Thank you mamas for all the support. I have cooled down a little (not much) and am trying to think this through. I have an appointment tomorrow, so I will ask the midwives just what the heck is going on. I want to know why this decision was made, and who made it. Then I am going to roll up my sleeves and deal with this. If at all possible I will fight the decision (oh, I love a challenge and I love to fight injustice and stupidity). This happened before several years ago, the hospital declared that all births would occur at the hospital. Sometime in the last couple of years the decision must have been reversed because when I found out I was pg again, I was surprised to find that the birth center was operating again. So, the policy WAS reversed once before, why not again?
If fighting this gets me nowhere, then I'm not sure what to do. When I said we were strapped for cash, I mean that we can't even pay our basic bills right now and are being hounded by creditors (oh, could I have a little more stress right now please
: ), so I really can't pay a midwife even a little bit. And we don't have any insurence to creatively bill, we are stuck with a medicaid program that definately does not cover homebirth, you are only certified through specific hospitals and we were just lucky enough to live somewhat near one with a birth center.
I have entertained the idea of an unassisted birth, but am not sure if I am totally comfortable to do it. Dd's birth was a total disaster, and it was only recently that I even faced the trauma of it and tried to deal with it. I was terrified to even have another baby, some real issues with birth. But this time, I do have a strange calm about everything, and do feel much more empowered and confident that I can give birth naturally (after a very much unwanted c/s). I am dealing with so many things right now, I am really twisted up inside and I just want to check out and go on vacation, I am nearing the end of my wits. I would just like SOMETHING to go right for a change, instead of one disaster after another!
Sorry, I am definately feeling a bit Eeorish these days.