Rude questions people ask when you are pregnant.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 02:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone else find it pretty rude that people ask "Was it planned?". Our pregnancy was planned but I don't see why it matters or why it is really of concern to them. Any other questions people ask that bug you?

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#2 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 02:31 PM
 
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whatever you do, dont tell them it wasnt---that could get to the child one day! LOL.

My 90 yr old grandma just asked me if I was "going to drive" (I am about ready to give birth any day now.)

I told her my chaufuer took the day off.

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#3 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 02:49 PM
 
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whatever you do, dont tell them it wasnt---that could get to the child one day!
Absolutely. My grandmother remembered to her dying day that her father said, "She wasn't an accident, she was a catastrophe!" and my father said similar things about me.

I still get emotional that I can't tell dd about my experience with TTCing her or how thrilled I was when I finally got a :bfp:, but at least I've always used terms like "best surprise I ever got" and "the best gifts are the ones you don't even know how much you want" and "don't know if I ever would have survived losing my baby if you hadn't come along when you did".
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#4 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 02:52 PM
 
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Oh, and the one I really hate is, "Why on earth are you riding a bicycle when you're pregnant?"

Well, duh, it's because I'm pregnant. When you deliberately bring a new, fragile life into a sick and damaged world, the last thing you want to do is crap all over their planet by speeding up global warming and illegal and immoral wars for oil.
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#5 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 02:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, ours was planned and for those who have asked, I have told them that it was absolutely planned. I think its sad that people would say stuff like that to their children. I know I wasn't planned (shot gun wedding) but I was always loved and my Mom always told me how me and my sister were the best gifts and it never bothered me that I wasn't "planned". I just think its weird that people think it is an appropriate question to ask.

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#6 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 03:00 PM
 
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Dh and I were both 29 when I got pregnant with dd and had been married for 4.5 years, but still my in-laws INSIST that dd was a mistake, even to this day and she is 3.5!! She was very much planned, but we were both in graduate school at the time, so they assumed that we were being irresponsible.

The best response though, to our announcement that we were expecting was from my mother-in-law, who said to my dh "how can you have baby, you don't even have a cd player that works properly!" We had a radio with a 5-cd changer that broke during a move, and suddenly that was the barometer for parental readiness!! Guess what we got when the baby arrived? A new radio!

I love my in-laws, can't you tell? NOT!

Anyway, we haven't told them about this pregnancy yet (I am 10 weeks) and we are dreading the litany of responses. I am now in a PhD program and I am sure they will tisk tisk us once again. But you know, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. What matters is that your dc knows how loved he/she is, despite the rumblings of those around.

Jacqueline
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#7 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 03:09 PM
 
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The worst for me was when I was preg with DS people would say "Ya gonna keep this one?" Yeah Funny I get it, cuz I miscarried before....Nice...

But so far people dont really care about this pregnancy. A lot of people seemed shocked that I had this baby so close to DS. I dont think they're close. And it took me 1 yr to get pregnant with ds so I wasnt taking any chances!
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#8 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 03:51 PM
 
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I don't know about things people say so much as the things people DO. I absolutely hate it when someone (usually an old lady) approaches me at the grocery store and touches my belly. Even people I know do it and it irks me to no end. I told my fiance that the next time someone touches my belly I'm just going to reach out and grab their boob! He laughed but I'm serious. To me it's an invasion of my personal space and highly inappropriate. I don't mind when the kids touch my belly but not strangers! :

Also, after the baby is born when people say, "You take care of that baby now." Well, thank God they told me that; if they hadn't then I might have left my newborn on a bus or forgotten to feed him/her. What a ridiculous and insulting thing to say! Of course I'm going to take care of my baby. I realize they're just trying to show that they're thinking about the baby but when I'm talking to someone who has recently had a baby I say, "Give the baby a kiss for me." I find that to be less insulting.
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#9 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 04:06 PM
 
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"Give the baby a kiss for me." I find that to be less insulting.
I would think "But I can't reach?"
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#10 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 04:07 PM
 
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The worst for me was when I was preg with DS people would say "Ya gonna keep this one?" Yeah Funny I get it, cuz I miscarried before....Nice...

!
Are you effing kidding?

Wow. Thats discusting.
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#11 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 04:08 PM
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The worst for me was when I was preg with DS people would say "Ya gonna keep this one?" Yeah Funny I get it, cuz I miscarried before....Nice...
: Thats effed up, mama.
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#12 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 04:28 PM
 
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A few people know this little one was concieved while using birth control - (94% effective isn't effective enough for us, apparently) but I trust these people enough to know they would never tell him that. No, we didn't plan for this (he was conceived about 10 days after our wedding invitations went out!) but I wouldn't trade this little person for anything!

