My story. DH and I have a 3 year old son and thought we were done at one. We found out a month ago we will be expecting number 2 in january, even though we used bc.
I find this pregnancy very different from my first one. I am almost 8 weeks now, so I think I have accepted the pregnancy, but I find myself so much more overwhelmed than I did with the first. I don't have health insurance for this pregnancy which is adding another stress to the whole thing. DH is ok with the whole thing, we were both shocked, scared, even angry.
So how about you? I thought maybe some other mamas out there might like to share here. Although I know I will Love this baby, the road getting there is not so smooth.
Ds is the light of my life and I am so glad he came into our lives....I had no idea what I needed until he came. But the pregnancy with him was hellish for a variety of reasons.
This pregnancy has been vastly different as well, so it's been a hard adjustment. It's not great timing either, so that's been a hard adjustment, attitudes are still struggling for adjustment.
Happy to be a mommy and teacher to D , born 1-17-06 via and A , born 10-6-08 with a
My partner and I were ready to be done. I was content with my two boys (ages 10 and almost 3). I'm not thrilled yet. I think I'm about 5-6 weeks along - still haven't contacted the midwife.
There are a few reasons taht this is making me nervous - I have no insurance, the 3 year old still nurses and cosleeps...we have no space in our tiny home. Not sure how we're going to tackle this one.
I know (hope) things will fall into place and after our initial shock we will warm up to the idea of a third baby...we're just not there yet.
I still feel completely (physically) normal, so it's harder to come to grips with it. With my last two pregnancies, I was sick morning, noon and night for the majority of the pregnancy. Although, I realize it is still early...
Hugs to you others that are also finding yourselves in this situation.
Molly, mama to my 3 sweet boys.
I was on birth control pills and missed a month... I had always heard that it took a few months for a woman to start ovulating again so when we made our little "mistake" I wasn't too worried. But sure enough, six weeks later I still hadn't had my period again...
The biggest challenge for me has been DH. I've always wanted kids, but he was always unsure. I mean, he didn't want kids, but he wanted to stay with me... so we were stuck in this kind of limbo where we wouldn't "commit" because of the kid-issue, but didn't want to break it off because we love each other very much. We talked a little about terminating the pregnancy, but by the time we knew for sure I was pregnant (7-8 weeks) it was later than we were comfortable pursuing that option. So here we are!
I think I have been very lucky, though. The baby has helped us get out of limbo - now DH is 100% committed to this relationship since the kid-decision has been taken out of his hands. And he's committed to having more than one child with me, because he figures if we're going to have a family, it should be one with sisters and brothers.
He was TERRIFIED for the first 4-5 months and didn't want to even talk about the baby... but now (at 7 months) he is getting really into it. He's still scared of the unknown, but he isn't convinced it's going to ruin his life either. He loves to rub my belly and he thinks it's amazing that the baby obviously knows his voice - one of the only things that will calm the baby down when it's kicking is DH's talking to it! He's coming up with names and talking about schools, music lessons, the whole nine yards. I'm so relieved!
So things were a bit scary at first, but everything seems to be working out in the end. I'm so glad - I'm 28 years old, and if we hadn't had this little "accident" I was going to have to make DH choose between "child-free or me" pretty soon. The biological clock was ticking!!!
So yah, that's my story...
I had an IUD in when we concieved and I also have no medical insurance at this point. The first trimester was very scary. I did a lot of frenzied research about the IUD, whether to leave it in or take it out. All of the information I found seemed to say that, while the risks were lower if the IUD was left in, the complications may be later in the pregnancy. Basically, if the IUD came out I would have a high risk of miscarriage, somewhere from 30-50%; if it was left in there was a lower risk of late-term miscarriage or stillbirth. I decided to take it out and that was done at 8 weeks.
I was in no way ready for this pregnancy and I was pretty angry about it in the first few weeks (really until I could feel movement at about 13 weeks). I still didn't want to lose it, mostly for selfish reasons, I was afraid it would be traumatic or that I might need a D&C afterward. That's so hard to actually say [type], but it's true.
Baby stuck around and now our risk of complications is quite near normal. We are planning a homebirth (my first two were in the hospital). I love my midwife and doula and I'm really getting excited to meet this odds-beating baby. I'm really excited for breastfeeding again, I've discovered that's something I've missed.
At first this pregnancy was hard on my relationship with my husband. We'd been struggling financially and he was also having a hard time controlling his drinking. We fought alot, I think he was overwhelmed and I felt isolated. I was afraid we might need to split up, at least temporarily. After we made it through the winter, things keep getting better. We're a lot closer now than we were when we were pregnant with our second daughter.
