Rude questions people ask when you are pregnant.... - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 11:16 AM
 
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No one has been purposefully hateful, but in my sensitive state, some things really have gotten to me.

I know a wonderful older gentleman who adores me, and whom I adore. I threw up constantly for the first seven months of this pregnancy, and he was so worried that I hadn't gained any weight. When I finally figured out it was a gall bladder issue, he chided me, "Well, good! Now maybe you can start taking care of that baby in there!" *sigh*

I am now 39 weeks along. People are expressing surprise that I am still pregnant! Umm, I'm not even due yet! If one more person tell me how happy they are that they were induced at 38 weeks with pit and an epi, I can't be held responsible for my reaction! :

Mama to E (12/07) and M (01/11). homebirth.jpg
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#62 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 12:25 PM
 
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Like all the hurful, rude, and thoughtless things people say to me aren't enough...we walked into my uncle's house on Thanksgiving and were bombarded by people at the door...this is the first baby in the family in a while. One aunt told me I look great and then proceeded to pat DH on the belly and loudly announce, "Guess we know who's having the sympathy pregnancy!"

This was the 3rd time DH had met this woman - once being our wedding - they're not close. Poor guy is up a few pounds and feeling badly about it...he didn't need a quasi-stranger pointing it out to the house full of 50 or so people! :
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#63 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 01:16 PM
 
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Like all the hurful, rude, and thoughtless things people say to me aren't enough...we walked into my uncle's house on Thanksgiving and were bombarded by people at the door...this is the first baby in the family in a while. One aunt told me I look great and then proceeded to pat DH on the belly and loudly announce, "Guess we know who's having the sympathy pregnancy!"

This was the 3rd time DH had met this woman - once being our wedding - they're not close. Poor guy is up a few pounds and feeling badly about it...he didn't need a quasi-stranger pointing it out to the house full of 50 or so people! :
I keep hearing these jokes about my own dh and I pray no one has been cruel enough to say it directly to him. He isn't happy about the weight he's gained in the time that we've been together. And actually, he has LOST some weight since I've been pregnant. It makes me sad. Don't pick on my poor husband!
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#64 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 03:01 PM
 
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Don't pick on my poor husband!
Seriously! He lives with his pregnant wife...prone to tears, unexplained anger, and bouts of paranoia the last few months...poor guy has enough to deal with!
I hope no one says that to your DH - it really takes a special kind of thoughtless to say that.
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#65 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 05:12 PM
 
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I don't know if this was so much rude as inappropriate, but a lady from church corralled me on Sunday and said 'Have you had your GD test this week?'
'No, it's tomorrow'.
'Ooh, well, I just wondered, because I saw you drinking a glass of water, and when I was pre-diabetic I drank like a fish!'

Okay... it was ONE small glass of water, occasioned by the fact that I was THIRSTY, and my (non-pregnant and presumably non-pre-diabetic) father, husband and two sisters were drinking identical glasses of water at the time. But more to the point... way to show support! That's like saying 'You look like my sister right before she died'... you know, not terribly helpful.

If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

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#66 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 05:31 PM
 
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I don't know if this was so much rude as inappropriate, but a lady from church corralled me on Sunday and said 'Have you had your GD test this week?'
'No, it's tomorrow'.
'Ooh, well, I just wondered, because I saw you drinking a glass of water, and when I was pre-diabetic I drank like a fish!'

Okay... it was ONE small glass of water, occasioned by the fact that I was THIRSTY, and my (non-pregnant and presumably non-pre-diabetic) father, husband and two sisters were drinking identical glasses of water at the time. But more to the point... way to show support! That's like saying 'You look like my sister right before she died'... you know, not terribly helpful.
Ok, I think that one's weird! Don't we all drink water??? Isn't it supposed to be our main drink of choice as humans...not just pregos? I'm on my 4th bottle of water today...hope that doesn't mean anything!
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#67 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 05:32 PM
 
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Some folks have expressed that they dislike hearing "your life is really about to change."

I have to defend that one because I sort of understand it now. People told me that all of the time and I said "yeah, yeah, I know" and I was really annoyed. I really didn't understand where they were coming from. There is NO WAY anyone can convey the manner in which your life changes when your little one arrives and it sounds so cliqued. Those people know what you're about to go through and they are expressing their EMPATHY and the sheer terror you should be feeling if only you knew what you were getting yourself into--- on behalf of you and your DH or DP. (LOL) Nothing more, nothing less. Yes, this is somewhat tongue in cheek--but that person is really saying "holy crap! Good LUCK!"

