool, and you wouldn't get that anywhere else. But really... we're not a monolithic cult here, nor should we be. Most of the mamas here are pretty darn informed, and newcomers ask questions, at least in my DDC.

eta - My DDC rocks, btw! Just a little plug for May.

Yes. TY!

We are getting an u/s and finding out the gender of this babe.
Shake your head if you like, but don't assume me uneducated or uninformed because my decisions differ from your own.
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#85 of 107 Old 10-30-2007, 06:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dove View Post
since you quoted me, i'll bite -

meh, i'm not being rude. i am staying out of it, not giving anyone any grief whatsoever over what they decide to do. frankly, i don't care. i just don't feel like reading it over and over....call it mainstream, call me crunchy (actually, don't - i don't like labels and aren't putting one on anyone)

i think the thing is you are reading a ton into what i wrote. i wrote a pretty generic post about how i am feeling about this. i didn't include that i was a cbe for years, that i am a nurse that has seen birth in every which way, that i've worked at birth centers and in homebirth for years, helped women make decisions when they wanted guidance, etc...and somehow when i see certain things on message boards i go immediately into "resourceful helping" mode and i don't want to go there (and so many posts are fraught with "what do you think i should do?" "is this normal?" "would you do this?", etc)...i just want to enjoy my pregnancy! and if that makes you feel inferior, well - it's not really anything i am causing. so, enjoy yourself - do what you feel is right and keep on postin!
I believe you think pretty highly of yourself if you think you made me feel inferior. That is not the case. Unwelcome, yes. Inferior? No.

I love my hospital births. I love the whole experience. That doesn't make me mainstream. Mainstream people don't question anything, they just go with the flow and follow their OB's blindly.

Mommy to THREE sweet boys & ONE sweet girl + a newb due in February!  I need a nap. 
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#86 of 107 Old 10-31-2007, 10:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kerikadi View Post

I am not as crunchy as many of the Mamas here.
I come to MDC for the NFL=Natural Family Living decisions I do make.
If I were looking to buy the biggest SUV on the market, find the best disposable diaper, ask about the best corporal punishment, circumcision, talk about my cesarean for convenience sake I wouldn't expect to find support for those things at a Natural Family Living bulletin board.
I subscribed to and read a years with of Mothering magazine before joining.
I think this is exactly what people are talking about. Trying to equate an educated woman choosing to have a hospital birth or an ultrasound to c/s for convenience and pro-circumcision is insulting.

Quote:
I think this is an example of what the poster had seen on a mainstream board, not a MDC DDC.
Yes. And what's insulting is comparing women here to women on a different board who are ignorant on what a normal birth and normal baby looks like.

Quote:
But what if you have a medical condition that requires testing and interventions? Does that keep you out of the NFL club? Are only 100% healthy mamas able to practice NFL? I think it's unfair and hurtful to assume that everyone who has an ultrasound or test does it for the experience or because they're cluelessly mainstream.


People keep insisting they're only talking about "unnecessary" stuff, but if that's true, why is this thread even here? Is there a big group of women on MDC running around championing circumcision and elective c-sections?? I certainly haven't seen them.

And "necessary" is pretty subjective. Maybe you roll your eyes at the mom who's so happy to have her 20 week u/s, but what you don't know is that she's so happy because she lost a previous baby at 20 weeks.
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#87 of 107 Old 10-31-2007, 10:36 AM
 
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My problem outside of my DDC is that people make the assumption that if you do have a test or choose an intervention that it's without question, like you said. Just because you choose something that isn't "kosher" here on MDC doesn't mean that you are ignorant, have done no research, have no background that would explain why you would want to do it, haven't wrestled with it emotionally, and need an education. It's the whole "crunchier than thou" attitude that really turns me off. It's just the flipside of what you will find on a mainstream site--"OMG, you're having a baby at HOME?! Let me tell you why that's so dangerous! For your own good! Let me enlighten you!" : That's what really bothers me--it's the same attitude, just the other side.

And I agree with lovingmommyhood that people definitely have critical attitudes here about hospital births! How many times have I read, "I would never have a baby in a hospital" or "Hospitals are far too dangerous for my baby" or "The risks of a hospital birth are not worth it"?

I agree that most people in our society do not question birth and could have better experiences if they did, but I just wish we could all cut each other some slack here on MDC and not assume we know what is best for someone else or what we would do when we've never been in someone else's shoes.
I agree!!!