I've sort of come full circle accepting this pregnancy. I feel really blessed.
The thing that gets me is, I know there are SO MANY people out there who want and deserve babies RIGHT NOW and they can't get pregnant!!!
Its not that I won't love this baby when he/she is born. I will, and I will be enamored with them, and treasure them and thank God for them every day.
But I'm also aware of my limitations and I'm scared about how I can possibly handle this with a sweet special needs girl that requires a LOT of attention and another lovely little girl who is growing so fast I can hardly keep up with her.
I'm going to be starting a schedule and challenging the kids to be more independent, but there are some changes ahead we were definitely not ready for.
this is definitely an unplanned pregnancy! my boyfriend has just finished his third year of college, i was planning on starting nursing school this fall. i work a fairly low-paying job and s/o wasn't working at all! though this week he started his summer job with the university he's attending, so he gets paid plus he gets credits. he's 20 and i'm 19, in a lot of ways i feel like we're barely grown up yet. we found out for sure on march 19th, though i had a strong feeling about it from the time i conceived. i've always been extremely in tune with my body. and yes! as stated above condoms are ONLY 97% effective!
the first couple of days of knowing were hard. we considered terminating, but i just couldn't go that route. its taken some getting used to. my boyfriend obviously wasn't thrilled, but he has definitely come around. i'm 14 weeks today and he's always rubbing my belly and kissing it. he's thinking of names and is actually getting excited now! after the first couple of days i made a conscious decision to be happy about this baby as i don't want it born into negativity. i'm looking forward to being a mama, and i know we'll be just fine.
this whole experience has brought us so much closer and i'm sure we'll only continue to grow together.
obstruct livery vehicles
DH's face when I told him:
So, again many years after finally happily coming to terms with the concept that we'd be childless for life, we'll be first time parents in approx. 7 weeks.
If I wasn't working I'd be over the moon with happiness! Orion will be in kindy, it would be perfect timing for a little one (a christmas babe!! ), but I don't know how I'm going to continue running my business. I was so short tempered during Orion's first years due to lack of sleep even going to bed with him for 12 hours a night, and already my patience is stretched to its limits now with so many little ones all day (17week old, two 1.5 year olds, a 2.5 year old and my 4 year old and a 5 year old). But it doesn't look like its going to be possible for me to cut back what I'm doing when the babe arrives except for having a part time assistant (and having them work full time for a month or so, so I can be open during part of my maternity leave with my MIL filling in the other 15 hours per week).
Very nervous. Very worried. About breastfeeding successfully, esp with the business going, about enough sleep, about being awake hours beside when the daycare is open and spending time with my son and husband, about my anxiety/panic attacks/depression, worried about the lack of freedom to get out of the house (its the only thing that kept me sane when Orion was wee).
I'm still not thrilled at all. I even avoid this forum because I don't want to think about it.
I"m also miserably sick this time around. I feel like my firstborn is getting the short end of the stick. It's not the right time, the right place, or the right house. I mean, I live in a town that has a hospital that doesn't deliver babies. The pack u up in an ambulance and ship you off an hour or so up to the largest city. So my options for how to birth here in this area is extremely limited.
--dont' even get me started on the closed-mindedness of this town.
Plus recently I have to deal with the CRAP of gestational diabetes again, plus I have placenta previa this time around. AND my kidlet weaned himself as I have no more milk. I feel totally resentful sometimes.
But I have faith that I'll fall for my baby the same way I fell for my ds.
When I saw the plus on the test there was no smile, just a deep breath and then "oh noooooooo." It's just horrible timing for us, as it sounds like for a lot of us. DH is still in school, working for a company he hates, we live with his parents in a 2 bedroom house- mind you we already have a 5 year old- and no insurance.
When I told DH he had mixed feelings too but, we are warming up to it and thinking of names already. I just keep thinking how scared we were with #1, we both were in college and, again, living with his parents, we had no money saved up, no insurance and were very young. If we could pull through then we can do it now.
Now I'm starting to get very emotional and excited. Looking forward to breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and meeting this little one. DH asked me tonight what I thought this one would look like, I just can't wait to find out
From a family of 3 to a family of 6 in less than 2 years. YIKES!!
We are getting excited, but sometimes I get totally terrified.
I don't know if I fully belong here, as this one wasn't planned but we weren't exactly trying to prevent either. I was really hoping for next year actually.
