Reading this thread has inspired me to share my story with you all.
I am not 40, in fact, I am only 27, but I have always been the "I will never, ever have kids" kind of person. I really felt I never wanted kids, and told my parents long ago that the blood line ends here (I am an only child). In fact, I even said I 'hated' kids.
I met my SO, and ended up getting pregnant within 2 weeks of knowing him. Fortunatly it was a 'love at first sight' kind of situation. We had already planned on getting married before finding out about the lil one.
When I did find out I was pregnant (about 5 or so weeks in), I was really, really freaked out. Heck, the last time I held a baby was almost 10 years ago, and I don't think I have ever changed a diaper in my life. I decided about 8 weeks in that I was going to end the pregnancy. I called the clinic, made an apointment, had my SO take the time off work, did all kinds of research on what to expect, and even had a story prepaired to tell people who knew about the baby of a 'miscarriage'.
The day came, and I just could not do it. I am by no means religious, but I feel like abortion is such a grey area for me... Are you ending a life? Does life really begin at conception? Or at birth? These were questions I ran over and over in my head, and could just not come up with any good answers for.
Then, my 11 week U/S came up, and there was what they call a 'cystic hygroma', which is a huge indicator for Downs. Crap. So after all this difficulty, I had to make yet another decision. We got a CVS done, and I decided that if the baby did indeed have Downs, I would end it (please, do not judge me for this decision, I felt it was best for me at this point in my life). The 8 days waiting for those test results were the longest 8 days of my life. I got a call that everything was perfectly fine, and even got to find out at 12 weeks I was going to have a baby girl!
Now, by no means has this pregnancy been easy on me. I had the most horrible MS from 11 weeks to 15 or so weeks (I lost about 7 lbs), and have had to undergo some more 'extra' testing for the cystic hygroma (which, by 19 weeks had resolved itself completely). But now, here I am at 27 weeks, and everything is going pretty good (aside from this KILLER heartburn!).
Making the decision to keep this baby has changed my life. It has changed who I am, and who I will be in the years to come. I don't know if I will have any more children after this one joins us in this world, or if this will be it, but regardless of that choice, I know I will love this baby, and cherish every moment I spend with her - good AND bad. Deciding to keep her has changed my views of the world, and my views of mom's everywhere.
Oh, also, I wanted to comment on the medicare/wic issue...
I am on medicare (its actually called TennCare here in Tennessee). I also plan on starting up on WIC here in a few weeks. I have never, ever recieved anything but 'normal' care in my doctors office, and have even had one trip to the ER. I do not feel I have been treated any differently because of it. I am SO thankful for it, because otherwise, there is NO WAY I could afford to have this baby. I am not working, and haven't been for a few months. I've never paid for a doctors visit, ER visit, or Rx (in this pregnancy). I feel no shame in having it either, because I do really need it. With no insurance, there's pretty much no other way to do it.
Sorry to get so wordy, but thanks for reading, and good luck to you and in your pregnancy.