help! thinking of terminating preg...i am 40. - Page 5 - Mothering Forums
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I'm Pregnant > help! thinking of terminating preg...i am 40.
Cherry Alive's Avatar Cherry Alive 05:09 PM 06-05-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by pattigirlny View Post
I feel so badly about even thinking about a termination because my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 16 weeks and it was devistating....I hated people who electively terminated a pregnancy because they didnt want one or it wasnt the right time. How dare they! So now here I am worried and feeling horrible that I might do that.
^^^ If it was me, that would be the most important part of the argument. Miscarrying is traumatic enough. After going through that, I can't even fathom deliberately ending it, unless there were health issues (on either end). But this is a very personal decision to make.

Speaking of health, you may not want to want to worry about that until you actually know for sure it's going to be an issue.

Many women have very healthy babies at later ages. My uncle was 50 when he had his first kid. His wife had just turned 40 (she had 4 other children). They went on to have one more child after that (she was 40 or 42). Both of my youngest cousins are very beautiful, intelligent, and perfect kids.

Still, it's important you think of how this not only impacts your finances, but your other two children. If it causes a heavy strain on your family, it could be very hard on them (and you and your husband). If you decided to keep this baby, do you have family (inlaws, parents, etc...) who could help you out?

Edit: Never mind. I read your recent post. Congratulations! I wish you, your family, and this new edition happiness and good fortune!

AngelBee's Avatar AngelBee 05:13 PM 06-05-2008
: for you
angela40's Avatar angela40 08:20 PM 06-05-2008
the reason i found out with this pg 5 days before my period was due was because walmart had their pg tests on sale 3 for 9$! i am a huge waster of peesticks (comes from my infertility days) and thought at that price i could afford to waste a few! and it was positive, in fact didn't use the last one of the three.
so glad to hear everything looked ok today! i am keeping you and your dh and children in my thoughts..come join us on the pg and 40 thread...
NewTennMom's Avatar NewTennMom 12:49 AM 06-06-2008
Reading this thread has inspired me to share my story with you all.

I am not 40, in fact, I am only 27, but I have always been the "I will never, ever have kids" kind of person. I really felt I never wanted kids, and told my parents long ago that the blood line ends here (I am an only child). In fact, I even said I 'hated' kids.

I met my SO, and ended up getting pregnant within 2 weeks of knowing him. Fortunatly it was a 'love at first sight' kind of situation. We had already planned on getting married before finding out about the lil one.

When I did find out I was pregnant (about 5 or so weeks in), I was really, really freaked out. Heck, the last time I held a baby was almost 10 years ago, and I don't think I have ever changed a diaper in my life. I decided about 8 weeks in that I was going to end the pregnancy. I called the clinic, made an apointment, had my SO take the time off work, did all kinds of research on what to expect, and even had a story prepaired to tell people who knew about the baby of a 'miscarriage'.

The day came, and I just could not do it. I am by no means religious, but I feel like abortion is such a grey area for me... Are you ending a life? Does life really begin at conception? Or at birth? These were questions I ran over and over in my head, and could just not come up with any good answers for.

Then, my 11 week U/S came up, and there was what they call a 'cystic hygroma', which is a huge indicator for Downs. Crap. So after all this difficulty, I had to make yet another decision. We got a CVS done, and I decided that if the baby did indeed have Downs, I would end it (please, do not judge me for this decision, I felt it was best for me at this point in my life). The 8 days waiting for those test results were the longest 8 days of my life. I got a call that everything was perfectly fine, and even got to find out at 12 weeks I was going to have a baby girl!

Now, by no means has this pregnancy been easy on me. I had the most horrible MS from 11 weeks to 15 or so weeks (I lost about 7 lbs), and have had to undergo some more 'extra' testing for the cystic hygroma (which, by 19 weeks had resolved itself completely). But now, here I am at 27 weeks, and everything is going pretty good (aside from this KILLER heartburn!).