Dh and I are newly weds (11/07), and he's active duty USAF. When we got married we new he was up for a 6 month deployment to Afghanistan sometime this year. We had really been hoping to not conceive before his insurance would pick me up in Jan. so I could start some form of bc. Ah well... so much for that. It took all of 3 weeks of marriage for me to get pregnant. We found out he'd be gone from the end of Jan. to sometime in Sep. with the baby due in late August. But we've been very blessed so far though, he was sent home earlier this month, and will be home for the rest of the pregnancy and the birth.
The the condoms are 97% effective thing, I hear you! It was a month off of nuvaring for me (I have side effects and was taking antibiotics at the time, so I figured I would take a month off) and we used a condom EVERY time, I wouldn't let DH near me without it, lol. So what are the odds that I ovulate a month off of birth control, and then get pregnant using a condom. Man oh man.
Seems to be there are several others here without insurance, how are you handling it? The financial aspect of the is starting to overwhelm me as the bills start to come in. Luckily the hospital we are using has a charitable care program for uninsured people, but this whole thing is still going to cost us mucho.
I definatly am having a hard time getting excited. I think maybe because I feel so lousy. I have accepted it, but not embraced it. I am hoping it will get better when I start to feel better. I am also having a bit of a hard time with how excited everyone else in our families is. They all know it is unplanned and I am stressed, but are over the moon. They all knew we were probably not going to have another, and thought that was a bad choice, so they like this outcome. Don't get me wrong, I am starting to think this was maybe meant to be, but it would be nice for people to understand how we feel about it.
So again, glad you all joined me here!
I am looking forward to reading through your stories. I am trying to come to terms with my own pregnancy, which I don't fully believe yet. I really did not want to be pregnant. I have two daughters and a wonderful DH, and we are trying to get on top, stay on top. My oldest dd goes to a private school that we do work for in exchange for her tuition. I was hoping to try and get a position working inside in two years when my younger dd goes, but it won't be possible with a new baby. Also many days I have trouble dealing with the two.
I feel bad not being happy about this, I know it will come eventually. I also don't have insurance and am trying to find out what the medicaid income requirements are in Florida. Also have to decide where to birth, as far as I know there is only one place left.
Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!
A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.
I was on a low dose bc pill, and here I am. (I asked my dr multiple times if I shouldn't be on a higher dose pill, because I'd gained weight and was worried that the hormone in a low dose wasn't high enough - she insisted it was fine. So when I went for a pregnancy confirmation and asked "could it have been that there wasn't enough hormone in the pill to keep me from ovulating?" she said, "oh, totally - that's completely possible."
I'm 22, ex boyfriend is 23. Ex boyfriend and I broke up ages ago, but were still seeing each other occasionally. He's not involved (went 3 months without calling me at all, until he broke that streak by calling on Mother's Day) and just said a week and a half ago that he's pretty sure he's not going to want to be involved with our daughter's life. He was pretty horrible to deal with when I found out, so I was actually relieved when he quit calling.
I just saw his parents for the first time since August or so on Thursday - they want to be involved in the baby's life and are very disappointed in their son.
My friends and family have been great to me and have supported me so much. I still live with my parents and sister, and my parents actually are finishing our basement right now and turning it into an apartment so my sister can move down there and I can turn her old room into a nursery.
I only work part time and still have 8 classes to go until I graduate with my bachlelor's. I've always wanted kids, but I didn't expect to have one this soon, especially not in this situation.
My first came when my husband was in grad school.
My second came too soon after my first.
My third came 6 years after my second when I thought I was done having kids.
Each time I cried because I was upset that I got pregnant. But in the end, I love and enjoy each one of them, planned or not.
When I was single and not married, I never wanted to have kids. Now I have three beautiful children. Even though each of them came when I wasn't ready and felt overwhelmed, I learn to accept, adjust, and wholehearted devoted to mothering them the best way I can.
In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." Buddha
I belong here!
DD was unplanned (DH and I had been dating a whopping 2 months )
and I was totally cool with a one kid family...told everyone we knew when they asked if we were going to have another that "no way, no how, not anytime soon". DD was ready to start a pre-school type kindy and I was ready to apply to nursing school and start making "real Money". Then one of those nights, DD was at G&G's house and we went out, had a few drinks and DTD (might I say it was the first time in about 6 months...) and lo and behold 2 weeks later... CRAP...we announced the news at DD's 2nd birthday party...