Now--when people ask "is this your first" and I say "no" they give me that knowing look and our eyes lock and the empathy is there because they know I know what I am getting myself into (sort of). And I basically say, "yep, there's no turning back...and I'm scared $hitless" And I get a laugh.

What I hate is "wow--that's a big baby in there" or "I don't think you really have three more months, that baby's coming early" or "are you sure it's not twins?" No, I was 30 lbs overweight before I got pregnant, dumbass and you're basically calling me overweight. Thanks! Way to make a pregnant mama feel like crap!
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#68 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 05:37 PM
 
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JennaW, that 'are you sure' thing - so true! People are always trying to stuff my face it is irritating.


I get really offended with the "are you crazy?" remarks. I haven't had it yet this time, but I'm sure it's coming. The worst part is that they will always say that in front of my children. Like they're worthless or something.

I once had a boss comment on my eating (I was pg with my first, and was super skinny except for my bump, fwiw) - someone brought donuts to work. He saw me eat one, and then asked quite seriously if i 'really thought that was a good idea'. I laughed it off but I was MAD.

The worst, for me: when I was pg with dd, and didn't know she was a girl, and frankly would have been very happy with another ds. Everywhere I went, with my two small boys: "Oh, you must just want a girl SO badly!!! What will you do if you have another boy?!" Um, love it lots, thanks. I never, ever, said yes to that one, always made a point of saying I'd love another boy. I just didn't appreciate people making a big stink like that right in front of the boys.
I know---because I'm having another DD I get "oh---did you want a boy? Are you going to try again?" WTF is wrong with having 2 girls and being done?
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#69 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 05:43 PM
 
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Or the comments I get when people realize we are co-sleeping, cloth diapering and home birthing. OOOOOO I want their heads to explode!
Yep--and the extended nursing thing too...

Fun stuff!
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#70 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 05:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Our baby will not have their own room. But we believe in co-sleeping and by the time our child wants their own room, we will probably have moved into a bigger house. DH and I see this as no big deal. But, people are already starting to get on us about how "the baby needs their own room" and "you need your space". Some family members also think "A 2 year old is a big kid, they don't need breast milk" when I talk about my wishes to practice extended breast feeding and that using cloth diapers is just crazy.

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#71 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 06:49 PM
 
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I can understand that a fellow mama with her hands full might tell us newbies that having babies changes your life. But good grief! Where did men and women without children get the right to tell us that?!?
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#72 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 06:55 PM
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I have 2 boys and I'm in due in another couple of weeks with another, so I get a lot of "You must be hoping for a girl" comments. :

Plus, the classic "You really have your hands full", which I wish I could take in a pleasant, non-yucky way, but I'm bitter so it annoys me to no end.

I really really hate "Was this baby planned?" Like I'm going to share that kind of info about my SEX LIFE with random people. Um....no, MYOB. My grandmother asks me a LOT, "When is Dan (DH) going to have a vasectomy?" : I finally told her that I have never asked her about her sex life and I wish she would extend the same courtesy to me. Its unbelievable to me that I even have to SAY THAT.
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#73 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 07:10 PM
 
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I can understand that a fellow mama with her hands full might tell us newbies that having babies changes your life. But good grief! Where did men and women without children get the right to tell us that?!?
We could start a whole new thread about inappropriate comments about child rearing made by childless people. I really get red in the face when some childless know-it-all tells me how to raise my DC or anything I should be doing in regard to my DC. I've gone so far as to tell these people off (I'm 6'1" and about 170 lbs when I'm not pg so I tend to be pretty intimidating when I'm mad), stating, "when you have your own kid and have done the extensive research I have then I'll consider listening to your point but until that happens shut your pie hole - nobody wants to hear it!" and that usually keeps them quiet and I think makes them think twice about it next time.
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#74 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 07:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can understand how people feel about childless people giving advice on children. However, I currently have no children outside the womb and have worked as a nanny for a number of years. I have stayed up with a crying infant, been pooped, pee'd and thrown up on. I've worked in the classroom, had to deal with a disappointed child and been in many situations that I have learned from. As a rule, I do not give unsolicited advice about anything. However, if people ask for advice on kids, I share my thoughts. My friend who just had a baby two months ago calls me all the time asking questions and has told me that she considers me an invaluable resource when it comes to questions about infant care. I read the books, I work with kids and while I do not know what it is like to be a parent, I do have some knowledgeable perspectives on children. So, while I do understand it must be irritating having childless people give you an unsolicited earful, also be mindful that a few of us might have something useful to say here and there, if you are asking for advice. Stepping off my soap box now.....

