Rude questions people ask when you are pregnant.... - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 105 Old 12-05-2007, 11:35 PM
 
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Another annoying comment that I got when PG with #3 was "So where are you going to put all the kids?" (referring to our house). hmmm, I think we'll store a few in the garage! sheesh people!
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#92 of 105 Old 12-05-2007, 11:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lorelei View Post

Seriously, why do people assume your family isn't "complete" unless you have children of both sexes?

Yes, I ask the same question myself all the time! People have this weird picture of what the "perfect" family should be.
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#93 of 105 Old 12-05-2007, 11:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by noordinaryspider View Post
I've gotten "Who's the father?" instead of "Congratulations" with both single pregnancies, usually in an accusatory voice and accompanied by a judgemental glare.

This time it's actually kind of fun. I don't expect the average person to understand the kind of drama and emotional roller coaster that is involved with known donors, but believe me, if any partner of mine, male or female, had been willing to go through that for me s/he would have earned the title of "father". Since I had to do it myself, my standard answer is:

"There isn't one."

Some peple let it go at that....SOME people....others launch right into their tirades:

"There is simply no excuse for such bitterness! I don't care who he is or what he did, he is STILL the father and you have no right to deprive him of HIS child just because you wanted more money or got in some silly argument because he didn't want to marry you! You're not even very pretty! I can't say I blame that man at all! Justice WILL be served and you wll NOT be allowed to get away with this blah blah blah blah blah."

I just let them rant and rave and maybe egg them on with a few, "Do you really feel that way?"s or "Why do you think that is true?"s before I come in for the kill.

"Actually, no matter what you think of me and my family, there is no father. There was a donor who received adequate compensation for his time and trouble. My older children and I are very grateful for his willingness to help us complete our family."

I LOVE the way their eyes pop out of their heads.

I can only hope that they will say "Congratulatons!" to the next 22 year old unexpectedly pregnant lady who is having to deal with lack of support, a custody battle, and the death of her romantic dreams on top of all the discomforts and insecurities of pregnancy.

Wow, that's a great response

Another one I've gotten recently is "Do you know how old you are?"

Vegan, mom to : Joe and Josh ::
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#94 of 105 Old 12-06-2007, 12:58 PM
 
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I have an event this evening where one of the attendees is a very smarmy sort who fancies himself a ladies man and always makes weird/creepy comments to me and another pregnant woman in the group. I've been just cranky enough this week that I fully intent to let him have it at the first rude/creepy comment or gesture.
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#95 of 105 Old 12-06-2007, 02:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sunnymw View Post
I hate the Planned question because I firmly believe in not/not'ing, meaning that whenever GOD has planned for us to have another, we'll get pg (which happened!). So if people in church ask, I always say "of course! We left it open to God's plan"
:
BTW, have you seen our quiverful tribe? If not, come join us!

IME, the rude questions just get worse towards the end of the pregnancy! With dd (I kid you not!) I had a total stranger--an employ at some garden store--ask me "So, are you dilated yet?" WTH??? Like it's appropriate to ask a total stranger about the status of their cervix? Who are these people with no sense of propriety or respect for personal space??

And last night, at church, it happened again--a woman came up to me, right in a group of people (men, women, and children) and without even lowering her voice, starts asking if I'm "feeling anything yet".... I tried to politely disengage from the conversation (my gosh, I'm still 2 weeks away from my due date!) and as I turned away, she asked even louder, "So, you haven't lost your mucous plug or anything yet?"

:

I'm still reeling from this one! On what planet is it okay for someone (who is not my husband or my midwife) to ask me about any goo that might be coming out of my vagina?? Seriously! What is it about MY pregnancy that makes OTHER people lose their minds?? :

Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
~~*~~Not your typical Pastor's Wife!~~*~~
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#96 of 105 Old 12-06-2007, 03:55 PM
 
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I have repeatedly had people ask if we know what we are having. When I tell them we won't find out until the baby is born, almost all have said "Well yeah, you already have a boy and a girl so I guess it doesn't matter." :

Yeah, because the fact that my first 2 kids are a boy and a girl means that we don't give a crap what the heck pops out in April and figured why bother finding out : No one even thought we would have anymore kids after ds was born anyway because we had "one of each". Besides my mom and my friends, everyone else seems to think this pregnancy is pointless or something.

