Teen Pregnancy -- Advice - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 07-22-2008, 07:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello, I just wanted some advice from all of you, by cyberfriends! My 17-year-old sister who lives with me and my family just told me that she is pregnant. (She's going for a date ultrasound soon as she doesn't remember her last period, conception dates, etc.) She told me the day a few hours after my beloved DH left for a temporary out-of-state job so I was a little emotional, and I'm kind of amazed about how I responded -- If I don't say so myself, I was very supportive, comforting her and telling her we would work through this. But enough about me and my reactions...

My sister and her boyfriend want to keep the baby, and given their support network and all the circumstances, this is absolutely the right choice. In talking with me, she told me that she didn't want to give birth in a hospital. (I had planned a homebirth for my DD, who was born last June, but ultimately had a c-section.) I told her we can interview midwives and natural-birth friendly OBs recommended by my midwife/naturopathic doctor. I think one advantage of a midwife would be the support -- a midwife is just not going to be judgmental (b/c even if one indicates that she will be at the interview-stage, we won't pick her). While a lot of nurses/doctors may also not be judgmental, with a whole bunch of them constantly going through the doors, I imagine that there are going to at least be a few bad apples... But a midwife (about $3,000 plus some expenses in the Minneapolis, MN area) is probably going to be more expensive than an OB/hospital birth, which will be mostly covered by health insurance.

So, on to my questions.

1. Do any of you have any recommendations for resources for teenage pregnancy/parenthood, including books, movies, internet sites, etc.? I have a pretty good library (or list, if I don't own them myself) of general pregnancy/childbirth books like books by Ina May Gaskin, the Bradley Method, The Lamaze Guide to Childbirth, Chronicles of a Modern Midwife.

2. If you are a teen mom (or a friend or family member), can you relay some of your experiences? Advice?

Thanks ahead of time!!!
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#2 of 8 Old 07-22-2008, 08:17 PM
 
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No resources come to mind (though I'm sure they're out there). All the best to this mom and her coming baby! May she get the best birth experience possible!
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#3 of 8 Old 07-22-2008, 08:59 PM
 
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Have her check out http://www.girl-mom.com/

It's a great place. Also, you could have her read The Hip Mama Survival Guide. Ariel Gore, the founder of the hip Mama zine and website, was a teen mother, and she's also the one who gto girlmom started.

: I'm so happy for your sister!
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#4 of 8 Old 07-22-2008, 09:11 PM
 
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Thank you for being so supportive and kind to your sister. That is probably the biggest blessing she could have so far. I was a young mom(19) when I conceived and my parents were not supportive at all. I was kicked out of my home and bounced from place to place until my 8 month. Depending on your state Medicaid may cover a homebirth and she may qualify for medical assistance. You can also contact teen crisis pregnancy centers in your area to see what kind of free or lost cost baby items she could get. As far as books are concerned, I don't have any teen pregnancy books to recommend, but any pregnancy books that are natural childbirth friendly will be some help to her. Most of all Congratulations! You are sure to be one awesome aunty!! :
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#5 of 8 Old 07-22-2008, 09:31 PM
 
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Congratulations on becoming an auntie! I was 17 when I had my eldest, she is 24 now and has a three year old daughter herself!

I had a great natural and unmedicated birth when I had my daughter. I found that one really big advantage of being a very young mother is that you have a teenager's enthusiasm, fearlessness and idealism, and they all make the rather daunting job of giving birth and raising a child easier. The biggest disadvantage, I felt, besides the extra workload of having to finish school and get an education while being a mother, is that others tend to judge you and not take your knowledge about your own child seriously. That's where it's really great to have a supportive family like you!

Your sister may also have the advantage of becoming a grandmother at 39, like I did!
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#6 of 8 Old 07-22-2008, 11:46 PM
 
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My mother was 17 when she had me. She has always said "When I see a young mother all I think is how wonderful the journey they are embarking on. As long as she is committed & loving they will be ok."

Not a lot of advice - but maybe some comfort.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#7 of 8 Old 07-23-2008, 12:48 AM
 
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She is so lucky to have you in her corner. I would just make sure that she is as educated as any other mother would be. My best friend in high school had a baby our junior year and then another two years later, and both times hospital staff would not address her. They would ask questions of her mother or her now mil who were taking her to appointments. She was treated as if she was non-existant and most doctors talked down to her. Every time she asked a question or expressed concern she was given a line similiar to, "if you had kept your legs shut you wouldn't be in this position." Ugh. It makes me sad to think of all of the horrible things she endured because of her age.
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#8 of 8 Old 07-23-2008, 10:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nautical View Post
She is so lucky to have you in her corner. I would just make sure that she is as educated as any other mother would be. My best friend in high school had a baby our junior year and then another two years later, and both times hospital staff would not address her. They would ask questions of her mother or her now mil who were taking her to appointments. She was treated as if she was non-existant and most doctors talked down to her. Every time she asked a question or expressed concern she was given a line similiar to, "if you had kept your legs shut you wouldn't be in this position." Ugh. It makes me sad to think of all of the horrible things she endured because of her age.
I wasn't a teen- I was 25 and a dr said that to me too.

I think it is wonderful for you to be so supportive- she will need support and love. I don't have any advice- but congratulations on becoming an aunt!

Iowaorganic- mama to DD (1/5/06), DS1 (4/9/07), DS2 (1/22/09), DS3 (12/10/10), DD2 (7/6/12) and a new kid due in early 2014

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