Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: British Columbia
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|Dear Kathy Jo,
Hugs and Hugs and Hugs to you with that beautiful, happy, strong baby dancing between us in its watery home!
It is such a challenging thing to have the pressure put on at the end of a pregnancy. It happened to me and even though I knew better-- the doubt directed at me by others slowly became this increasing burden. Please let your midwives' doubt pass by you. I, personally, will not have any VEs next time because I remember the feelings caused by my back-up ob's disappointed look and tone that I didn't have much change in my cervix-----even though I knew that is what labor is for and it means NOTHING before labor. I am sorry they making something meaningless sound like it means something other than your cervix is doing exactly what it's supposed to do.
I am also so sorry that your midwives are not protecting your sacred space. The only image that I can add from the wonderful supportive posts you have already gotten is to close your eyes and imagine being talked with by midwives who were securely grounded in trusting birth. Where they might say something like, "Oh, Kathy Jo, you are doing so well. You look great, your baby looks great. That non-stress test shows you baby is strong and healthy. We are really looking forward to being with you as you birth this baby and just know that we are here for you when ever you and your baby are ready" and notice how you would feel then. Not that you need them to tell you that you are ok, but this could help separate out their stuff that they are sending to you from how *you* really feel inside.
Blessings and patience to you. So much love and faith is being sent your way.
|Nicholas Julien made his arrival at 4:50am today. 8 pounds, 8 ounces, 21 inches. He's adorable and his big brother is in love with him! I had off and on contractions all day yesterday, went to bed about 10pm last night having to breathe through contractions every 10 minutes. My water broke at 1:30am and contractions were every minute lasting a minute from then on. I spent some time in the shower, and my midwife and her assistant showed up about 3:30am - they told me I could get into the birth tub that was all set up, but the urge to push was too strong and I was pretty comfy on the couch (as much as you can be I guess).
It was a wonderful birth - completely different then my first. It was so fast, and the pain in hindsight was nothing in comparison to the first. Oh - big brother got a chance to swim in the pool this morning - at least someone did. Can't wait to hear the rest of the upcoming birth stories. KJ - hang in there.