Making the decision to keep this baby has changed my life. It has changed who I am, and who I will be in the years to come. I don't know if I will have any more children after this one joins us in this world, or if this will be it, but regardless of that choice, I know I will love this baby, and cherish every moment I spend with her - good AND bad. Deciding to keep her has changed my views of the world, and my views of mom's everywhere.

Oh, also, I wanted to comment on the medicare/wic issue...

I am on medicare (its actually called TennCare here in Tennessee). I also plan on starting up on WIC here in a few weeks. I have never, ever recieved anything but 'normal' care in my doctors office, and have even had one trip to the ER. I do not feel I have been treated any differently because of it. I am SO thankful for it, because otherwise, there is NO WAY I could afford to have this baby. I am not working, and haven't been for a few months. I've never paid for a doctors visit, ER visit, or Rx (in this pregnancy). I feel no shame in having it either, because I do really need it. With no insurance, there's pretty much no other way to do it.

Sorry to get so wordy, but thanks for reading, and good luck to you and in your pregnancy.
brennaq's Avatar brennaq 11:35 PM 06-09-2008
I had the opposite situation, I was 16 when I got pregnant and I had an abortion. I was definitely NOT ready and I don't regret the decision, however I will also tell you that it was extremely hard for me. I suffered some complications and ended up with a lot of bleeding, much more than the norm which was incredibly painful, but ultimately worked out. However seeing bits of tissue and parts that I knew were my baby was emotionally incredibly painful. I had a lot of..not regret really..but maybe guilt or just sadness for several years afterwards and I still occasionally sit down and wonder how old my child will be.
Giving your child up for adoption would be a beautiful gift to a family somewhere. I've known many families that adopted and were so overjoyed and blessed by the children they ended up with. My aunt did open adoption with her twins and they've known their birth mother their entire life, stood up in her wedding, and have a loving relationship with their half sister.
That sad....adoption is a tough option for a lot of people too, now that I'm pregnant I have incredible admiration for people who can do this, because I know I could not. You can find almost anything you need for your child free or very cheap. The fact that you already have kids doesn't mean you can't have a baby shower, look for hand me downs from friends in real life or on the internet, and also don't forget to register on freecycle.org, people give away baby stuff constantly. In my area they even have a babycycle group!
If you decide to go ahead with an abortion, realize that it's not a piece of cake, but it will mean no major changes in your life and that things can continue mostly as they are aside from the emotional aspect of it. If you decide to have your baby, I think everyone else has covered the insurance aspect...check with a pregnancy clinic..maybe not planned parenthood, but there are lots and lots of Christian clinics out there dedicated to helping you find the resources to keep your baby. I am saying this definitely NOT as a Christian, but someone who knows that there are so many resources out there available to you and a pro life clinic will really go to work for you and help you find financial assistance if that will make it easier for you to continue with your pregnancy. People like you are the reason places like this exist and if you want to have your baby they will help you in a big way.
pattigirlny's Avatar pattigirlny 09:31 PM 07-17-2008
Hi all, Well, here i am at 12 weeks today....I went for a Nuchal Translucency test today,to maybe help ease my mind about the baby being healthy, and as fate would seem to have it, there was no fetal heart. I had an ultrasound weeks ago and saw the little flicker and just knew as soon as I saw the little baby on the screen and didnt see that flicker,that it had died. As of last week my nausea and exteme fatigue seemed to ease off....so I hoped that it was just because I was 11 weeks....I am so glad for these boards...I am so glad I did not terminate....and in time got used to idea of becoming a mother once again...so this emotional roller coaster is in full swing now....I see my OB tomorrow to discuss options...I think I will have a D&C. Yikes! I do get comfort though in thinking God has a plan for all of us, born and unborn....and if this was truly meant to be it would have been. It is just sad to know I had a living human inside of me....I hope they dont feel anything when their heart stops beating....and I hope it knew that I did love it and am saddened by it's loss. So ladies, please let me thank you all for all of your kind advice and guidance...and wish you all well.
jennifer_lc1's Avatar jennifer_lc1 09:38 PM 07-17-2008
i was thinking about you the other day.

i am so sorry for your loss.
feel better and take it easy the next few weeks.


coyotemist's Avatar coyotemist 09:43 PM 07-17-2008
Oh, Patti, my heart goes out to you! What a horrible situation!