As much as I would like to think our world is happy flower kitty land, its NOT and a lot of people have tests b/c there are very good reasons to. I shouldn't have to add a disclaimer to my posts about wanting a 20 week anatomy scan b/c I had a child (dc #1) with a birth defect that is one that needs to be known before birth.

I guess that kicks me out of the cool girl club:

Mom of 3 sons and one daughter
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#88 of 107 Old 10-31-2007, 11:28 AM
 
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AGAIN, it isn't about women that are having one U/S for diagnostic reasons or Mama's that have had issues. How many times have I said that????

You're also assuming that assumtions were made. Often times someone would ask a Mama why she's having her 3rd U/S and the response was something like "well, we wanted to see the little one again or Well, there's a great 3D place right up the street." NOT "we were concerned about XXX so we thought it was a good idea."

Yes, a lot of women are educated and pick and choose what tests they will and won't have but several in my DDC just went in for the whole gamut with no questions asked. Many of them are first time Moms and when I was a first time Mom I had more U/S's than I needed as well. I'm not comdemning these women. We are all at different places in our lives.

What I have said over and over and over is that my DDC didn't feel like MDC but more like one of the other mainstream boards. And I know I'm not the only one because this discussion has happened about once a year since I've been here.

Just wait until 37 weeks or so and the inductions begin for no medical reason that lead to the cascade of interventions. Unfortunately, it will happen. I think it's great that some DDCers are also on this board. I wish more women would venture outside of their DDC and read birth and beyond and birth stories. I know many do but several times while in my DDC I would say to myself "I thought I was at MDC"

Not all DDCs are like this, certainly but obviously I am not the only Mama that felt this way.

AGAIN for like the 4th time. DDCs are great, lovely women, great support. Not for me.

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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#89 of 107 Old 10-31-2007, 12:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pampered_mom View Post
As a c/s mama myself, I'm personally very glad that the forum was not brought into existence...precisely because the issue of "medically necessary" when it comes to the discussion of c/s here and elsewhere is so very muddy. There are lots of women I've spoken to IRL that believe that their c/s was "medically necessary"...heck, for the first year following my c/s I believed that as well. That doesn't mean that I was right. Who gets to decide if it is? More often than not the sentiment is that the mom gets to decide if it was necessary because how dare anyone question her own personal experience.

I for one am very glad that when I first started talking to others about my c/s that they were comfortable challenging my understanding b/c without that I don't think I would have ever come to terms with the fact that it truly was medically unnecessary. What if they had been leery of ever prompting me because they were afraid that they'd "discount" my personal birthing experience?

My point being that I don't find that kind of "support", I'll borrow a pps term which was probably done for lack of a better word, in the DDCs (or even many other pregnancy related subforums) because it really does seem that the mamas there, as a general rule embrace more medical type management (notice I'm saying "generally" here...it's certainly not all). It's just not what I expected to find at MDC, but I understand why it happens.
So, let me see if I'm reading you right... a place to go to talk just to mamas who have had similar experiences, a place where I can try to process my mourning for the natural birth I wanted where someone will understand, where I can talk to and get advice from other C/S mamas about challenges with attachment and breastfeeding, where we can talk about possible PTSD, where I'm safe from people "challenging" me about what's already over, done with, and can't be changed...

Nope, can't have that. I should have to submit to "challenges" about my unnatural birth experiences that I already feel horrible about. I should have to submit to cross examination about whether my reasons are good enough...because you're so right! Obviously, I should not be the one to determine if my c-sections were medically necessary, I should have armchair "experts" on the internet decide that for me!! :

Oh, or I can go to a mainstream board, where my kind belong, and my sadness and trauma will be met with "You had a healthy baby, and that's all that matters!"

Gotcha.
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#90 of 107 Old 10-31-2007, 12:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by meisterfrau View Post
Nope, can't have that. I should have to submit to "challenges" about my unnatural birth experiences that I already feel horrible about. I should have to submit to cross examination about whether my reasons are good enough...because you're so right! Obviously, I should not be the one to determine if my c-sections were medically necessary, I should have armchair "experts" on the internet decide that for me!! :

Gotcha.
Defensive much?


I don't think anybody said you can't have what you are looking for.

Nobody said DDCs HAVE to be more like MDC we just said our DDCs weren't what WE were looking for.

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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