I was a "surprise" in a major way and have heard all sorts of awful things over the years. I don't think a child should ever know their mother considered an abortion (both my mother and DH's did). And I REALLY don't think a misbehaving child/teen should ever hear, "Maybe you'd have been better off with that family that was going to adopt you..." Parenting by guilt...lovely.

My grandmother (LOVES all things mainstream medicine) badgered me about which OB I'm seeing...I tried to dodge the question, but ended up telling her I wasn't seeing an OB, I'm seeing midwives and no, we're not planning a hospital birth. THAT made for an interesting Thanksgiving! Especially when an aunt thought to ask how the baby would be circumcised if he wasn't born in a hospital. :

I try to just smile and nod, but it's getting more and more difficult!
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#13 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 04:29 PM
 
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I literally cringe when people ask me when I am due. Because when I tell them "April" their eyes drop to my belly and the GASP in awe. This leads to lots of super duper comments like "how many you got in there???" "Wow, you are HUGGGGEEEE". "Are you SURE?!?!?!".

YES!! I have had five kids in four years for crying out loud. OK? Yep, I have popped. I never really "unpopped" from the last one. Yes, we know how it happens, yes it was planned, yes we have our hands full. Now bring me chocolate or leave me alone.

With my twins I avoided this enjoyable chat by changing my due date by MONTHS. Maybe I will begin doing that again. ha ha.

Mama to nine gorgeous babies, with finale #10 due April'14.
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#14 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 04:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The other one is when people say in this "you probably don't know this but" tone of voice "A baby changes your whole life." As if it was some flippant decision. "Oh really, I thought things would just go on as normal". Please.

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#15 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The worst for me was when I was preg with DS people would say "Ya gonna keep this one?" Yeah Funny I get it, cuz I miscarried before....Nice...

But so far people dont really care about this pregnancy. A lot of people seemed shocked that I had this baby so close to DS. I dont think they're close. And it took me 1 yr to get pregnant with ds so I wasnt taking any chances!
I'm sorry, that it horrible. Why would anyone say such a thing?

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#16 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 04:33 PM
 
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"A baby changes your whole life." As if it was some flippant decision. "Oh really, I thought things would just go on as normal". Please.
Wait, what? He's going to change my life??? I didn't sign up for any life changes...are you sure? Geez...good thing you have such helpful people in your life!
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#17 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 04:33 PM
 
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Anyway, we haven't told them about this pregnancy yet (I am 10 weeks) and we are dreading the litany of responses. I am now in a PhD program and I am sure they will tisk tisk us once again.
You can always tell them what professors have been telling me for years, that the best time to have a baby is either during your PhD (esp. while you're dissertating) OR after you get tenure (which can take forever) if you are going the professor route.
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#18 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 04:37 PM
 
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Well, this may top it all...I have a co-worker who came into my office on a Monday and asked...."so, are you still pregant?"

This is the same guy who told me a few weeks earlier that I really shouldn't count on actually having a baby, as people my age often had problems!

(I also get the bike one....and was pregnant with ds when I did my dissertation....now I'm in the tenure process...but will likely switch schools, so I'll be back at square one anyway after this little one gets here)

Vegan, mom to : Joe and Josh ::
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#19 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 05:04 PM
 
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Oh, and the one I really hate is, "Why on earth are you riding a bicycle when you're pregnant?"

Well, duh, it's because I'm pregnant. When you deliberately bring a new, fragile life into a sick and damaged world, the last thing you want to do is crap all over their planet by speeding up global warming and illegal and immoral wars for oil.
I always wondered about riding a bike!! How funny! I love that you're riding a bike! People say "Why are you carrying that kid?" about my 2.5 yo. I"m always like "your body will always be able to carry what you're used to carrying". I don't carry him all the time anyway, but he's my first baby and I love being near him!
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#20 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 05:11 PM
 
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OH! When I was pregnant with DS1, I was putting myself (very slowly) through the Women's Studies program at UCLA. I was 26, but looked not that far off from the other 21 year olds. Anyway I was so sick at first, didn't know why, and the professors were being tough on me. When I found out I was pg, I said to one "turns out I'm pregnant, so it makes sense why I was so sick that first couple weeks" and she looked aghast and said "OH NO! I'm sorry!" I know she just assumed that I was going to be either getting an abortion or dropping out of school or something. I said "no, it's great, we're so excited!"

I finished that term fine, but forced myself to take the next summer term so that I could be done early (I was already working 40 hrs/ week and school, it was exhausting). I got a B- and a C that term, which took me out of the running for graduating with honors. That sucked, I was just sooo tired.