Hugs and prayers.
vegemamato's Avatar vegemamato 09:45 PM 07-17-2008
Oh, mama, I'm so sorry.


PassionateWriter's Avatar PassionateWriter 10:37 PM 07-17-2008
patti, im so sorry. it must be so hard to come to a place where you are welcoming and open to an unexpected baby and then lose him/her.

I hope you find peace soon.
polishprinsezz's Avatar polishprinsezz 10:44 PM 07-17-2008
i can imagine this has to be expecially hard considering you were in turmoil over this at the beginning. we are only human and still have feelings. i wanted to give you my condolances and may your heart heal with time. no matter what it will always be your baby.
angela40's Avatar angela40 10:49 PM 07-17-2008
i have lost 4 pregnancies and whether wanted or not sure yet or even unwanted it is still so hard. you do know now that you gave this pg every chance and consideration and this outcome was out of your hands. also keep in mind even after you have grieved dates like the due date will come around and may bring you back to sadness and that is ok; there is no "right" way or length of time to mourn a loss. my thoughts are with you and i want to say how amazing and courageous your posts and insights into yourself, your family, your partner have been. it is obvious you are a caring woman who has done her very best over the past several weeks to carefully and thoughtfully consider something very personal and wrenching and having worked thru so much i am so sorry you now have to go thru this too. i appreciate and am honored that you allowed us into your life for this very emotional time.
love,
angela
KatyLinda's Avatar KatyLinda 10:51 PM 07-17-2008
I am so sorry Patty!! Hang in there Mama!
lovbeingamommy's Avatar lovbeingamommy 11:30 PM 07-17-2008
s I'm so sorry mama s
NatureMama3's Avatar NatureMama3 11:31 PM 07-17-2008
I'm so sorry for your loss.
~Boudicca~'s Avatar ~Boudicca~ 11:33 PM 07-17-2008
Oh no mama! I am so sorry.
Bad Horse's Avatar Bad Horse 11:59 PM 07-17-2008


I'm so sorry, Patti.
doulamomvicki's Avatar doulamomvicki 03:12 AM 07-18-2008
so sorry mama.
Rockies5's Avatar Rockies5 05:08 AM 07-18-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by pattigirlny View Post
Hi all, Well, here i am at 12 weeks today....I went for a Nuchal Translucency test today,to maybe help ease my mind about the baby being healthy, and as fate would seem to have it, there was no fetal heart. I had an ultrasound weeks ago and saw the little flicker and just knew as soon as I saw the little baby on the screen and didnt see that flicker,that it had died. As of last week my nausea and exteme fatigue seemed to ease off....so I hoped that it was just because I was 11 weeks....I am so glad for these boards...I am so glad I did not terminate....and in time got used to idea of becoming a mother once again...so this emotional roller coaster is in full swing now....I see my OB tomorrow to discuss options...I think I will have a D&C. Yikes! I do get comfort though in thinking God has a plan for all of us, born and unborn....and if this was truly meant to be it would have been. It is just sad to know I had a living human inside of me....I hope they dont feel anything when their heart stops beating....and I hope it knew that I did love it and am saddened by it's loss. So ladies, please let me thank you all for all of your kind advice and guidance...and wish you all well.
Just read thought all of you posts tonight, Patti. I'm sorry for your loss.
"If it was truely meant to be it wuold have been"
it was. The baby lived out his desitiny already. You have my love and healing prayers.
mightymoo's Avatar mightymoo 10:24 AM 07-18-2008

spu's Avatar spu 10:52 AM 07-18-2008
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope peace and comfort finds its way into your heart soon.
OwensMa's Avatar OwensMa 11:03 AM 07-18-2008
I'm so sorry for all you've been through.
Sioko's Avatar Sioko 11:19 PM 07-23-2008
s s s
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