~Rebecca~
mama to a sweet girl , & 4 silly boys

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#97 of 105 Old 12-07-2007, 12:25 AM
 
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With ds (now 9) we got; Oh no!! You haven't even paid off the mortgage yet!! with lots of brow wiping and head shaking - as if we were 16 and this was a surprise. We were both 27 and married... to each other!!!! Also we had a 25 year mortgage on that house. How long were we supposed to wait????

With dd ( now 6) there was the oft spoken expectation that we wanted a girl and even clearer understanding that they wanted a girl. We found out at the ultrasound and (foolishly) announced it was a girl and (even more foolishly) her name. All of a sudden there were tears and grandparents unable to sleep at night because of the name we had in mind. We didn't change our minds even though the gp said they would call here something different!!!???

This time we are a bit wiser. We haven't found out the gender although the head shaking consensus is that we have, we just won't tell them. We aren't even announcing the types of names we are considering. This allows lots of input on their favourite names and oft spoken hopes about us choosing something 'sensible'.

Further afield, there is the general expectation that because our older 2 are 6 and 9, I now have a different partner and this baby has a different father. I've had lots of questions about how did ds and dd's dad take the news. Umm, well he's the dad of all my children. Then I get the shocked Ooohhh, really??? Of course this leads into questions about was the baby planned and why is there such a gap? Apparantly I will have to have another after this one so this baby has someone to play with and to keep the family balanced.

Our new neighbours were introducing themselves and right after we exchanged names, they asked was the baby planned and were we going to stop now or have more? Well, hello, nice to meet you, let's discuss my family planning!

I also get the obligitory so big, so small, how much longer with raised eyebrows, where am I having it, who's your doctor and all the other questions it sounds like we have all come to know and love.
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#98 of 105 Old 12-07-2007, 01:58 AM
 
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Today my mom asked if I was planning to get my tubes tied after this baby and when I told her no because I might want another one day, she asked if I was planning for a baseball team. I told her that I was shooting to be like the Duggars, which shut her up.

This isn't a pregnancy one, but right after ds was born (I was 17), I was out shopping with him and some little old lady came up to me and started telling me what a nice big sister I was for taking him shoppng with me. When I told her he was my son, she chewed me out for being too young to have a baby.
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#99 of 105 Old 12-07-2007, 02:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Summertime Mommy View Post
This isn't a pregnancy one, but right after ds was born (I was 17), I was out shopping with him and some little old lady came up to me and started telling me what a nice big sister I was for taking him shoppng with me. When I told her he was my son, she chewed me out for being too young to have a baby.
I've had similar comments (I was 19 when I had my first) from people who had the same background! My grandmother was 16 when she had my dad and then married a man OTHER than his bio father and proceeded to have more DC. She felt it was her place judge me when my DC had diff fathers. Ugh, some people...
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#100 of 105 Old 12-07-2007, 10:59 AM
 
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I can't stand- "So you're done, right?" when I tell people this is a girl after 2 boys. WHY?! I also hate the name question for some reason. I hate telling strangers her name.

After they're born the worse is, "Is he a good baby?" wtf? As opposed to a bad baby? Those malicious, evil, bad babies. Argg.