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#75 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 07:39 PM
 
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I can understand how people feel about childless people giving advice on children. However, I currently have no children outside the womb and have worked as a nanny for a number of years. I have stayed up with a crying infant, been pooped, pee'd and thrown up on. I've worked in the classroom, had to deal with a disappointed child and been in many situations that I have learned from. As a rule, I do not give unsolicited advice about anything. However, if people ask for advice on kids, I share my thoughts. My friend who just had a baby two months ago calls me all the time asking questions and has told me that she considers me an invaluable resource when it comes to questions about infant care. I read the books, I work with kids and while I do not know what it is like to be a parent, I do have some knowledgeable perspectives on children. So, while I do understand it must be irritating having childless people give you an unsolicited earful, also be mindful that a few of us might have something useful to say here and there, if you are asking for advice. Stepping off my soap box now.....
Aww, I didn't mean to be insulting. The operative word you used is "unsolicited" advice. I have 2 DC and one on the way, the oldest is almost 11. I pretty much know what I'm doing by now. It's extremely rare that I solicit advice at all but when I do I am very selective about the source. I certainly wouldn't ask someone's advice knowing they had little or no experience pertaining to the situation, kwim? I deal with this a lot because until 2 years ago I was the only one of my 4 siblings who had DC yet they all became experts on the subject and didn't hesitate to point out all the areas where I was "doing it wrong".
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#76 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 08:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mama_in_PA

LOL, sorry if I got my feathers all ruffled, its just one of those subjects I'm somewhat passionate about. It bothers me that people discount my opinion simply because I do not have my own children, KWIM? Like I said, I'm sure the unsolicited family advice (and stranger advice) is really annoying. I wasn't insulted, just making my point, which is that not all childless people are total ding bats when it comes to kid issues No hard feelings I hope.

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#77 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 08:37 PM
 
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I find unsolicited advice from people WITH kids even more annoying than from childless people. Because when you have kids--or have spent a lot of time with a kid--you know that every child is different and that parenting is personal. So in some ways the extra knowledge that comes from being a parent makes me even less amenable to "helpful advice" (blah).
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#78 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 08:58 PM
 
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"Oh, you must be trying for a BOY!":

No, I'd just like a healthy baby, please. :
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#79 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 11:01 PM
 
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Mama_in_PA

LOL, sorry if I got my feathers all ruffled, its just one of those subjects I'm somewhat passionate about. It bothers me that people discount my opinion simply because I do not have my own children, KWIM? Like I said, I'm sure the unsolicited family advice (and stranger advice) is really annoying. I wasn't insulted, just making my point, which is that not all childless people are total ding bats when it comes to kid issues No hard feelings I hope.
Not at all! I don't want to step on toes either. : From your aforementioned resume it looks like you're much better equipped than most are when they enter the world of parenthood. As a result I'm sure you'll make a great mama and hopefully your experience will alleviate some of the silly mistakes most of us make when fumbling around trying to make heads or tails of the unexpected events that happen.
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#80 of 105 Old 12-03-2007, 11:15 PM
 
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when i was 19 weeks pregnant with dd an aquaintance who had just found out i was pregnant patted my belly and said "you're not very far along are you?" i told her i was almost half way and that many women with their first pregnancies don't get huge right away. : she also said "I knew you were going to breed", well i never made it a secret that i wanted children. when she patted my belly another friend looked at her and said "i always ask first." it was priceless.

Mummy to dd (Jan 13, '07) born by emergency c-section at 35 weeks due to severe pre-e  :ribboncesarean.gif and ds (Jan 30 '09) :hbac.gif and stork-suprise.gif    (06/11)
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#81 of 105 Old 12-04-2007, 12:38 AM
 
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Not really RUDE but annoying... "Have you thought of any names?" Every time I hear that (feels like about 100 times a week) I just want to pull on my hair and scream, "Shut up shut up shut up!"

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#82 of 105 Old 12-04-2007, 02:54 AM
 
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I'm pregnant with my first, and lately I've been getting a lot of "do you know what you're having?" It's a boy. "Oh" (with the sympathetic face). I'm thrilled that I'm having a boy. I guess women are supposed to want daughters or something, but I couldn't be happier. If I end up with three boys I'd be equally thrilled. Truth be told, I wouldn't know what to do with a girl (I know I'd love her, but you know what I mean).
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#83 of 105 Old 12-04-2007, 03:26 AM
 
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Oooh, another one I heard when I was pregnant with dd. I got pregnant in my first year of college. Dh and I got married that June and lived with my parents until we got on our feet a bit (dd was born 10/7 and we moved out 12/1). That July, he joined a softball league in my hometown, with some of my High School classmates. I was there with him at every game and practice, obviously. So were many of the people I went to HS with. My senior class was full of...no kind way to say this...sluts. I'm from a town of 4,000 people and my school had the third highest pregnancy rate IN THE COUNTRY my senior year. So, it really wasn't uncommon to be pregnant, but I was at least out of HS.