DD's pregnancy while unplanned, unexpected and while we were unmarried without insurance was a dream pregnancy. I loved every minute of it and was so excited and resulted in an awesome, amazing, MW assisted birth.
This pregnancy while unplanned, unexpected is completely different, DH and I are married, we own a home, both have good jobs, have insurance and DD is old enough so child spacing isn't an issue. But, I'm not enjoying this like I did with DD. I feel guilty about that...I'm not excited, I'm dreading all the changes and every time I take DD to do something I think "I won't be able to do this with 2 kids" and it makes me sad.
I guess I just felt like I was finally getting used to being a mom and "getting myself back" in more ways than one, and now here I go again.
Its not that I won't love this baby when he/she is born. I will, and I will be enamored with them, and treasure them and thank God for them every day.
For me, we were using condoms + spermicide + a diaphragm while not yet menstruating after my first child's birth, and yet here I am. I can only figure the condom tore and the diaphragm either wasn't in right or was off-sized by having lost more of my previous pregnancy's weight than I thought, because the percentage the failure rate is reduced to with combining all above methods is ridiculously small.
I found out I was pregnant a month after my husband passed away. So, yeah ... it's complicated. My feelings initially were all about how it wasn't that I wanted to abort and it wasn't that I wanted to think about adoption, but just that I didn't want the child to exist in the first place ... all the while everyone was telling me about how the baby was a "wonderful final gift" from my husband.
I've pretty much settled into the reality of it and am looking forward to my son having a sibling close to his own age to grow up with, although I too have that "things are just getting good" feeling about parenting a one year old and am really not sure how I'll swing doing the newborn thing again quite so soon.
Still, "yeah" to the quoted post. Like I said, it's complicated.
thank you for starting this thread!
it's probably going to be long, but i really needed to put it somewhere. let me first say that i am so happy, always wanted kids and was starting to think i'd never have one. i also have complete faith that it will work out and be wonderful in countless ways. having said that, i really need a safe place to put all the "oh no"s without making everyone else supporting me nervous.
i'm 27 now, divorced at 23, was unemployed at the time of the divorce and move and then started my own business that needed lots of every kind of support my family could give. i had been very strictly not dating, but have always kept very close (usually male) friends. i met my newest best friend in the fall of 2006. we actually became very close very fast and i was always on good terms with his girlfirends and were friends with them as well. neither of us really thought of starting a relationship for a long time. we just ended up enjoying each other's company over anyone else's, so we ended up being kinda inseperable (again, not unusual for me). he's "difficult" and that's why we were such good friends. very unpredictable, always changing everything (girlfriends, jobs, locations, appearance) and me always staying kinda the same. when we met, he had originally planned on moving across the country by the spring of the next year, it got delayed and then he told me (about a year after we had met) that i was too great a friend to leave behind, and that he was happy here (which he never thought possible). he subsequently (sp?) broke up with his most recent girlfriend since he never really spent time with her anyway and she got a little irked when he honestly said he was staying for me (as a friend). after that, in keeping with our style of making our own rules and game seperate from the rest of the world, we starting secretly seeing each other in a very casual and playful way. we didn't want anyone hasseling us about "finally getting together" and didn't want to deal with additional fallout when either of us decided to date someone else and went back to being just friends. we started falling for each other more and more and had our first fight about four months later when he asked to be official and public and i hesitated (wanting reassurance that it was more serious than i thought). a few months later, we're pregnant (after being very careful and on birth control). his mom is a methodist pastor and my mom is even more religious, so that was the first big hurdle. we're both one of four with no other grandkids in either family yet too. he was always very much of the mind that he never, ever, under any circumstances, wanted kids or marriage. oops again. i knew i would not be able to heal from an abortion. he knew he couldn't even be friends with me and watch me carry a baby that was his. we both felt like there was no way to get out of this together, which is all we wanted to be. after our initial roller coaster week, including all sorts of tears and worries and trips to different clinic consults, we came around to being hesitantly excited and weirdly curious about starting a family together. in six weeks, we announced our involvement, our pregnancy, decided to move in together, i got obviously pregnant and too sick to work, found a house, made the move, moved my business to a new location and managed to stay positive and happy, if tired.
so, as much as i have faith, i have some worries about my abilities and trust in the permanence of the situation (which i really need to have to be happy). i also don't want to worry my already worried support network.
if you read all of that, i already love you. thank you.
p.s.i don't have insurance either, but in this state, if you are expecting without insurance, regardless of any other factor, you receive full benefits through the state. so whoohoo there.
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