Then I graduated! While 5 or 6 months pregnant!! Yea! I didn't walk or do any ceremonial stuff, I had done school for ME not anyone else, and didn't need the pomp. I will tell you, pregnant women are VERY rare on the campus of UCLA.
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#21 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 05:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I finishing up my degree right now in Nutrition and Food at CSUS. I will be done in 3 weeks. I think people think this is unplanned since I am still in school while in fact it is perfectly timed for us because I plan on being done with school and staying home to raise my child rather then starting a career to only stop it after a year or so to have a child. I would rather do my SAHM thing until my child goes to school and then maybe think about starting a new part time career. My husband and I are accustomed to our life style living on his income so it won't be a huge financial adjustment. A lot of Mom's I know would love to be SAHM but don't want to adjust their lifestyle to living on one income. This is not a knock on working Mom's BTW, I'm just saying once you become used to a certain standard of living, it can be hard to go back even if you want to.

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#22 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 05:46 PM
 
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No one has ever said anything rude to me. Some people have touched me, which I don't like, but usually they're older women at church and since they mean well, I don't have the heart to rip their heads off. They're surrogate grandparents most of them anyhow. The nurse in our office who is a little eccentric, but very loving actually kissed my belly today. Kinda weird, but I've been going there 8 years and she's been a sweetheart to us and our kids, so I can live with it.

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
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#23 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 05:47 PM
 
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Yes! I got the "are you still pregnants" too. why WOULDNT I be? grrrr..

I think people just get really uncomfortable when someone miscarries and they dont know how to handle it. I got a lot of "well now you get to make another, thats the fun part!" and "better now than laters!". People are just weird.
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#24 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 05:53 PM
 
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When I found out I was pg, a friend told me "Don't worry - it's early, and a lot of them don't take - especially the first time."

I may not have planned this baby, but I'm not unhappy about him and I'd never wish a miscarriage on me or anyone! :
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#25 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 05:58 PM
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When I found out I was pg, a friend told me "Don't worry - it's early, and a lot of them don't take - especially the first time."

I may not have planned this baby, but I'm not unhappy about him and I'd never wish a miscarriage on me or anyone! :

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#26 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 06:13 PM
 
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My daughter was born while I was preparing for my Ph.D. comps and I am finishing my dissertation while I'm cooking this one, so I know what you mean about grad school--the assumption is that you don't really want to be having a kid! But it's a great time to have your babies. Certainly better than while you're trying to get tenure.

The weirdest thing that anyone ever said to me when I was pregnant (last time--so far we're not telling this time and I really just look fat, so there you go) was that I was working part-time at a used bookstore and an elderly customer came in. He looked at me and said, "Wow, you look just like my wife." I said, "Oh, really?" and he said, "Yes. Well, like she looked at your age. I don't know what she would look like now; she died in childbirth."

!

I was 8.5 months along at the time.
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#27 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 06:13 PM
 
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Well, this may top it all...I have a co-worker who came into my office on a Monday and asked...."so, are you still pregant?"
OMg! This JUST happened to me! I was due on Thanksgiving (still gestating) and the student who works for me (college student, 20 years old) asked me on WEDNESDAY if I'd had the baby yet! I was standing up! I am SO BIG I get the "Are you sure it isn't twins?" question all the time. :

That wasn't rude, just clueless.

About a month ago, the cashier where I bought my lunch asked if I was pregnant (duh.) And then she asked me how much weight I had gained.
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#28 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 06:15 PM
 
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The weirdest thing that anyone ever said to me when I was pregnant (last time--so far we're not telling this time and I really just look fat, so there you go) was that I was working part-time at a used bookstore and an elderly customer came in. He looked at me and said, "Wow, you look just like my wife." I said, "Oh, really?" and he said, "Yes. Well, like she looked at your age. I don't know what she would look like now; she died in childbirth."

!

I was 8.5 months along at the time.
Oh good lord.
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#29 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 06:22 PM
 
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OMg! This JUST happened to me! I was due on Thanksgiving (still gestating) and the student who works for me (college student, 20 years old) asked me on WEDNESDAY if I'd had the baby yet! I was standing up! I am SO BIG I get the "Are you sure it isn't twins?" question all the time. :

That wasn't rude, just clueless.

About a month ago, the cashier where I bought my lunch asked if I was pregnant (duh.) And then she asked me how much weight I had gained.
Well, ya know, due dates are carved in stone...so you SHOULD have had the baby by now. : Or did someone forget to give the baby the deadline?!?!
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#30 of 105 Old 11-30-2007, 07:16 PM
 
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It'd be rude/weird elsewhere, but here it was just a joke...

"If it's a girl, you should let me have it."

See, people here are much more open and casual about adoptions. People adopt cousins, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, etc. with GREAT frequency. The woman who made that comment to me has five boys and REALLY wants a girl. I just responded, "Nah, you're so good with boys. I'll let you have it if it's a boy."

She goes, "Noooooooooooooo!"

Like I said, anywhere else, it'd be weird. Here it was just casual joking banter.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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