Anyway, this catty girl that I'd never gotten along with in HS walked up to me one day and said, all snotty, "so who's the father of YOUR baby?" Another friend of mine chimed in before I even had a chance to peel my jaw off the ground. "HER HUSBAND!" I flashed the wedding ring and a huge smile. I can still hear her voice saying that and it irks me every time.

Tiffany, loving wife to Matt, Mommy to Samantha (10/99), Tevin (8/04), Cadence (6/08) and babymooning with our sweet little Lauren 6/24/10
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#84 of 105 Old 12-04-2007, 04:29 AM
 
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When I was pregnant with DS, and told my *grandmother*, of all people, she said:

By whom?!

(I've been with DF for years)
Granny thinks I'm a whore!
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#85 of 105 Old 12-04-2007, 12:54 PM
 
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I've gotten "Who's the father?" instead of "Congratulations" with both single pregnancies, usually in an accusatory voice and accompanied by a judgemental glare.

This time it's actually kind of fun. I don't expect the average person to understand the kind of drama and emotional roller coaster that is involved with known donors, but believe me, if any partner of mine, male or female, had been willing to go through that for me s/he would have earned the title of "father". Since I had to do it myself, my standard answer is:

"There isn't one."

Some peple let it go at that....SOME people....others launch right into their tirades:

"There is simply no excuse for such bitterness! I don't care who he is or what he did, he is STILL the father and you have no right to deprive him of HIS child just because you wanted more money or got in some silly argument because he didn't want to marry you! You're not even very pretty! I can't say I blame that man at all! Justice WILL be served and you wll NOT be allowed to get away with this blah blah blah blah blah."

I just let them rant and rave and maybe egg them on with a few, "Do you really feel that way?"s or "Why do you think that is true?"s before I come in for the kill.

"Actually, no matter what you think of me and my family, there is no father. There was a donor who received adequate compensation for his time and trouble. My older children and I are very grateful for his willingness to help us complete our family."

I LOVE the way their eyes pop out of their heads.

I can only hope that they will say "Congratulatons!" to the next 22 year old unexpectedly pregnant lady who is having to deal with lack of support, a custody battle, and the death of her romantic dreams on top of all the discomforts and insecurities of pregnancy.
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#86 of 105 Old 12-05-2007, 06:16 PM
 
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Yah, I got the "who's the father" as a "joke" from MIL....I laughed (actually just tittered) when I wanted to haul off and smack her senseless (which would not be hard since she has NO sense!)

Other than that---just people dogging on his EDD---"oh sorry" is something I get a lot, or "he's going to be SO cheated!!"--HEY--my birfday is on the 27th and I had a great time as a kid when it came to presents and parties..it's been since being grown-up I get the combo cards/gifts, LOL! I have several girlfriends who are majorly struggling to have a baby, so I'm just grateful to be having a healthy one, so SHUT UP!!
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#87 of 105 Old 12-05-2007, 10:05 PM
 
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My mother's exact words upon hearing the news that we were expecting our first was, "Katie, what the f* are you doing?"
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#88 of 105 Old 12-05-2007, 10:57 PM
 
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I was at a friend's baby shower and I was 7 months pregnant at the time. My friend's grandmother asked when I was due and I told her the date. She looked at me and said "oh, you're going to have a little baby". I was kind of shocked and didn't know what to say.
I only gained 25 pounds through my whole pregnancy and I had a perfectly healthy 8 pound baby !
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#89 of 105 Old 12-05-2007, 11:32 PM
 
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I have two gorgeous, bright, and wonderful daughters, and I am so freaking sick and tired of folks saying "So you must be hoping for a boy this time!"


Not exactly.

What I want to say is "I'm hoping for a healthy baby with an appropriate number of fingers and toes, and no tail!"

Seriously, why do people assume your family isn't "complete" unless you have children of both sexes?

Be the change you want to see in the world. - Gandhi
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#90 of 105 Old 12-05-2007, 11:33 PM
 
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I have 3 boys and I hate it when people say thing such as:

"Well, I hope for your sake that this one is a girl!"

I would personally love to have 4 boys! Whatever God gives us, is great with me!

I also hate it when people say:
"Oh, you're going to be busy!" As if i don't know that!
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