Mama to four ('03, '05, '08 & '11) chicken3.gif
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#101 of 105 Old 12-07-2007, 02:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Summertime Mommy View Post
This isn't a pregnancy one, but right after ds was born (I was 17), I was out shopping with him and some little old lady came up to me and started telling me what a nice big sister I was for taking him shoppng with me. When I told her he was my son, she chewed me out for being too young to have a baby.
That's funny (ironic, not haha) because my youngest brother is 11 years younger than I am. I was 11 years old the first time someone mistook him for my child. 11!
I've spent a good deal of my life explaining these AREN'T my children - they're my brother and sister (9 and 11 years younger than me!)
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#102 of 105 Old 12-07-2007, 02:41 PM
 
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Got one the other day... well, it wasn't rude specifically because I AM pregnant, but had I not been pregnant, it would have been soooooo heartlessly rude...

A man (kind-of coworker, absolute social moron, not someone I'm particularly close to) walks up to me and said, "Sara, are you gaining weight?"

Now, because I'm pregnant and have been a little paranoid about not gaining enough weight (although that worry has pretty much alleviated itself this week ), I was kind of happy to hear it, but HE DIDN'T KNOW I WAS PREGNANT! Just walked up to a woman he occasionally sees at work and said, "You gaining weight?"

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#103 of 105 Old 12-07-2007, 07:11 PM
 
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blizzard_babe: WHOA, that's rude. Did you mention to him that this was not a wise policy to adopt when talking to women? Even saying 'Are you losing weight?' is fairly creepy, but the alternative is just--yikes.

I posted this in TAO, but it's too funny not to share again--DH and I ran into a couple we used to know, but hadn't seen for ages, in town last night. M said 'How are you?' and before thinking, I said 'Fine, how are you?'. Then it occurred to me that what she was asking was 'Are you pregnant?' But by that time it felt like the moment had passed, and I didn't feel in the mood to be congratulated, so I just ignored the subject (as did DH, but probably because he just didn't think about it--he's awful about telling people I'm pregnant!). Well, she spent the rest of the conversation STARING in fascinated anguish at my tummy. She was clearly dying to 'know' (and come on, it's pretty obvious, I've never had a big tummy before--of course I'm pregnant!), but she couldn't bring herself to actually ask. I can only assume she thought it'd be ruder to say 'Are you pregnant?' than to carry on a normal conversation, while her eyes constantly returned to my tummy... As soon as we said goodbye and left, DH and I were cracking up. (And if DH notices that someone's social behavior is a little odd, believe me, that means something!). I suppose I was the evil one, for not putting her out of her misery, but what was I supposed to say? 'YES M, I'm pregnant, get your eyes out of my womb!'? Ahhh, it was funny. She's probably frantically ringing around all our ex-mutual acquaintances right now, trying to find out the news; and I bet she's congratulating herself on being so tactful!

If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

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#104 of 105 Old 12-07-2007, 07:31 PM
 
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My favorite was from the other day. A lady asked, "You probably get a lot of pregnancy/labor horror stories now that you're pregnant, don't you?"

Thinking she was being sympathetic, I nodded and said, "Yes, I do. It's tiring sometimes."

Then she prodeces to tell me HER HORROR STORIES!

Thanks, that's exactly what I was hoping for- more uplifting, positive reinforcement.

Mommy to DD March 2008, DS July 2010
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#105 of 105 Old 12-07-2007, 08:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TopHat View Post
My favorite was from the other day. A lady asked, "You probably get a lot of pregnancy/labor horror stories now that you're pregnant, don't you?"

Thinking she was being sympathetic, I nodded and said, "Yes, I do. It's tiring sometimes."

Then she prodeces to tell me HER HORROR STORIES!

Thanks, that's exactly what I was hoping for- more uplifting, positive reinforcement.
So typical!

My husband and I were just talking about this phenomenon--last time we went bowling with his stepmom, he said to her, "I don't dislike bowling. I actually kind of like it. I just hate it that people always stand around trying to give me bowling tips, like we're at the bowling alley for a competition instead of just to hang out." And she said, "I know, that's so annoying! And really the only thing you need to know is that the way you're standing is too much toward the pins; you need to turn more sideways."

People ALWAYS think you're not talking about them and they don't count!
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